Relationship History: The Man You Date *Before* You Meet “The One”

old scorpio necklace“History repeats the old conceits
The glib replies the same defeats
Keep your finger on important issues
With crocodile tears and a pocketful of tissues…”

                           – Elvis Costello

I once dated a Scorpio with his Sun, Venus, Mercury and Saturn in the sign. He’d seen every woman who was important in his life go on to marry “the one” once they wrapped up with him.  This happened in my case as well.

The women didn’t leave the man. The man dumped the women and then whiplash-fast, they met the man they ended up with for the rest of their lives.  This had happened four times and it has probably happened five or six times by now.

I know someone else who has a different, but just as distinct a  pattern. I’ve always wondered if I would wind up like the people who have preceded me. I’ve always suspected I would. Now I am going to find out!

It got me thinking about this again. Always look at a person’s history, in case you become part of that person’s history!

Have you seen anything like this in your life and times?

50 thoughts on “Relationship History: The Man You Date *Before* You Meet “The One””

  1. Wow! Yes! I have a pattern like this. The majority of my ex’s have either married or ended up in loooong term relationships right after me.

    I have NO idea how/ why that happens!!??


  2. I’ll tell you what’s weird. My two exes plus a significant relationship, plus my husband- the women before me could all be sisters. Kinda older looking faces, dark eyes and hair, thin lips. Brittle. Like somebody’s crabby aunt. Not girlish or sexy.

    I’ve come to some conclusions about that and I’m not crazy about what that says about the way I’m seen.

  3. :). It’s funny you should mention this. I spent yesterday mildly fretting over whether my ex would win Powerball. I was really upset while I was considering that idea.

    Sigh. I’m crazy.

  4. Now that you mention it, I am the one you date before you meet the one. All of my ex boyfriends did. I have seventh house Chiron. I was wondering if this would be my story forever.

  5. I’m a Scorpio. You just detailed my relationship history. I’m the starter relationship. Once they’ve completed my “training” they’re ready for the one.

    I used to get annoyed by this. Then I decided that was my service to humanity…preparing men for coupling. Now if I could just find a way to get paid for it.

    1. I felt something when I read “after they completed my training they’re ready for love”…

      Sometimes I’ve felt that way. I think many a scorpio woman will teach her men a very special kind of love, that’s why we need a very special kind of man and maybe we won’t even find him in this lifetime either… Because we truly are a handfull 😉

  6. Unfortunately for me I didn’t see or recognise the pattern in him until it was too late, part of the game I think in that he’s very good at keeping it hidden, but they all stay loyal yet heart broken “friends” . He works really hard at this so no one exposes his emotional indequacies (and quite possibly an underlying fear/hatred of women)

    Not me. No way.

    Patterns for me? None I have seen except pretty much every ex at one stage or other (over a period of 25 years) has come cap in hand acknowledging they f***ed up when they dumped me…genuine confessions not drunken booty calls…this just KILLS me, I feel I am destined to never be appreciated at the right time and having to deal with other peoples pathetic stupid regrets, WHY????!!!!!

  7. Interesting! I have gone out with one person that was a Pisces & he & a friend of mine started seeing each other behind my back & ended up marrying. But, that was the only time a person I was with actually ended up with someone for good. The other times the guy came crawling back to say they realized they didn’t know what they had (me)

    Venus Neptune ? Pluto/Scorpio? Maybe Both?

  8. Ha! I broke up with longtime lover by telling him I was giving him up for Lent. Within a year he was married and still is–8 years ago. I’m still free and liberated!

  9. Avatar

    going through this now; but for me this happens when they try to make me the one and i don’t bite and they quickly latch onto someone else in retaliation/response. then they always try to reach out to me while rushing into their engagement/marriage. i ignore the calls. sick of the patterns.

    am in the midst of a struggle now w/ current FI. he’s much older than I am; he has a small cushion of retirement funds. he can’t be bothered with real-life adult challenges (like closely reading a mortgage doc or planning ahead on allocating retirement funds for the next 20 years); all he cares about is day to day small shit like watching tv with me or making jokes/excuses/ranting about others’ irresponsibility. When he’s called to task about what has he done in the last 40 years to prepare for the next 30, he goes blank. I am full on ready to leave him and his childish history behind, and completely feel that whiplash reaction coming from him again.

