The Last Conversation You Have Before Someone Dies.

My lumbar spine scolosisWith Pluto conjunct my Capricorn ascendant – I know death is real. I’m headed towards this surgery, or rather two surgeries in two days. I have no fear whatsoever.

I would have a lot of fear if they were cutting through my front. I would be petrified right now. Horrified. I don’t even think I could (psychologically) bear it.  But as it is, they are going through my side, the first day and my back the next. Hey! Out of sight, out of mind!  It’s so easy to ignore.  For me, it is. Neptune.

I know surgery is dangerous. I know I can’t take things for granted. But I also can’t pretend I feel things I don’t.  I expect to be back on this blog after surgery… as opposed to being dead (or paralyzed or whatever).  But I might be dead!  So it’s interesting how people talk to me. It’s just as interesting how I talk to them.

I have noticed myself interacting with people in a slightly different way. Well, it’s deeply different, but you can’t necessarily tell on the surface. Pluto in Capricorn conjunct my ascendant impacts my feelings (4th house), my relationships (7th) and my public image (10th) – no kidding, look at this blog. Point is, the small change is actually large.

While this has always been the case anyway, when I send an email today, I am very aware it might be the last contact I have with someone. I have been blogging for nearly 20 years. I have known some of you all the way back to the beginning. I don’t want my last communication to be crappy!

Many of you know, I recently lost my friend, Mary. She was an old lady, dying of cancer, alone. I kept her company for her last year of life.

Mary’s name comes up on my phone, pretty frequently. What am I supposed to do? Delete her? I can’t do that. But I see her name and think of the conversations we had.  They left such a mark on me and outside of that, she’s just gone.

So I’m noticing this. I can feel it. I don’t want to leave someone with a bad “last contact”.

I am enjoying consulting right now. Whatever card I may hold, it may as well be placed on the table, face up. I had a hilarious consult this morning, at six am or so.

The man told me he was greatly, prolifically, masterful.
I told him, not so much, because he failed to slay his target.

After that we laughed and laughed.

That’s a good last convo, right there.

Do you recall your last conversation with someone who then up and died? How do you feel about it?

ps – I was initially afraid to post my actual spine. I thought it was so gross, it would be bad for business!  I don’t mean to be Capricorn-ed out, but I do have responsibilities and bills to pay.

But now that I’ve put it out there, I feel okay about it. It’s not hurt business at all. Pluto crossing my ascendant, is revealing my secret burden, so it’s right. And let me tell you; there is more to come. Oh yes. There is a lot more to come.

53 thoughts on “The Last Conversation You Have Before Someone Dies.”

  1. Elsa,

    I hope that this communication (and others) is not your last conversation with the blog and visitors/posters and hope your surgeries will go really well and your recovery is robust.

    Do understand where you’re coming from about imagining the last conversations with people or if your conversations will be the last ones with someone, especially with big surgeries ahead and the pluto on ASC transit (transformation.) I’ve had those mortality and relationships thoughts twice in recent years before having surgery (very minor surgeries which required me to still be ‘under.’)

    I sometimes think about what it might be like if a loved one were to die after I’d had a bad conversation with them…it wouldn’t be my choice yet at times I’ve felt that I could live with that if that was the case. It’s happened when I’ve had an exchange where I was letting the other person know they’d stepped an important boundary…

    My solace is that my loved ones know I trully love them.

    Yet I get your point, reflection and message.

    I have scoliosis so I’m ok with spine photos and I understand the vulnerability.

    Hope it goes well (fingers crossed for you.)

  2. Hello, I have followed you for many years, lurked, read things I didn’t understand, had several phone consultations. Spent hours alone at night reading your words that intrigue me and inspire me. You have been such a strong root in my life. Your consulting over the phone was so head on and worded so well I was mind boggled. I wish you had a show on tv. So we could just watch and enjoy your gifts. I’m also inspired by your garden. I truly wish I could be a neighbor. Or meet you just one time. I care about you as a wise soul. You’re so very strong. And someone I trust. Please know I’m sending you prayers, love, and grace as you go through this. May your God gently wrap you inside his healing arms as you are in this surgery. I look forward to your comeback and more words of Your wisdom to your family here who love you. R

    1. I agree, what redbird said. Everything you’ve said, written will be remembered and saved. Praying everything goes well for you and looking forward to more insightful blogs from you for many years to come.

