Choosing The Same Man, Over And Over

similar looking menWhen choosing a partner, most of us have an “imprint” (Organic Attraction To A Physical Type)

I see this all the time in consulting. If I work with a woman who has run through a lot of men, I see via the charts that she’s finding the same man over and over again, conscious or otherwise.

It’s sobering to realize that in cases where the woman (or man) has repeated  this cycle over time, the quality of the partner they attract tends to drop. The woman will find she gets less and puts up with more than she did five or ten years prior.  It’s a hard pill to swallow.

Many people leave their relationships prematurely.  The going gets tough and they go. They dump the 5’10 guy with dark hair, dark eyes and their next move is what? To go out and find one just like him!

I’m not saying that people should not leave their bad relationships. I am saying that if you leave them prematurely without learning anything, you aren’t going to get very far. I am also saying that if you keep this up for 10 or 20 years, you can expect diminishing returns.

In contrast, if you stay in your relationships, problems often resolve themselves as people mature.  Saturn (time and commitment) is exalted in Libra (love).

You can see how going off half-cocked in relationship can leave you deprived. Do recognize yourself?

If you want to get serious about solving your problems with commitment, check out my Master Class: Finding Love With Astrology.

I devoted two sections to the topic:

SECTION 3: Tackling Commitment Phobia, Part 1: Sagittarius
SECTION 4: Tackling Commitment Phobia, Part 2: Aquarius And Virgo

11 thoughts on “Choosing The Same Man, Over And Over”

  1. I so need to pony up for that class! It’s been on the back burner for much, much too long.

    I guess I should be thankful that I keep making new mistakes in relationships. Surprisingly, I keep getting a better quality of man, so I suppose I must have done some work without really noticing it? (Nah. I knew I was doing the work — I’m just kinda shocked to think I might have been successful! It sure doesn’t feel like it most days. *grins*)

  2. Fascinating…I recently found out through Facebook that my ex, Mr. Cancer, is in a relationship…8 months after our 3 year relationship ended…lower quality is a good way to sum her up…but I know he doesn’t know how to be alone.
    In the time since we split I have bumped into a few guys that resemble Mr. Cancer in more than one way – Mars-Neptuney man-babies, don’t have their shit together, looking for a mother or a sugar mama. I have managed to steer clear of them. I think the quality of guys I’m turning down is improving…which means I am getting closer to understanding what I want/need, and valuing/validating those wants/needs.

  3. Elsa, you got it all wrong, yes he was 5’10 but he had brown hair and blue eyes. 😀 I think the 5’10 was the clincher. I love the full body hug. I bascially continued to up the game by the ‘responsibility’ factor, like how responsible he was. But he was still most likely to be 5’10, brown hair, and blue eyed.

  4. I can see this problem with my ex who is a Pisces. He walked away our relationship and is now repeating same patterns with a new gf. We had great connections astrologically and got on very well bu the wasn’t willing to commit or work on our issues and has rushed into another relationship like he did with me (Venus in Aries).

  5. As a Virgo with a Sag moon, I’ve been very curious about this. I just decided “hang it all, I’m gonna take the class.”

  6. Funny you should mention the mars-neptune men as man babies looking for mamma or a sugar mamma. My ex was mars in pisces. I had thought it was his cancer moon, but now you mention it, yes that’s exactly how he was. Suck you dry, never ending self pity, endless immaturity, and looking for mummy for pay for everything. He had a cap sun, so started out looking serious and mature..ugghh really ugly combo. I’ve found the water mars and moon to be a real problem.

    As for choosing the same man over and again. All my men have had a water moon and/or mars in water. Atleast i can respect the Scorpions for the grit and powerful passion, but i’ve found the cancerian energy to be sooky and needy beyond belief and the piscean energy to be dreamy and alluring and full of deceit. The siren call hehe. Mars neptuney men definately do not have their shit together.

    Unconsciously without knowing their chart, they have all had mars/moon in water sign. Things that make you go mmm??? My fathers a mars scorpion. WTF??? I wonder if it has anything to do with my beautiful giant Ceres sitting all alone in my 12th house, going by sun chart, in cancer. Forever mothering them and cherishing them, nurturing them far more than they deserve.

    Great post Elsa.

    1. I think Mars-Neptune is sometimes the signature of people who talk about “real men” and “real women”. That is to say they have archetypal notions of masculinity and femininity. This can sometimes play out as the woman who goes for a “Cave Man”, only to find he is quite abusive to her (or even that he’s not actually that macho at all, if she is projecting like crazy!) I could see that a man likewise would have Big Ideas about the women in his life: it could be “She’s my Lady, or my Whore, or My Mother Figure, or My Muse” – you get the picture. The sad thing is, it’s never about the actual person: it’s all about the image in their heads.

  7. I am fascinated by the different relationships people have with different signs. Its so interesting! What may drive one person crazy is a perfect fit for another. My husband has a Pisces sun, Aqua Asc, Cap moon with mars in Aries. I am still with him because of his Pisces sun and Cap moon. He has never been addicted to anything, never been a compulsive liar or a non-stop dreamer. He is focused and hard working …very dependable and probably the most loyal man I have ever met. (yes he has to shut down and yes he is as messy as they come…but he is a good man. A sturdy, honest hard working man)

    My trouble began with Sag and Aries and it was the theme for years. If the man wasn’t a Sag he was going to be an Aries. Throw a Leo in there too. I had one Sag and Aries disaster after the next and kept repeating this nightmare well into my 40’s.

    I am so attracted physically to Sag and Aries for some reason. And then I hate them and want to beat them with a stick 6 months in. My Sag’s were traveling cheaters and the Aries were about the same. Then along came my Pisces Sun…. 16 years later, here we are!

  8. Mmm, yes with me it’s Leo. I have Leo on my Dsc. Sometime it doesn’t even take 6 months to get to the stick-beating-urge stage. I can’t account for what’s going on for them as I’m not leonine by any stretch & that quickly becomes a problem – I’m not dramatic or queenly enough. Well what rosy glasses did they have on exactly? But somehow they are attracted, and then it’s death by a thousand cuts. The last one though, I feel we turned it around somewhat. It was a joint effort. We’ve been friends for years and I’m really grateful. I’ve learnt a lot.

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