This Ben and I, on the phone last night. We’ve been close friends for 25 years, he’s a Scorpio.
For newbies, Ben is gay and has taught cello and performed with various symphony orchestras all his life (the entire time I have known him). He is half black and half white and from an era where it can be stated like that. He is known for maintaining a rigorous work schedule. 15 or more hours a day for decades now. He’s just got a lot to do and always has.
“Aren’t you getting old for this much work?” I asked. ‘You did this 20 years ago but aren’t you getting old for this now?”
He laughed.
“But you have things to do, I know.”
“Yes.”
“You have Jupiter in Virgo and you have a lot of work. They call us work-a-holics,” I said. “They have to assign us a pathology rather than doing something themselves.”
“Like get off their own dead asses.”
I laughed. “Yeah but you are getting old for this kind of schedule. Aren’t you? I realize you have things to do. I know you’re driven.”
“I do have things to do. I have lots to do all the time and as far as age goes, I’m still going pretty good. I still sleep on the floor like I always have. I’m still limber, I have no aches and pains but and I do find I have less compassion as I age,” he said.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, people stop me and they want me to FEEL for them. They sure do. Their pain, their shame, their angst, their agony. They want me to feel all that and I used to do that for people but I don’t anymore. They want to stop me and have me do all that rather than get going and do something themselves.”
“Yep.”
“Well I don’t have time for that anymore. Time is precious. It is more precious than money by far. Money is nothing compared to the value of time and I just don’t want to take time anymore to feel for people who won’t do anything to help themselves. First, they’re already wasting their time and they’ll waste mine too if I let them. They stop me in my tracks. The fact is, I like my own company more than I like to spend time with most people,” he said.
I laughed.
“I am having a party of thoughts in my head and you are not invited,” he said. “That’s what I tell ’em.”
I snorted. “You tell ’em that?”
“Uh huh.”
I heard him greet a student coming by for a private lesson. He had been home from his school day all of 6 minutes. “Is that your student?”
He confirmed that it was and I clicked off after he congratulated for a second time for my win in court.
Can you relate to this? Got Scorpio?
I can certainly relate to preferring my own company much of the time– I am very very very picky where I put my time and if I put it on you, I consider that special (haha I have Venus in Leo). But seriously, yes. I have sun/mercury/mars in the 11th, well-aspected, and friends/social opportunities are always around the corner. But I need depth and quiet and choose wisely — who I speak to, where I put my energy. This week I have had time (for whatever I want) and it feels amazing.
As for scorpio: just neptune in the 3rd, and pluto in the 1st, conjunct virgo moon.
Wow, Elsa, I’m taking notes! I can so relate to Ben’s description of people wanting me to feel ‘for’ them… I’ve been thinking that I was feeling ‘with’ them, but now seeing it from Ben’s perspective it’s making sense. I’ve got that stellium in Pisces, so boundries have always been an issue, and for some reason seeing that it’s not just empathy, and a waste of energy, it might make it easier to enforce them. Next time you talk to Ben, tell him thanks for me!
“Next time you talk to Ben, tell him thanks for me!”
I will and I am sure he will graciously accept your gratitude.
I feel the same way about people who want to mess with me on my blog. For Godsakes, get a therapist. I am writing a blog here!! 🙂
““Well I don’t have time for that anymore. Time is precious. It is more precious than money by far. Money is nothing compared to the value of time and I just don’t want to take time anymore to feel for people who won’t do anything to help themselves. First, they’re already wasting their time and they’ll waste mine too if I let them. They stop me in my tracks. The fact is, I like my own company more than I like to spend time with most people,” he said.”
