Regarding, A Fish Tale – Two Pisces With Cheating Husbands, someone asked what happened to the gal who screwed the two husbands. I thought satori might tell you but she seems to have forgotten (she’s a Pisces) so I’ll tell you what happened because it brings up a subject another friend of mine is dealing with at the moment – Stalking.
satori and her husband divorced. He husband said disparaging remarks about this woman’s body which got back to the woman. In other words, she was used. She found out that he thought her ass was nothing special and the like. It was really quite degrading and a massive wake up call around what the man you are cheating with might really think of you.
She responded by stalking satori. She took to calling her and hanging up and here is the important thing to note: She kept it up for more than a year!
I mean satori never spoke but you get the idea. The gal gets drunk, maybe she had a bad night so she dials satori to share the pain and she keeps this up for a very long time.
Now stalking has come up around here recently and if you are a victim, I can tell you this: People who do this kind of thing can keep it up for a very long time and if you want no part of it (if you’re not playing back) you should never, ever respond. The person is after energy, see? And if you don’t provide any for long enough, the person will eventually find another source.
If you DO respond (in anger, with a plea for mercy or whatever) you effectively reset the clock. For example if they have a year-long fuse and you pick up 6 months into their burning it, you will have refueled them and you’re back to the year mark again.
It’s very simple. Things (people) like this need energy to survive. Starve them and they shrivel.
I remember that tip from “The Gift of Fear,” which is a book a really loved. I had my daugthers read it and had some great tips for dealing with this kind of stuff.
goddess, I read that book about 10 years ago, that must have been where I got that. I’d have credited DeBecker if I’d thought of it.
Another thing to note which may help some detach from their stalker is after awhile in many (most) cases it really has nothing to do with you. This becomes obvious when you realize if you stop feeding them, they eventually go off and find another host.
It’s like a troll on a board or a blog. If you’re a good host, you’ve got them. If you don’t feed them they go elsewhere…
well i don’t know if that’s where you got the idea or not, but the advice was the same. (he certainly didn’t present it like you did, of course.) but the idea was if someone calls 300 times and you finally respond, they learn the cost of getting a response is 301 calls.
i mentioned it specifically because it also has other ideas that would be helpful to someone being stalked.
This is so true about not giving energy. I had someone email me last year after a relationship ended. My reply was short but polite which to me spelled ‘good luck with it all, now **** off’ but he would wait a few weeks and then just email back. After about four attempts I realised that any response was energy to him and was feeding him at some level. So I actually spelled it out ‘Do not contact me again.’ He never did. It’s not stalking but it is the same principle – I had to give nothing. This really interests me – this energy exchange thing. I would like to hear more about it even though its creepy!
I just have to kick in with another recommendation for that book, the Gift of Fear. I read it a couple of years ago, and it profoundly changed how I look at the world.
Hmmm I will have to pic up that book. I have hear it referenced here alot.
I have prosecuted two stalkers for “stalking by menacing”. If someone is bugging you and you tell them to stop and they don’t, then it is talking. I was not equipped to handle the situations and was very naive until I had to call the police. At first I was in fear so I didn’t want to say anything to defend myself but then I was told to clearly, without a doubt, tell them to stop. That worked for the first one. The second one I had to call the police and that person was prosecuted. The third was a guy bothering my daughter and her friends. He was prosecuted by me and the other girl’s family. This behavior is “stalking by menacing” and its a crime. Not responding didn’t work for us and I have children that I had to protect. Lessoned learned. I have a good red flag warning system now. You can’t just give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
“If you DO respond (in anger, with a plea for mercy or whatever) you effectively reset the clock. For example if they have a year-long fuse and you pick up 6 months into their burning it, you will have refueled them and you’re back to the year mark again.
It’s very simple. Things (people) like this need energy to survive. Starve them and they shrivel. ”
Elsa, that’s SO TRUE.
i feel sad for everyone involved–that woman needs help. Wow, what a story!
This is a good reminder for me and something I need to teach my daughter. She’s had a boy become fixated on her recently and she is NOT INTERESTED in the least. I’ll tell her to starve that energy.
I really have to remember to check in here on time! I’m always days late.
I prosecuted a stalker who kept it up for 8 years. Only knew the guy a few weeks years ago but that was long enough to see sides to him he worked hard at masking. If not for my past experience with alcoholics, abusive people, controllers, and all that….and healing from it all, I would not have spotted his true self. Truly. The guy hides it very well. So I tried to extricate myself and wished him well but told him to not contact me ever again.
I didn’t engage him ever. When he couldn’t find me, after I moved, he resorted to sending things to family members for them to give to me, or calling them to pretend he was someone else and get info on me. The police warned him multiple times. He would always stop for a while (8 months was the longest) and then reappear.
The capper was when he chose to show up shortly after my mother died. That asshole walked right into my world when the anger stage of grief was hitting. He never knew what hit him. I called the police and they finally arrested him. I prosecuted him. I nailed his ass to the wall very professionally.
If he shows up after his probation period ends next year, his ass is no longer nailed down, it will be fried.
I’m a scorp sun with lots of virgo. This guy so picked the wrong person.