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I was stuck by this snippet I heard on the radio in regards to types of friendships. The source was St. Ignatius of Loyola. I want to be clear; I’ve not read the original material yet but I intend to. I also searched around and found a few references and other ideas. So I am cobbling this together without any real knowledge.
I’m presenting it now, because it’s so interesting even at first glance. I just want to be clear, I don’t know what I’m talking about! But have you ever thought about types of friendship?
Some people become friend because of proximity. I’ve never thought of this before, but I had a number of friends in Colorado. When I moved across the country, one by one, these relationships dropped off. Even more common, people tend to be friends with their neighbors, but only until they move.
There’s another type of friendship; you may just like a person’s company. You have a good time with them or you learn things from them. But the idea is that a true friend wants to help you do right and become a better person. To have this defined in such simple terms, un-boggles the mind.
It made me think of what kind of friends I have and what kind of friend I am or want to be. The astrology interests me as well. What’s your 11th house have to say about this?
What do you think about friendship, in general? Do you recognize these types? Can you think of types of friendship not mentioned?
I really want to comprehend this so your input would be greatly appreciated.
I have Scorpio in my 11th house. I want friends who go deep! My best friends have been astrologers or into trying to 8nderstand the deep mysteries of life. Also few and far between, alas.
Okay, so these would be friends who expand your knowledge or understanding of things. They benefit you. 🙂
Yes!!
I expect unconditional loyalty from my friends and I give back the same. Of course abuse dishonesty manipulation not tolerated. I hope to improve the lives of my friends by virtue of the support I give them and vice versa
Capricorn (with Saturn conj Pluto in 5th). Retired and I’ve outlived most of my best closest friends. Also several of my interests are strictly solitary like art and reading.
There’s also friendship by marital status – single people seem to have single friends; married people have married friends/same with children. I’ve had several friendships dissipate once they married or remarried.
Friendship via profession and/or work. People tend to associate with those who have the same type of daily/weekly schedule. My jobs have been 9 to 5 types, so there were quite a few friends with similar interests (sports, dining, dancing/drinking, etc) where small groups would hang out together. I also became phone ‘friends’ with a few long-distant people that I talked with frequently through work. But because of the distance, would not ordinarily evolve into deeper friendship, but a few did. Professional during the day, friendly after hours, but impacted by the distance.
People on shift work or people like policemen, firemen, customs officers, etc. tend to hang out together because of the same daily/weekly pattern and because they don’t often fit in well with other life-styles. Other people on rotating shift-work have challenging relationship situations. People in the military have a dual challenge depending on their circumstances.
Movie stars, film, music and media industry people collaborate in a completely different way than many professions with a completely different culture, lifestyle with unique settings compared to many; they are (probably) in intense intimacy and conditions for various periods of time, that most people don’t encounter except through tight knit friends and family or work situations.
Cancer Sun in 11th (trine scorpio moon/neptune in 3rd and pisces saturn/chiron in 7th). Friends are like family to me and I maintain my friendships. However, they have never been close in proximity, and are often strong bonds across the country/internationally. Maybe because I moved house a lot, plus travelled extensively for work from late teens, and also because I suspect my own need – potentially a bit of a closed circuit (those grand trines?). Anyway, joining social media a few years ago, I have made great real life friendships with people who were complete strangers and whom I do see when we can – we kind of found each other, drawn to each others writing, voice online etc. I think this quite 11th house ruler Aquarius potentially.
Ditto. 11th house Cancer leads of nurturing my friends, almost to the point of mothering, especially in times of crisis. I am capricorn heavy in my chart (moon, mercury, Jupiter, Neptune), so I give solid, tough advice. Loads of international and virtual friendships (Aquarius Sun?). I do tend to have one deep friendship at a time, and do very poorly in cliques or large groups. It’s like I have mind and heart space for only one person’s well being. When the crisis passes, or the stage of life is over, they fade from my urgent day-to-day consciousness.
I also have disproportionate number of friends from opposite gender (no sexual or romantic undertones). Wonder what’s the astrology for that. I have always been the homegirl for a wide number of guy friends, and am super friendly (but not deep friends) with their wives/girlfriends/significant others too.
Hi, interesting! Likewise with the male friends, more male friends than female, has always been so and we are very close. Not friends with the wives unless there is a good connection.