Elsa, I swear I said almost verbatim the above quote from Ben to my husband not two weeks ago. I don’t think it’s a matter of LESS compassion, but a better ordering of priorities. I still feel for people, I’ve just learned to not waste my time with the ones who will waste my time… We learn, as we get older, to see that some people will be receptive to our compassion and others have absolutely no respect for or need to receive our compassion… It’s a matter of boundaries as Carrie said and I agree. We learn to pass on wasting time as it is the most precious commodity we have… My hubby has Jupiter in Virgo and he works very hard and is dedicated to his job. I’m not sure what makes this happen as we get older, but I think it’s a good thing to realize time is limited here on Earth and we’d better “get ‘er done” while we can…
I got it! I got it!!! :o)!!!
Virgo new moon is conjunct my pluto in my 3rd, been struggling to “set intentions” for this one. I’ve been learning loads in my life about setting boundaries (which is hard since I’ve got a lot of water in my chart). So I can really relate when Ben says they want you to feel for them, and it stops me in my tracks (I get stuck). Well, I just need to direct that through pluto in the 3rd to mercury/help them communicate &/or mars help them find appropriate (pluto) actions &/or neptune-in 5th- to help them with creative inspiration.
Thank you Elsa & Ben for sharing!!!
:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) Angie
One thing that Ben and I have in common is we are driven. We know what we are supposed to do on this planet and we do it, and do it, and do it.
I don’t really care what other people do or don’t do but I do not like people who bother people who are working productively and minding their own business, etc.
God, this is SO timely. I feel exactly the same way. What’s worse is that most of the people who want you to feel them (read: vampire off your energy) are middle-aged and should know better by know. Go get a life and leave me to mine thank you. Time is short.
Oh, I have Moon/Neptune in Scorpio. These people (and there are lots of them) seem to imagine I am their mummy.
Great post, and AMAZING Advice. Thank Ben for me too Elsa. 🙂 As a fellow scorpio and 8th stellium I apperciate this kind of talk and I do relate. I want to feel, I want to get in deep but as years pass you realize you cant waste energy or time on people who understand its worth.
Skye, thanks for your comment, it reminded me of something I wanted to add.
Ben and I were only on the phone for 5-6 minutes. We talked about the outcome of my recent court case and then had this conversation.
That was it, and we both hung charged and refreshed and happy. This is how it can when you’re dealing with energy refined, good boundaries, long term investment in friendship, etc. We have been a source (and never a sink) for each other for going on 30 years. It’s beyond priceless.
He’s a true touchstone for me and vice versa.
<3 Love the Ben conversations! Thanks to you both for sharing this.
wow, what an eye opener. I’ve heard a lot in the last week about my apparent lack of compassion…the people on this blog who know me can testify that I have compassion bleeding out of every orifice. if I don’t stem the flow I am going to bleed to death.
thank you for posting this and thanks to ben too. I’m glad you are friends:)
What Ben said about Time being more precious than Money really struck a chord in me. As I get older (and busier), I really value my time. Money is important — I mean, we gotta make sure we can survive and all. But, time to do things you need or love to do, that’s what feeds our souls. I Got Scorpio…and I am a scorpio!
The best part of no longer being behind a bar anymore is being away from the psychic vampires. Its why I am willing to give up on my home here, move away, and go back to school, so I don’t have to deal with that anymore. I’ve been a strong, loud proponent lately of “just say no” to everyone who will rob you blind of your energy and time. I’ve even been able to convince my stepmom of the wisdom of that approach–and that is no small feat in and of itself!
What a good point he made! With Neptune conjunt my acendant I have to be careful not to become a dumping ground for people’s issues. I’ve started cutting out speaking to people who leave me drained. Usually after one of these conversations the person hangs up the phone feeling so relieved and I’m zonked for hours. I think Saturn in Libra is helping me rethink some of these “friendships.”
Some Scorpio here! Scorpio on 7th cusp (Pluto in 6th in Libra), Jupiter and Mars in Scorpio – I am very much like Ben, can see emotional vampires coming miles away. I have no problem telling them they need help and not from me, and I don’t give advice either since I’ve often found people asking for it (non-astrology-wise I mean, I love giving advice related to astrology!) use it to manipulate me into listening to them and won’t even listen to the actual advice.
