The Outsider Who Breaks Up Your Marriage

time saving truth“He can and will disrupt your marriage. But staying with you once he’s accomplished this is another matter…”

Uranus is sometimes called, “The Awakener”.  When Uranus is mashed with Venus, natally or by transit, you see situations where a third party shows up to wake up and shake up someone in steady relationship.

This may benefit the person in any number of ways.  But sometimes, “The Awakener”, comes in, talks a good game, but leaves your life in shambles as suddenly as they as they first appeared.

Due to the negative potential, it makes sense to really suss out a person’s motives, when they come around promising to liberate you.


I wrote this for a client in 2016. It’s relevant now with Venus and Mars in Aquarius, squaring Uranus.  I’m seeing relationships start and end on a dime.  The “endings” are causing people harm. I think this is due to Mars’ involvement.

If you’ve just been through the wringer with a situation like this, you are not alone!

What do you know about this?

46 thoughts on “The Outsider Who Breaks Up Your Marriage”

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    I have always attracted control freaks in friendship and romance, the Pygmalion types who wanted to “transform” me and saw fit to dictate how I should live my life. Mainly to distract themselves from their own total lack of control over their own affairs. Unless you’re going to personally finance everything you suggest for my self-improvement, shut it.

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      Sidney V Johnson

      I had a so called friend break up my marriage. It’s cool though now he can take care of my 3 stepchildren. He earned it.

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    Anyone who claims to want to liberate you only wants to liberate you from one thing- your freedom and your cash.

  3. Interesting angle on Uranus transits. Uranus was transiting my 1st House conjunct Neptune when my first marriage was breaking up. Literally, my present husband who was at the time an unexpected (Uranus?) outsider showed up in a dream. There was no preventing the break up of my first marriage … the healing would take time, but the unexpected outsider is now part of my everyday every night. We got together later in life while Uranus transited Capricorn his 5th House cusp and aspected his natal Jupiter. He says it was his lucky day when we got together! So the unexpected has made itself felt over the long-haul (Capricorn) in our relationship together. Natally my Uranus sextiles my Mars-Saturn conjunct in the 8th House unexpected outsiders have always made my life more interesting!

  4. I had a composite Venus/Uranus/Pluto in Libra with the third person. Once the liberation was done, he was gone and I found myself again but not without 2 years of excruciating spiritual awakening and the courage to leave behind an unhappy marriage to start anew. Uranus transit was back and forth between my 6th and 7th house. I was very stubborn and didn’t want to give up on marriage and tradition no matter how unhappy I was but cardinal energy cannot stay stagnant and something had to give.

  5. I have a Venus-Uranus-Mars conjunction in Scorpio, 3rd house. I laughed when i read this because i am ALWAYS in a weird triangle, romantic or platonic. I am not married, however. I’ve been every person in the scenario, the happy one in the relationship, the sad one, the one breaking it up, and most oddly, the one who has no idea they are in a triangle (trying to figure out why the other two are acting so weird). I think the easiest one is to be the one who is left behind. It’s really easy to say, ‘good riddance losers’ and move on. Funny how when you do that the ‘new’ relationship fizzles. Like it’s feeding on someone else’s sadness. Ugh.

  6. I have Uranus close to my MC and sextile my AC but no major aspects otherwise I think, other than maybe from one sign to the next. I have aquarius on the ASC though, so a little disruptive…? Yeah, I guess!? LOL.

    Still, I’ve never been unfaithful.
    My past exes though – sure!!
    My latest relationship went downhill as soon as my ex started chatting on the net with another firl. He has Mars opposite Uranus (easily bored and start new things to challenge the status qou) and I went balistic. He was the second one in a row to do it.

    Also, at that time Uranus opposited his Saturn and soon Pluto to come, both of them in the 5th. I don’t think he is “seeing” her anymore, because really – as the person being the disrupter…. would you really want a man who use you as an excuse for breaking up with his other GF?!

