What If I’m Not Cut Out To Be Married?

courting paintingWe often hear that not all people are cut out to be married.  We hear about how society pressured these people to marry in the past.  We’ve swung so far in the other direction, people who ARE cut out to be married never have this occur to them!

Some people have charts that are clearly family-oriented. They wind struggling because there is so little support for their natural way of being. It’s the same suffering that’s occurred in the past, flipped inside out.

Societal trends are so powerful, you can only hope that you’re born in a time where a life that suits is in vogue.

Do the current trends in society agree with you? What’s the astrology?

64 thoughts on “What If I’m Not Cut Out To Be Married?”

  1. I’m ok with the times but I know someone who has internalized the idea that not being married means you are a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need a man to be happy, and that marriage means you are weak and sacrifice your life for the people around you. In a way, she believes it is a character flaw to want marriage or to live in partnership.

    The kicker is that she is obviously deluding herself, and you can see she wishes she were married; she says she knows no happy marriages and criticizes anyone who is getting married in a weirdly agitated way. She is unpleasant to be around and damages her relationships and friendships. She has been like this for years and at 51 has likely missed the boat.

    She scoffs at people who have interdependent relationships- she criticized a woman whose husband drives her back and forth to work saying that the woman should be taking public transportation- like this woman was mentally ill or a child for not doing it the hard way.

    If you don’t have self-esteem or something similar it is hard to steer your own way through life and I agree these trends can damage more sensitive people.

    1. Avatar
      Hildegarde's Girl

      “She has been like this for years and at 51 has likely missed the boat…”

      51??? Wow…
      Lol! No offense… honest…
      But If Im taking this correctly, she isnt the only one who may need a bit of a perspective check….

      Taking in your whole comment, I read this with sadness. Perceptions mostly dont come out of the blue.
      perhaps…a simple question of why she feels that way can be illuminating.
      I sense alot of deep pain and fragility….
      A different take on marraige and relationships is one thing. An acerbic perception is another Im thinking. Trust the body language. Of course Im more detached from the situation so…

  2. Society definitely encourages marriage at a later age. Astrologically, I’ve heard natal Pluto in 10th house warns against marriage, I have this placement but got married last week anyway, at the old age of 33 lol.

    1. I didn’t know this. Wonder why. I have Pluto in the 10th house, in Libra no less. Got married anyway at 37, though was unable to do so legally and our parents objected at first. His dad tried several times to get me to back out of it and keep my freedom, since his son was severely disabled and could be demanding at times. We just basically had a wedding ceremony anyway, with no license. So maybe marriage (in a way) is possible, but everyone will challenge you and you’ve got to be up for that.

    2. Hmm Pluto also in H10 conj Mars and MC plus married at 26. Think my meaning with this placement speaks more of my relationship with mother than marriage 0:)

  3. Interesting thread 🙂 Personally I know a lot of people who are still married with adult children, so you could say they’ve been in long marriages… Or people who’ve divorced and remarried and are doing fine.

    Among people my age, I’m seeing quite a few couples getting engaged. They’re a few years out from college and they seem to be tying the know as soon as its financially feasible. So I’m not really seeing a major trend against marriage among people I know. The people who are clearly mature and aren’t married, to tell you the truth, they might not be the types to settle down. I’m grateful that society dosen’t judge them for choosing something else.

    There are also people who aren’t really cut out for marriage with just anyone. Although their charts signal they need a lot of freedom and can’t just marry anyone they can be successfully married to someone who matches them very well on an astrological basis. I’m grateful that society doesn’t judge them as much as before when they wait to find the right person for them.

  4. I totally have to disagree with this. At least where I live. “Families, families, families” and “married, married, married” is all I ever hear about, I assure you. (You all hear me grumble about feeling left out all the time.) Nobody who’s wanted a husband and baby since they were five years old has ever thought that they can’t or shouldn’t get married due to feminism or whatever that I have ever seen. People who don’t get married are few and far between, and they’re usually freaks like me who couldn’t catch a man for anything.

    I would bet money that PixieDust’s example is a woman who didn’t have the opportunity to get married in the first place. That kind of thinking comes along when you don’t have the option to depend on others. (Or watching her parents in a bad marriage, to be fair.) Plus you can see it from the other point of view–what happens if you become dependent and then get abandoned by your husband?

