Venus Neptune: How To Quit Pining For The Perfect Man (And Dumping The Good Ones)

ghost whsipererAre you pining for the perfect man?  If you’re a Virgo, or if you have Venus in Pisces or Venus aspected by Neptune, chances are you’ve invested years dreaming of some kind of idealized love.  You may pine for an ex. You may pine for someone you’ve yet to meet. You may pine for someone who is unavailable to you but what you won’t do is come to terms with reality!

I have Venus square Neptune, myself. So I know this movie. And movies… tv, Neptune-ruled film, is one way to cure it.

I had this idea while working with a long-term client who is in a long-term relationship with a man who loves her. She loves him too, those he’s always, always, always falling short. She knows about this Neptune deal but she’s just not been able to get beyond it. The last time we talked, I assigned her some homework.  Watch TV!

See, the media feeds this kind of thing.  They portray these perfect, gorgeous men, coupled with some quirky gal for whom he will do ANYTHING.  Once you spot it, you’ll see what I mean.

gifted manThe Ghost Whisperer show was a great example. The gal runs around making everything right in both life and the afterlife, while she runs a business and is an exceptionally good friend + kind person and lovely.

She often wears evening gowns to chase demons around, or various whores with hearts of gold.

If not that, it’s slim fitting slacks with lots and lots and lots of cleavage and perfect makeup.  Her house is immaculate and she never breaks a nail or a sweat or farts or anything.

Her man is even more wonderful.  No! He doesn’t mind if he has to cook, clean and understand when she gets up at two am with an important ghost to deal with.  He’s happy to do the dishes and when he’s not cleaning up or being second banana to the wonderfully gifted Ghost Whisperer, he’s out saving lives.

This man is never tired. No fatigue, okay?  If she wants him to touch her, he complies; touching her where and how she prefers for the right amount of time. Why? Because he’s perfect.

Now I shouldn’t have to spell it out but men are not like this. Either are women!

“A Gifted Man” is another example.  He’s a rock star surgeon who can maintain his high end state-of-the-art practice, while spending most of his time working ate the free clinic, helping the indigent.  In my favorite episode, he comes across a rollover crash on his way to some formal-something. He’s impeccably dressed, complete with a pristine white scarf, which stays that way, in spite of his crawling around on pavement saving the lives of bleeding people!

Now I’m telling you, these portrayals of men are all over the place and decades of watching this stuff does affect a person.  Who wouldn’t want to chase ghosts all day, have plenty of money, a man who adores them and gourmet food, perfectly prepared without going to the grocery store? And no dirty clothes in your life, ever!

I think there’s enough here to consider.  If you are pining for someone, ask yourself if your dream of them is even remotely connected to even a shred of reality.

Since I know the client well, when she followed up to tell me that her partner said something hurtful (which they both do, on a routine basis), I sent her this:

You have to admit it’s funny. I mean, there you go! But seriously.  If you have this problem, try scrutinizing what you’re watching.

My husband and see this stuff and mock it to high heaven!  “Mcdreamy”… right.  I think he got fired for being a jerk, no?

Virgo rising; you’re in this too. And Venus in the 12th house or Neptune in the 7th, or on an angle for that matter.

Got Venus Neptune? Tell us about your pining. Have tv, movies or music helped or hindered you?

33 thoughts on “Venus Neptune: How To Quit Pining For The Perfect Man (And Dumping The Good Ones)”

  1. Neptune is hitting my sun and will hit my Venus. I stopped watching romantic movies especially stuff where a very schleppy woman gets an unequally better man (like Bridget Jones diary) during my moon Pluto transit. But really I don’t know. I act like Neptune transits don’t happen to me but here they are. Ugh

  2. Ghost Whisperer is the worst ugggghhh. I was more of a Medium fan myself, though the “perfect man” trope was well-entrenched there too. I have all this stuff you mentioned (Virgo rising, Pisces Venus) and pining is my specialty. I am a HUGE movie fan, particularly the classics. The old black and whites, weird arthouse Japanese stuff from the 70s, Ingmar Bergman, Charlie Chaplin, all of it, any of it, I soak it up. I’m not sure if it has helped or hindered me, probably hindered as this constant reinforcement of the ideal only engenders less realistic thinking. It’s all I got though, romance is something that has stayed on the screen for me.

  3. I do not watch telly or movies. I have no time for it. But you could have described my life. Virgo rising. Venus (widely) conj Neptune (even if in steady Capricorn), and Neptune is currently transiting my 7th. Sigh. Life is one big illusion, though mine includes upset tummies, temper tantrums, body odour, sickness, possible addiction and pesky extended family. STILL I don’t seem to be able to cure myself. There is literally no hope.

  4. anonymoushermit

    I got dumped a long time ago by a guy who just couldn’t keep his passive aggressive tendencies to himself. I called him out on it and…..snip! I was out of his life forever!