    Sorry for the novel. But the point is, I think money, or some form of “Mommy’s going to save me” crap offers this false ‘rush out/in’ reaction rather than build character and truth in ‘look inward/build upon what/who I have now’.

  10. Avatar

    I was gonna say no but I have this pattern of breaking up and then people want to get back together and chase me down. I’m not interested.

  11. I am the girl that men want to marry until they find out im not that neptune opp ascendant projection they have of the perfect woman and i am actually too crazy or good girl or insert quality here… sometimes i have to purposely disillusion them to get them to move on from their fantasy of me but it works both ways. i tend to sudden intense infatuations or more rarely love.. then i return to my solo adventure.. which has usually been fine but now im feeling the need for permanency. anyway i am a projection magnet and somewhat of an illusion or blank slate. i think the guy usually goes for a more down to earth partner after me.

  12. Same story here…4 relationships so far, 3 exes got married to the women they met after me, 4th already in a relationship, lets see if the pattern still works…must be something in me, but not sure what because all those relationships were very different with different dynamics and at very different ages in my life considering i am 36 and my first major relationship started when i was 17…so over a span of 20 years…
    Is there something in the chart that makes this happen for people?

  13. Wow, weird. This topic’s been on my mind recently. My pattern is apparently dating guys that are in college for something. I wind up breaking up with them after they graduate for whatever reason. They don’t seem to successfully get a job with their degree until after the break up. After that, they get really good jobs, make really good money and wind up meeting someone that they wind up marrying. The life that I consider perfect and want I can never seem to achieve but help others get there. Pretty sad, wish I was a “one”.

  14. What a fascinating thread– really enjoying this topic since I was just thinking of my patterns recently, and noticing that all almost all my breakups have been precipitated by travel– either they or myself moving away. I think there’s a disjuncture between the image I project– as a Taurus rising, I seem like the typical homemaker. I love cooking large meals, entertaining, hosting, solid comforts. However I have Venus in Aquarius so what I actually need is lots of freedom and independence. I come to feel like “home” for many men, who think I want marriage, to raise a family, etc. But in fact there is something unsettled in my personality- something a bit detached. I’m usually relieved when they “go away” because then I have room to breathe again (although most of them time they live on in my dreams and imaginations in a painful, exhausting way, since I’m a Pisces.)

  15. What I think is going on is that they see a single person that reminds them of their ex who they had history with or they find a more “refined” version of a person they want to be with. Its like they were attracting the person they need to see before they make the decision to be with the person they want to be with long term. And you gotta ask yourself, maybe I made a plan to be like this (good luck chuck) in order that I may find out what it is I want? Just sounds like a lot of dating is going on and not enough waiting for the one. I’m on the other end. Either extreme isn’t too good. The middle road is good in finding a true partner. My dating experience is random yet few and no steady commitments here (hexa gemini speaking).

  16. I brought up this topic the other day! I haven’t seen the pattern in my life in any absolute way… but I’ve seen hints, and thought of it at times- when I see people, who I’ve failed to partner with, have an easier time partnering with others.

    Interestingly enough, I met someone last night, and right off the bat he started telling me about wanting to change his pattern of relationship behavior. I felt like a woman on the other side of the story! He’s not my dreamboat by any means, but like wow, maybe this is how it happens? I think I should try stepping up to the plate at least…

  17. @ Karine I have similar; Venus in Aquarius, Taurus Rising but Sun in Aquarius.

    I reckon some relationships HEAL a person to be ready for the next one to last.

    I’ve been on both sides of that fence; the healer and the healed.

  18. Scorpioandproud

    I was the person you date before you become rich. Seriously three failed marriages … I lived the lean years with them. They are all three loaded.

    Of course there is no amount of money that would make me want to live with them again. Still its hard to watch a jackass live with that much money….