  5. If you look at whose married in the US, it’s mainly the middle class and up. I would think that financial problems are a major stressor in a relationship among people who have them. By promoting financial management skills and teaching people to live within ther means you could probably support marriage. In the past, people had financial problems but there were more societal pressures to stay together. I don’t think they know how to sort out their issues.

  6. i am 33, an academic down under, and everyone around me, all my friends, colleagues, and relatives, are married and having kids. i am the only single one in the department. so i dont see this trend at all.
    I completely agree with cecile. I am one of those who cant be with just anyone, i just dont feel enough attachment. but when i am with a person who feels right, (which happened only once), then i would feel like being together for eternity and i would have been happily married if circumstances were not so against it. It is just my astrology, circumstances, or karma. Still , there is still a little bit of judgement in social circles, they look at you as weird if you are single after 30. If you are a normal , nurturing personality, they just dont understand how come you cant be with just anyone who is nice.

  7. I feel this, in the sense that I live in very alternative place with lots of options for relationships/family. I make a great housewife, but the vibe around our social group is more like, get together, have kids and figure out all the other stuff later. that’s not what I would prefer & at this point I have no idea if I’ll meet anyone who would like to go the “traditional route.” I’m a Super aquarious and I have a ton of very unconventional ideas, but I’m pretty strait up when it comes to this one…..
    everyone is always floored when they come over & the house is spotless and pies are cooling on the table, but that’s just how I roll and at times it seems like it would nice to have this honored…..

    1. Avatar
      Hildagarde's Noviciate

      I hear you Tara. In our culture, if a woman likes to be a little more domestic they are looked at as unambitious and unrealistic. Most of this talk comes from women who were taught that nurturing others and creating a well run happy home demeans the potential of females. My Mars in Cancer says nurture and comfort. Im rather ambitious but to a point. Maybe I dont see the value of only chasing a career until my age(physically or mentally) stops me and I can take turns living in my empty regular and vacation houses being without children or the wonderful memories of tending to them.
      Its about balance and compromise. I had both independence and domestic bliss as a career mom. (9-5 only). Now at 60 Im looking forward to my son getting married rather sooner than later (Cancer) and me finding a companion with grown kids(and maybe a grandkid or 2 of his own) to travel and do things with and caring for him like he will me. Its never too late. I remember a saying by a feminist that says “you CAN have it all…just not all at once”.

  8. Avatar
    curious wanderer

    I think being married is starting to be seen as a luxury, and among certain groups of people, a politically-incorrect luxury.

    I’ll reference Cecile – middle class and up are who is married in the US. Everywhere you look now, there are messages that the “only” way to get married is to have the “perfect” dress, 4-star catering, 100+ people show up, etc. In other words, you gotta have $$$ to get married. I’d imagine that people who don’t have $$$ to throw around think “I gotta pay bills and buy groceries, I can’t afford to get married.” So they don’t.

    Then there are the people who are recognizing marriage as a luxury not all people enjoy, so they make the choice not to get married, because all people can’t.

    Overall, I think marriage is still an important aspect of life to society, but the expectation is you have to “qualify” to get married.

    1. I always believed love doesn’t cost a thing and in love over money. I have learned the hard way the last few years that marriage is definitely a luxury and financial thing and sadly very limited to people of a lower income.

      1. I have to disagree. When I got married, my folks gave me $1,000.00. I budgeted very well! I bought a $500 dollar tea dress, (as it was a day time wedding at the Civic Center) and we reserved an outdoor pic nic area under the Redwoods on a mountain for our reception. We ordered hot pasta dishes, a variety of salads and appetizers from a local Italian deli, bought our cake at the same little bakery my folks bought theirs in, me, my dad and Fiancé brought up all the food and beverages (Wine, water, Coffee in Airpots) ahead of time, to set out the buffet. I created potted flower ceramic center pieces, for the tables and buffet. I had a floral wreath made that hung above the shelter fireplace mantle. We hired a guy to play love songs to wonder during the gathering under the tree canopy. Everyone had a wonderful time and it cost us $1,000.00 and we had a little over 50 people. Granted it was in the ’90’s so nowadays May cost $3,000.00. People don’t need to spend a down payment on a house for a wedding. If you have imagination and really want to do it, you can find a way!

