Cost And Benefits Of Boundaries In Relationship

I want to continue along the lines of Surviving Your Relationship With (Or As) A Sensitive Type. This is a Saturn in Libra topic where responsibility and boundaries in relationship figure.

I had asthma when I was a kid. It was severe and untreated.  I chalk this up to Mars (violent) conjunct Mercury (lungs) in my chart, I don’t know why I didn’t die.  I outgrew this as a teen, having one last attack when I was about 18 years old (which was treated). This is my history.

I am naturally very healthy otherwise. But around the time of my Saturn return I started to have chronic lung problems. Pleurisy, pneumonia and the like and this was over a number of months. Basically I was just not getting well.

It became so severe my doctor faxed a note to my boss who was resisting giving me time off… “Elsa needs 2 weeks off. Failure to comply with doctor’s orders may result in her death.”

My sister made the connection between stress in relationships (my conjunction is in Libra) creating lung problems. She put it simply:

“If you so much as get a cold, you should look at who you’re dealing with…”

Do you know I’ve not had a cold in 20 years? It took me just a few months to see she was right and if I had trouble breathing with you around, you were out and I was healthy.

I have a responsibility (Saturn) to maintain myself (Cap rising) but with Saturn in Libra the responsibility extends to others. For example, my clients.

My clients rely on me to deliver high caliber work and I am not going to be able to do that if I am sick, be it via my lungs (Mercury) or my MIND (Mercury) or my wrist (also Mercury). My husband too. He did not marry an invalid or someone compromised all the time and this means when I feel myself being compromised (by him or anyone else), I have a responsibility to defend against the threat.

Same thing on this blog which is a Libran affair in large part. If you doubt this, just look at the appearance of the thing. People here are social and we do involve each other in discourse.

I have a few points to make:

First, when it comes to defense for sensitive types it helps if you can identify some kind of early warning your mind or body sends out.

Second, withdrawing when stressed (in my case) is less about manipulating then it is is about protecting the partnership because I do have a point of no return and I think everyone close to me knows this. I can’t stress this enough – when you stress me and I dump you, I don’t miss you AT ALL. It’s pure relief and if you put me through this enough times the end result is predictable.

Third, this is just something I have been meaning to say. If someone shows up on this blog with a mind to agitate me, I am more committed then ever to nuking them and swiftly. The reason is, I am working very hard behind the scenes. I am trying to make a living and when you distract and upset me, you threaten my livelihood by lowering the quality of my work with clients.

Let’s see. My wrist is burning, my mind is racing, I can’t breathe and I am pissed off out of my mind. Are you doing to hire me to read your chart? Probably not.

Compare to the potential of hiring an honest astrologer with a super keen mind and strong communication skills who can see other perspectives be it yours or your partners, who wastes no time offering up the goods and it’s pretty clear in which direction I should head.

If someone is going to compromise the quality of your life, negatively impact your happiness or your ability to perform your job or take care of your family, should they be in your life (or your blog)? Whose responsibility is it to come up with, create and then defend the quality of your life?

I want to point out this post covers an arc of forty years. That should tell you that this is not an experiment. This is what I have learned over the course of my lifetime.

Hitchhike if you can.

23 thoughts on “Cost And Benefits Of Boundaries In Relationship”

  1. I have been telling you for almost a year that if you were a pain in the ass and/or a burden to others – unable to function in relationship, you were going to be rejected with Saturn in Libra.

    I am to a point now where it’s like I am trying to have a dinner party here… albeit one where people swear and talk about sex and I have these people who think it is okay to show up and fart all over the place – as if we are required to smell it. WRONG.

    There is a level of decorum here and if you can’t manage it, then get the fuck out.

    I have been talking to satori over the last months – she owns a salon and her customers are happy. Imagine someone busts into her salon and starts calling everyone a dumb ass, most particularly, her?

    What if they just come in and fart and fart and fart and fart. Can you see how she is going to have to get rid of this person? It is that or go out of business! Who wants to get their hair cut in a smelly salon? Never mind, don’t you think satori will be distracted from her hair cutting? Jeez.

    Then consider the kind of person who does this kind of thing. Sees a hard-working person and decides to fuck with them. What kind of person does this? A jackass maybe? A POS?

  2. I second all of that. Bravo! Cheers! Standing ovation. I have Mercury conjunct Mars in Gemini and I have adult-onset asthma and there is much for me to ponder here because it all has to do with whether or not I feel like I can breathe both literally and metaphorically or whether I feel like I’m being smothered and stifled. And often the culprit is me.

  3. Also what kills me is they come in when I’m busy. I have no wrist to waste on this anymore. The soldier saw that plane crash in his path on the highway a few weeks back. I told him someone crashes their plane on my blog once a week. I am not going to wait for that anymore. I am going to shoot them down over the water when I see them coming in because don’t kid yourself, I DO see them coming in. I have not been surprised by someone’s behavior on this blog in 5 years. I am just nice and ultra-hopeful.

