Hi Elsa,
My boyfriend has a Scorpio friend that he has known for about five years. She doesn’t like me. It is very difficult to deal with this because as far as I can tell nothing I have done has caused her to dislike me — I am her pal’s girlfriend and she
doesn’t like it, period. Everything I say or do is taken the same way (politely, but dismissively). She is older than both of us — much older than I am — and I am not worried about romantic attraction on his part at all — nothing to do with her age, just getting that out of the way.
I don’t really have much interest in cultivating a friendship with someone who so obviously doesn’t want one with me, but my main problem is the boyfriend. I know he is an Aquarius and all, but his attitude is to stay out of it. He expects me to act like an adult and I am trying to transcend this but it is very hard since we hang out with her a lot (they work together). It is becoming an issue because he says I just shouldn’t hang out with them when he’s hanging out with her but this strikes me as kind of unfair. I really don’t want this to devolve into a tug-of-war.
All of his other friends are fine with me. Usually I get along really well with Scorpios so I don’t know what the deal is
here. What can I do?
Motivated
Thailand
Dear Motivated,
I have a dim view of this. It’s so negative I thought I best put this up as an open question so others would be more encouraged to weigh in on the chance my personal bias (and experience) drives my opinion.
The way I see it, the Scorpio is going nowhere. Who is going to drive her off? You. No. Him? No. She is essentially a mother figure… one of those Mom’s who won’t let go of their son.
As for your boyfriend’s part in this, he’s got a stellium in Aquarius that includes Venus and yes. Intellectually he does think you should be able to detach and cope with his friendship however there is another angle here. Her presence in your relationship provides him space. There is a lack of commitment on his part and I notice his Saturn is conjunct your Sun…
Basically he’s telling you to grow up, clutch it up but he is not doing this himself because if he was he would blow the whistle on his friend rather than his girlfriend.
Now I don’t know what you are going to do but I would point out these two are fixed. That is they are not prone to change and the Scorp is very likely to slowly turn up the heat and in my experience these Mom people always win and I mean, always.
I am very sorry and hope someone else can offer a more optimistic view (that is valid) but I just don’t see it. When someone is beating on you and your man allows it, well…
It might be all right if you did not have to see and deal with her all the time but you do have to see and deal with her all the time (or turn him over to her) so to me it seems this die is cast.
Anyone else?
Click to see the chart full size
That’s messed up. I totally agree with you Elsa. And as a Leo, your pride comes before anything, right? Why are you allowing this guy to put anyone before you? Scorpios are manipulating and they can really get in people’s heads so who knows what’s going on there. All I can say is that he needs to put her in her place and put you where you belong, as his number one. He obviously respects her opinion more than yours and that’s not right.
“these Mom people always win and I mean always.”
Oh my goodness, I’m glad somebody finally said something about this! I always thought it played out this way…ugh!!
I wasn’t even aware that “these Mom people” are existing.
I wouldn’t say the outlook is very rosy either, but it’s worth a shot to try and get the friend alone and just talk to her. “Have I done something to offend you? I just don’t feel like you’ve warmed to me very much, and that’s kind of a problem because of how important you are to x…”
Her reply should at least let you know whether her problem is personal or territorial.
If your boyfriend has a huge problem with you confronting her on it, get the *!@&# away from him. That means there’s a mutual dysfunctional control cycle going on that both of them are feeding.
“Last, this letter writer has Scorpio MC and Saturn. She is the Dad, no?”
Yep, sounds right to me. Good catch, kashmiri.
I can totally see the reasoning behind your advice, Elsa, and the other comments as well, but I feel like I can see both sides on this one.
The other side being there may be reasons for this woman’s dismissing attitude and the boyfriend’s ‘take it or leave it…I mean take it’ approach.
Yes these people work together, but no one except for those two people (bf and his female friend) are in the know about the context of their relationship. Did they know each other before the relationship began? Maybe he was having a breakdown and his Mommy figure saved him. Maybe she sustained him in a way emotionally that no one even talks about because it is unspeakable and inexplicable.
If he is devoted to her (and obviously he is)–a woman who is not his partner (even if it isn’t sexual)–this doesn’t sit well with a person with Leo! His girlfriend should be the Queen right?And I don’t think this is a bad thing. Damn right she should be the Queen.
Just saying the Scorpio female workmate obviously has an undefined, yet VERY important role. But one thing is for certain–the Queen and the Mother are two very different roles in my mind. So it depends on the battle when you say ‘Mom always wins.’