          1. @Elsa Thanks! ; ) Too bad the marriage didn’t last..but the friendship has. I have Moon in Virgo, Venus in Capricorn and Taurus/Venus rules my 7th house. I am built for marriage as I see it but my 12th house Sin is really a loner. But it does make sense we got had our reception on the Mountain : )
            I had a friend who was absolutely broke but due to Social Media pressures (IMHO) felt she had to have a $10,000.00 wedding in a local Hotel. It was great but Yikes! $$$!!

  9. er, i got married on the cheap. it involved being creative, having help, getting a hand me down dress (a family heirloom) and having the wedding at a (gorgeous) park. it’s easy to spend lots of money, but i still know people who had a small reception after going to the justice of the peace. i don’t think it’s money.

    and, yeah, we’re getting married later. but it hink part of that is a drive to individuate- to develop our identities a little more- before we merge our resources and selves into a partnership.

    i never didn’t want to get married. though i didn’t expect to find someone i’d _want_ to marry. though in that case i just had to put in the effort to go looking (and figure out what i wanted.)

    but i always knew i didn’t need to be married. but family is hugely important to me, and having an honest to goodness partner eases a number of burdens, and i have a real friend with me. all the time.

    never felt pressure to stay single, that’s for sure. though with my first (unintended) pregnancy my father flat out asked my freaking out mom “what, would you rather she _marry_ that guy???” (because. no.)

  10. though when i was younger i didn’t think i _could_ marry. and watching relationships collapse after marriage made me very very leery of the idea myself. that effect seemed better avoided.

  11. curious wanderer: the people my age who are getting married are mostly having budget weddings. Their on pretty secure professional tracks and to tell you the truth if they waited 5 years or so they could afford 4 star weddings

  12. I’d say yes(current trends in society do agree), becuase my chart doesn’t scream that it has to be married. As a matter of fact, it can be quite independant if I want to use the energy that way. But I do prefer to be partnered, so in a way no, current trends don’t. Personally, there needs to be a better balance in societies trends, lol!!! That way more people can ‘fit’ and get what they want,

  13. Monica, a lot of planets in Libra, or the 7th. Also people who are family oriented,,,various other possibilities.

    People like my son, with his sun, moon and asc in Venus-ruled signs. He’d marry at 13 years old, if he could talk someone into it, lol. 🙂

    1. Unless it’s Moon Pluto in Libra. Or maybe it’s the Venus Mars in Aries. Or that Neptune has been in my 7th house Pisces for a decade already. I’ve been married twice, once really young, and once to my son’s father. Two other relationships since then and I’m done. I like my time to myself mostly (Saturn in 11th Cancer) anyway and at 44, I don’t have so many illusions. And I know myself better. I do like occasional company…

    1. My stepson has 5 planets in Libra. He is not yet 30 and has been with his wife close to 10 years. They radiate happiness. 🙂

      1. Avatar
        Hildegarde's Girl

        Could Uranus in Libra can pose a speed bump Elsa?
        I read that Uranus rules that aspect in your chart where you are never satisfied.
        My personal experience with 4 uranus in Libra men was that they are always chasing the next thing. They think they want a certain partner but just a quickly reject it. Forver chasing the elusive ONE. And they walk away abruptly…Once they perceive at the time as being THE ONE appears. Perhaps its that romantisize perseption that keeps them always dissatisfied…

        1. “I read that Uranus rules that aspect in your chart where you are never satisfied.”

          I don’t agree with this. Uranus has nothing at all to do with “satisfaction” so I can’t see how it would predict satisfaction or lack of! 🙂

          1. Avatar
            Hildegardes Girl

            The way it was explained to me is that Uranus is all about change, breaking molds, changing mindset innovation.
            Example… uranus in Virgo can be about creating and redefining innovations in health, how career, daily tasks.
            There is a constant energy to redefine or change. The native is always on the look out for new ideas new innovations new ways to look at health and the workplace. Since Uranus is restless. Always looking for that cutting fresh edge. Breaking molds.
            Now Libra is about relationships. Uranus in libra is about redefining relationships. New and different types of relationships. All I am saying can it make the native restless. Always looking to redefine or explore different kinds of relationship.
            I wonder Could that make the native reluctant to settle on one definite type of relationship. Always searching for new thing to redefine what a relationship is or should be.
            Im not saying other signs planets or aspects might not influence it.

