I’m Cheating With a Married Man With a Pregnant Wife

Gemini vintage twin pin

Dear Elsa,

This year I started to behave like never before in my life; I just don’t recognize myself at all. I knew myself as a person who is quite conservative, has strict moral rules and loves truth….

I’ve been dating a married man (Virgo) with two kids, since January. Sex was involved from our first date (btw the best I ever had). We have a secret relationship. I know he is married and has a family. He told me that before we met, he had tried to find someone through ads, because he needed love and understanding etc.

He had a pregnant wife at home with one daughter. Married men were always strict no-no for me!! However, I started to behave like a fool and left my husband. Now I’m living alone.

I was totally, absolutely in love with this Virgo first few months. Now I’m only obsessed and at the same time repulsed by him. He says he will leave his family and live with me, which I never wanted since I don’t think he is an ideal partner for me. He has confessed he did the same thing a few years ago – when his wife was pregnant with their first, he had an affair, promised to leave and then changed his mind and returned to his wife.

Now he says it is “real” and of course I don’t believe him. However, he has already moved away from his family and it seems now he is serious.

Two weeks ago something happened. I accidentally I got into his mailbox and found out he exchanged a few flirty emails with an ex-girlfriend who contacted him. And today, he contacted someone who has a personal ad on some romance site.

Maybe it is just a fun for him, but it is possible he wants to meet new women. It means he is lying to his wife and to his secret lover as well? When I wanted him to tell me the truth, he almost started to cry, like a little boy….

I suffer like hell. Part of me wants to run, but another part in me forces me to stay and watch both of us, like when you are watching a movie. Why do I chose to experience such a horrible relationship, when I never dreamed of something like this? And why he is doing what he is doing? I don’t feel he loves me, although he says he does and I believe him that he believes what he is saying. And I don’t feel I really love him, although I say I do. Or I don’t know what real love is at all, it is possible. I just don’t understand ANYTHING now, what is real and what is not.

I feel ashamed by what I’m doing, repulsed by him/both of us and yet I’m not able to leave (yet). Why am I doing this? Why am I so obsessed and fascinated by what he is doing and where will this lead?


Dear Mistress,

Obviously your man is a deeply disturbed liar and I don’t think he needs love and understanding but a swift kick in the ass.

As for you, you sound like a heroin addict. And as long as you want to stick that needle in your arm, there is not much anyone can do for you.

It’s obvious you like your pain, because your post makes it clear you do not want to stop this behavior. With your Moon conjunct Jupiter in Pisces, it seems you relish this masochistic relationship and your dissociated state.

You’re watching a movie? Come on! This is real life and you’re screwing some pregnant woman’s disturbed husband.

And I have to tell you, I think you’re well matched with him, like two drug addicts or two hopeless alcoholics. But please understand if the rest of us shake our heads and walk away. Because you’re the only one who finds this interesting or fascinating in some way. The rest of us think you need to sober up, and the sooner the better.

Good luck.


16 thoughts on “I’m Cheating With a Married Man With a Pregnant Wife”

  1. Elsa, thanks for your honest approach. I already parted with the man last week and never want to repeat similar situation in my life.
    I was not aware about, as you say, my masochistic tendencies and I am surprised how I could allow this to happen.
    Thank you for help.

  2. Elsa, that was truthful with out attacking. We all need to learn this style of communication. You transcend advice at times. Thank you.

  3. Elsa you’re phenomenal! Thank you so much for telling it like it is without any bullshit. You’re way better than a best friend, because best friends tend to draw a line when giving advice and sometimes even help justify your stupidest actions. You gave Mistress the best advice ever and I’m glad she’s finally out of that terrible, terrible mess. Whew!

  4. I have a different opinion on Mistress’s motivation. To me she doesn’t so much seem to enjoy the pain but rather to not want to fail and look stupid. As in “If this doesn’t work out, I’ll have to admit that I was wrong to have gotten involved in the first place. For thinking that MY relationship with a married man would be different than everyone else’s, and he’ll actually leave his wife.” The comment about watching it like a movie, like waiting for the hero and heroine to end up together and live happily ever after. She even says she doesn’t love him – that seems more like wanting to “win” and be “right”, instead of just cutting her losses and going.