  19. Men cheat on me, then find out the person they ran off with is crazy, but then I’m gone when they come back around. If I choose another one, I’m going to pick a new pattern…tired of this one for sure!!

  20. It’s only happened to me once, as far as I know. I actually have a feeling that my next one is going to be “the one” after this last relationship I had. It’s almost like seeing driftwood…I’m getting closer to shore.:)

  21. Sounds a little like me Elsa, except I would be the one getting ditched most of the time. We’d commented awhile back on another thread about ex gf’s marrying the next guy. Looking back, it turns out I had 12 “serious” (ha ha) relationships during my dating years. Nine of those girls married the very next guy. What happened to the other three? Well, my very first gf never married. An acquaintance joked that I’d turned her into a lesbian. I didn’t think that was funny! Then there was the devil woman. Who knows or cares what poor soul ended up with her. Lord, she was odious. I didn’t keep track of her. The third one is my wife. So I guess aside from special circumstances, they pretty much did all marry the next guy. Like I said, for the most part, they were the ones to leave. Letting go was excruciating (Venus in Scorpio) but I didn’t fight too much. It killed me inside and I hated losing them even if I knew maybe it wasn’t the best pairing. For the most part, we remained friendly and I watched how their lives went when I could. It disappointed me to see who they married. The men were all so opposite me. Most of these marriages failed because these guys had problems like drugs, alcohol or assholism. I don’t know if that is a reflection on the quality of girl I hung out with or their desperation to be married. It seems they married quickly, after fairly short romances. Only two had been previously married so it was the first go-round for most. I’m thinking that maybe I attracted women who wanted commitment and they thought they saw that in me. I’d be interested to know what y’all think.

  22. @ GTO~
    “…assholism” hahaha. CLASSIC.
    I get the impression that when people decide they are ready to marry that they seem to go with whatever relationship “will do” and a willing participant rather than waiting for a real compatibility. I did it. It spells a recipe for disaster in my opinion.

  23. My philosophy is that everything we do is a chance to learn something about ourselves or the world. That doesn’t make any move we make right or wrong. When you figure that one out a lot of shit falls away. Thank you Pluto and Saturn!

  24. @ elizabethe – One guy would yell catcalls at girls cruising by while his gf (my ex/gf) sat beside him. That’s terminal assholism with no cure. Still can’t believe she married that guy.

  25. There is a book called “Dumping Billy” that is based on this premise, i.e. date this schmuck and then you can find true love.

    I don’t date enough to have this sort of pattern, but my last ex’s dad apparently got dumped by a woman because he couldn’t get his shit together. I heard that story and thought, “that’s going to happen to his son too.” And even though the son dumped me, that’s pretty much what did it in: I was sick of waiting around for him to shape up. But clearly he didn’t have a way to learn how at home either.

  26. This reminds me of my late Mars in Scorpio…& the generational late Neptune in Scorpio that sits on top of it with guys I have been with in relationships. I’ve been told that this is classic for them being able to deceive me easily. I would have to date guys my age for it to be out of orb for conjunction, but I am never into guys my age (always 3-6 yrs older).
    My ex-husband and ex-fiance both cheated on me with the girls they went on to marry. Neptune fogged me 😉 My husband now has the same Neptune but he’s also got his Moon with it nearby at 0 Sadge so I’ve got some “protection” there…(our Mars/Moon synastry also repeats in conjunction in our composite).

  27. I think a Scorpio knows quality when they see it, BUT, they test it to the max to find out where it will break. What they don’t get to enjoy is the fruits of their labor (well, that’s not entirely true. Some find the love of their life as the one who endured it all the way until the end). For those who quit too soon, however, it’s someone else who gets the finished product because Mr. Scorpio was under the impression there was another layer to go through but didn’t plan for you to decide there wasn’t. A relationship is only over when one of the two parties decides they don’t want to be part of it anymore.

  28. I believe this is true across the board. Since most if not all people are creatures of habit. I agree that everyone should look at the prospective partners track record to see their relationship patterns. If you as a person want to change something in your own life you must change the pattern or path you are following in order to do that.