            1. I would say that this is a thing or a way people think, but it is not a thing or a way that I think. I’m not really interested in arguing. I don’t agree with GOBS of astrology out there.

              You asked me for my opinion and I gave it to you. Now I will ask you not to try to convince me of things that don’t interest me in the least.

              And I don’t mean to be rude. This is information. Have this conversation with a willing person!

              1. Also, I have Uranus in the 7th house and more than 40 years experience. It’s not like I don’t know what I am talking about.

  14. I’m a youngling of 23 and I can relate. I don’t feel any pressure to get married–my mother and my father never married for love with any of their marriages, and I suppose seeing that as I grew up kind of defined what I *didn’t want* a marriage to be. If anything they’d encourage me to marry when I’m in my 30s.

    I want to marry someday and I love the idea of being so close that we’re two peas in a pod. But because of the statistics being so against marriage these day, I’m sort of afraid to go into an early marriage wondering if it’ll even last.

    It’s actually an anomaly for someone around my age to marry young these days, unless it’s out of necessity (accidental baby, etc)

  15. awwwww. that makes me smile. I’ve been obsessed with marriage for a long time. with Venus in my 12th house I joked with a friend that I’m just going to go ahead & marry “god” since nothing has panned out yet. ruled by Uranus, sometimes I just up and fly away.

  16. As a young, gay man living in NYC — NO. There are tons of factors, but let’s just say that I have no planets in Libra, and a singleton Uranus in the 7th/Sag. and that monogamy is not a particularly valued idea in my particular community.

    The idea of marriage really appeals to me, but only in the vaguest or most material ways.

    It’s interesting to me that people have mentioned marriage as something that requires financial stability. I think for renters in NYC, a committed partnership of any sort brings the possibility of saving money by sharing a one-bedroom apartment! However, I totally understand, that the decision to start a family would require more than just this.

  17. I am so happy that you wrote this. Thank you. I am loving all the comments too!

    I recently confessed to a co-worker of mine that I am sometimes ashamed that my dating tendencies are positively ARCHAIC by today’s standards.

    Even though I have my own apartment, consider myself a feminist, make more than any man I have ever dated I absolutely expect men to pay for pretty much everything always and basically cater to me. In public.

    At home I will absolutely do the cooking/laundry etc. Although I guess I expect help with housework. It’s kind of embarrassing but its 100 percent true.

    I’m not sure where I got this mindset from because my family is nothing like this. I have always been this way and to change really feels like I would be just faking.

    I tried to be in a relationship where that wasn’t the setup and I resented it the entire time. I tried for years. haha!

    I haven’t gotten to the part where I feel totally comfortable being this way socially. Right now I feel like it’s selfish! I have venus exact conjunct my asc which I’ve learned from Elsa can make one ME ME ME.

    Oh well?

    I will get married. There is really no question about that. I have Cap Sun…That might account for the “traditional” bent. IDK.

  18. Avatar

    I am cut out to be married — I feel that being a housewife is my vocation. I feel that there is no society support 🙁 No matter how much one is “meant” to do something, you can’t do it alone. You need friends and the world around to support you.

  19. blessedwhitney, I had a friend like that. Unfortunately, that isn’t likely to be how her life goes (she’s engaged to a woman in a state with no gay marriage, dunno about that woman’s lifetime earning potential either). Oh well, she started grad school and seems to love that, so I’m glad she found something to support herself. But yeah, that isn’t a job you can do alone. And if you don’t get lucky, then you don’t.

  20. What a great subject. I always thought I was cut out to be married. Sun in Taurus, 3 planets (SaMaVe) in 7H…….but it’s totally not working out that way. Now I’m thinking maybe I am not cut out to be married. It’s painful though to try to process because I always thought I’d get to choose. And I know I still can choose, but it seems I’d have to sacrifice more and more as time goes on. I guess I’m lucky that I didn’t marry in my 20’s because I’m pretty sure the sacrifices would still be steep, I just would have been too young and inexperienced to recognize what i was getting myself into. I’ve never been married and I’m pretty sure marriage is not very much like what we “think” it must be like when standing on the outside.