  7. Recently had 2 ex’s from the same time period find me on FB. As I recall they both cheated on me and that was the deal breaker. I’ve been in Love triangles. I am married and have had affairs of the Heart without the sex. There was a time when women could have multiple husbands, Ming dynasty in Japan. I think the Heart is vast when we truly embrace the capacity to Love others. It’s taboo, I know. I also believe we can not get all our needs met with one person. That’s why it’s healthy for me to have friends of both sexes. Hubby doesn’t mind it takes the pressure off him. Not sure how my chart relates to this. Aquarian moon possibly. I’m in Love with Love.

  8. I know someone who is in this situation right now. She needed out of her dead marriage… he was the catalyst. But I keep warning her to not move in with new guy so quickly …. let the dust settle and see if he’s there for the long run, I suspect he is not!

  9. Happening to me. Trans uranus conj my natal venus.. I started to hate and ignore him, started cheating on him (just sex, before I would rather bite my own hand off then go cheat, it is so against my pride and values) just to get over him as soon as possible (we’ve been together for 10 years and it was hard and took me some time to “stop” loving him), didn’t want or plan to have a relatinship for at least a year or two and then there came a day when sun sex jupiter and mars trined mercury, and I met my new guy.. and now he wants to get married and I am actually for the first time in my life considering it. So for me, Uranus deffinitely brought a lot of suprises..

  10. Oh I always suss out someone’s motives. Not always accurately though. I don’t see myself ever getting into some kind of situation like this but…… never say never. I think my compulsion to find out what’s underneath something is so strong that a triangular dynamic would crumble under my scrutiny but who knows. It just seems like it would take some kind of level of denial for this to work and I am unconsciously compelled to find the truth in a situation. Plus I think I’d ever put my future into someone else’s sole possession ever again. I’ve done that and it was a prison. I would urge someone that is being promised a palace that it could indeed be a beautiful prison.

  11. Yuck! Who would want to get into that quagmire! Venus trines saturn mars natally. The hiv aids thing made the whole mate/cheating game a no go for me. I found myself asking is he really worth dying for. Most I know who actually transferred to a new mate got what they deserved. I am trying to think of any relationships that actually survived this. Somehow, I am thinking the outside relationships should have a point like a shared interest or something like that. Boundaries rather than Willy nilly squash brain fantasy.

    And the beautiful prison, I checked into one of those once. Definitely a control situation. Not good to confine, talk about rotting. And a Uranus transit will explode any rotting.

  12. My natal Uranus in my Gemini 12th House is three degrees short of squaring my natal 11th House Venus in Pisces. That was always something of an agitator that made me set out on my ‘I’m out of here’ sprees. I’m used to that.
    But now, Uranus(r)in Taurus is exactly trine my natal Seventh House Vega in Capricorn, and four degrees short of trining my natal Capricorn Moon. For the last several weeks, I have been proclaiming my case against two open enemies who have spent several years threatening (seventh House?)my home and my security (Moon?)generally. I am hoping that the Uranus trine will help me — in the way I’d like to be helped! Pity it is still retrograde. And Scheat, both natal and transit, is sitting on my natal Pisces Sun. Perhaps I should be wishing something like ‘Give me a break that isn’t my neck’.
    Thank you, Elsa. This article ‘speaks’ to me very loudly.

  13. @Elsa

    What if, for example, Uranus squares natal Mercury by transit and Mercury is 7th house ruler? Would the effect be similar to Uranus Venus?

  14. I thought love triangles and triangulations in relationships are more of a venus/pluto aspect? I had those with my venus pluto opposition, where the ex and the best friend behind my back, you know how these storries go. I have venus trine uranus. My example isn’t romantic but for friendship or even aquintances. It’s very annoying when you like a person and you get along. Then you know another person and you get along with them as well. For some kind of reason first person and second person meet but a conflict happens and they hate eachother. Then you are a mediator and even if you refuse to take sides or worse, indulge in their war, you’re always seen as a traitor by both parties. As far as I’m concered, if you can’t resolve your conflict like a mature person and you need me as a buffer and as also someone to misplace your anger and your mistrust because I don’t hate the living guts of the other person – you fuck right off out of my life. This is such an annoying pattern. Sometimes it’s not that important to take sides, it’s not life or death, you both didn’t do anything to me. Solve your issues and stop involving other persons.

