Dear Elsa,
I am 5 months pregnant. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, it was like my entire thought pattern was altered. My husband is a tremendously selfish person, and in the back of my mind I always knew that but I suppose now that I am older I CAN REALLY SEE THAT.
We have been together since I was 17. All he cares about is himself. He takes my money, drives my car all around town, and has only maintained a job for the last year of our relationship. For the first 3 years of our relationship, I cheated on him with who ever I felt like and told him about it. It hurt him but he still wanted to be with me, probably because I always took such good care of his material needs and he did nothing.
Now he is never home, and when he is all he does is play video games, or sleep, or plan how he is going to get out of the house. This is extremely upsetting to me because after 7 years and 2 miscarriages within the first 6-10 weeks of pregnancy, I am finally going to have this child and he’s not around.
I suppose he was never really around and I just didn’t care; but now I care, and I see everything in our relationship truly for what it is, not what I’ve always wanted it to be. My needs are not being met and he doesn’t really seem to have an interest in meeting them. I am very vocal about what I want and need and his response is “I will try”, and there is never any real effort.
The problem is that even though we have been to hell and back in our relationship we are still together, so that should count for a lot right? But I am not happy and don’t believe I have ever been although I am deeply attached to him. Should I stay and hope that this will change? Or should I go through all the pain of heartbreak and believe in a better way of life for me and my soon to be child?
Please advise.
Pregnant, Confused, and Disappointed
Dear Pregnant,
I read your situation the same way you do. It seems you’ve hit a tipping point and in my experience once that happens, there is no going back. You may think about going back, especially if you’re a Virgo and this is what you do, but in fact there is no going back. Back to what? I’m sorry but there is nothing to back to, is there?
So yes, I think you can and should and will move on. Have your real baby and let this overgrown baby learn to take care of himself. And I don’t think you need to know anything else. It seems you have the resources to go this alone. You are one who provides all the support so you don’t need to rely on him for anything. I mean, this is what he’s providing now, right? Nothing. So why be heartbroken, huh? I’d skip that step completely!
Just keep doing what you’re doing. Let the reality of your situation crystallize in your mind and I’m sure you’ll find the ways and means to make the break. And will you regret it?
I seriously doubt it.
Good luck.
Uh…wait…you cheated on him for three years and now you’re complaining that he’s not attending to your needs?
OMGWTFBBQ
I knew someone was going to say that. It’s too perfect that it’s a Virgoan.
Maybe the cheating was symptomatic of not having her needs met. And that’s not just a rationalization, sometimes there are psychological reasons for cheating.
I picked up on the cheating comment too… but here is what stood out to me — she TOLD HIM about it all the time, and it seems like he didn’t even care. I don’t know what’s worse: being cheated on, or being with a person who doesn’t care if you cheat on them.
If she continued this behaviour for three years, it seems like she was trying to provoke a response out of him.