  21. Well, yes and no. I have a strong drive (Moon in Libra) to be partnered, but I have very individualistic tendencies (Aries Sun, Aqua rising) that may not lend themselves to marriage as it’s been defined, e.g., the “little woman” who has to suck it up no matter what.

    I think my placements mirror society’s current ambivalence toward partnership. The traditional wife thing doesn’t look good if you have any sense of self, but singlehood denies that yearning toward connecting deeply with the other. It’s all a matter of “finding the right one,” but we’re encouraged to settle, and yet we’re also encouraged to wait for it to show up on our doorstep.

  22. My mom has Sun and Mercury conjunct Uranus in Aries. She has Jupiter square Uranus. She’s an Aquarius rising. Her North Node is also conjunct that Uranian stellium.

    I don’t think she was cut out for marriage, but being born in 1931, that’s what you did. She has manifested her uniqueness and independence with her energetic studies and healing work. She has always been way, way waaaaay ahead of her time.

    That being said, she did marry a man who complemented her chart amazingly. Get this, she is an Aries Sun, and my Dad is an Aries Moon. Conjuct exact. She is a Leo Moon, and he is a Leo Sun. He is a Libra rising, and her Sun in Aries is right on his Dsc. And, his Uranus is exactly on her Sun. In fact, he has Moon conjunct Uranus himself, right on his Dsc. Of course he had to marry the most Uranian women around, and then disown his own Uranus entirely.

    Now I see why I’m so Uranian…Urnaus rising, Sun and Merc trine Uranus, and Mars inconjunct Uranus. I’ve never married, and I just turned 50.

  23. Thanks, Elsa. My son also has planets in Taurus (sun & moon conjunct), Aries and Libra, so same thing! Me, not so much.

  24. I’m trying to think of what the current trends in society are, but can’t quite decide – it seems everything is more or less acceptable (barring incestuous marriage, I suppose).
    So, all of that suits me fine. Empty 7th, Moon in Aqua opp Sun Saturn & Pluto, trine Uranus & Mars. Not much interested in that institution.
    When I was a teenager (14-ish), all the girls at school spoke of nothing but finding a husband, getting married etc. I couldn’t even understand what that was all about. (I think I’m from another planet…)

  25. Marriage isn’t out of vogue around here. I have a career although not really career-oriented and I believe I would have had fewer obstacles had I been married. A good chunk of society is geared toward couples.

    Far from being pressured to marry though, my mother didn’t want me to marry. I’ve always felt that has in some weird way prevented it.

    I’m the marrying type…I don’t understand how all the party girls and career types are married and I’m not! At 46, I’m still waiting for the picket fence and feel like a fish out of water.

    Libra Sun and MC.

  26. Yes. I would love to get married. I think it would solve so many dilemmas and conflicts that are present within me.

    Just waiting for the right one to show up, physically and emotionally. I have three planets in Libra. Sun, pluto on mc and Saturn. I KNOW Im capable of existing happily within a marriage. I just dont always trust my own judgement, but I have a deep sense that when it happens, Ill know it in my bones (Saturn).

  27. I have a stellium in both Leo/Virgo 7H and Virgo/Libra 8H. However, my Uranus and Pluto in my 7H opposing my Aquarius 1H make relationships concurrently attractive and repulsive! Arghhhhh!!

  28. I moved to Catholic Poland to get married and raise a family. My parents were divorced and this caused great heartache all round. I swore to avoid this and this has been my way. I’m married 24 years, I have 2 sons and support the pro-family attitude here. I have moon conjunct saturn in 12th house (some astrologers wrote that a 12 house moon can indicate living abroad??)Also venus in tenth sextile moon saturn in 12th. Serious capricorn sun in 8th house?! = responsibility, loyalty, deep bond.

  29. My daughters Gem sun is in the 7th house,she also has a Taurus venus and Leo moon. She so wants to be married again, the traditional kind of marriage where she is the domestic Goddess taking care of home and kids.

