Voice Of Mars: Loneliness And The Psychiatrist

The other day I told the soldier I felt lonely and asked if he felt the same. He said he didn’t and explained he would if he didn’t have anyone. “But I’ve got a girl and a dog…” He added that he thought feeling lonely (when you had someone) was sort of a “woman thing”.

(swearing below the break)

A few days later I mentioned it again. “When I said I felt lonely and you said you didn’t, I felt even lonelier.”

“I’m sorry, P. but if I were lonely there would be something wrong with me. I’d go to the psychiatrist, lie down on the couch and tell them I was lonely. Well do you have anyone in your life? I’ve got a girl and a white and tan dog, I’d tell ’em. What! You’re not lonely motherfucker, what’s the matter with you? And I’d say, I have a Mexican kid and an Italian kid who hug me when they come visit me at my truck,” he said, pausing. “And they’d say, well you dumbass. That’s not lonely. Get the fuck up off my couch, how stupid can you be? See, P, men don’t feel like women. They go to work and they feel just fine, long as they have a girl and a dog, a little white and tan dog…”

Do you feel lonely?

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44 thoughts on “Voice Of Mars: Loneliness And The Psychiatrist”

  1. Don’t get me started…
    And I write about it too. It helps– somewhat. And I’d like to be know as a writer who “got it” who “got” loneliness–

  2. once in a while.

    for me, it has nothing to do with who i have around me, though. it’s always when i feel like nobody else would understand whatever i’m thinking or feeling at the time.

  3. yeah. You can be surrounded by people, in a crowd even, and still feel lonely. I know this feeling. Ask Soldier to get inside your skin and hug you till you’re not lonely anymore…hugs help a lot 🙂

    Simon and Garfunkel put it into words better -“hello, darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk to you again…” The Sounds of Silence.

  4. I do. I have a job I like and a good man and pretty cool kids and a black and white dog but I miss having girlfriends who are local and who get me.

    My Aquarius man with his friends all over the world doesn’t really understand when I mention it.

  5. Yep. It’s definitely possible to feel lonely when you’re with someone. In my experience, it’s becuase a need isn’t being filled or I’m not feeling particularly connected at that moment.

  6. It is a kind of disconnect. These days though, when I’m around my friends, I feel the connect — I’d like to feel that love at home, but I don’t — I probably need to live on a kind of commune.

  7. Sometimes. I have the best job I have ever had, all my friends and family are close by. I have a little black & white dog but when I wake up on Christmas morning alone it hurts and I feel cheated.

  8. I am alone but I am rarely lonely. I have learned not to parse it that way. There is always something to do, someone to help. I am not trying to be sanctimonious but as an only child with next to no family, I have grappled with these demons and found loneliness a very selfish condition with no redeeming qualities.

  9. That’s an interesting perspective, Togi.

    I help people all day long and sometimes I feel lonely as a result.

  10. I enjoy your conversations with Soldier! The guy cracks me up!

    Yeah I get lonely. Only because I feel like I’m the only one in the world who is so confused about myself and who I am.


    But Im constantly reminded that I am loved, at least!

  11. Not to derail the thread, but is that you on the right, Elsa? It has to be, or it’s your five year old doppelganger.

    How could you stand yourself, you were so cute. Still are. 🙂

  12. Avatar

    Aw-haaaa! That’s it, my dog’s the wrong color!! 😀

    lonely? …at times. Not as much now that I’m a bit older, but as a young divorcee, yes. Couples were everywhere! People busy on the weekends. Plans were had – by everyone but me, times. Ick! Hated it.

    I finally found a friend who gets me. We don’t get to see each other often anymore, but the world is a happier place for me now that I know there is someone out there who cops to my vision of the world. Wasn’t necessary to get thru life, but knowing there is at least one ‘other’ (that I’m not a lone specimen of my species) similar out there? Life is MUCH better now.

  13. neva, that is my son with his best friend, Quirky Aquarian. Those are the Mexican and Italian kids that hug the soldier when they visit him on the side of the road!

    Pic taken about 6 months ago, they are 10ish

  14. Lonely? No, but I’m wired a bit different. It doesn’t manifest as loneliness.

    That is a lovely picture. The eyes and that trademark smile are a dead give-away. I suspect at age 90 the eyes and the smile will be no different.

  15. Golly. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree. Thought maybe a parent gave you a boyish haircut in your youth sometime. 🙂 I know I had one. Not a good look!

