Allies vs Friends

berlin wallI’ve come to terms with the fact the world has changed. I see people are divided, they’re not open the way they used to be (in my world).

People have allies now, more then they have friends. Or they become friends because they are allies, rather than having a genuine interest in each other. That’s weird, isn’t it?

I read a report tonight, where someone commented, “Who cares?” A lot of people feel that way about reporting, particularly about celebrities which was the subject in this case.

Someone answered that comment with a list of of the people who care, specifies that *these people care* as do their allies. I just laughed.

I just think it’s funny that it’s not okay that an individual not be interested in something. What if I did that with astrology?

“I’m not interested in astrology.”


This would not stop me from being friends with a person. I just can’t imagine that, never mind, sicking my allies on them! You don’t like astrology? Well then here comes my army. We’re going to ruin you.

I’m really sorry that our society has become this way. We’re separated into factions and you have to find friends, if you can, among the people in your faction.

This detaching (Uranus) may be the death (Pluto) of us.

What do you think of that?

27 thoughts on “Allies vs Friends”

  1. i don’t know…wasn’t it always this medieval? you marry into a clan, you merge with a tribe. I live in an ethnically diverse city, but you can see the Irish hang with the Irish, the Poles with the Poles, the Hispanics with the Hispanics and so on. It’s a form of strategic power and survival maybe?

    1. eliza, maybe you’re right. I don’t know how old you are, where you are from, etc. I may have grown up at just the right time, at just the right places, to see people really come together. I can tell you for sure I believed in this and I lived it for most of my life. America the melting pot.

      It may be that I am naive…and lucky.

  2. There was the era of West Side Story and the warring factions. What followed that was integration / the melting pot.

    That’s what I miss. And people accepting (and respecting) other people’s differences.

    Tolerance! It’s gone like it never existed, but it did exist (in my lifetime).

  3. In the current era, I remember Dubya stating you’re either with us or you’re against us, and there hasn’t seemed to be much middle ground since. Of course, the disappearance of the middle class aka economic disparity, and handheld technology devices may be contributing, and the so-called ‘fabric’ of society is threadbare. I think eliza’s got something too when she sees it as a perceived mode of survival.

    Could it also be the rotten tailings of political correctness run amok? Here in Canada the new jingoism prevents me from daring to say I care less about hockey….

    1. Ha ha on the hockey. Football is sacred here. It’s a religion. So I find the benefit. When the local NFL team is playing, the streets are empty and it’s a great time to run errands. 😀

    1. That’s an interesting point, Tam. It *is* as bad offline, in my neighborhood. I think a lot of what you see or don’t see depends on the region.

      I spoke with my husband last night and put it this was:

      When I was in my early 20’s, I got a job at a restaurant in a hotel. I went in there, expecting to get along with everyone…I have always gotten along at work, easily.

      So as it turned out, the restaurant was staffed by 17 gay waiters, a (rabidly) homophobic head cook, a waitress in her 60’s, another drug-using, joke-cracking waitress in her 20’s, a rest. manager who was gay, and an asst. manager was what was called a “fag hag” at the time. Not sure what women like that are called today.

      In whatever case, I went in there expecting to get along with everyone and I did get along with everyone. I met my friend, Ben (who is half-black) there and we’re still friends 30 years later!

      Back then, everyone knew who everyone was and everyone interacted and nothing degraded. If I was to walk into a situation like that today, lines would be drawn and you would have to align with a side.

      Here’s the sad part: When I went to work there, I was coming off some horrible trauma. People have plenty of trauma in their lives today, too,

      So when I walked into this place – I had the opportunity to gravitate towards anyone in there with whom I had chemistry…and no worries about people I may not have meshed as well with. Life did not come with this extra pressure , where everywhere you go, you must hate half the people there. Consequently, life was much easier. You could just walk, rather than walk on eggshells.

      1. Perhaps there is a lower percentage of people with class now? I have noticed that more people have their opinions tied to their ego than when I was younger.

        I was on a business trip this week and of course the government shut down came up in conversation over lunch but even though there were differences of opinions no one got bent out of shape about it. So perhaps some of it is regional. Not sure.

        1. What seems to work best, is that you not allow yourself to get whipped into a frenzy. Don’t be manipulated.

          Using the example above, in reality not everyone cares about the things you care about. Beating them is not likely to change this.

