8th House – Keeping Secrets

8th houseI’ve no choice but to keep a lot of secrets.  You may read that and think I have choice but you’re wrong. I am talking about my own secrets here. That other people’s secrets are kept is a given.

This week in the midst of the pressure I decided to tell someone some of my secrets. It’s been about five years since I talked to anyone new so I guess this is a big deal although once I start to talk, it’s hard to get to me stop.

The person I spoke with was shocked. I am never ever what people think I am or who people think I am but what was interesting was I spilled all this stuff and then I said, “You see why I can’t talk.  Everything I just told you is true and it’s just barely believable.  I could probably say *this and be believed,” I said, picking one stunning item from the pile. “But if I said, this or this or this or this on top of that,” I said mentioning other things I’d just talked about, ‘well, I’d no longer be believable.”

The person agreed.

“Well here’s the thing,” I said, wishing I had a cigarette though I’ve not smoked in twenty years.  “What I just told you is not even two percent of what I could tell you and it is already too much. Can you imagine that?  I’ve got another  ninety eight percent. As you can see, it’s just not possible to have conversations. My life is too far out and it’s been this way all my life. I was born to this so what am I supposed to do about that? I’ve no choice but to let people dream me into whatever they want. Do you see a choice?”


41 thoughts on “8th House – Keeping Secrets”

  1. I so understand your position you are everyone’s shade tree but you don’t have a shade tree because you are providing the shade for everyone else.

  2. What? I’ve tried to talk since I was 5 years old. I think you’d be quite stunned a people’s capacity not to hear what I say. They hear some bizarre shit I didn’t say or they leave their body.

  3. Actually had a minor version of that happen to me today. I can’t decipher how I feel about that yet. *smiles*

    (((Elsa))) Just for bein’ you. 😉

  4. Avatar
    curious wanderer

    Okay, I think I understand, at least a little. People do have an incredible ability to deny what they believe does not exist in their perception. I really can’t think of any better explanation for the world we currently live in.

    Maybe truth is like spicy food – tolerance differs by person. Hot, medium, mild, how much can one person take? I guess you’re super spicy, Elsa. 😉

  5. Avatar
    curious wanderer

    On having a second thought after hitting the button – I experienced this with my ex. One of the biggest problems in our marriage was that one would say something (or say they said something), and other would reply “you absolutely did not say that.” The most glaring example was when he asked me a question about re-committing to the marriage, and I said “no” right into his ear. He heard me say “yes.” It just blew my mind.

    It was part of the final decision to end it. I couldn’t stay married to someone who was obviously on a completely different planet, communication wise, than I was.

  6. We are all different and have live a complicated life. We only need one second to change your life, now count how many seconds there are in a lifetime. Lots! All you can talk about is half a percent, but if you give the opportunity of 2% wow.

  7. “That other people’s secrets are kept is a given.” By you, Elsa, yes; then, party due to the safety that seems to exist here which is partly because of all of your truth-telling and unmasking and openness, people start looking at, and publicly owning, some of their own secrets/shadow. And integrating. That is a big opportunity that comes with this “place.”

    If you’re a hologram, being privy to that/understanding that in itself is a huge lesson for some of us. For instance, your sheer buoyancy factor up against my chronic guilt and family pack-mule tendencies makes me feel like lead in comparison. Like, she can show up at happy hour and make small talk! A little thing that seems just amazing and important to me.

    Maybe it’s the sun/saturn talking, but I don’t think I’ve done nearly so well with secrets, lies, scandals and battles of my life. The best I can say is that I’m still standing, if retreating, but I really feel like I’m cast out of lead, and I’m looking back and questioning every decision I ever made.

    Even the therapeutic value of telling people looks questionable to me now. I know this sounds so jaded, and maybe again saturn, as he’s moving into square sun/saturn, but girl, I hope you were working under the seal of the confessional. I hope that unburdening to somebody new turns out to be helpful. Brackets around your name in perpetuity. Like having masses said.

  8. Avatar
    Le Ciel du Scorpion

    Oh yes. It’s built into my DNA. So many ridiculous secrets run through my family. But I, too, have been in ridiculous scenarios that are entirely unbelievable. I’m more than a little freaked out by some of the energy pushing out of my 12th house in the coming months…it’s begged me to ask the question: Would people really want to know the truth? Because the truth is somewhat unbelievable…

  9. Avatar

    Mostly, I think they don’t want to know. Sometimes I’ve tried that 2% thing also, and later people tend to behave like they haven’t heard. They just don’t want to know too much. So I’m leaving the rest of the 98% to me only, and will keep it.