    He was an Aquarius with Venus square Neptune. I was on a pink cloud in his mind and when it came time to confront him on how offensive his passive aggressive ways was, it was…..cut! Snip!

    It was one of the relationships in my life that I don’t feel bad being amputated out of. He wasn’t emotionally mature enough to handle the truth, even if I told him it in a nice and diplomatic way. It was for the best, because I’m not sure I want to date someone who’s in denial of their shadow.

  5. I have Venus opp. Neptune, both square Saturn. I’ve had a million very detailed dreams and fantasies. They usually involved a guy who drove a blue pick up. My husband drives a pick up, but it’s grey so he is the worst and destroyed my dream. haha 😉

  6. My mother has Venus opposite Neptune as well as a Virgo Ascendant. One of the ways this plays out in was the way she was always up and about and being SO DAMNED FUCKING PERFECT all the time.
    No one can live up to that. Everything had to be clean, look good (also our family, even if all those around us could see how bad it was, and how drunk/bad tempered my dad was).

    NO ONE can be that blind – except for a person with this constellation.

    In the beginning I thought I had to be perfect as well.
    I did all the right thing a good little girl had to – and did them well. I was a pleaser, trying to get mommys approval.
    She is a narcissistic a-hole.

    So when I started criticizing her ways of not leaving a violent, destructive marriage in my 20s, and what it had done to me and my psyche (C-PTSD symptoms for example), she shut me out and down. When I kept trying to push for answers or anything, talk about the past – I HAD THE AUDACITY TO CRITIZICE HER AND NOT FIT INTO THE LITTLE BOX SHE HAD FOR ME – The-Perfect-Box. The idealized Perfect Box which I refuse to try to fit into anymore and thus has lost my relationship with my mother this year around the time of Saturn-Pluto-almost-conjunct.

    Her Venus-Neptune has been a theme in my partners as well. As soon as I started to talk about realistic stuff, problems etc. – they shut me down or out. Or they had Mars in Libra and was passive aggressive. I have Moon in Libra, square Mars, so not really a surprise here.

    When they had their bubble bursting, they found another girl they could keep on a pedestal (until she fell down).
    Naturally I was devastated, but as I am writing this now, I can see that it was exactly what my mother did to me also.
    I criticised her and she cut me out. When I called her narcissistic behavior, she locked me out. When I told her I was who I was, and would not work for her approval anymore, she shut down and gave me an ultimatum which I refused to take.

    I have Neptune quincunx Chiron in the 3rd, which is conjunct the fixed star Algol. To say “beheading” in some form or another has been a theme in my life would be an understatement.
    I have noticed the idealism in my self with the Neptune thingy – when I am in any hardships, I use procrastination and will resort to escapistic pursuits to dissociate into my thoughts and dreams.

    Saturn’s transit in Sagittarius was a welcoming wake-up call though, I am happy it put a damper on everything Neptunian because I really needed that dumpster thrown on my head. Still, it did hurt some…

    My current partner also has Venus opposite Neptune on the 6th/12th house axis, with Neptune in the 12th (my oh my). Time will tell how high his pedestal for me is.

    1. I have this tendency to idealize as well in my partnerships.
      I hate to say it and admit it, but better to look the Bull into the eyes.

      I am not very good at verbal criticism either (3rh house Chiron) and when a man does hurtful stuff or say hurtful words, I am floored. Rejection sends me in a negative spiral down to the core of my wounds. I am also easy to hurt, but I try to be more resilient as I age and learn.

      Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don’t.
      We are not perfect, but my intercepted 7th house Virgo really wish they were… 😉

  7. Gemini Venus in the sixth, Sagittarius Neptune in the twelfth. Both square my Pisces moon in the second. I hold everyone to ideals and am usually disappointed in relationships, not just romantic relationships with men. I need a lot of security, depth, and feedback. It probably takes a lot of work to endure me in a relationship. LOL

  8. I love romantic movies but I didn’t realize or think about if it was hindering or helping me. But my Virgo says “it’s TV! It’s not REAL!” I pout because I think why not? My dad was a gentle, romantic Pisces soul and would have fit the bill in any of these types of shows-he literally would bend over backwards to make my mom happy-so I think that’s how ALL men should be! (Of course she didn’t appreciate it as much as she should have.) But now I see the foible in that?.
    And by the way “The Gifted Man” truly is!…lol

  9. I have Venus square Neptune, and I cannot stand those romantic movies, nauseating. However, the aspects still manifests in my choices of TV, shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or Once Upon a Time (about traditional fairy tales but with a very dark twist), where the path of true love, albeit always complicated, is forever hindered by vampires, demons, monsters, evil queens, and magic spells gone awry. Hey if there need to be a lack of realism, let’s make it apparent by adding literal mythical creatures! Besides, as Rumpelstiltskin said in Once Upon a Time, love is the most powerful and dangerous form of magick 😀 I’m sticking to that, haha

      1. Thanks! After pondering on this for a while, I did realise there was a Venus/Neptune theme after all. Both shows I mentioned feature the lead female as brave, heroic, yet emotionally shut down and guarded … and they fall in love with ‘the enemy’, but who are reformed characters who have to atone for a dark and murky past, by doing good deeds and helping others. And of course, love grows against the odds, passion, intensity, and tragedy ensues, and so forth. Pah, and there was me thinking I was above all that Venus and Neptune silliness! ?