  29. ” A relationship is only over when one of the two parties decides they don’t want to be part of it anymore.”

    That’s true. I don’t know why people don’t take me seriously. I am one of the more serious people you could ever meet in your life. And I’m honest! So if I tell, “one more time, I’m done,” I most definitely mean it.

    As any number of people I have warned to quit harassing me at my job (this blog). I say one more time, they push it, and they are never heard from again.

    I’m actually quite patient. I’m a long-distance runner…the long game. I will give a person five or even ten years of rope – SERIOUSLY. But when you fuck me that last time, you fuck me that last time and from then on out, it’s “I Hear You Knockin…” Learned this from old man, LB, as sung by, Smiley Lewis. Can’t find that old post!

  30. This describes me in my last relationship. I guess I was the final karmic lesson that he had to go through in order to meet “the one” shortly thereafter.

  31. 3 men that I had long term relationships with told me that I taught them to love. I guess that is what I was there for. Took me 44 years to find someone that truly loved me in return.

  32. Avatar

    That’s been my pattern as well. Not sure about the last guy I had a brief relationship with, but all the others have gone on to meet the love of their lives (whether or not they married).

    I truly do wonder if I have what it takes to have a lifelong, or at least a very long term relationship. I don’t believe that everyone is made for it. 6 yrs was my max. I’ve got 3 planets in the 5th (and the ruler of the 5th, in the 5th), plus two of those planets, Mercury and Venus, square Neptune in the 7th.

    Then again, with some recent hard Saturn and Pluto transits, I’ve come to realize some of the delusions I’ve had about love and relationships.

  33. I love this thread, I’ve often wondered what it is in me/my chart that makes this happen. I’ve dated several men who went on to marry after me. In hindsight I think several of them were on the rebound but I didn’t really know it at the time or maybe I would’ve stayed away and not been their rebound girl.
    First real, and longest to date, boyfriend was on rebound from his long time on off girlfriend before me, she plagued us throughout our relationship but he did not go back to her. He got engaged soon after we broke up for the final time, but that ended before marriage. He then married somewhat hastily after that, and they are now divorced. I am not surprised and am very happy we didn’t end up together.
    It was a while before I dated again. The next guy was the last guy I dated in my former hometown. I knew he had been engaged and it fell through, the girl did the breaking up. But, the friend who introduced us said it had been a year and a half so I thought I was safely far enough from that. Nope. He went back to her while casually seeing me. I moved away, heard they got married but also divorced in I think less than two years.
    Next guy I dated just for two-three months when I moved to new city. He was from old city, too and had done my same master’s program a few years before me. He was a shifty liar, though, again, didn’t realize this til after. Turns out the female “friend” who lived in the other half of the duplex was his ex girlfriend and they were perhaps “on break” although I’m not even sure of that. He married her after hiking the Appalachian Trail. I assume they are still together but am not sure. I don’t keep up with him at all and don’t do facebook.
    Next guy I dated, even though only for 3 months before he broke up with me, I thought was “the one”. I was CRUSHED for years after, especially when he started dating the one he’s now married to, a few months later. When he dumped me, he told me he didn’t really know what to do and had consulted with some of his female friends who told him to give us more time which he promptly ignored and dumped me anyway for no clear reason. I’ve always hoped those words would come back to haunt him, but, he’s still with the girl after being married two years. Oddly, I still see him, most former flames once they’re gone from my life, I almost never see them again, and if I do it’s once or twice.
    Final guy in that pattern was my “work boyfriend”. We went to lunch together every day, sought each other out, talked, some people at work thought we might be dating. But we didn’t socialize outside of work because his female roommate was his “at-home girlfriend”. This guy was also on the rebound and ended up with the next girl he dated after the roommate and I got him through the rough patch.