      1. Feel so honored you mentioned me.. Because I KNOW NOTHING..Yet… I always feel at home here with all y’all. . Please where is there an Elsea TV? Why do we not have an astrological education TV? HUGE Question MARK! I really want to learn Astrology. I am so very inspired by you Miss Elsea…… Redbird I would pay to sponsor an Elsea tv.. because You are real. R.

  3. “Do you recall your last conversation with someone who then up and died? How do you feel about it?

    I’ve lost a few friends to accidents, etc. I kind of replay our last conversations in my head every time to remember them. The way I feel…Those conversations, the words said don’t matter, only that we had a conversation. I remember it and though it remember them.

    Might not be related to your question…..
    I might lose some friends and family now because they are being put in dangerous situations during this pandemic but we mostly joke or discuss our current frustrations every time we talk. Or just tell each other to take care as the gamble with life goes on.

    Take Care Elsa. Take Care everyone on elsaelsa.
    I’ve enjoyed the posts and the comments for years and hope to continue enjoying the insightful observations and discussions.

  4. I don’t exactly remember what was said, the night before my Dad, passed away.
    But I clearly remember helping him get his pajamas on, it was like the roles
    were reversed for a little while.
    Over fifteen years ago, still brings me to tears.

    Elsa, I hope your surgery goes as well as possible.

  5. Best wishes for a speedy recovery and minimal pain.

    Here’s a story for you. While a retail store manager, I hired an elderly gentleman whom I kind of felt was the grandfather figure I never experienced (mine died before I was born). He knew that I
    experienced severe back issues in my past and he recommended that I look into an electric snow shovel for our NY winters. So, I got one. He fell ill and retired (again) from us this time and sometime thereafter we had a hellacious winter of blizzard after blizzard. After a marathon shoveling ordeal, I recognized how valuable that recommendation was and I made a point of calling the gentleman to thank him for his advice. His wife said he was just barely hanging on, but that he would love to hear from me and brought the phone to his bed. In a weakened voice, he said how gratified he was to hear my thanks. I found out he died the next day and was wife told me how much it meant to him to get my call.
    I hadn’t thought of this for decades until reading your column.

    You never really know.

  6. Elsa, I see all the lives you’ve touched, including mine and through that lens I think you’ll live forever. Sending you light, love and healing!

  7. Yes, I remember the last conversation I had with my brother. It was a doozie, filled with laughter and banter back and forth; I don’t have this and the dialect with anyone else. We knew how important those phone calls were (to both of us!) When he was in hospital and I could not travel to be with him when we was dying, I spoke, he was in coma but I believe he heard. I told him, “See you in my dreams.” We meet there often.
    Your courage, faith and generosity over the years are memorable, Elsa. You’re fleshed-out was a blog could be on so many levels. It’s awesome to have your daughter, and her son with you as you have these two spine surgeries. Connecting in divine time!! Blessings to you, and your family.

  8. A few years ago, I dreamed that I would walk into an empty doctor’s
    office. There were phones at the front desk, so I would walk in and pick up a phone and leave my sister a message.

    I was telling my sister about something I had been talking to her
    daughter, my grown niece on the phone- in real life. I did this a few times, walked into the office, picked up the phone and leaving my sister a message.

    The last time, I was just shocked to hear my sister speaking to me. She was telling me not to say what I was thinking of saying. I bolted wide jolt awake, I grabbed some paper and wrote down the message my sister told me, clear as a bell. She had passed away a year or so prior.

    I messaged my niece on FB and told her the message. She asked,
    what do you think it means? I didn’t tell my niece about what I was thinking about telling her. I am so glad now all these years later, I was going to tell my niece to divorce her husband. They are still married, and I am so grateful my sister told me straight up no when I asked her opinion on what I should do to be helpful.

