Dear Elsa,
I’m really feeling depressed with my life. Even at this age, I have not found the love in my life. Whoever has crossed paths with me so far was not for me; they just leave me in tears.
I don’t know whether I’m destined for true love or not. I have not been married even once – and I’m also not the socializing kind, I’m very reserved and shy. Deep inside I need someone to share my life with, that’s the truth. I have good friends, that’s all, nothing more.
Will I ever find my man? Please help, I’m feeling damn lonely and miserable.
Loveless
Dear Loveless,
If you keep doing whatever it is you are doing, you are going to get what you’ve always got. In fact, Benjamin Franklin defined insanity as “doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results.” You are solidly in your 40’s now and if you want to see a change, you are simply going to have to take it upon yourself to transform your life.
Because when something happens over and over and over in relationships with others, when a theme repeats, this means it is you with the problem. Because you are the common denominator in all the various scenarios. And if you are not willing to go deep and put yourself in the shop for a major overhaul, then most definitely your past is going to predict your future.
But what if you do want to get your ass in gear? What if you do want to get proactive? What if you do want to take a hard look at yourself? Well, then I think you can fix this. I do not count anybody out, ever. There is always hope. But at 45, you cannot afford to wait for someone to solve this for you. So do you want to know where to start? I’ll tell you what I glean, from just the one paragraph you wrote.
You identify as a victim (“they just leave me in tears…”) without any words about the part you might have played in these relationships. This also indicates a lack of taking responsibility for your life in general.
You write, “I have good friends, that’s all, nothing more…” which shows a marked lack of gratitude and appreciation. Having good friends is an enormous gift. There is also a lack of humility, as well as a sense of entitlement.
You say life has only delivered you these few friends, but you don’t speak to any efforts you have made or plan to make. You’re just lonely and miserable. You’re a victim of life who has gotten the short end of the stick. And I don’t know if you can see this or not, but I can’t imagine anyone in their right mind would sign on to put up with this, out of a woman in her 40’s.
So I hope you get to work on this. Because it doesn’t have to be the way it is, I promise you that. Good luck.
~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!
Looking for an astro answer here. If someone wants to make a change in their life, such as this woman here, what can she look to in her chart to help her make those changes? Her friends? Anything aspected to her moon? Probably the thing that gets me wondering the most in charts is when you see a ‘problem’ or a situation in someone’s chart what you can look to – suggested leverage points as it were. Ooohh boy, that was way too technical and this poor woman is just lonely. I’m starting to see loneliness as a societal ill. You’re advice is great, as ever, Elsa!! thanks…
Ohhh one more bit. Do you collect astro items to take such wonderful pictures of? I find the pictures almost as interesting as the column. A “where did you get THAT” How long ago did they make that? Where would I find it…. oohhh damned taurus influence…
But it does make me think of how many eons humans have been making art of astrology!!! It’s a good subtle message 🙂
I have a Pisces Moon too and I have often felt this way. Every once in a while I feel tremendously blue. I try not to dwell on it anymore, though, bc I’m well aware that I have a lot of other blessings: freedom to make my own life, loving friends and family, a safe home, three square meals a day and no real worries. That’s a lot more than 95% of mankind had through the centuries–even to this day. Another thing that helps me is training for my tri with my team. Last night I ran well and there was so much love and optimism and plain old fun coming from my teammates that I felt so good. It can be a little cheesy what with all the cheering on and little rituals (a wee bit like high school) but we all have a sense of mission and I guess that’s what we need in order to train hard and raise $$. Plus, it felt good to discover that I’m good at something that I never expected to be good at!!
Oh, also, I’m undergoing some heavy therapy and it’s tremendously painful but it’s also very healing. I can see how I give up myself whenever I think that I’ve found true love. But here’s the thing: If it’s true love, he’ll be on the same path as you (if only for a while, though God knows how long that while will take) and you won’t have to change yourself for someone. I think that’s a lesson we Pisces Moons have to keep going over.
So, here’s my advice. Look for a kick-ass therapist and also do some service at something you’re good at. You’ll see that nothing chases away self-pity like helping others and nothing will give you more joy than being genuinely good at something without the need for money or acclaim.
I think that’s an excellent point cu is making: what part of the chart helps to resolve a problem that another aspect makes?
When I hear the words “true love” they make me want to snort loudly and derisively. Not because I don’t think people can have a wonderful love that lasts a lifetime but because when this phrase “true love” comes up people go looking for it like searching for four leaf clover in a field. And most often they just expect to find it and have it just be there and work and because it’s the true love everything will be all right.
The whole thing tends to smack of illusion and heartbreak, and it makes me alternatively angry and sad.
I am not saying that everyone who believes in the concept is deluded, simply that the concept itself tends to get a bit mired in the expectations and dreams that are heaped on it, and those often kill actual relationships even before they’ve had the chance to begin. So potentially good partners (e.g. people who are your friends) get rejected because they’re not Prince Charming and the earth hasn’t stopped moving the instant two people looked at each other.
And love is not the end all or be all of happiness. My parents adored each other but their union was still miserable. Ultimately I don’t think in any relationship there is happiness unless people are willing to respect themselves, each other and put the work into it.
I believe that until the moment you die life has both the potential for hope and second chances. My mother started her relationship with the man she’s with now in her late forties and they both look great and are deeply in love and profoundly happy 10 years later. On the other hand they do fight, and they do work on it, and they stay together despite the knowledge that the other is an imperfect human being because they also think the other is good enough.
I know if someone is shy it’s not easy to go out and meet people – but I also know that these are things that can be worked on if the goal is important enough. Love doesn’t just drop out of the sky. It needs to be found and cultivated and chances of that are I think increased greatly if:
a) You are willing to actually go out there and meet people and socialise with them no matter how scary (although it all tends to get easier with practice and time).
b) You aren’t desperate. Confidence is attractive, victimhood and despair don’t tend to be.
c) People, and relationships are cultivated and appreciated for who they are. This includes friendships which are valuable in thier own right but also sometimes bloom into something more.
Also, what are false loves exactly? The times we thought we were loved but weren’t? The times that didn’t last a lifetime? The defintions aren’t something I am too clear on.
Well said Nia, thanks. Im in the same situation as Ms. Lonely.
Its always been a problem with love, though I try to divert my energy and attention in helping others with social work, end of the day, I always crave for someone who would shower me with love. I think its a really wonderful feeling to experience being loved and cared for. Well, when would the search end?