So appreciative of this article, Elsa, my friendships have been on my mind a great deal. My attraction to sun sign Cancer friends has always been interesting to me and I do have Cancer on the 11th house cusp. I also have Uranus in Cancer (in the 10th house) squaring Mars, Saturn and Neptune in Libra and Jupiter in Aries. My father was a Cancer sun (we know he was born July 17th but do not know the year. 1905, 1906? He was a gentle man but I could never get close to him, though I tried mightily and spent my childhood moving around him gingerly. He just gave so little emotion to me. I was his 9th and last child and I have always thought he was just “not that into me” because he had a been there/done that attitude. I have three friends I classify my BF’s. One met in 1971, one in 1981 and one in 2011. I am in contact with each of them often, in some years one more than another. They are very different from one another except in that they are all very self-sensitive (not to be confused with self-absorbed or self-centered).
I have Saturn conjunct my natal Sag 11H. I have a handful of true-blue friends. They all possess a high philosophical and intuitive nature. My Saturn sextiles my 1H Aqua Chiron. My friends and I have no problem sharing our hurts and, through astrology, attempt to solve them.
I, too, have lost “proximity” friends via moving and “married couple” friends from divorce.
Similar values are really important to me in a friendship. If someone is unselfish, respectful, compassionate, considers the bigger picture in their actions, questions the status quo, and works toward improving the world in any small way, I am a loyal friend. I have a mega stellium in Taurus (moon, merc, venus, saturn, mars), with Aries sun, and Aquarius rising. My Sagittarius 11th house cusp perhaps relates to the desire for ‘bigger picture’ philosophical values in friendship.
I recently had to end a 22-year friendship because she didn’t respect my values and ostracized me from her group of friends because of the way I acted on my values.
Our friendship mainly involved going out to see performances and for dinner. For the past two years, I joined her and her small group of friends for dinner and performances downtown on a regular basis. The group never finished their dinner at these fancy restaurants, which were located in a gentrifying neighbouhood with a lot of poverty and homeless people.
I hate food waste, so I asked the group if they weren’t going to finish their meals or get them to-go, I would take the leftovers out to people living on the street. This always created an awkward silent moment, as they looked at me quizzically.
I recently asked my friend why her friends don’t seem to like me. She said they all thought I was “weird” (including herself). I suspected that was how they felt. They disapproved of me bringing leftover food to street people because it’s “weird.”
I consider this ironic because my friend is a professional therapist working with marginalized youth, some at risk of being homeless. She has two masters degrees in psychology and art therapy. The impenetrable boundaries she has erected between herself and the downtrodden in society seem to have led to a lack of compassion in her everyday encounters with the same people she is being paid to counsel in her work life.
At first, I thought that her and her posse were ashamed of me because of my environmental values. I’m very sensitive to humankind’s destructive impact on the earth. But I learned a long time ago that people don’t like to have eco-values imposed on them in any way, so I gave up talking about the small steps that we can all take in our daily lives to mitigate environmental damage. I know that anyone who tries to encourage eco-values to non-receptive people is considered a self-righteous preacher. Even saying I prefer cycling or walking is considered self-righteous. My friend admitted that she and her friends also think I’m a weird eco-freak.
But now they criticize me for giving food to street people. I don’t do it to boast about being charitable. I do it because I hate food waste, and there are hungry people living on the street who would love to get free food from the upscale restaurants in their gentrifying neighbourhood. I know I would appreciate free food if I were living on the street.
Anyway, due to our misalignment of values, I had to end this friendship. She doesn’t respect my values, and I can no longer respect her.
Interesting.
Pisces on 11th, tight conj Chiron to the cusp.
Neptune in my 6th, in tight conjunct Scorpio Sun.
Gemini AC, tight conjunct Gemini Moon
My BFs are my sister and husband. I met husband through job and together now 28yrs. Today my sister and I have a business together, and I’m there most days. Most of my friendly interactions are with customers and thru the shop. Not sure why but this safe, arms length friendly distance with “friends” a life long pattern.
Looking back friends for me all Proximity Friends. For whatever reason I’m not good at maintaining deep, lasting ties long distance. I’m friendly, warm, caring and have many friends over the years I remember fondly, but they come into my life for shorter segments.
