When you identify yourself by your problems, you thwart yourself.
- “I am overweight.”
- “I am unemployed.”
- “I only meet men who are unavailable.”
- “My family rejects me…”
This is like hanging a sign around your neck that acts like a stone. You wind up keeping your problem and losing your identity.
I learned this in a diet book of all things. The author cautioned the reader not to call themselves a “person who loves cookies”. His theory was that if you characterize yourself in this way, you have to keep proving the rule. You have to eat cookies all the time, because after all, you’re a cookie-lover, right? That’s your identity.
Guess what? If you quit telling people you love cookies, you can quit eating them.
Yesterday I wrote about a problem I’ve had for years. I wasn’t able to do anything about so I went on with my life, allowing the problem to run in the background until a solution could be found. Can you see how powerful this is? I did not deny the problem. I just didn’t define myself with it, either.
So often we’re our own worst enemy.
What does the sign around your neck say?
Outcast.
Yeah… I need to start re-thinking that one, eh? *smiles*
But when is something limiting and when is it just true? As a (bad) example, I’m short. I’m not going to grow taller by thinking a different way and there are some situations I could foresee danger by not remembering that I am, in fact, short. Yanno? So is it limiting only when I have a chip on my shoulder about it or what?
Good perspective, Elsa. Will be giving this a lot of thought.
@SaDiablo being short isn’t inherently bad. I’m a shorty myself. I know some guys really like short women, so I spin it as an attribute. I think Elsa is specifically talking about identifying with something that is inherently negative, to the point that the negative quality becomes you, inseperable from your persona.
I wonder : if a person has been doing this, should they rephrase what they have been saying and make it the opposite? For instance “I only attract unavailable men”, should that person start saying “I am searching for and will find an available man”? Or is it better just to drop the negative thing and forget about it? (I hope I made sense, not too sure I did lol)
Mine still says ‘survivor’. Could be good, could be bad.
I am getting over that ‘I am never enough’. That’s the message I was getting anyway. All that I could do was never enough. And I had to hear about it all the time. It’s the snarling cat in my brain. But it is really true. I just can’t appease anyone else’s unhappiness. Dey got to do da work demselves.
SaDiablo~ I think it’s when you are identifying with a negative i.e. “chip on the shoulder”. If you perceive being short as a negative then start focusing on your beautiful eyes, or your charming smile or whatever other attributes you feel as a positive. I think the idea is…whatever we constantly look at and pour our energy into (positive or negative), only serves to amplify it’s power,presence and control in and over our lives. My sign for a looong time was more like a billboard…;). I’ve caught onto my own negative self-talk so I don’t really have a permanent sign any longer because I work hard at cutting that garbage off at the pass. I got tired of kicking the shit out of myself and setting myself up for round after round of negative self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s exhausting and fruitless.
My sign says, “I always have to come last”.
Wow great post!! I was thinking just the other day, that not everything is a problem to be solved. Some things are actually tribulations that can only be endured.
If anything, this is my “problem” that I get too fixated, I literally look for things to fixate on. Thank you for the reminder to not let this replace my identity.
Yes, I heard this very thing yesterday as I was listening to Esther Hicks give her talk on the Hay House Summit. If there are 10 things going on in your life, and 9 of them aren’t going so well, focus on the 10th thing that is, because then your vibration will rise, and the other 9 things will improve automatically.
“Unworthy”, “never enough”, “Emotionally unstable”… I’m getting rid of all of these one step at a time.
Extremely interesting–but what does this have to do with the Pluto/Uranus square? Lay it on us, I really am interested.
I was really burdened by some negative info. I kept fixating on, but I learned it doesn’t matter that much, and that I had some hidden resources.
So now the burden is lifted and re-framed. Capricorn pessimism sometimes sneaks up on me.
It is a problem, it is an obstacle, it matters, but so what?
It doesn’t define me when I have this, this, this, and this.
Sometimes, I think too damn much and should just listen to my gut (Mars)… which will bypass the frivolous excuses and overanalysis from fear (which says ‘I can’t’) and say, “You can! You’re awesome. It doesn’t really matter in the scheme of things, and all you can do is go all out and try your best.”
If really pushed to the edge, “I can!” I will go all out. I didn’t know this about myself. At my core, I feel I can. I know I can, but sometimes, the mind makes up overthinks to feel secure.
