Treating Your Ex, Harshly

cancer astrology napco vintage angelHi, Elsa.

With Jupiter going direct and the eclipse, my 8 year relationship came apart. Surprisingly, I have been mostly thrilled! But it has also left me wanting to push my former partners buttons. It is as if I want to ensure he won’t slide back into the picture in a few weeks, and I feel this is the best way.

However, I am starting to wonder if I am being too harsh. I am a Cancer sun, Scorpio rising and he is an Aquarius sun, Capricorn rising. We both have Libra moons. I guess what I want to know is just how likely it is for me to be able to really hurt him? He acts emotionally distant in general. I sure don’t want him back but I don’t want to push it too far either. 

From Birmingham, Alabama

Hi, Birmingham. You didn’t send your birth data which hinders me greatly in seeing what’s going here. But I am still going answer your questions.

I am starting to wonder if I am being too harsh.

If you are harsh at all, that’s too harsh!  What’s up with you that you can justify hurting someone because you fear you lack the self-control to make the separation permanent?

How likely it is for me to be able to really hurt him?

Seeing as he is human and most likely not a psychopath, it’s very likely that you will and have hurt him.

Think about it. He invested eight years in you…then you kick his teeth down his throat?  Do you not worry about blowback from this? Karma of any kind?

I sure don’t want him back but I don’t want to push it too far either. 

If you don’t want him back, then leave him alone. You’re treating worse than I would a dog. Sorry, but criminy.

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17 thoughts on “Treating Your Ex, Harshly”

  1. Agree with Elsa. It’s not good to push people’s buttons “just because”. You would not like it one bit if the same was done to you. He is busy processing the loss after the breakup, he doesn’t need more emotional burdens. And even if he was okay with the outcome of things he still doesn’t deserve it. If you want something from him, it’s better to state it clearly.
    (And kudos to Elsa for being able to articulate her answer in such a simple – and also kind – but effective way).

      1. absolutely ditto to what Elsa said! the poor man, hopefully he too will be able to feel some happiness at the prospect of getting away from such a person that would willfully hurt someone they were supposedly cared about at one time,during a break up no less. yikes lady!

  2. I agree. I hope this person sees its wrong to hurt someone else because they have a weakness in setting up boundaries. Breakups are sad and hard enough as is. Be kind to him.

  3. The fact that you want to hurt him tells me you haven’t healed from this relationship. Don’t date anyone else until you have because they will be innocent victims. Just walk away and don’t look back. Remember what happened to Lot’s wife!

  4. Oh my God. Pushing someone? Hell no. People can push people unintentionally (we’re all human) but to do it on purpose? Also, you’re kind of acting like a drama queen when you do that and it really makes you look like you suck.

    1. I have a neighbor like that. He’s a man. I’m a widow; Alpha Man died. Neighbor can claim he intended no harm, if challenged, not by me, but by Alpha Man. But I would say as to “drama king”? NO. Neanderthal. Yes. Still happening in 2015.

  5. A long time ago in the clinical setting, I heard that button pushers usually get their “needs” met, that coming from a clinical psychologist. It might not meet another person’s needs, but the button pusher feels better until life catches up with them.

    1. this comment reminds me of my elderly fathers life now: always sarcastic,grumpy antagonizing person. now he’s being evicted since he’s antagonizing staff,scaring people, where he lives, just had major surgery and nowhere to go, everyone around towns bothered by him, he’s been antagonizing them too. so his nasty temper and meanness have come back to bite him! I am helping and offering support as much as possible. he will be ok, but we all have to face our actions and words sooner or later, in my opinion.

  6. I feel as if this client is blaming the planets for something she wanted to happen anyway, hence the finding herself “thrilled”. Also guessing that the vindictive urges are more to punish the man for her disappointment in the relationship. Better to look within to fix her unhappiness.

  7. I think she knows in her heart that harming a hurting person is wrong or she wouldn’t ask the question seeking other’s approval. It’s almost always better to take the kinder road.

  8. Sounds like someone who can’t express a boundary and definitively break up with someone so they have to treat them poorly to make sure they don’t fall back into it.
    This sort of thing is common, many guys treat girls they want to break up with poorly until the girl is forced to do it. I think Bill Burr has a joke about this.

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