I have little experience with people with transactional personalities, but I do know a few perfect specimens. To be clear, a transactional personality is someone who never acts (positively or negatively) if there’s nothing to gain.
This idea is insanely limiting to a person like me. I don’t think I could mind a rule like this for so much as a day.
I also don’t care if a person is like this. I have Libra and believe in reciprocity. I just live in a big world and feel, it I lose a bit or even a lot, it will come back to me in some way. I can live with an uneven ledger, because for me, there is always a bigger picture and “gains” take many forms?
I do think it would bother me, if I were around someone like this, frequently as they compel you to play their game? This may be my Libra, failing my Capricorn. I just know I’d want to get away as soon as I could. I like fun, fly-by-the-seat of their pants, experimental, open types, rather than someone who wants me to be part of their equation.
I’m hoping someone who knows more about this will fill me in. For example, if you know a lot of people like this, what’s their commonality? Have you isolated the astrology?
You are a kindred spirit in this regard!
This sounds like a person with essentially no emotions, I’ve known a couple of men like this, and one psychiatrist confessed to this publicly…Sounds awful, why even get up in the morning? I suspect autism….Astrologically, guessing maybe hard aspects to Pluto and Saturn…
Saturn on the personal planets or the angles, I’ve found to be involved. If that Saturn is part of a T Square or opposed to another planet, the whole setup is being triggered more often.
It’s basically fear, an unconscious deep seated fear that seems so natural and normal to the person that they can not imagine what life is like, without it. It expresses in defensive behaviour, mistrust and can lead to the (futile but common) thinking that taking control of the material aspects of life leads to a sense of safety.
It does, but only for a few minutes, hours or days.
It’s also connected to lack of self esteem, which is essentially not trusting yourself, being overly critical and demanding with yourself and beating yourself up for perceived mistakes. Feeling unworthy, not able to receive a gift, not able to give a gift.
Outer planet transits can open insight for the person, any which way. I’ve seen such people going down so low as having to finally beg for help and open up to receive. I’ve seen such people arriving at the pinnacle of success they were after and collapse because it didn’t give them what they thought it would.
This is interesting and it all sounds right. But can a person get this way or be this way, because they were taught?
It seems to me, if you have transactional parents, you would learn to be transactional yourself. It isn’t as if the culture at larger offers support for any other way of being.
I think if someone is born with these aspects, it depends on their earliest environment and earliest caretakers (or at least some people in the family of origin, like your Grandfather) – if they can ‘offset’ or ‘undo’ your propensity to be fearful – of ‘life’ as such, as if life in itself is dangerous and hostile.
I say that, because the developing brain will strengthen the synapses that are often used while other connections do not develop properly – and while the brain is constantly changing, some of the early connections lead to lifelong ‘habits’ – unconsciously – because they stay in a part of memory that has to do with physical reactions and are very hard to change.
So, if a child has been neglected and has experienced hundreds of adrenaline rushs combined with fear of ‘being alone’ , that rush will happen at the slightest similar clue. I fostered a child like this, he was convinced at a very early age that ‘life is a battle, for food, attention, everything. He hoarded food, stole money, lied about everything and developed into a totally egocentric, 100% transactional young man who was hard to love and care for.
Three years of non-attention, never enough food, rough treatment, beatings for nothing etc. could not be offset with 15 years of love and care from strangers. He ended up in prison and it’s sad because he was a terrified child, forever feeling unsafe in the world. He is still, after 15 years in prison, a transactional person but he has learned to not let it damage his social connections and avoid situations that trigger him.
No, I don’t think that having transactional parents will always be successful in teaching their kids to be transactional. Some will not comply and rather reject their parents ( I don’t belong here, this is not my family) than comply.
I do think that the culture at large does offer support for another way of being. Meeting different people, understanding that there is a world out there, and choices, is often enough.
Excellent! Thank you so much!
i think im one of those people. but i dont think i do it for the sole purpose of making sure i only gain from interactions. i think i do it as a gauge for love. i have merc-pluto-saturn in libra, so every little act is tallied in some way. you notice you go out of your way for a friend during birthdays and celebrations and firedrills, and they show up only 30%? you betcha I count that and file it. I use it as a way to recalibrate my reality. I used be oblivious to other peoples intentions and real feelings, and I still dont think I know really know them or understand them. This measurment of reciprocity helps me be more realistic in my expectation of others.
Thanks for sharing! Interesting to read someone else’s experience of this energy, and to know that I share some placements with you. Mercury, Sun, Pluto conjunct in Libra.
Recently, in the last couple of years, I have had the realization that I was in some very unbalanced friendships. This realization came about during a very hard time in my life when my own capacity to give freely of myself was limited. These people all but disappeared from my life. It dawned on me that this is because I was the only one holding up my end of the rope. I was always the one reaching out or traveling to spend time with them. When I would reach out it was always “I miss you!”….yet there was never an offer to come see me or make an effort to spend time with me. There was no reciprocity. So, you can’t miss me that much because if you did you would take action to rectify that, but instead you put the ownership of your guilt trip on me to resolve.
This changed my perspective, a lot. Now, I give my time and energy to friendships that have reciprocity. We both give to the health of the relationship.
There is a school of thought in the psycho spiritual community that goes something like “Before you take action in any area of your life, ask yourself if this serves you and how.” It is meant to teach people how to live their lives more intentionally and not to scatter their resources across things that do not enhance their lives in some way. The theory seems like a sound one, but the interpretation of it can definitely lends itself toward a more transactional personality if one is too literal in their interpretation of it. Cap/Saturn but some form of neurodivergence like autism is also very possible.
Life is nothing BUT gain. We get something out of every single experience, even loss.
Seems like there are many ways this trait could show up in a chart but I’d guess some mash up Venus, Saturn, Pluto and the signs/houses they rule. The reality of reciprocity in our collaborations or partnerships. Heavy Capricorn/Saturn types are probably more geared toward tangible gains.
glad that you found more nourishing and reciprocal friendships! im heavily neptune aspected so i can really dream people up, so this kind of transactional scorekeeping helps me know my place in people’s lives!
I agree with this and think it is normal and healthy.
I can try to get along with this type, *as long as no deception is involved*. Sadly, the couple of examples I’ve seen in my life, heavily leaned into deception.
One would think that perhaps prominent Saturn would be an indicator, but I would hesitate to draw that conclusion. Having seen plenty of Saturn types, I find compassion is a running quality in more than most them. I don’t know. Maybe impaired Jupiter would be my best guess.
If your “raising”(training, upbringing whatever) has made you an easy target (someone who does not trust herself or himself), if you’ve been conned enough times, being transactional can save your life.
For me it’s people with planets in Earth houses.