Must be connected to my very mutable driven chart. I do feel very Neptunian/Piscean in regards to friend bonds.
Family for me always key vs. friends. My perfect activity is with family, a whole day together at home, cooking a meal.
Welcome, Demeter. 🙂
I have had quite a few acquaintances but I can count the number of true friends I have had in my life on one hand. I don’t open up to people very easily. I think it’s about not trusting people. I think there are very few people you can trust. That’s my Sun and Moon in the 8th speaking. My 11th house in Gemini doesn’t have much of a say. Lol. Ideally a true friendship, to me, means you can talk about anything. It’s about sharing your true self with no filter.
Friendships, my biggest sorrows in life, every close relationships I make is always time limited. I think one indicator to this is Uranus (conj saturn) aspecting my luminaries. Opposite moon and mars (chiron too). Trine my sun and mercury. Losely aspecting my venus and jupiter.
I was in a boarding schoolin an other country then my birth country at the age of 13-18 and made amazingly close friendships there. Sisters really. But when I moved back to my country, it was too hard to maintain it all. I did visit them twise, once I stayed with my bestie for 2 months. But after that it became harder. Especially because all my friends from that school got married and got kids etc. We grew apart. One of my friends I keep in touch with via whatsapp. But she is so busy with work and kids. We live our lives seperately, and mentally I’m not the same as I was when I was 18, which was over a decade ago. But my best friend does want me to come and visit her. Her home is always open to me as she says. I have just been busy with university etc. The truth is, I have not made any friends for over a decade. Only fleeting school friends. It sucks.
I’m all or nothing, what can I say?
No strike that, I made friends with a girl a few years ago (I’m a girl too). And it was love at first sight! ALthough it turned out she is too uranian. She wanted to be in her own bubble too much. But our connection is more connections of heart and mind. My pluto side needs more physical face to face meetings and hang outs.
I can however give space to my friends when they need it. I need lots of space myself. To process thoughts and feelings and me time. This friend though needed more space then myself. She says I’m always in her mind and that I’m her only true friend and she is so greatful I never cause problems or drama or sulk. She is newly wed and pregnant now. Of course her husband comes first in her life.
I have since I can remember from the age of 4-5 always been careful with friendships. I stand back and assess people (virgo risin plus very plutonic). Feel their vibe. Observing how they talk and behave. How they treat their other friends. When I feel comfy I will warm up and let them in. If I sense its a “passing by” friendship, I will not wanna get too attached.
I go all in for my friendships. All relationsip to me is like constructing a building. I take it very seriously. I’m saturnian aswell and saturn is trine my 8th house venus-jupiter. I wanna use only the best quality materials to build my friendships. Quality before quantity! Also time. If someone gives of his/her time, its very precious to me. I just want genuinity and realness.
I don’t give to get! I just want us to build things together. I will work hard if I “feel it” with someone. But I won’t take anyone for granted and even if I don’t expect the same things back, I won’t tolerate being taken for granted.
I’m very great at giving. I have Aries Venus-jup square Neptune. I love showing affection and warmth. I love showering my friends with thoughtful practical gifts. Everything from chocolate to pricy but practical items like steel water bottles. I don’t care for money, I just wanna show my apreciation and affection.
What I wan’t from friendships is, many things. intellectuall sharings, I have to be able to share intellectuall things I have learned. Be able to joke and chill etc. I’m happy with just taking walks and talk about everything from deep stuff to casual stuff.
I did in uni let in two guy friends. I connected soo well with them in so many levels. We started to hang out and do projects my last 3 years. I did with time understand that for them, ourr friendship would “shift focus” when we would graduate. This have me so much anxity and pain. I wanted to stop being with them but I could not stay away. I was tired of being lonely.
In the end they were too pragmatic and I was emotional. I cut it off cold turkey as soon as we graduated, in a very bad manner. Because i had to start the scorpio amputation.
Now I’m so angry I ever got friends with them because if they are not gonna be permanent in my life, why did I or would I invest so much emotions time and energy?
Now I feel very wary of letting people become cose to me…
I’ve seen/been friends by proximity as well as neighbor friends. I also have some family that are friends and some friends that are family. Ran brings up a good point about ‘life stage’ friends (those you share friendship with thru a season of life). I’ve also had friends this way, mostly due to my kids (they are friends with someone and I become friends with their parent). I have Saturn in my Taurus ruled 11th house.