It was similar to thinking something like, “Because I did X in the past, no one will love me.” Or a mole on my face. I was really burdened by it. It is a problem for people don’t like those things, but so what? It doesn’t freaking matter. It’s not important.
Lately, I believe, “I WILL [succeed]. I WILL win.” Because, you know, I’ll win!
Wow! That sign around my neck is a magnet. Even in the shower, I barely feel the water because I’m at war with the crap on my sign. It’s been like that for a long time. I’m beginning to be aware of that old behavior. It seems that I can see and hear better when I stop the internal war and look around.
Excellent advice here, it relates to the idea (that’s much on my mind right now) that whatever we believe we are, is what we are…my beliefs about myself have been changing radically. The Uranus-Pluto square aspects my progressed planets primarily. Not sure how to interpret but my progressed Venus has entered Libra, thank god, and she is valuing herself differently.
Another way to slay the dragon might be to eat him, tail first,like Ouroboros.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ouroboros
Maybe we can make a radical change (Uranus) and own our dark places (Pluto).
What if we acknowledge the ‘bad’ we are or do and say, yep, that’s me, AND that’s okay. Then those parts of ourself can relax and stop bugging us.
So mebbe say, Hell yeah, I love to eat cookies, and see what happens ;P
haha great! :)))
In High School (graduated in 1972) i was never one to observe clique bounderies and considered any and all potential friends.
For this and for my feminist activism at the time, i was voted Most Radical, the only time that title was ever used.
Am I still ? Possibly. I am not a huge fan of wearing signs around my neck though. Did that, got out and never looked back.
My sign says damaged. I would like to think it can be fixed or that maybe it was meant to be.. I am seeking help for my codependency. I would like to think it doesnt have to always be this way and as a recovering alcoholic (nother sign) who had seven years yesterday I know it doesnt have to be. Acceptance of the process. A whole saturn cycle.
Loser.
I did notice sometimes I create my own problems. I used to have a chip on my shoulder. I really felt like I had a stigma… which deeply made me feel, “I can’t.”
Sometimes, I need a little push in the right direction to say, “Oh, maybe I -am- [something positive] after all.” Sometimes, I get stuck on a negative point, but it’s not true and it snuck past me. (Lies you tell yourself.)
When I was learning to dress myself, I still struggled with self-esteem, so I thought, “If you have nothing good to say, don’t say anything at all.” Don’t indulge in negative self-talk.
Coupled with the support of positive statements and positive feelings of how I dressed, eventually, it resolved itself and I could feel good about myself. It felt like magic.
The problem was only such a big problem because I made it so. When I stopped investing in it, it stopped growing and lost its power.
Sometimes it’s hard to stop investing when you’ve come up with all the add-on excuses (that say ‘you can’t’), and it’s so entrenched. But push in the right direction and support does wonders to help.
well after your (great) news email today it says I’m going to be a Virgin for the rest of my life (courtesy of many progressions) or at least alone
What a bummer…:(
that I only attract unavailable men, that I’m a commitment phobe. I like the idea of throwing these away. I’m gonna stop saying it.
Definitely true. A parent can be the one to hang the sign around the child’s neck, too. Trying not to be that parent.
Searching. The sign says I am searching.
Took me since 2am last night to think about ‘the door sign’ of 41 years of my life.
@Beth “Extremely interesting–but what does this have to do with the Pluto/Uranus square? Lay it on us, I really am interested.”
6/3/13 @ 9:05 am (reply)
Uranus/pluto retro in 12th Libra natally here (not conjunct as I have mentioned before, but these two do not play games; they fk with the mind/soul; aint no running away). Allow me to offer my personal insight: For me, these two dancing together, have DOMINATED my chart and the internal “fight” for ALL of my life in ridiculously fire-in-the-hole ways.
