Vacillating Between Love & Hate

ElsaElsa ask the collectiveSometimes I see a person who seems to cycle back and forth between love and hate.  They love, love, love someone… and then they hate that same person with fervor. Then they love them again and you just know the hate is around the corner.

Further, if the person engages with a different individual, the same pattern sets up.

What is this, psychology-minded people? Is it mental illness? An opposition in their chart?  Something else?

9 thoughts on “Vacillating Between Love & Hate”

  1. It seems to be a very insecure person but also one who wants to be the one to maintain control in each relationship. They claim to, and really do, give give give give. But when their needs aren’t met, or don’t seem to be met, they unleash the hate, which is really anger.

  2. Venus square moon in natal . My sibling to a T in his former relationship! Her Sun and moon in cap square his moon and rising scorp square his sun. It was an angry and hateful relationship. And everyone around them suffered for it for 14 years me especially. I have Venus Sq moon also since were twins. But I never had such love relationships, I guess also upbringing comes to play. A severe need for love and power.

  3. From inquiry into the borderline personality, this is The dynamic: putting the loved one on a pedestal and then a sudden cycle of devaluing related to attachment theory, the devaluing arising from abandonment fear and a pre emptive strike. I was (one of?) the loved/despised for several years. At the beginning of the relationship I was so confounded. Same time my natal Mars Venus in Scorpio was so attracted to the intensity. 1.5 years after their death now, Pluto at my descendant, I see that time as a seed lesson for my necessary transformation. The Uranus Pluto square dissolves which was 6th and 10th house and now morphs to 7th and 11th emphasis: more social and collective. I am very slowly, with many backward steps, deciding on, along with some exercises in simply accepting, the new configuration of my ‘parts’. All to say those difficult people we encounter may be necessary catalysts?

  4. I do not know the language of planets so i won’t be using that reference…mine is more psychologically based.
    From my personal experience…and i am in a love hate blender right now…I have a person who has shown me parts of myself i did not know existed. especially sexually. but also just how he lives his life…free and fun of adventures…but he also suffers pts and seems to need to run from himself.
    Ernst Wilhelm vedic astrologer mentions in one of his series bout how there is ‘hard love’ in which one person get lots of healing and falls in love with the other.
    I also know that my inner child felt so seen and heard and encouraged that it was like i was being given water when i have lived on a desert without for most of my life (just turned 62 on dec 1).
    I have a hard time finding was to meet my needs for companionship, fun, touch and this person, even tho it is few and far between I take him up on connecting when he calls. FYI i stopped reaching out back in july because it was being too painful…but since then he has reached out a few times and we connect even i f very briefly.
    Last week he called out of the blue to invite me to a private hotspring in az that i have been asking him to show me for like three years…also, accepting the invitation would more than likely introduce me to the person who grants permission to go there! so it felt like i had the opportunity to get the keys to the kingdom literally!
    Anyhoo…the first day was fabulous, filled with magic and i felt special and had his complete attention….but the second day he sprung on me he had to leave that day…previously it seemed possible that we could have that extra day together. So i started stressing, internally, trying not to show,,,,but my little girl aspect was freaking out…scared …when will i see you again? why can’t you choose me first? and began a cascade of feeling and thoughtson my drive home, and last night i was kinda wrecked…and it got worse feeling wise. Then he called me last night to let me know I did in fact get the keys to the kingdom!!! knowing he was in town I asked him if he would come and spend the night. He said he couldn’t…my sense is was more he did not want to….so my heart is hurting right now…
    Trying to see my value and worthiness and appreciate the wonderful gift he gave me even if on his own terms…and not overshadow it with the massive feelings that are swirling around. I want to feel joyful about the gift and i am slogging in emotion
    I am sag sun, gemini rising, taurus noon…wondering if i will ever not be a hot mess..

  5. I need to add there is also something there about getting needs met and the difference between requests and demands…Since currently this one person is the only human i currently have in my life that i feel can meet my need for play, adventure, touch and sex…I see i have demand energy about spending time with him. I don’t put it out directly…i am trying to work and heal myself and find others to help fill the needs…challenging because i am scared of most people and not into one night stands with strangers…

  6. Sounds like my mom and sounds like BPD, a bad form of codependence.

    I always tried to figure out what it was in my mom’s chart. Maybe I’ll do a side by side with my mom’s chart and Joan Crawford’s and see if there are any similarities.

    As for my mom, she had mars in virgo forming a T square to a venus/uranus conjunction in gemini and jupiter retrograde in sagittarius. Her moon in scorp trined venus and uranus. Her rising sign was aries. Sun in cancer.

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