      2. Avatar

        It’s the egg shell part, in my opinion, that’s at the root. “Fag hag” would get you sued now 🙁 I understand the reasoning to attempt to stop biggot mentality. But really what’s in someone’s heart is not changed just because words don’t come out of their mouth. Instead people form “groups” if you will where they can still speak freely, without fear of persecution.

        It’s just unbelievably painful to watch 🙁

        1. No one can sue anyone for anything where I live. Seriously. It’s prohibitively expensive. Furthermore you have to convince a judge you deserve to. They might call you an idiot themselves. ..I guess it comes down to fear. But then again I worry more about the police using excessive force than I do other things. I don’t live in the US. Common perception is that in the US anyone can sue you for anything. I don’t think I’d survive down there.

      3. Thank you for saying this Elsa. I was wondering if my own memories were distorted or sentimentalized. The period was post Vietnam and watergate. It was not a bed of roses. But people didn’t seem as quick to demonize one another as they do today. And it’s very Saturn in Scorpio of you to keep trauma victims in your heart. This environment is catastrophic for them. They become caught up in the polarized hatred a or they drop out of sight and withdraw onto their own trip. Pluto Uranus strikes again

  4. It is impossible to find people one can agree with 100% of the time. So respecting differences is paramount. What binds people together is if they have at least one thing in common in order to put up with other differences.

    In my experiences with human interactions, there are some topics I can talk about to some people, but I have to refrain from discussing certain things with other people, knowing the way they respond.

    What is a deal breaker for me though is if my way of being is not honored in a particular region. I need to live the way I’m meant to live.

  5. Lately I am learning to keep my trap SHUT about politics and religion if I don’t want to get people started. Don’t even breathe the words “health insurance” or “government” unless you want to hear yet another rant. Sorry, this Libra is tired of arguing with people and being subjected to diatribes. 🙁

  6. I wonder if some of this polarization is due, in part, to the media. Once there was a time when newscasters, for example, delivered the news in a very dignified manner. Now we have screaming and giggling buffoons who indulge in schoolyard name calling. We have radio talkshows that are nothing but screaming matches. The idea of being civil to one another as set by the media has gone into the dumper.
    And yes, the internet as well. On many news sites, the viewer is asked to “judge” a news story. Was this relevant to you? What do you think? This prompts the viewer to react from the gut, rather than from a place of thoughtful contemplation.
    I, too, notice the polarization in real life, helped in part by the devices that seem glued to everyone’s hands. It is rare to make eye contact with strangers because those little shiny devices have left much of the population in a trance. Therefore, many people don’t learn common social skills.
    Sometimes I think we have been duped into a culture of fear and mistrust. But other times, I resort to the old adage that says if you see a problem, try to fix it. So I try to engage people in real life conversations, I try to be friendly where I can, I try to put out just a little bit of good intention into the world to counteract that which alienates and isolates us from one another. I may not be making a big change, but it feels better than resigning myself to the idea that the world is a fearful place and there’s nothing that I can do to change it.

  7. I’m at a new school in a new city this year and the first thing the teacher I work with told me was that “x” “is my best friend and we agree if I don’t like someone he can’t like them and the same with him, so you better be glad I like you because he is powerful on this campus”. They are both in their early 30s. This made me really sad because at 50, I, too, remember when the world let you have friends across the board. So guess what…I walk on eggshells at my new school and eat in my room rather than have to choose which table to sit at in the teacher’s lounge. My theatre friends seem a lot more open and that may be one reason I miss them so much and realize I am in desperate need of finding an artistic group so I can find some friends.

  8. hate — hate is all i hear
    is it because i fear

    at 16 i learned not to fear — now 70
    no need to fear got to die sometime
    i have lived — every moment – beautiful memories

  9. I sense this too. I think people are hanging on to their beliefs with fear. It’s the fear that makes a difference.

    I also think there’s no unity in values. There’s nothing to tie me to every person I encounter. Not everyone I meet values hard work and honesty. I’m sure there’s a flip side to that. I’m sure there are people who think my values are disgusting.