  10. This brings to mind a series I grew up with and am re-watching now and have fallen in love with again…”Dark Shadows”. Plenty of spells, monsters and strange dark happenings to keep lovers from fulfilling their destiny! Jonathan Frid as Barnabus Collins is a Goth’s dream come true. I loved him then and still do! (He has Moon in Pisces and his mannerisms and expressions remind me of my dad too). Underneath the terrible fate Barnabus was dealt, he is a romantic hero.

  11. So me. I have Uranus conjunct Neptune in Capricorn in my 7th in exact square to my Venus in Aries in my 10th. My friend gave me “He’s Just Not That Into You” as a 17th bday gift when the movie came out because I’ve always had trouble taking off my rose-colored glasses in love, especially when I was a teen. Even now as a 27-year-old adult woman, I still struggle with overly idealizing every boyfriend I have, which is why some of them broke up with me (too needy, clingy and seeing them in a perfect light finally got to them I guess).

  12. a man who is never tired lol xDDD i kind of want a lazy man though who oversleeps. so i got one. ^^ at least he’s lazy at home which is perfect. i love the ghost whisperer series, but i never watched all. lovely actress (pisces sun w/ capricorn moon &scorpio rising) who married an october scorpio who has SIX stellium planets in scorpio. wow. So cool.

  13. I have Venus opp Neptune to the exact degree. Absolutely can over-idealize in love, but on the flip side, I think there is a spiritual aspect that helps me to see the best in people.

  14. I have Venus square Neptune, but never really pined – the guys were right there. Shit relationships, but I wasn’t aware. Until I was, then didn’t know how to get out of the loop. Total fumigation! (For me – apparently they survived well, & I didn’t)
    TV, movies, music had nothing to do with it, it seems to me, I was not exposed much to media. And not so sure that I have a romantic bend -> Aqua Moon.
    Blind as a bat – although… bats are not blind.
    I did see a few episodes of Ghost Whisperer, I was amazed at the props, clothes, colors, generous cleavage at all hours of day & night. It did look like a modern day fairy tale to me, so Hollywood and unrealistic, but I was mainly analyzing the technical aspect. Still, I enjoyed it. A “break” from real life…

  15. Not only do I have Venus sextile Neptune, almost exact…I have Neptune in the 7th and Uranus and Pluto conjunct Venus!

    I was stupid about relationships for many, many years. With those aspects, I was most definitely NOT into routine, stable and steady, to my detriment. I still can be stupid (e. g. contacting an old flame before I move in three years). I’m aware of this tendency and am trying to keep it in check!

  16. Neptune square Venus in Leo (Venus in Stellium with Mars n Uranus) so all those planets receive a square from Neptune. As well I posses a Virgo moon.

    And YES!!! I have been ruthless to nearly all the many men I have dated and been in relationships with. Many stating to me that I set high standards for them. If they don’t meet them I suddenly without warning drop them and never go back accept for 2 of them in the past 10 years.

    I am in my golden years now and have wrestled intensely with my self about a Cancer man (I am a Cancer) whom is one of the 2, off and on for the past 10 years. I have dropped him 3 times and after a year or two would go by I would get back with him. Now we are once again together and I FINALLY really see that the guy is a super amazing high quality guy that any woman would be thrilled to be with.
    And…We are incredibly well suited for one another!

    But all that time until lately, I was blinded by Neptune! I feel so fortunate that he was smart enough to never close the door on me!
    Im truly in Love now and we are Best Friends!

  17. My boyfriend has Venus square Neptune and he pines for his deceased wife like no other man I’ve ever seen. She passed 3 yrs ago and on their wedding anniversary, he cried and cried. And when he gets depressed (Cancer ASC), he sometimes will say mean things to me. This past week has been very hard for me emotionally trying to process his last set of unkind comments. He also has Mercury square Neptune and he’s a Sag. I’m not 100% sure if I’m up for the challenge, but I’ve decided when I’ve had enough, I can and should just hop in my car and get away from the mess. Thanks for the heads-up, Elsa!