    Everybody needs a quirky Aquarian in their life. Nobody looks lonely in that picture, that’s for sure.

  16. Okay, am I confused. The kid on the right is my son, screen name Vidroid. That is his pal/bro Quirky Aquarian on the left aka as QA. They spend 12 hours a day together in between feuds/




    Aqua/Aries asc unknown

    my son was doing a hair experiment the day this pic was taken

  17. I think the picture’s black and white so it makes a person think it’s an older photo maybe. But anyway, Vidroid is sooo good looking and he does look incredibly like you. Including the sparkle in his mischievous eyes:)

  18. I get lonely at times. I find that when I help people it’s as if I have to close off certain parts of myself so that I can be objective, or see things from their point of view. And a lot of times that’s when it hits me more. Like I’m lonely for someone who knows those parts I’ve had to close off.

    I do think it’s a female thing more so than a male thing. I think for a guy, it’s like the soldier said unless there is something amiss with the pieces of their life.

  19. As a matter of fact I read a book in regards to the different was men and women process things. It explained it as…Men are like waffles, with compartments for everything. If everything is okay in one compartment then they are free to deal with another. Like if they’re watching TV and his wife is cooking a big meal for company coming and she’s getting steamed because he’s not helping…he doesn’t even realize it because he’s in his TV compartment and everything was fine when he sat down to watch. Whereas women are like spaghetti…everything touches everything else, it’s all connected. Family, friends, work, relationship etc…

  20. The more I’ve thought about it, the less I trust my emotions. They are for the most part chemical reactions anyway, which is why so many of us are addicts to something or other. It’s really interesting if you really think about it at the source. Textbook cappy moon huh?

  21. Hm, I’m not sure how to answer this. I can understand both viewpoints (i.e. “at least I have someone even if they are not here right now” vs. “they’re not here right now, ow”). I don’t know for sure if it is a “woman thing”, but it might be MORE of a woman thing.

    Makes me wish I was a man. Oh, wait, I already do 😛

  22. I’m not lonely when I’m alone, but when I’m with other people I tend to feel the distance between us. I can’t share that with guys, because then I’ll seem even more neurotic, heh.
    Hormonally-accentuated feelings of vunerablity. Oh, I despise that part of being a woman.

    I wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t patriarchy, wasn’t society, but simply hormones and lack of will that’s kept a lot of women in bad places.

  23. I never get lonely. Am an only child and had an only child and married a guy with saturn in scorpio and mars in capricorn and aquarius rising.. I am used to being left to my own devices often.. oh yes, a capricorn moon, mom wasn’t around much either..

    But– Occasionally ,

    I get scared.

    I get.. worried.

    I get.. antsy ..and do strange sudden complete reversals of life direction.. uranus/mars/sun

    So ELsa, you got kids and a dog and a soldier–what the F is wrong with you–

    hugs from maddie–when you are lonely think of all the cancerian friends you may have who would love to SMOTHER YOU with love and affection— (moi..)

  24. I also like the Soldier’s take…does he have Scorpio Moon? My ex has Scorpio Moon and he used to talk like this…his was very much a ‘be grateful for what you’ve got’ approach…wonder if Soldier meant something similar

  25. Wow, people have alot to say about feeling lonely. I discovered a while ago that when I feel lonely, its usually because I’ve stop making the effort to connect for whatever reason, usually because I’m flat out busy. I find myself getting pissed off at my so called friends and family,(that my head is saying obviously dont’ care about me), and then realise that all I have to do is hold out my hand and they’re all right there waiting for my return to them. Its a me thing, not a them thing.

  26. Testing new functionality. I like being alone sometimes, but I reach a point where enough is enough and I need other people’s company.

  27. Ugh, I just reread my last post. I meant short hair wasn’t a good look on ME as a kid. Y’all probably would look fabulous shaved bald. I have a big ole lollipop head and short hair doesn’t do me any favors.

    Hair experiments are for the young. 🙂 Lord knows I tortured my hair with a perm or dozen in the 80s.

  28. I always feel lonely. Im working on not feeling that way. I work on that and depression, I feel Im making a positive change, slowly but surely. I appreciate what I have and focus on that. I know this has to do with Moon oppose Venus and Neptune and Saturn conjunct Sun and Ascendant.

  29. Constantly. And I echo what goddess said, its more about not having anyone who “gets” me – or tries very hard to really.

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