I’ve also been thinking about the snooping post (Do You Snoop?) this statement in particular:
“…and last I trust the universe will let me know what I need to know… at the time I need to know it.”
I believe this. I think when there are things I don’t know or I don’t find out, it is most likely in my best interest. I meet so much ugly stuff as it is, I can’t imagine looking for more or for evidence to validate a negative reality.
Carrie wrote onHow To Attract A Satisfying Love Relationship.:
“…Your blog has become a little guiding light and source of inspiration for THIS single, struggling mom…”
And I said, “…If nothing else, I try to be a diversion. You can look over here while your life fixes itself.”
I think this is true. If someone is sneaking around doing something nasty eventually they will fall away on their own accord. They will just be no good in my life and it will become apparent and the less icky stuff I know… well that sounds good to me. I know so much icky stuff as it is!
So today I was talking to the soldier and as keen as he is, he absolutely is able to filter reality like nobodies business. Pisces rising, Moon Neptune conjunct, what do think? He just doesn’t want to know this stuff and it’s interesting to see his psyche protect his sensitivities because I know my psyche does the same, as does yours and yours and the other persons.
Tonight I finally told him the whole story of what some guy said to me thirty years ago that impacted our relationship profoundly. I tried to tell him the evening of the event when I got home. I tried to tell him for several weeks after. I told him in 2003 but he didn’t hear me and I told him over and over and over in the last year but he always manages to stop the story. He diverts it somehow. He stops the telling and tells me the story instead, even though his version is a cartoon. And I just ease off when he does this. I mean, I would like him to know what actually happened but not bad enough to shove it down his throat. Plus I know it’s going to keep coming up until it’s integrated anyway so what they hell?
So tonight the story got told in a cohesive manner and though he was still denying and rounding off the edges, I think he’s got the picture… unfortunately.
Unfortunately because now at some point he is going to have to feel this And although ultimately he wants this, we both want it and think it is necessary to have the relationship we want to have, it’s very painful because our lives turned on these events crushing us both in the process. So here’s my point:
What are you people doing when you go looking for pain… ie snooping?
This brings up something my man and I were talking about the other day…
(Sorry, it’s a long one! It took me a while to connect the dots. :))
My guy, TMB, doesn’t have a single coherent memory from early childhood. As far as he’s concerned, his life starts at around seven. Now, I absolutely believe that there’s something locked in TMB’s head that he doesn’t want to know — but it’s not always something malevolent (and I have the experience to back this up). And when it works up through to the conscious mind, he’s going to have to go through a painful process of assimilating these pieces he’s excluded for so long.
And that’s what this post reminds me of, repressed memories. But at what point does this avoidance stop helping and start creating problems of it’s own? Coming from an extremely dysfunctional, abusive household, I can understand the need or desire to limit as much hurt as you can. By shielding yourself from these experiences, though, it seems to me like you’re denying yourself the opportunity to be the best, most integrated “you” that you can be! If these things happen(ed), then you’re not doing anyone, least of all yourself, any good by candy-coating or denying it. Instead it seems like you’re just taking a raincheck on the pain, which may be even worse when you decide to accept and feel it because of all the time spent laboring under a delusion.
Does this make sense or am I completely off-base here?
At any rate, I’m not saying to go out and seek pain just to wallow in it, but that when something is difficult you should try to face it bravely, without flinching, and learn from it what you can. That’s all. 🙂
I try to climb into the eye of the storm, where it is generally safest and calmest. I’m not a snooper, but my snooper Mom (yes, my Mom again, LOL!) claimed she did it because I was selfish and didn’t share my feelings.
Now obviously she invaded my privacy (and I don’t snoop) but actually I can see her point, and the point of perhaps a lot of snoopers, which is very simple. These people are trying to obtain facts they think they don’t have, or that are being wrongfully withheld from them. They have zero faith that the information will be revealed to them sooner or later. It’s a very childlike view of the world.
Not only that, but very sensitive types of the world have the unfortunate task of fielding off multiple indicators, mostly subtle, of that same information snoopers dig and debase themselves for. Snooping is a very low-end way of obtaining information. Furthermore, I will close my rambling with something my Mom (Mom!) said to me about intuition:
“There’s a fine line between psychic ability or intuition and paranoia.”
Yes, indeed there is, and snoopers cross it to the detriment of their relationships with other people every day.
kashmiri said it better than I ever could.
i don’t go looking for ugly stuff. ick. but sometimes i’ll want to know what people have put out there. to understand them better. i wouldn’t invade their private world, though.
and sometimes something catches wrong and if it affects me, i need to figure out what’s going on. i mean, i’ve learned over the years that the best way to do that is to ask the person directly, but it took awhile to get comfortable with asking the difficult questions (i’m still working on it.)
as a child, particularly as a teenager, i often felt like my mother was interrogating me. which makes it difficult for me to feel comfortable asking questions without fearing i’m doing the same thing. but she never invaded my privacy either.
it’s like movies… i went through a phase where i watched a lot of horror movies. i think i was trying to get control over my fear response. but now i just don’t want to see people (or whatever) doing awful things to other people unless it falls into a clearly necessary attempt at telling a larger, meaningful story.
which is not snooping, but it’s exposing yourself to the awful. i don’t want to pretend that there aren’t horrible things in the world. and in human nature. but too much exposure to it just numbs me out…… and where do we see the news about the beautiful joyful stuff? to remind us of how wonderful people can be?
True that, wyrdling! It seems that, at least in my lifetime, we don’t get uplifted anymore. It’s one brutal story after another. 🙁 Then again I also have a problem with media reporting on things that are supposed to be uplifting, but in such a cynical, self-concious way that makes the story a parody of itself. Dig?
No, I am not a snooper and Kashmiri said it better than I can….I don’t like to pry into other people’s stuff. I feel that if I am supposed to know something, it will come to me somehow, but to pointedly go and snoop is not something I would ever feel comfortably doing. Privacy and secrecy are two completely different things and everybody has a right to their private affairs and secrets (especially harmful ones) leak out eventually….they can’t stay hidden for long.