Venus is also technically in my 11th, but only by a matter of minutes (she’s more wrapped up with my 12th house).
I have Libra in the 11th which houses Jupiter. I have always had four or five close friends, all usually artists, artistic, musical or their parents were (some famous or well known in their profession). When I left the City to move to the suburbs with my then boyfriend (who was also an artist and I later married), all friendships dropped off. I have yet to have made any here where I live, some 35 years later. I had sought out a Church and joined for a brief time and then left and all friendships dropped off once again. When my parents died, I reached out to socialize with their friends who were great fun and were all artists of one kind or another. Then they started dying off.
I find people here just want to be with their family and friends who have children and I am a single, older woman and not in their circle. So my social life is now exclusively at work.
So to answer the question what kind of friend are you, I guess an open minded and generous one. I always like people and enjoy taking them to lunch and hearing about their lives. I do find some people a bit pedestrian in the work environment but I end up seeking out the interesting ones who want to share knowledge- talk about health, astrology, life and its mysteries. They seem to like me back. I have made one friend who is my constant, a woman in her 40’s with a young daughter. She has cancer and we sit and meditate everyday and have lunch everyday together. She is sweet and funny and I like supporting her.
That friendship that comes from instant understanding repeates itself all the time. Othrr person Moon in virgo (sometimes also virgo Venus) or in capricorn with my virgo Moon. Also virgo asc and my Mars in cap in conjuction or trine with there Mars. I have met 5 significant person in last years on that theme and it suprise my all the time. Cone tion between the mokn in real life. You Just know the ither person and share rhoughts. Strong virgo impact in friends and friendship department because of the Moon.
*Connection between the Moon in real life.*
I want friendships that run as deep as a marriage, without obviously the house and children sharing. But I want to be understood and to understand. To know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are real friends and always will be, etc. It’s probably waaaaaay too much for most people, but it never has been for the right ones! Honestly I think it’s my Venus-Neptune, I don’t know.
My 11th house cusp is 29 Aquarius so most of the house is in Pisces, but no planets are there. Most of my friends have been very different from me, but we communicate well and just have a genuine bond – like we’ll be there for each other when the SHTF, no questions asked.
saturn. i have few friends but the ones i have are solid.
11th house Capricorn with Venus, node, Jupiter and Mercury. I prefer quality over quantity. My friends tend to be diverse, ranging from conservative cappy types to more outgoing, jolly types. Jupiter aspects Uranus so I don’t mind a bit unusual. I find one friend may help talk through a problem where another can help you forget your problem/s. Both types are valuable.
I have Pluto (sextile Venus) and Uranus in my Virgo 11th House. Because of this, or maybe with help from my Scorpio Sun, I have always ‘compartmentalized’ my friends. I don’t see this as superficial as it sounds. I think there’s truth to the old adage “A reason, a season and a lifetime”. People come in and out of our lives naturally as we need or are ready for them. I will say that the Uranus transit aspecting my 7th House has been a doozy!
I have Scorpio on the 11th house…and there is a stellium including my moon.I nurture my friends & they reciprocate. I also have Mercury & Neptune conjunct in Scorpio…so I like to chat and discuss topics in depth with my friends….Friends come & go…that is just a part of life’s ebbs & flows. Friends play an important role in my life..?
I just went to see my friend who is 98 today. Great fun, I’m glad I went. A Gemini who still giggles at life and sharp as a knife.
Judith Viorst wrote about types of friends some years ago. I remember it changed my life. Especially the notion that we are all only friends in spots. This was a chapter in her book titled Necessary Losses, but I have found it online as an essay at https://www.scribd.com/document/40120210/Judith-Viorst
Correction: the “friends in spots” is properly attributable to George Santayana, but is taken up by J.V.
I like to have friends from all walks of life. Tend to befriend people who taught me/mentored me at some point in life. Major background differences, major age gaps and the such don’t bother me in the slightest as long as the person is kind and makes me feel safe / nurtured. Talk for hours and never get bored kinda friend. Sagittarius on the 11th. Cancer on the 7th.
Same Sag on the 11th. Many times I’ve wondered why people that I become close friends with move away, now I know. But, I do tend to have great connections with Sags.