    1. I think Pluto Venus would be the jealousy factoring in? Also the secret tryst (which the surprise person may or may not be facilitating) would suggest Venus Pluto?7 I think Uranus transit would just be the surprise person turning up. It’s what is done with it. Like Elsa writes, what is the motive going on? It sounds like you just wanted to hang with two friends. That happens with mates all the time. I have a friend or he has a friend that the other of us does not care for. Suck it up time. I won’t even get into family members.

      1. I think you’re right about jealousy and venus/pluto and all the romantic issues. But for the other example, I don’t have a situation where I don’t want to hang with a person. It’s a situation where I like two persons and they happen to be in conflict and they both want me to take their side of one over another. Which in the end makes it bitter for me too and I have to distance myself and let them be. I wonder too why does this happen, I’m a Gemini sun and a chiron in 7th house. I like to get along and have various people in my life, maybe some are radically different than others and they clash. It gets annoying when this happens. I’ve often been put in making peace between others or soften things up especially in my extended family.

        1. You are like my father in that. The peacekeeper. In those situations all he would say is ‘I like the both of you.’ Nuff said.

            1. I think he once tried to get Aunt L and Aunt I (sisters in law) together. He and mother picked up Aunt I and Unc and went to Aunt L’s for some card playing. All hell must have broke loose because Aunt I called her kids to come pick them up to get outta there. So venomous was her hatred for Aunt L that she confessed it to the priest. The penance he issued was to say the rosary aloud with her family every night for a month. If you are not familiar with the Catholic confession ritual, normally the penance is something like one Out Father, one Hail Mary, and a Glory Be (all short prayers). I don’t know what all went down that night but it must have been a doozy because the story was one that was recounted many times. Can’t win em all.

              1. Ah, the lovely family quarells. It’s not healthy if they develop into long term grudges but aunts with their bickering are similar everywhere.?

  15. Ok. I’m the outsider. You can judge me, be repulsed by me… the people who really know me,
    love me, see my purity and beauty. Two sides of the moon, of transformation…
    I don’t know why I’m here writing this.
    Almost 50 y/o, my life is in a crossroads and messy. And as I understand it asrologically, there’ll be a greater chaos in my life in about 7-9 years.
    I got married after Neptune crossed my desc./NN in Cap. Now in the process of ending it after Pluto crossed it, as I mentioned before in this site. Pluto will opposite natal Venus in Leo. At the same period I’ll also have Saturn square, Uranus sextile and Neptune trine – all transits to natal Venus.
    I’ll brace myself and keep breathing acceptance of living life in the here and now.

      1. Chiron started its conj transit to my MC few months ago. I’m starting a real serious job for the first time (tomorrow!). I have natal chiron opposite Uranus and the return will start only next year. Maybe this is about ending an unhealthy marriage and being an independent woman?
        I’m not THIS kind of woman… soon as I met the other man we became best friends. I tried to end our relationship 3 times even before we became lovers (one year later) and even then the pain was unbearable. I can’t explain this connection between is. It’s so strong beyond the physical realm.

        1. Ain’t it weird? That other worldly thing. Are you saying the non physical realm relationship is working with this other man in this physical realm? Mine never jibed with the physical world and I had a number of those occurrences.

          1. It is something that both of us can’t explain. He helps me to reclaim my emotions that were buried for many years in a marriage that I couldn’t find any feelings for my husband and to balance these emotions (moon in Libra). I help him with understanding his needs for a spiritual growth (moon in Saggo).
            One time he went to a vacation with his wife (we were friends for 8 months by then) and I was determined to end our friendship, it hurt me so much though we didn’t have a physical relationship. I was walking in the street when suddenly got stung by a scorpion. I welcomed the pain and felt its overpowering my hurt feelings. 3 months later I found that his wife is a Scorpio.

            1. I am thinking about the magical quality of those other worldly relationships. The amazing things that happened on our adventures together. Once we were walking down the boulevard and all of a sudden each of us had one hand grasping a lamp post and were rotating around it looking at each and then bam our two foreheads were glued together. Not a word was spoken. I always had the marriage boundary so I never went there with married men. Off limits. But one thing I always thought about was would that magic last through the day in day out stuff, the physicality of life, jobs and bill paying and all that. I think the magic of those encounters would have vanished for me.