  9. Praying for your safe and successful surgery, Elsa.

    Praying for your speedy recovery, God bless you and keep you.

  10. I do. Most of it is too sacred for me to share. Our last communication was this. I said to him”you are a good man Charlie Brown!” He opened his eyes and gave me a wink. He died the next day.

  11. Ok sissy their taking a 4” trip thru you and when they give the really good drugs ,have that rehearsed trip in your mind ,so you’ll get a jump start to the dream and journey and illustrious and picture perfect prize of a thought .go for the gold girl ! nothing but theBest-est fantasy you can build or You can remember, me my favorite ,I woke up and thought I could fly !it’s like I was jogging and I stopped throwing my steps in the sand and I felt myself surf on the wind I had wings it was fluid it was real it felt
    Good ,your gonna feel good, their gonna stick their pointer finger in your side like your kids feet did when still inside you And then you’ll wake up and they’ll feed you jello and you go home and cuddle thru June.And we’ll be waiting to hear the details of the dream,just remember to listen that new moon will be so close to you she’ll whisper?

  12. The last whisper of a sentence was on a sheet of paper that said “be strong” and he put a closed fist up in the air and slowly faded away.
    It still means a lot to me today.

  13. Shiny Taurus had several short conversations with me before he passed. We were both burned out, and frustrated with everything that was happening with his failing health. I said, “My fight is gone” and he said his was too.
    Even with the arguing, he still asked me, from time to time, to call the nurse and ask for two ice creams. I asked him why and he said we are still best friends. He kept saying that. We were at our wits’ end with each other, he was dying, and that’s what he wanted me to remember, even with all the friction between us. 🙂 The very last conversation we had, he had woken up from sleeping for two days, and went into respiratory distress. He kept saying, “I want to go be with Jesus. I WANT TO GO HOME NOW. Take me home, NOW.” Then he mumbled his grandparents’ names. I told him if he made it through the night, I would call hospice in the morning (they don’t do consults at night). He agreed. He did not make it to the next morning.

    My birth father, a few months before the stroke that took his life, started having DEEP talks with me over the phone. He passed on advice to me and begged me to make sure I stayed in touch with my sister. The very last conversation I had with him involved NO words. He just stared at me like he knew it was the last time we’d see each other. I had strong dreams the night before he passed away. I saw his face in a dream, but he wasn’t looking at me. He was laying in his bed, looking off into the distance, and I could sense in my spirit that he was scared. That night my relatives were caring for him at his home, hours away, and he had spent the night restless and trying to pull out his feeding tube. The next day he let go after fighting to stay alive (typical Cancer man worried about his kids, lol). His family surrounded him and helped him to let go of this world and be with God.

    Based on what I’ve seen, I think people know when their journey here is winding down. Shiny Taurus became more withdrawn about a year beforehand. He lost interest in TV and slept and prayed a lot. He worried about my spirituality, about me making peace with God. He began really missing his grandparents and crying because he missed them.

    The one regret I have about Shiny Taurus is the arguing I did with him. If I could do it over, I would have shown more affection and hollered less.

  14. My daughter has scoliosis and her back looks kinda like that, without the mashed disc. I’ve had tons of surgeries and wound up fully disabled with Fibromyalgia. I don’t “work” but I take care of my 11 year old autistic grandson full time, so…yeah, I don’t get paid to work?

    People are always amazed at what I do. I’m like, what else am I supposed to do? Curl up in a corner? Nah! Too much life to live, too many adventures to have.

    You’ll do great! The surgery sounds perfect. Precise, gentle, targeted…perfect!

  15. Famous last words? He said “Take very, very good care of yourself.” His eyes and face were red from crying, I could tell. I was stunned, in shock (from what I was going through), unable to reply except with my eyes. He left, gently, leaving me my dignity.

    Neither of us had any inkling this would be the last time we would see each other or talk.

    He died shortly thereafter of a death nobody saw coming. Boom, gone.