    ANYWAY, yes, I’m wondering WTF I have going on and how to get rid of it! I’m Scorpio Asc., Aries Sun, Cap moon, Taurus Venus, South Node Gemini in the 7th……. But whatever it is, I hope it’s just some long miserable transit and not some “forever” signature, because it sucks A$$. I’m tired of getting people over the hump but not knowing that was my role til after the fact. If this is karmic then I feel like I’ve paid mine and would like some success to come in my direction, or to resign my position as helper.

  34. I have not had this happen to me per say; instead, it always seemed to follow the pattern of myself being the “good friend” of the guy who has a girlfriend. Me and the guy would hang out constantly, talk about anything, and yet even though he would swear I was awesome, attractive, etc, he would still just…go with another girl. I’d be the one that he would pour out his heart to, but he wouldn’t do the same with the girl he was seeing. Why?

    Like I said, this has happened to me more than once. Is it because I don’t act traditionally ‘female’? Is it because I’m just too much like one of the guys? I have never been able to figure it out.

  35. This happened to me. He was a Scorpio as well and a huge, clinical narcissist (well, I think).

    I think I just had to give myself some self esteem and visualize what I wanted from a partner and put that out in the world. The minute I did and right after this pompous unknown celebrity (in his own head) I found him. Now we’re working on our family with “the one”.

    The Scorpio would always tell me about how this always happened to him and people he dated and I SHOULDVE LISTENED!!!

    As Oprah once said quoting Maya Angelou, “when people tell you who the are: believe them.”


  36. Happened to me. Dated a Gemini with Aquarius Moon who told me this was what always happened to him. I wasn’t looking for “forever” with him or anyone, and I ended it; he was a scientist and educator, well-traveled and romantic, great with people, and I enjoyed our time together, great conversations….great two years, but we were in different places in our lives. Anyway, sure enough even while he was still calling and i was avoiding, just maybe 10 months later, I suddenly met the man I would marry, even though I swore I would never, ever get married. He found out and said to someone sadly that it had happened again to him — I was the 5th!

  37. I can see my own patterns. I feel like I come in when they are ready to hear a message, and I provide a catalyst. Then we part, because I guess being in a relationship with me, would too intense for them, having to constantly make leaps in thought and faith in the way that I do. Its not sustainable for them. Or they get addicted to the growth process. They perceive it as me doing it to them, as opposed to seeing that they are empowered to do it for themselves.

    Writing this actually helped me to refine one of my desires in a partner. I want someone who recognizes that they are their own catalyst. Someone that has stepped into their own spiritual power.

  38. I have gotten so afraid this will happen as it has been happening in the past. I WANT to find the one, damn it, but every single time they find someone else and use me as a launch pad for their new relationship. Often someone they will marry.

    I have Neptune quincunx Chiron – in 3rd house, and Taurus. My mother’s moon and Sun is conjunct my Taurus Chiron.
    I have had a growing suspisciousness that her rejection of me has had a lot to do with my relationship failings, as her emotional abandonment has always triggered depression in me, especially while in relationships. My attachment style is naturally skewed due to her emotional coldness of course, so I am working on this in therapy also.

    I have detached from her now, dumped her mentally in my life. I don’t want a connection with her, I am a quadruple Scorpio. But at the same time I am developing a great relationship with my father these days. It heals so much inside me <3

  39. Avatar
    Surf and Turf

    I have an unusual twist. Prior to marrying, I had five or six relationships that lasted over a year. Every single one of them, pretty soon after the relationship with me ended, quickly ended up with someone else, happy as could be and engaged within a relatively short time.

    But none of those marriages actually took place. Those engagements all turned out to be disastrous, with my ex having the sudden realization that I was a lot better than I was given credit for, and the exciting, perfect new person was actually big trouble.

    The same thing happened to a couple of people I liked, but who wouldn’t go out with me. One woman broke up with her boyfriend in May, dated me for about 2 weeks starting in July, and then went back to him. By December she had an STD and learned that he was sleeping with at least two of her best friends.

    I’m the guy who, if I’m looking for something casual, people fall in love with me and don’t want to let go. But if I’m in a serious relationship, they drop me for the shiny object and then regret it bitterly later.

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