It is most annoying at my jobs, I got stuck working 2 customer service jobs (HATE customer service) and it seems expected of you to be sucked in. I never allow it, I always immediately change subjects or ask, “So, what are you going to do about that?” LOL at what he tells them!
Completely disagree. Its an honor to care for an aspiring warrior. In fact the only way to increase ones level of awareness is by helping others to climb to another rung on the ladder.
The problem with homosexuals, according to Carl Gustav Jung is that they are unable to project their anima out onto another human being (ie: a woman) Thus, your boy’s penchant for having a party in his own head with his own thoughts.
Back to real world issues, what is the mighty US military, FBI, CIA, NSA and special forces doing about these idiots….
KORAN BURNING CALLED OFF: The Florida players made Meyer aware of the Koran burning that was scheduled to take place on Saturday. While the Gators were on the practice field Thursday, it was canceled.
“I am relieved,” Meyer said. “The ramifications of that… Oh my gosh.”
Florida officials said increased security will remain in place for Saturday’s game.
Perhaps the US government shouldnt have conspired with Bin Laden et al to implode the World Trade Centers so the US Army could go play war and blow up civilians and priceless antiquities of the world once more.
Not that a waste of one million dollars per year per soldier in the field is so bad, but a ten year war is a WASTE OF TIME according to the homosexual.
Excuse me if you disagree, but I really dont give a flying fock if you cant handle the truth.
Sowwy owe yeah Sowwy for saying all this
I recently read a book on the 7 rays of light and how the signs all fall into a different ray manifestation. Excellent book and very detailed. Scorpio is born into the 4th ray or the ray of conflict. In Scorpio, the soul has to do battle with the personality and become the victor. In Libra the battle lines are drawn but it is in Scorpio that the battle must be fought. If victory ensues Sagittarius follows “the one pointed disciple” & then the sign of the “initiated disciple’ i.e Capricorn & so on. The book goes on to say the waters of Scorpio are irradiated every time a battle occurs. The prime monad of Scorpio is fixed and not an ounce of energy is lost in the process. I have a stelliun in Scorpio with the Sun, Moon, Mercury and Neptune. Like Ben, I feel the same way and it’s clearly energetic. Scorpio does battle all the time and in the name of others. I have won battles for others and I know how to fight behind the scenes and like a director, I seem to know everybody’s lines. Scorpio has to discriminate about which battles strengthen the personality and which strengthen the soul.
Interesting Kelly. Would like to add that the term Jihad actually means “to wage war against ones own weaknesses,” and has about as much to do with suicidal bombings as Christianity does with the Inquisition.
@Upsttr – “The problem with homosexuals…”
O RLY?
Spot on, yes. Learned a long time ago that trying to change people is a waste of time and actually all backfires. Being married to an Aries teaches you that, if you love him, you better leave him exactly being himself.
Feeling FOR others will just confirm their misery, being genuinely interested in them is much more interesting. If I’m interested, I’ll ask questions, if not, I leave them alone.
Yes, got Scorpio. I don’t need to be liked by everyone (moon) and will poke until you spill. (mars) Then we can talk. Or not.
“Well I don’t have time for that anymore. Time is precious. It is more precious than money by far. Money is nothing compared to the value of time… First, they’re already wasting their time and they’ll waste mine too if I let them. They stop me in my tracks. The fact is, I like my own company more than I like to spend time with most people,” he said.
“I am having a party of thoughts in my head and you are not invited,”.
I might have wrote this thing word by word. Scorpio mc, jupiter in virgo. Gemini sun in 4th- the party thing too. Figured time is the most valuable at 21- capricorn stellium. I keep telling people TIME IS YOUR BIGGEST RESOURCE and you ought to use it however you see it fit for you. Some people in my life have finally started to listen.