    My son on the other hand has An Aqua sun and venus in the 10th house and a Gem moon in second. He has sag Saturn in the 7th. He wants no children at all. Last relationship he had he wanted to live together for 5 years before tying the knot. He and his girl broke up at 4 years I think she was tired of waiting.
    Other than my dc I have nothing in my 7th, I like being married {second marriage anyway, no freedom with the first} but I also wanted a career, I wanted it all..lol Venus and moon in the 1st sag.

  30. i do love being married, i’m cut out for this stuff. i haven’t been lucky in the past, but definitely love bonding and being with someone. i also wanted career a bit but with my husband it was difficult, having to move and he’d rather i stay home more & work part time, and not be too far away from home working. i like that too.

  31. I see young people in my town that all seem to have gotten married and planned to have chidren the day they graduated it seems…TONS of them-so whatever was in the transits when they were 20 something said “get married and have children right NOW! Do not wait!” I don’t know what the astrology was back 22-25 years ago but now I want to go look it up because they all seem happy and cut out for marriage because they are all (at least from the outside) happily married, with children. I on the other hand was born in the 50’s and I only have two friends out of 15 I know of that are married (and if the others were, they are now divorced including me). I don’t lije the idea of divorce but if it has to be done, it has to and luckily society understands. Of the two sets of friends that married, one is a Leo who married a Libra ( not sure of their charts and other planets though) and one is a Cancer with a Gemini Moon in the 7th house. They married an Aquarius with their Moon in Taurus in the 7th House.

  32. My whole chart spells out “marriage” (deep partnership), (but not “family”, i.e. no children).

    I *have* had a number of long-term relationships, all them unsuccessful. I finally stopped looking and trying. I figure, if the right (i.e., compatible) person comes along, I’m open and receptive, but in the meantime, I’m journeying solo.

    It is perhaps the biggest regret of my life, to have not had the pleasure and satisfaction and fulfillment I sought to experience by building something with someone intimate (a business AND love partner).

    As I have crossed my 2nd Saturn Return, it is rather late now for the “building something together” part. I’ll probably be one of those elders you read about who fall in love in a nursing home at age 97. 😛

    1. P.S. – In my case, I don’t think the factors at play are societal or generational. It’s me, the individual, that is (or has) the “problem”.

  33. I’m 32 . Never been married . Living together with my partner in the last 9 yrs , have 2 kids , the young one is 8 m old . I don’t think I will ever get married . I’m not bothered . All my friends are married .
    Why would I be hurt if he never asked me the question ? Is there a point ? I won’t be bitter in my rest of my life just because I never got a ring , I refuse to feel any emotions abou5 i5 .
    Will another man ever marry me ? I don’t think so . I don’t think I’d want to be with another man tbh .
    Would I jus5 get married becaus3 of the craic ? No . Becaus3 others think I should ? No .

  34. Nothing brings a tear to my eye faster than long term, loving commitment. What’s better now is that people aren’t forced to stay in an abusive or irreconcilable union. Counselling should be available to all income levels if repairs are possible. We are here on this plane to love and support others where we can.

  35. I’m a rare bird. I’m happily married. I have a bunch of planets in the 7th house, including Venus. My husband has a bunch of planets on his Libra Ascendant, including Venus. I also have Mars in my 7th. But I married at 53. Before that, I was happily, crazily single. I wouldn’t say I’m into family, though, except my Mom, who peacefully passed away in July. We’re a team; we’re family. Moon conjuncts Uranus, in Leo.

    Lois Sargent would approve of the aspects and rulers of our Ascendants. Lots of marriage signifiers.

  36. my libra/scorpio axis + eighth house emphasis (and first house ceres, maybe) all point towards emphasis on partnering and children.
    even if a little bit… unconventionally

    i wasn’t sure about marriage but i was always certain i wanted to be a mother.

  37. I am not married but have had very long marriage like relationships. In both relationships I’ve been engaged and discussed marriage and such but I’ve never really wated to go ahead with it. Hmm I dont know where I fit haha but I’ve been asked to marry people sons and people randomnly joking to marry them since I was 12. I guess my natal chart attracts that energy ( 7h moon in cancer and possibly midheaven in Libra) or maybe I am the marrying type and dont realise it .

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