  10. (((Elsa)))

    I have loads of secrets too that I never will share.

    I am sorry that it is so hard for others to really hear what you are saying. And I am glad that you found someone that you feel you can start to share some secrets with. I think everyone desires to be really heard.

  11. As someone with a stellium of personal planets in the 8th House, I totally get you. I am in the same boat.

  12. Hey, Elsa.

    How does a stellium of personal planets in the 8th house effect the dynamics in a therapeutic setting?

    {{ hugs }}, girl.

  13. The way I see it, everyone has their own built-in filter that they use when they interact with others. It’s a problem. Filters out what we can’t understand from someone else’s experience and also filters out our own understanding of ourselves. Damn filters. I wish we could all rip the veil off, but it may be too overwhelming until one is prepared. Actually, I think this is where therapy helps. We work on our own filter which helps us see others clearly, then.

    I think you’re dealing with this with how people interpret your words. Your experiences still help tremendously, though, even if misinterpreted. You have so much to give, and it permeates all of our crap just when we need it.

  14. @Rachael, my experience with therapy was very good. I had 2 excellent therapists (I moved to a new state) and several very poor therapists that I ran through while looking for the 2 that could help me.

    The 8th house, being associated with psychology is a natural in the setting, I think. Like putting a Leo on stage.

    I was not at all secretive in therapy. I talked like a son of a bitch. 🙂

    @belle, I understand what you’re saying and agree with you re: the misinterpretation. That is why I persevere. I know people get something. That’s why they’re here.

  15. I will toss out a card. It may be that I am playing crazy 8’s and everyone else is playing rummy. I am ok with that. I am used to people looking at me askance when I say things.

    My daughter has a close friend who could talk backwards from a very young age. Not just a few words, but paragraphs. She was brilliant, but you really had to strain yourself and listen closely to understand anything that she said.

  16. “By the way, “Whatever you have to say to him is going to be meaningless.” Why? How does he know what I have experienced and perhaps it’s off HIS screen. Just a thought.”

    On this, to clarify, my husband does not at all make assumptions about anyone ever. That would be totally against his training. He assumes at all times that everyone he meets is smarter than he is, knows more than he does, but he still has no desire to talk.

    That is the fundamental difference between the two of us. I have a desire to socialize where he does not. In fact he told me yesterday that his ideal would be to have .75, a friend though he does like having a wife, sons and the googly-eye and Clunk.

    It’s really not about you, it is about him. He is not interested in your screen which is completely within his prerogative.

    For him, it is yes sir, no ma’am, to people and outside of that he prefers to be left alone and will return the favor.

    Because he is this way and feels this way, it is a constant marvel to him what I go through to try to connect with people and *why I go through it.

    I mean, he understands this is my job and my destiny, he is just damned glad it’s not his.

    To sum it up, he doesn’t care how smart you are, he still doesn’t want to talk to you.

  17. My husband told me once that he only has the desire to talk to someone about once every 6 months. In regards to our 10 conversations a day, “I talk to you because you’re, P.”

    This is why it’s nice for him to have a wife. I run around facebook and say happy birthday to his friends on his behalf. I am the social one.

  18. To me: love = money
    money = shit

    so, i keep love and spend money 😛
    my job woman
    i dont like men´s job.
    I love my job.

  19. belle, I love him too. He is damned, damned lovable and loving though no one would ever guess which is his stock in trade, I guess. Pay no attention to the man lying on his belly in the jungle.

  20. Elsa – thanks for the insight into the soldier..I think, just maybe, I get him now (a little bit, mind you).

    I had a friend who lives the kind of life you have, no one understands the experiences and when she tries to explain them, people just act like she’s crazy and making stuff up. I stayed in the friendship for 20+ yrs. and watched her go through a lot of stuff. Her life and my life were like peanuts and car bumpers – no points of reference. BUT we both are good listeners, non-judgmental gals, so the friendship worked. I can honestly say I couldn’t relate to all of what she had happen or had to put up with (some of the stuff was like an “other world freak show” to outsiders. I just knew she needed someone to unload onto and vice versa.

    Here’s hoping you continue your precious friendships (along with your husband) who can be there and listen to you when need an ear to hear…

  21. I have to say this, Elsa – your childhood sounds like a freaking headtrip. I actually think about it, some of the details you’ve shared, in those random “in between” moments. And I haven’t been around this blog very long. Very pointed, very vivid impressions of you. I wouldn’t really know anything further to say or how to respond other than – impressions. Vivid.

