Vintage Astrology Blogging… The Freak That Is Elsa P Goes Skating

roller-boogie.jpg I wrote this astro story in 2003.  It’s funny/uncensored, revealing, free expression. Includes swearing!  Let’s go! Yay!  It’s also prelude to Pining For Reuben.

Kris said she was surprised I’d not seen, Gone With The Wind.  I responded:

“Yeah, well I never saw Star Wars until twenty years after the fact. This in spite of having a boyfriend with a full Darth Vader costume back when the movie came out! I don’t get out much… but really this is what growing up isolated without a tv does to you. Don’t ask me about popular culture…”

It made me recall the first time I ever had skates on my feet. I was teenager! When I say I am from the desert, I mean I from the desert.

I’m nineteen in this story. I was heart-broken and I was lost. I didn’t want to date anyone but repeatedly found myself on dates anyway for a variety of reasons.  This was one of them.

My whole personality is on display here.  Venus Neptune delusion, imagination and pretending, Mars Mercury violent mind, Capricorn planning, Libra and freedom-loving Jupiter of course…


I was nineteen and working in the old man’s bar when the chat turned to skating. Not thinking ahead, not seeing it coming, I told the people at the bar I’d never been skating and I never had. Sound impossible? Hardly. I’m from the desert. This is half the reason the bar was packed each day anyhow. The curious lined up to see just what else I didn’t know.

There was a stranger there that day, a young man within my dating range. He said that he was a skating enthusiast and he immediately offered to take me to the rink. I had no interest in going to the rink with him but the way he did it, I have to admit he was smooth. He snookered me. The way he invited me made it difficult (for Libra) to say, “Not with you, fucker!”  Consequently, I had myself a date.

One of the old men asked, “Do you think you can you skate, Elsa?”

“I don’t see why not,” I said, as if my ability to skate should be obvious.

“Well, it’s something you have to learn. You have to learn to skate.”

“Pshaw! I can walk can’t I? I can walk so I can skate. I don’t see the difference.”

It was that kind of conversation going on and that weekend I went to the rink with the guy.

Well, the first thing to say is I didn’t kill him and I think I should be credited. I didn’t even make him bleed though I believe that I’d have been justified if I had.

Oh calm down. I do not mean stab him. Just stomp his ankle with my skate or something and here is why:

I was there to be mesmerized. They had disco lights going in there. The music was  throbbing and all these people are whirring around in the pulsating black light. That’s what I want to do too, but guess what? I couldn’t. I couldn’t because this bastard would not let go of me. He was going to teach me to skate, see.  And he is going to do it with his arm around me, sometimes both arms and his leg alongside and touching mine from my hip to my skate.

roller discoAre you getting the picture? I want to ~ROLL~ but this guy was draped on me like a leech.

Did I tell him to let me go? Of course!

“But I don’t want you to fall.” He said.

“Why not?

“You may get hurt.”

“I’ll take my chances.”

“No. Elsa, you can get hurt skating,” he said, as if he was my parent. “I want to take care of you.”

Oh brother. I do hate having to be polite but you know I have that damned Libra, so what happens is I spend the next two hours with leech boy hanging on, in awe and slightly jealous of people who skate by me and skate well.

This is back when people danced on skates and there were plenty of them doing just that and I was fascinated. You have to appreciate were I come from. This was exotic big city stuff to me and well, you know what they say. This guy may have me restrained but he does not own my mind.

Ignoring him the best that I could, I got kind of high watching the array of skaters. The dancing skaters, the backwards skaters, the little kids crouched down cannonball style, the girls and boys and the girls and girls skating together. I studied them.

I especially focused on the small children. How the hell can they skate so well I wondered, as I walked around the rink with my date hanging on me. And then I figured it out, or at least I thought I did. Eureka!

I decided they skated so well because they were fearless. They weren’t worried about embarrassing themselves. They weren’t worried about splitting their pants or breaking a leg and missing work or something like that.

I took note of this and decided that I’d come back someday and try my kamikaze theory of skating. I decided this skating thing was definitely for me, and the way to learn to skate was full bore.

This decided, I put up with Leech, coping by telling myself that he was not going to get laid, no way, no how, while smiling at him prettily, of course…


This is how I wound up, skating in roller rink, three times a week, on my own for a solid six months. I don’t regret a single second of it.

Further, fast forward some decades. My son tells me he’s skateboarding, alone, several times a week, post a breakup. I knew exactly what he was up to! I also knew it would work!

19 thoughts on “Vintage Astrology Blogging… The Freak That Is Elsa P Goes Skating”

  1. I haven’t seen “Gone With the Wind” either but I did read the book! (We didn’t have TV in our house until after I graduated from high school) 🙂

    What an a**hole!

  2. That really is a funny story – I tried to skate once, fell, (badly), and never went back. But I also love to watch those who can really do it – they amaze me.

  3. “Roller Boogie.” *snert*

    Man, I used to absolutely adore roller skating! It never failed, I’d have to fall on my ass at least once before I could loosen up, though. Hee!

    I wonder what the astrology behind that is? Hm…

  4. Ahhh… man, I love it when people call other people “fucker.” I literally said “Ahhhh” while reading this and laughing.

    YES, I too have been there, with that Leech Man clinging. I too have been mesmerized by the lights and the music.
    I remember once, a touchy-feely leech men was trying to teach me to play pool. I was pretty rude. “Stop touching me.” My friend ended up marrying that guy. God bless!

  5. Dear Elsa
    May I please ask an off the wall question please?
    What planets line up when a person will be moving residents?

    Thank you!
    Your the Greatest!

  6. Priceless! Fearless, zen = mentally therapeutic activity.
    I tried to learn to roller blade once, a free group lesson complete with helmet, wrist guards, knee pads. Hit the ground forward, backward, sideways, over and over so many times they offered me another free lesson. Nope! Had to get a chiropractic adjustment the next day!

    1. I was never as good at rollerblading as I was plain skating but I had this experience…

      Shack Man (a story) was a massive athlete. Expert skier, rock climber, ice climber, all the Colorado sports. It was summertime in the mountains, he liked to go run on track at the high school on the weekends.

      Long story short, I mentioned I used to skate… he bought me these glorious gold roller blades. It was a dare! Like, show me.

      He bet me I could not skate 25 miles. I put those skates on and stated round, till he ate his words.

      I have to say, he was surprised. I was also surprised as it was a lot easier than I expected.

      1. You have innate balance AND fearlessness! I have neither. Couldn’t stay up on the childhood clamp-on-shoes skates. Made them into a skateboard, couldn’t stay up on that either. Didn’t even master a bike until I was 10. Thank heaven for automobiles!

  7. I love skating! I always have. Roller skating, ice skating… LOVE
    The first time I ever skated, I did not need help. I knew how to do it well naturally. It’s not true that everyone has to learn how.
    Now I want to skate!
    Btw, my husband and I met in a skating rink when we were 12 and 14 years old!

  8. haha skating both roller and ice i love as hobbies just to hang out with friends,but i dont do that anymore and my son and husband are expert at it; both fearless, they just automatically get on and its as if natural. ^^ for me i had to learn how, i have too much saturn to be fearless. or maybe because i grew up in a tropical island kind of thing and no skating rinks around and roller blading wasn’t a thing there xD but when i went to the mainland i loved skating. great memories to bring out, thanks for the stories ^^

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