  16. I like this post, not just because Uranus is heading to my 7th, but because I understand it and think it will be fun to follow with the folks I know. We usually share the odd happenings in our lives with each other.

  17. Oo oo. I have one. We were together 9 years, not married but cohabitating. We both knew it was coming to an end but were waiting till we both were ready. It was a grueling two years going back and forth. He gigged nights and I was working a somewhat intense job days. So so after working into the night I often stopped for a beer or two and to dance into the morning. What can I say, I was younger then. Men gave me their phone numbers all the time. I just lost them or threw them in a drawer and forgot about them. I did not not think about it at the time but after meeting the ‘him’ one night, I told my partner that when he returned from the tour I would no longer be there. It was so clear and final. He left two weeks later and I found myself calling the ‘him’ unconsciously. The ‘him’ was not in good shape but I was drawn in. I was not ready for another relationship just getting out of one and definitely did not want to take on a dependent but there was that overpowering draw to ‘him’. Oddly he had it to me too evidenced in his call asking me if I was in pain too. Which I denied. So ‘him’ on some level aided my partner and I to move on unbeknownst to my partner. I think they call that a transitional relationship. So it is a bit different since we were on the way out anyway.

  18. Haunting, when you see how someone didn’t care about your marriage, and came in anyways. Haunting; but cheaters always cheat.
    Don’t even remember the way it hurt
    No cheaters here:)

  19. Yuuup! My husband started an affair with a Married wedding photographer over Facebook, I think probably started when transiting Uranus in Aries (also conjuncting his natal Chiron) squared his Venus (he has Venus square Uranus natally also).
    I found out when transiting Uranus in Taurus opposed my Sun/Venus conjunction.
    It did not work out well for him ???
    I put their charts together to make the composite, oh my, squares and inconjuncts galore and a big.fat.boomerang yod with Venus at the apex, Uranus opposite, and Neptune and Pluto completing the yod pattern, LIES LIES LIEEEEESSSSSSS. They thought they were in a lovers dream, never met in person, he went to London from Michigan in the middle of a pandemic to meet her without my knowledge.
    LOLOLOLOLOLOL can anyone say CATFISH ?

      1. Oh Elsa, It might just be the madness setting in at this point ??? this divorce is not fun, I don’t suppose any of them are though.
        Thank you for reading about my nonsense life ????

  20. So from what I read, the catfishes appeals to rescuer personalities? I was really surprised, like one of those slaps in the face, when I found out that a man I was dating was trying to rescue me from my lifestyle. He was actually looking down on me I guess. He underestimated me. My strength. And that it is a choice. Weird.

  21. Shaken AND stirred gives claim to Aquarius/Uranus, “mitigating” factors included. Startling, unannounced friendships may pop in on the fly to wake the living dead from their sleep.

  22. Interesting. I have Mars conjunct Venus square Uranus conjunct Pluto. Mars Venus also square Saturn. My “outsider” has been hospital worthy illnesses. Childhood Type 1 diabetes, Guillain Barre Syndrome at 30, more recently quadruple bypass surgery. Each surprise major illness accompanied by a relationship ending. My father who could not pray away my diagnosis, a live in boyfriend who left me in a wheelchair, then my husband, who I banned him from my hospital room when he said I couldn’t return home. I could not divorce him fast enough. Hmmm I wonder…
    So a transit? Yeah no big deal hahaha

  23. Mitigating factors like a strong Saturn in synastry, or the person’s general level of commitment, and this can be a non-issue. My husband has Venus Mars opposite Uranus natally, and Uranus is transiting his Venus Mars. Of course anything could happen, but I don’t see it happening. I have Venus Neptune, so I could be delusional, but even an honest gut check tells me it’s not happening.

    1. In agreement, my husband and I have Saturn, Moon, Venus conjunct in our composite chart, and we definitely made a choice to commit. We’re going for the gold!

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