    I talk to him to this day, and do try to take very, very good care of myself.

    He was the finest human being I ever had the pleasure to know. I loved him. Everybody loved him.


    As for you Elsa, should these be my last words to you, they are, from the bottom of my heart: Thank you!

  16. Prayers for a speedy recovery?? Bless you and all you do. Can’t wait to read what you have to say after the surgeries. Much love to you and your family?

  17. Elsa i wish you very best of luck and i’m 100% sure this will be just one more experience in your life to remember.

    My prayers are with you and can not wait to hear from you again!

  18. Avatar
    Hildegarde's Noviciate

    I remember the last thing I said to my mom.
    I stroked her face with tears in my eyes looking directly into hers and thanked her for being a wonderful mom.that I am what I am because of her. I was so lucky to have a mom like her. I was supposed to see her the following morning. I meant to get up early to visit but didnt. She died before I got there.
    Blessings for you Elsa! Sending hope that you recover also for the sake of those who love you

  19. Thanks everyone. I feel better each day, the closer I get to having this done.
    I just read a post from 2007… about the excruciating pain. 13 years and more, waiting to have this resolved.

    The whole Pluto transit through my 12th house, my spine has been rotting! I laughed at I wrote that. I think it’s funny. I’m almost giddy, at the prospect of having this done.

  20. Praying that your surgeries go well and that you fully heal and are out of pain. May all the good you do come back to you, multiplied, Elsa.

  21. But yes, each day could be the last for any of us. I don’t know if I’ve toned down how I speak with people because of that or because I really don’t want to run into them in another life, and what that might bring. It’s like a just in case insurance policy. I want a clean slate. How Virgo of me.

    But yes, I do remember last conversations. The co-worker who said on a Friday, ‘we have to continue this conversation.’ And then he was dead the next day. Crap, no clean slate on that one, but we had a good relationship and that is some solace. My handyman who said he would be back next year for the next round of projects. He never showed, I could not reach him, and then found out he died. Oh well, can always use a handyman in the next life. The vague local who said to me, ‘your brother says you are a pain in the ass’. My last words to him and the rest of the restaurant, ‘that’s because I can’t bend over far enough to kiss his ass.’ He did me a favor for some reason. I never spoke ill of him in public, but I finally had my say. Out loud for the grapevine to hear. And then he was dead the next week. My father asking me to take charge when he was gone, and then he was dead a few days later. A request that changed my life forever. That led to me caring for mother and her last words, the secret we shared without ever speaking it. I still cannot speak it. We shared the same NN. I know I need to pass that on, rather clarify, for that’s what it was clarification, to my goddaughter who also has the same NN. The amazing thing about the dead, even if I did not have the best relationship or even bad relationship with them, is that the good times and laughter are always what I remember. It tells me that that is the truth and the rest is bullshit. That is re-inforced by coming to know that liars never remember their lies.

    You have many words to say yet Elsa, I think. Best wishes.

    1. I forgot one. The topic has been discussed here before on this site. You know that elusive relationship, the one that seems so real so spiritual but just cannot manifest in physical reality. Well, he came to me to tell me his diagnosis and that he would be checking out. I was sworn to secrecy as I was the only one he had told so far. That must have meant something right? Naaa! The last time I saw him, he bascically told me I meant nothing to him. Not in those words of course, too cagey for that. So that mystery was solved. It took me some time to forgive him. But again, I remembered the magical experiences we shared and alas release from all that. I think those relationships are okay to have and enjoy as long as kept in persepective.

  22. You. Have so much left to do and Be. This repair and reset is going to make sure you are able to do it. Holding safe space for You, and in my heart, protection and care. Lovingly, Arlen!

  23. I’m wishing you lots of positive vibes for your surgery, Elsa. You are so right about potential last conversations. I learned about that when my dad died unexpectedly. Short story – the last time I ever saw him, he had driven us to his uncle’s funeral. He was late because he was listening to a news bulletin about Sadam massacring the Kurds. However, there was a traffic jam on the motorway so to get to the funeral on time he drove on the hard shoulder at 60mph!! I have never been so scared. I was seething. On the way back home I decided to drop in and see my then boyfriend – but I didn’t have any change for the bus, so my dad emptied all his pockets and gave me all his change, without counting it. It was a lot more than the bus fare.