    Course with Saturn in Libra – nice means boundaries (they should have some) and with the shift from of Pluto from Sadge to Cap, hope -> reality.

    Basically it is when in Rome, do like the Romans and the Romans around here are good and fun and kind and happy and even if they are not they’re not happy, they’re eclectic and they don’t hurt others.

  4. Doreen, I think the culprit is me too. If I refuse to remove the person(s) causing all the strife in my life, I’ve only myself to blame. I was really sick of my lungs aching all the time. I mean if you can figure this out, you’ve got the easiest cure in the world.

    You know doctors see this all the time. I see it all the time. There are people who will gladly RUIN your life if you let them and if you are me, you attract them like flies to honey. It is the same kind of dumb ass that taunts a bear.

    “I’m going to go fuck with that bear…”

    “Okay, genius.”

  5. It is the same kind of dumb ass that taunts a bear.

    “I’m going to go fuck with that bear…”

    “Okay, genius.”


  6. Wow I totally agree. I am responsible to take care of me and if that means I have to be away from you so be it.

    I was awake at 3 am this morning thinking how much I appreciate this blog and all the hard work you do here. You writing heals, teaches and inspires. Thank You Elsa. xoxo

  7. “I have been telling you for almost a year that if you were a pain in the ass and/or a burden to others – unable to function in relationship, you were going to be rejected with Saturn in Libra.”

    Uh oh…hmmm…more to ponder…thanks for sharing all your insights with us, Elsa…helps a lot

  8. Again, deep thanks for this wonderful blog, and place I can come to where I always learn something. I hope I see Saturn in Libra kicking the asses of some disgustingly selfish people I know.

    And I have noticed when someone comes to disrupt the flow here, basically they are in and out – no-one is tolerating it!

  9. This line, “when you stress me and I dump you, I don’t miss you AT ALL. It’s pure relief and if you put me through this enough times the end result is predictable.” is SO true for me too. And it makes me wonder about a question I was going to ask you- How do you think astrology lines up with a Myers-Briggs personality test? I am an INFJ and it says that we work and work and work at relationships, but when it’s over, its over.

  10. Excellent post Elsa! If we won’t fight for our lives, who will? It kills me that people stumble around this world all the time hoping someone else will take responsibility for them, their decisions, mistakes, successes, actions etc. In the end, we are powerless in this world if we cannot/will not take responsibility for ourselves.

  11. I think what gets in the way of boundaries is we are taught to be nice and get along. In real life, if we actually put it to the test we are not rewarded for getting along, we end up filling our time with undesireables. In real life it appears to me we are rewarded for taking out what we don’t like to make room for the things we do like. It’s so against what we have been taught and yet the evidence is there that what we really feel when we say no to a disagreeable situation, person, job, is relief and room for what we really want. Great lesson to learn early, who wants to waste their precious life with the wrong people? When they could have been with positive, fun loving, supportive ones instead. I get what you’re saying Elsa, thanks for sharing what really happens in life.

  12. Wow! One of the best posts ever Elsa and go you. I have learnt what you have mentioned the hard way and still learning. I have a rare heart condition which unfortunately causes me to tire easily and have my energy levels come and go (Mars conjunct Neptune) and I had to learn to cut people who sucked this energy up for no good reason because what I do have I have to use wisely. This is extremely hard when you have Libra. I want to be social and polite and not offend people/friends but by god I cant risk my own life for it. Thank god I have a 8th house and scorpio sun to cut people for good.

    In fact I actually learnt here from you in one of your posts. One day you mentioned using energy wisely on those who have worth. And I thought that is so right. Got to stop being polite to vampires and just use my energy on people and things that are worth it. Energy and time is precious and there’s just no point wasting it on things and people who dont know its value.

  13. This is great advice. Saturns not in Libra anymore but my natal Saturn is there and t.Saturn is squaring it. I made a conscious decision recently to avoid people who are high maintenance. You know, they need a lot of my energy, attention and guidance, and then they want more. They might be grateful but they still drain me, and im already spread pretty thin, raising a child by myself and trying to make a living.

    Of course that means that i have to stay on top of my own usage of others energy and be sensitive to their needs. Its not a major tendency of mine nowadays, but it used to be and i think im still working through that karma a bit. I know for a fact though that awareness of pattern is the quickest way to undo it.

  14. This post, found late in the game, is perfect for an experience my husband and I had. Costs and benefits of boundaries in relationships is so critical … and for me/us at this stage of life it is THE element to keep the assholes (dressed in ‘friendly’costumes) from sucking the air out of me/us. Thanks so much for putting it this way. Asthma, I relate to the triggers.

    1. I don’t have Saturn in Libra, but do have Mars and Pluto conjunct Saturn. Very important to learn to recognize the limitations before they settle in too deep!

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