  10. I really like what Luna said about W Bush saying that “your either for us … ” that would mean in my knowledge of things he probably set the precedence or command for us as a nation to be that way. Now I am going to pray that God break his ignoramous curse on this nation. Pls people dont take lightly what a leader says to the public, it sets the precedence for how we are to become. For instance Obama said at the world trade center when it was rebuilding “we will rebuild stronger” sort of in a defiant spirit against the “other” and instead of God help us rebuild kind of mentality with a bit of humility he insisted on a defiant spirit. Anyway i don’t want to get into , if your interested go to youtube and type in “9 harbingers”
    So anyway yeah I have seen this since high school though so I am kind of confused now.. but i will say freaking adults are doing this too! Its like one thing for kids who need to ‘belong’ somewhere but for adults, I mean come on ?? Like last night I was at a AA meeting with my friends and we were all cliquish. I was talking to different people and my friend said “geez you talk to everybody” and I was like “yeah so I am friendly (I am not an asshole)” so anyway there were “punks” there were “musicians” there were “AA recovered people” etc etc.. It was a big event. But yeah I am getting tired of seeing this division too. I think all we can do is pray. If your in the south I would think their is less division. My cousin lives in a predominantly small town and even though they accept her as a hispanic they have said things to her but she still lives there.. It erks me. I mean grow the fuck up! Stop being ignorant take a class on sociology and you will see the govt/powers that be are dividing us because they want to keep us in control! Not that we should point the finger at them violently but that we should overcome our own weaknesses and inherited weaknesses and love our brothers and sisters the same. Thanks Elsa good observation there!

  11. Discord exists. It’s part of the human condition or dilemma. I’m recognizing it, calling it by its name, and therefore can make a decision not to go there. When I am getting cornered I have to resort to my houdini.I I would hate to get to the point where I would have to assemble allies. They would be the coldest, most calculating, nastiest people I know. No shortage in my locale. My friends would not be up to that.

  12. I have been watching the show downton Abby, what your describing sounds like that show too me, if you are familiar with the show than you know that the upper crust hang together even as going so far too marry their cousin too keep up there inheritance in the family, they just don’t mingle with the servants, or regular people.

    They funny thing too me about it all is the irony of there is 7 billion people in the world and we can’t seem to break out of the mold and become more diverse socially. I know it’s not like this for everyone, but IT DOES seem too rear it’s head online, where people show there opinions more easily than they would face to face, being an outgoing sag sun I find this disturbing, that you are one way on the internet but you just try to blend in irl..

    1. ‘one way on the internet but’ . . . I like finding how other people really think about stuff. It helps me to understand diversity and I think I get along better here down on the ground for it. With the new rush to carry concealed weapons in my state, free speech is not so free anymore. That someone can shoot you and get away with it because they say they were afraid for their life is an iffy kind of excuse that can hold up in court. I suppose that is the danger when a differing opinion threatens one’s ego to the point that they believe it’s existence will kill them. I don’t want that to be me. Blog on.

  13. Strong Mercury and Gemini in the 20th century began this tendency. So, some people see on others with excessive rationality.

  14. Although I have been at peace in many ways, I am also sad this week. In my volunteer work I deal with refugee parents who have lived through what we cannot imagine. These are people who’s children are alone and hiding in dangerous countries, or who have been kidnapped for ransom and then sold to people who sell human organs. If you want to read up a bit, google “Rashaida and Eritrean”. Not many people can handle this kind of work. After a case, it takes me a while to get through my feelings. Others don’t want to hear about it.
    I think there may be a local priest who knows about this. I think I’ll talk to him. You can tell when you try to talk to someone who can’t hear this stuff. It’s too dark. But some can and don’t have to shut it out or shut me down.

  15. I have no idea if I’m right or what social or astrological force might be responsible for this, but when it comes to people’s egos and their opinions, I think my generation is obsessed with distinguishing themselves. And with wanting to be at odds with people so they can prove they don’t care what people think of them (even if they care a great deal, and most of them do). For a while, these were the “battles” we were fighting. Previous generations had to battle a lot of very obvious and very external threats. I think the “enemies” that our generation is facing have been hidden and difficult for us to truly pinpoint, and it’s only now that we’re waking up to it. Up until now it’s been easy for us to turn on each other. I think with Pluto/Uranus in play, though, it is too late for us to go back and fix things. I wish my grandparents were still alive; they could tell me what things were like during the last Pluto/Uranus square. Somehow I get the feeling people came together more back then to tackle what we were facing.

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