Why Do People Break Up Or End Relationships?

In regards to my remark, ” “To avoid pain, do the right thing. Act maturely” on Dealing With Pain And Avoiding Regret Around Relationships That Are Ending As Saturn Leaves Libra Candela writes:

“What if it’s someone else ending “the relationship” with me? Not my choice, really, because I would very much like to remain friends. But I do understand that we can’t, right now at least.”

Most likely the person has weighed the situation and determined it is not in their best interest to continue to interact. I don’t know your personal situation but as an example, a married person might have become friendly with someone outside their marriage. It might have seemed a good idea at the time, but now they see that person is falling in love with them. It might be that their spouse may feel jealous, or they may be pressed for time and need to prioritize, or whatever.

I left a relationship because a person was angry with me.  They wanted to continue the relationship but I didn’t think I could avoid angering them again and I did not want to suffer the fallout of that.  There are all kinds of reasons that people split. The reasons are often quite personal.

The last time Saturn was in Libra, I did not marry my husband for reasons I could not articulate at the time. I told him, quite famously that I could not marry him, “because Tucson is an Estes hometown”. That was TV commercial jingle at the time. Now obviously I had a serious reason not to marry. I made this choice and I’ve lived with the consequences of it.

Sometimes one person pressures another in ways they don’t realize and people are not always forthright about why they want to sever contact with you. With Mars in Libra and Venus square Neptune, I have obscured my reasons for leaving a relationship, many times, either to protect myself or to spare the other person’s feelings. I’m not sure if this is good or not. It’s probably would have to be taken case by case but it’s a common MO for me.

I do think if someone breaks off with you at this time, the reason is probably pretty heavy. It’s just something they have to do, in response to some kind of pressure they feel.

Do you spell out your reasons when leaving a relationship?

12 thoughts on “Why Do People Break Up Or End Relationships?”

  1. I wanted to add, some people don’t want to know why a person is severing a relationship with them. If they don’t ask, I would not tell.

    When someone wants to sever with me, assuming they don’t go into the reason, I won’t ask. I can usually figure it (or at least guess). The most important thing to me is that I don’t impede someone who is trying to get away from me because I just think that’s rude.

  2. Well I am in the other situation. I want to leave a friendship. I have been forthright with the reason. When this person made it clear to me that our relationship would go no further than just friendship four years ago, I almost had a nervous breakdown trying to accept it. I was literally ill. But I am glad that they told me why. It’s funny though because the “why” was so fantastic, to this day I have a hard time believing it. It just seemed just as convenient as it was outrageous. So anyway, it still stands that we have been “friends” for four years now. This person, I have come to find out, is more a needy, manipulator than someone who really is a friend, so I cut them off this weekend. They got a nasty good bye email from me but then tried to reignite contact. It was a frantic attempt too. Calling me over and over like their life depended on it. I ignored them. When I finally decided to pick up the phone, the drama was heightened to the degree where they told me they had tried to kill themselves. Of course this threw me into a fit of tears. They asked me not to go but to just take a break for a couple of weeks. They still want my friendship. I said “okay” tearfully…with all intent never to talk to them again. So I may have obscured my intent there. But maybe they were obscuring their intent. To let me down easy. They just didn’t want to lose so had to hit me with one more drama and rub my nose in the fact they their other relationship is up and down and they are not sure what they want or what will happen. But sure as shit I won’t be apart of that.

  3. I am in that right now with a friendship. I spell it out, teach, and sign language the message. I like to make sure whether it is because we have grown apart or because it just no longer fits, there is a logical reason why. What they do with my information and how they react, well…

  4. Yes that’s exactly what my ex (didn’t) tell me when we broke up(but later his mother did) was that he felt he was holding me back from progressing and felt pressure to provide and support me…

    Usually when I left a relationship (which all have been short term) I would just disappear.. Now I see that was childish and immature, and try to express my feelings and deal with the situation before I get to the point where I just want to leave it all behind..

  5. I always want to know, but I have Sag. I’ve asked before during breakups but the person often would not or could not explain. There is some etiquette guide where people say, “it’s not you, it’s ____” or some polite excuse. My best breakup was with a Sag Moon – he spelled things out item by item and I loved the objectivity so we could be friends years later.

    I do not mind brutal honesty, as having someone you have been so close with deflect and fade away is so much more painful. It was devastating not to know what the problem was, and I went for months afterwards not knowing what I did wrong or if there was something I did not realize I was doing that we could have worked on.

    Then I realized the love just wasn’t there, or it was too much work. Either way, I will never know, and I’ll just have to live with that.

  6. “The most important thing to me is that I don’t impede someone who is trying to get away from me because I just think that’s rude.”

    Yes I agree with this! What tends to happen to me is if I break up with someone- and they don’t want to break up- they will continue to try to get back together with me. And it just makes it all SO much more difficult for me to sever the relationship. I think it is important for people to respect other people’s wishes, even if they don’t agree with them.

  7. I realize that part of the issue is I’m not always certain why I end the relationships. Sometimes it just doesn’t feel right. And so I can’t give them a straight up answer– this could account for why they keep wanting to get back together with me. I’m uncertain of my reasons and people still think there is a chance– like they need to convince me. sun conjunct neptune maybe?

  8. Actually I tried to break up with my ex for five years. Nothing I could say or do would convince him to stop. When I finally got him to divorce me, he said he wanted to be my “friend.”

    It was surreal because my own operating procedure is: when someone tells you to go away, you GO, for God’s sake.

  9. Avatar

    I spell it out. I say my reasons and then I bounce. There’s nothing more annoying than a person who clings and wants to be constantly calling because they can’t deal. We gave it a chance, we blew it, let’s move on. It’s like when someone keeps crossing my boundaries and no amount of saying what I’m having problems with gets them to change it, so instead of trying to change them, I leave. It’s better all round.

  10. My now ex and I broke up about two days ago, he’s a pisces with a scorpio rising which at some points was intolerable but we found ourselves in trust issues and me at times being very hostile towards him his sensitivty and my insensitivity (taurus sun, Cap asc) was really the breaking point for us, we love each other dearly we’re just not meant to be

  11. I don’t know–I just got dumped by a close friend of nearly 20 years, with no reason, and on the phone. Very painful, and happened right as my mother died. I think that if you can’t break up face to face, you’re a coward.

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