    So, the last day of seeing my dad (he was 44 years old and super healthy) was emotionally full of hate and generosity, respectively. One thing it wasn’t, was unforgettable!

  24. Wishing you strength and perseverance through your surgeries, Elsa. Hurry back, we need you!

    I remember my last conversation with my mother. I called her for the second time that day and she said, “Why are you calling me again? I’m tired and I’m going to rest now.” We always had a contentious relationship – my natal Mars was exactly conjunct her Sun. I “bugged” her even at the end!

  25. I held my Mom in my arms last April. She was dying but didn’t want to go. My sister had already passed several years ago from cancer. It was 4/26….her birthday. I said , “Mom, it’s Lisa’s birthday today…they are waiting for you to celebrate and have her birthday party.” She passed one minute later.

    On another note, I don’t think it’s your time Elsa…my intuition….you are a strong, brave woman who has weathered the many storms of life. May you be blessed with the best recovery possible! ??

  26. Avatar

    Last conversation I had before my father died went pretty terribly. I had no idea he was dying. I just hadn’t taken it in. So it was just like a normal conversation no deeper significance. Since we weren’t really close it was a missed opportunity.

  27. It was ten years and two weeks after Pluto entered his 6th house. Ten years after he became a quadriplegic with a tracheotomy. It was sudden. Ten years later he was 57. Septic. He woke up and smiled. He asked for a coke. We “talked” about nothing but it was everything. He always said he would die on a Thursday at 7:30. It was a Wednesday at 7. He was my dad.

    You’re strong. You’ve shown that over the years. So has your body. Cheers.

  28. My son has Cappy ascending … I fear that our relationship took a death when Pluto crossed. I moved across the country pursuing my dreams. Am hopeful that we can understand each other on a new way. He is angry now.

  29. Lots of love Elsa.
    When Pluto crossed my Ascendant I left one life and began living another. One I had dreamed of.
    The last conversation I had was non-verbal.My hand was on his chest right over his heart. The lethal vets injection took hold but his heart kept on beating. We didn’t want to part. He had to be given another shot before he would let go. The soul is eternal here or there, we are lights going to the light by and by. But this is no time to be going! Be well and hurry back we will be waiting for you!

  30. Avatar
    Lesley J Phillips

    Healing prayers are with you, Elsa. May the positive power of Pluto help you heal quickly.

  31. Avatar
    Warped by Wuthering Heights

    You can’t die, Elsa — you’re needed here! May God bless you with a full and speedy recovery.

  32. Wish you all strength and patience getting through these surgeries, and for the perfect outcome and a fast healthy recovery ❣️.
    I’ve lost 2 people where there was bad last words. It’s not a good feeling or ending. Wish I could say for the last time , but how does one keep all communication with loved ones serene and harmonious, I am emotionally volatile sometimes, and it’s not on purpose it’s desperate love.

  33. Yesterday I read “The Last Conversation You Have Before Someone Dies.” Selfishly, it left me unable to respond because I was overcome w/emotion. But…you are a ‘tough broad’ and I mean this affectionately. You can overcome anything–I have read this on your site. I remember when you moved across the country and the housing hurdle you were facing when you arrived at your destination. That was your toughest hurdle.
    Today and days forward, I pray for you.

  34. I’ll keep you in my prayers for a smooth surgeries and speedy recoveries, Elsa. I have been reading your blog since 2008, when my life was starting to turn upside down. Your words have been a compass through the dense fog that goes in and out like the tide in my own Saturn Neptune riddled chart, a phrase I am borrowing and something I wouldn’t have recognized nor known how to deal with if not for you. Grateful is an understatement. May the wind be in your sails!

  35. really glad I haven’t died, and you too, though we do have sweet emails ending it just in case ❤️

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Scroll to Top