  5. We all do stupid things and make mistakes. Mistress, this was yours.

    I’m glad you’ve galvanized yourself, thrown away the popcorn, and left the theater. Now you need never watch that movie again.

  6. Okay. Is everyone in denial about the powers of lust? Mistress, you say you love him, loved him, whatever. Isn’t that just part of movieland too? If you date and have sex with a married man on the first date, is that love? The beginning of love?

    For the record, I have been the mistress. The first man who ever gave me an orgasm was about to leave on a year-round Australia trip with his partner, and left her for me! Wow. Wasn’t that good for me! It worked out like the movies! Except for the fact he was an alcoholic without any brain cells and gave me an STD! And his family and all my friends ostracized me! Because I was an asshole who spouted “I don’t go with guys with girlfriends” to his sisters. The funny thing was, I meant it when I said it. Then I had an affair with their brother’s girlfriend, who also heard my self-righteous declarations.

    So, I offer my own mistakes up to you. I only have the great fortune of having them in the past and being unrepeated that I don’t have to think about them too much. But please, I don’t by that you’re just waiting for your prince to come. It is okay to be lustful. It’s up to you how that is directed.

    For the record, last I heard, that man and his girlfriend got married and had a kid.

  7. “I only add that I really loved him, it was not only about lust. It is possible to hopelessly fall in love with someone and behave like a fool, even if you can see clearly that he is not the right person for you at all.”

    Our entire society needs to come out of denial. First off, Christine, it’s NOT ok to be lustfull. Look where it got you and Mistress. You implied that everyone is in denial about the power of lust, but you seem to still be in that same denial if you believe what you said.

    Second, I don’t think most people know what LOVE is. Most people mistake LOVE for that squishy feeling inside, or they mistake their physical attraction as love. None of that is love. Love, is choosing to be with someone, to care for them, be kind, be supportive, to help each other, to trust, etc. You, absolutely, can not be in love with someone you know is wrong for you. You can be physically attracted and lustfull, or you can like some sort of fantasy about them, or you can like the idea of doing something wrong (i.e. having an affair). Do not for a minute, though, think that any of that is love. One of the very basic necessities of relationships and love is TRUST! How can you trust someone that your having an affair with? They are cheating on someone to be with you, what makes you think that they won’t cheat on you too? And for that matter, your having an affair with a married person, how could that person trust you not to cheat on them?

    All of this is LUST. Lust is blinding, and completely prevents you from seeing and thinking clearly. Look at what it does! It causes husbands to cheat on wives, wives to cheat on husbands, parents to leave children and families, people to use porn, people to be hurt by porn, rape, even murder. All of this under the guise of “love.” All of you out there that are having affairs, don’t say it’s for love. Don’t say you can really trust that person. If you really believe that any of that’s true, you are blinded by your lust and are in complete denial.

  8. I totally agree with Jim, that lust and love are at oppisite ends of the spectrum one satisfies the body and ego “lust” and the other satisfies the heart and soul “love”. I cant say that I havent been lustful and paid the price because I certainly have and the people around me that love me had to suffer because of decisions I made based on lust. But the good news is I am trying my hardest to never make those mistakes again and take my negative experiences and turn them into invaluable life lessons.

  9. Well, I don’t know if love and lust are TOTAL opposites. You can definitely have both sometimes, no? It’s not as if these emotions were mutually exclusive of one another or… the birth rate would drop dramatically along with the marriage rate.

  10. Avatar
    Strawberry Fields

    I’m with you, Marly.

    I wouldn’t want love without lust. As a matter of fact, I will never ever again settle for one without the other.

  11. “How can you trust someone you’re having an affair with”

    Super-good point.

    Jim it doesn’t seem that Christine was equating lust=love at all…in fact it seems she’s saying “everyone’s in denial abotu what lust is”

    I got the impression you were on the same page?

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Scroll to Top