Here’s the convo Pluto and Uranus, both retro for me in the 12th have slapped me with all my life: “OH SHIT YOU’RE NOT READY? TOO BAD, HERE’S A MAJOR CRISIS COMING YOUR WAY, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO HANDLE IT, RES6, HUH?! HUH?! WHAT ARE YOU ABOUT?! WHAT ARE YOU NOT SEEING?! YOU’RE GOING TO REPLICATE CYCLES OF NEGATIVITY, THAT’S WHAT SOCIETY SAYS, YEAH THAT’S RIGHT! WE SAID IT! SO WHO.ARE.YOU? WHAT.CAN.YOU.SEE.??! WHAT.IS.YOUR.TRUTH?! WE DARE YOU” Think Pirates of the Caribbean ‘At World’s End’ when Jack Sparrow has two of his selves on each shoulder playing himself against himself. For anyone who have seen that film, the part where the Brethren commune and Jack’s father shows up and says to Jack, “the trick is not living forever…the trick is, can you live with yourself forever?”
*ahem. So, yes, facing that sign “hanging all over you” is all Pluto/Uranus.
This could not have come at a better time for me. My best friend and I were talking over Memorial Day weekend and she basically told me I’m too “picky” and that I go for men that are “unattainable.”
This has been getting me down for the past week, when I was feeling GREAT before I spent the weekend with her. It’s hard to brush off something that someone close to you says about you.
I do know one thing though: My Aquarius moon hates being labeled.
I blogged about something like this recently. Someone read tarot cards for me. The eight of wands came up, and the woman pictured on that card (at least in the Rider Waite deck) is like the lady in the pic at the top of this post, blind. But by choice. Then May 20th Pluto Uranus square was approaching. I figured, if I didn’t nip the eight of swords energy drain in the bud, and *check my labels*, something like a Uranus Pluto square could come along and shoe me exactly what I’m doing wrong.
Edit: the third sentence should read eight of swords NOT eight of wands. D’oh.
Very helpful post Elsa. Thanks!
@Rachelj You’re welcome. 🙂
Wow that was awesome Elsa. I’m ashamed to list my signs.
GTO, I get that. I have something that says I Owe, I Owe, I Owe. Could be my saturn in scorpio. I am getting tired of waiting for my turn. Let’s do it!!!! 😀
I am going to have to disagree with you, or at least with the statement or idea that we become our problem or the problem we focus upon. Some people are born with stuff thrust upon them. Or we have stuff thrust on our shoulders through the course of life. True they have to deal with it, but in dealing with it means that there is a problem to deal with. Its like the thing you are avoiding is controling you even if you think you have escaped it. There is no escaping problems. Problems exist and no amount of western-anglo-saxan denial will magically make the problem vanish.
I learned this in 2006, this is called the “labeling theory” is sociological terms. My teacher was so fucking awesome I loved her! She taught me not to blame the victim to treat the environment good and not to hate our brethren based on religious radicalism. She was so ahead of her time the class was a riot because of her! She made us read a book on homelessness in New York’s greenwhich village. I think she was the best college educator I had and she was at a community college not the university. I forgot her name last hehe. But I remember her face, I can find it on my transcript. We did a class activity on blaming the victim. It was about this: a count and countess lived in a castle, he said if you cross the bridge I will kill you. She crossed the bridge and he killed her. The entire stupid class blamed the countess for her death.. I Was like NOOOOO idiots its his fault. That reminds me of when people dress sexy or what not and they blame the woman or the stripper or the prostitute it pisses me off,I want to rip it off in their face! Anyway, back to your thing, I would say when i am feeling low I label myself this or that and become that, but I have Sun trine pluto and other blessings from God so with God I Can get out of ruts. I got out of the rut of jail , I graduated college even though I have a disability, I have found jobs, you know Elsa when we label ourselves we are forgetting the bright side. I will never forget the vision I had. I dreamed of a bright moon lighting the ocean’s surface, this was a clear sign to look at the bright side of life!!!! 😉
The sign around my neck right now say’s ..
‘Neck Me’
Or
‘Kick Me’
So over people round my hood going for their early morning walk & telling my dogs to ‘shut up’ & stop barking..when all the other dogs around here do it as well..my dogs are guard dogs, so barking is what they do to protect my house.
Both are Dingo’s (Australian – native canines) very cute, but very aggressive to protect their territory.
Feel like i have a sign out the front of my house saying
”scream at my dogs, or the bitch that wrote this”
I feel like i’m the dog right now that they are screaming at..when all i am trying to do is protect whats mine 🙁
My sign says Loner, Weirdo, Judged… Gotta throw those in the fire