  22. Yes, amandapm, that is because I am real. I am getting better at conveying this. I used to think people knew the truth when they heard it. I was so wrong about that. 🙂

  23. Elsa,

    You’re so lucky to have your husband and he to have you. I’m in something right now where I feel that I am just not being heard. I’m bending over backwards for this man, my defenses are way, way down. I’m trying to get the courage to let him go, I just don’t see him changing.

  24. I don’t know. The shit that goes on in this world–heads rolling down the street in Mexico. On youtube you can watch people (and kids) sawing someone’s head off. People’s skin melted off them in Hiroshima, and the things people did in the dark ages…. And who hasn’t heard the term, ‘drawn and quartered?’ The Native Indians used to wrap their captives intestines around stakes in the ground and then leave them for the wolves. Nothing much would surprise me. Am I unusual for that?

  25. “On this, to clarify, my husband does not at all make assumptions about anyone ever. That would be totally against his training. He assumes at all times that everyone he meets is smarter than he is, knows more than he does, but he still has no desire to talk.”

    that is also my brother to a T. My brother doesn’t have military training but is just a very disciplined man.
    I really love it. and people just can’t get enough of him. But he is an extremely private person.

  26. My husband says, “I don’t know nothin’ and I ain’t seen nothin’ so use askin’ me anything ’cause I won’t know what you’re talking about.”

  27. A smart man once told me that. To always assume the other person is smarter than you. Really is a whole different way of living your life, and an eye-opener. After all, who knows if the other person isn’t dumbing themselves down on purpose?

  28. a lot ofpeople are talking about cigarettes. an acquaintance was a chain smoker and grand cross guy. Haven’t seen him think he’s dead.

    secrets are like like blood; spill too much and one is dizzy, off balance, tierd.

    “If somehow you could pack up your sorrows and give them all to me you will lose them i know how to use them…”

    A lot of people especially women love pain, their’s & others, better than sucess.

  29. ahaha people hear what they want or what they are capable of hearing… and hell yeah I can relate to the “I’ve got another 98%”. Few people can take it. My two % has repulsed, shocked, confused, been denied or ignored, the list goes on. But its what makes us so unique too right, not so many willing to share
    – to you and all other heavy 8housers out there, blessings!

  30. what happens if you don’t have any planets in the 8th house, but leo dominates this house??? Does your secrets become less important to you or does it inflict you more??

    Sorry I am a newbie to Astrology.

  31. @ann and @sunnysadge if you post these questions on the board, more people will see them and you’re apt to get better responses. 🙂

  32. Elsa, I had an uncle who seems to be very much like your husband. I think I adored him because all I could do was stand back and admire his absolute knowing what he wanted and needed. On occasion he paid me some attention, but it had elements of bizarre. One of my most distinct memories was as an 8 year old. My uncle gave me his game of Go and two books of poetry (like koans maybe?) that were suppose to help one become a better Go player. He didn’t offer to teach me or play with me, explain what the books were, he simply told me he thought I should learn to play this game, it would help me. It also required someone to play with, someone I never had. Like you, I wanted the social interaction, but I wasn’t to get it from him. Nor have I been able to accomplish it with anyone since, except very recently with my therapist. And even she says she often has no idea what I’m talking about. Hard not to believe stigmas when one has to live with them, but at least I’m finally certain I’m not really crazy,just living a different life 😉

    Thanks for your stories, makes normal seem less essential.

  33. I’ve been honoured with being trusted with some amazing people’s secrets, because what happened to them is truly so insane and awful and bewildering as to seem unbelievable. But I believe them and in return they have helped me stretch out the paradigms of my mind.

    For the record, I’ve never not believed your stories (the bits that I could put together through the blog) but I do often find them confusing either because they are revealed through a circular route, or because they show a thinking and experience very different from my own, so it takes me a long time to process them.

  34. Heh, yes, I figured the public domain stuff wasn’t a secret, but I do remember some comments on your blog years ago about people not thinking that some of the stories were real. And then you went off and wrote stuff about holograms. I wish I could remember the exact context, but there’s been lots of posts and time between now and then.

  35. I’d just reiterate, I don’t write secrets on my blog (the internet) anywhere. I don’t speak ’em so I surely don’t write them.

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