  18. huh. i have three of those markers…
    media has given me an entirely bass-ackward idea of what to expect. particularly when i was young…

  19. Oh, pined for years for a “Great Almost,” with whom I had awful timing and who also told me mere weeks after I got married that I was his dream woman. He and I were very much in sync, in a lot of ways … and every time the flesh and blood good man I’m married to disappointed me, I’d wonder about how things would have been with the other. I’ve overcome it through loads of analysis (and perhaps a subtle ass-kicking from my Capricorn moon), but was it EVER an issue for a long bit.

    Venus in Leo in the first square Neptune in Scorpio in the fourth. Virgo sun.

    I had no idea. Thanks for this—super-illuminating!

  20. Venus conjunct Mercury in Gemini, both trine Neptune in Libra. Neptune also squares Mars conjunct Uranus in Cancer. Neptune Sextiles my 8th house 0 Cap Moon, sextiles Pluto in Leo in the 5th, and sextiles my MC. I am an impressionable, romantic Cancer …it almost destroyed me with picking romantic cads. I am also easily deceived by people – I always give them the benefit of the doubt, and never think people have unkind motives. I finally snapped out of it and married a triple Taurus with a Virgo moon. (he does have pisces rising tho) 😉 I should probably write some romantic comedies, Lord knows I’ve lived them.

  21. ✋? Venus conjunct Neptune in sag 24 degrees 11th house…grew up in the 80’s…TV taught me that Prince Charming was going to rescue me…still waiting for him

  22. Well, I have:

    Venus in Virgo
    Venus in 12th House
    Venus Square Neptune
    Libra Ascendant (for good measure)

    I think it’s quite clear maladaptive daydreaming and idealism has literally been my entire life. Having to engage in real life in any way was truly an unwelcome intrusion into my fantasy world. Whenever people told me to get stuck into life, I thought they were crazy. What was so beautiful about life when you just get hurt and face disappointments? Why would anyone in their right mind choose pain over constant pleasure? I think I can say finally as I am about to turn 36 (tomorrow ?) that due to self-inflicted heartbreak after self-inflicted heartbreak that I am finally forming what I think are good boundaries for myself to at least attempt to rein myself in. I do not believe my fantasies or idealism will ever go away completely, but I am really trying my best to find the balance between not letting go of all of my sense of “magic,” if you will, and becoming completely cynical with being realistic enough to not allow myself to disappoint my own self.

    For example, when it comes to having unrequited feelings (which is pretty much all of my experiences), I have decided that regardless of what I feel, if his interest is not expressed to be overtly, then I take that as him not being interested. Regardless of any flirtations or innuendo, if there is no action, it is meaningless rather than a call for me to take the initiative (as my Sagittarius Mars likes to do). That is one boundary I have set that I am forcing myself to stick to to try to create some sort of form out of my Neptunian boundlessness. It’s also huge step for one who took any flirtation as a sign of a soulmate and waited rather impatiently for progression which never came.

  23. Oh, ai also forgot to mention that not only is my Venus in Virgo, but my Sun, Moon and Mercury are as well.

    This is one hell of a karmic lesson.

  24. venus 12th here, i did used to believe that if we fall in love that’d we be together forever and go through bad and good times; i saw that with my grandparents. In my family majority of the families stayed together and were through thick and thin. it was wonderful, family love and romantic love, love for your husband wife and your children grandchildren and extended family. I was so happy thinking about it, it gave me hope. Then reality hit me hard because people grew up differently and they didnt have that family background, upbringing. Then, the other day i was talking to my caretaker while we were cleaning and we talked about an individual who had both parents that were addicted in drugs and those children came out, (they were adopted because both parents were drug addicted and not capable of raising children) criminal minded, stealing as young as 6 years old, taking things and when they were grown up they became even worse, criminal minded. I thought about it, what she said, and i think i dont fully agree. Yes there is some chemical and biological transfer, but there’s still something more than that. i’d have to do more research on that but her experience was that she was in contact with those individuals in the past. Besides, a child may take because they covet, they want something so badly because they dont have it themselves. But if they come from a wealthy family which she said they did, (adopted into wealth) then something else was going on.

    anyway my brain goes into storytelling mode and the 12th house really makes one delusional thinking everyone is going to be the same; as if they too can see the rosey sweetness of how life is good and grand and beautiful and why can’t others feel the same way? Even if one had a terrible abusive childhood, there is escapism and your imagination sends you to a wonderful place; and it is the one thing that can save you while the reality is dark and cruel.

    1. my parents dont have a good marriage but they still stuck together; i think theirs should have been better apart than together but they have both libra, so it was detrimental/co dependent and plus religion was in the mix and keeping up appearances too. not to mention, FEAR (saturn is exalted in libra) fear of not finding someone else who would put up with your darkness and shortcomings. not finding anyone who would love you for you faults and warts.

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