Last, this letter writer has Scorpio MC and Saturn. She is the Dad, no?
sounds like you’ve got yourself an unfriendly mother-in-law. and whether you endure her dismissiveness feeling like the unwanted extra person in THAT couple or make yourself scarce for their together time, you can bet that scorp’s behavior will escalate. the less your with them, the more critical she’ll be of you in your absence and continue to chip, chip, chip away at your relationship. if she does it while you’re there, you think she’ll be more restrained when you’re not? i don’t.
I wouldn’t bother talking to the scorp about it. That just gives her more ammuninution to critisize. “how childish and insecure” she’ll say you are, not being able to deal with bf having female friends. of course, that’s not the truth at all, but it doesn’t matter.
you’re not only being made uncomfortable spending time with your own bf, you’re being specifically asked to butt out of his other relationship. i don’t care if they are sleeping together or not, he’s made that one his primiary relationship; you are the one being told you must accept his other “gf”.
I mean, he’s tolerating the critisim of you without issue. But her? No, she can’t be expected to change her behavior. I see no win in this scenario, short of the oceans parting and he suddenly decides he’d rather have a gf than a controlling mommy figure.
Yes I expect people to be grown up and deal with other people in their partners’ lives. But if somebody attacks my partner, be it overt or be it backhanded, it’s also an attack against me and my relationship. When you are with somebody, HELL yes you take sides! Being partnered means working together. And is sounds like bf is definitely partnered…just not with you.
{{{Motivated}}}
Sounds like the scorpio lady is trying to get rid of you and it’s working. Talk to the guy about being cool with the friendship only if it remains a friendship, meaning you stay #1, and she becomes #2 (or even #6).
As to dealing with a dismissive scorpio.. she’s using energy to put distance, and dismissing you is energy – it’s insidious and undermining. You could use her energy back – play on the age difference – convince him to leave early – because she needs to get her rest. When she looks tired point it out. Then talk to him about how maybe next time it’s better to leave early so as not to tax her. Those kinds of ideas.
Once I had an Aquarius boyfriend and I had the same issue. One night my boyfriend said the friend who is like your scorpio woman was coming by and it was a chance to neutralize my jealousy… hahaha what a catastrophy it was. I was SO not cool with the situation, and within a few months we were not together anymore. It took me a while to “fall out of love” with him, but once i did, I was relieved not to have to accompany my boyfriend on a weird kind of a date that didn’t feel like my date at all anymore.
As far as your situation goes, I think the Scorpio woman knows you are uncomfortable, and she is already not doing anything to support you. I would say don’t waste your energy on her. Saturn is about to pass over your Venus and Mercury. I think this is a big chance for you to decide what you want in a relationship, what matters to you, and what makes you feel secure. If you decide you want a boyfriend who understands you don’t want another woman on your dates, and your boyfriend thinks you are being difficult, you may do yourself a favor and tell him you don’t want to see him. I think this is a time to look inward and take yourself seriously and lovingly .
by the way, i don’t think this is about you in any way, shape or form…
Possibly your bf is keeping her around so you compete with her for his affections.
She is the “cock-blocker”, and YOU are the cock in this situation. He accepts her behaviour because it makes for a chase.
You should not be chasing him if you’re in a relationship with him.
Confront her, him, or both of them and sort this out – or get out of there.
if you can’t be friends you should at least respect each other enough to give a certain distance… and if your boyfriend insists that your time with him also be spent with her to some degree even if you don’t enjoy it, there’s a problem.
personally, i’d take his advice, and not join in the coworker’s get-togethers. and if that affects your time together as a couple, say something, and see whether it’s worth it to him to make the time for you that you want. if it isn’t, that tells you where is priorities lie, doesn’t it?
i went through something like this last year. finally decided it wasn’t worth dumping any more energy into a relationship that wasn’t feeding me back. when i realized i just wasn’t important enough to him, i moved on. because it wasn’t about me, it was about what he valued. i’d rather be in relationship with someone who values me and focuses on me when i’m around.
and who knows… maybe he will realize he wants more time with you… it happens. but it’s better if he figures it out on his own.
and… socializing with people who don’t bring you up, to me, is like negative time… worse than wasted time… it makes you feel worse than when you started, and do you want that energy in your time together with your boyfriend?
I think you totally threaten Mama Scorp.
I don’t know if you should bother confronting. I mean, he doesn’t understand the problem now, it is very unlikely that he (or they) will understand it in a confrontation that could easily escalate.
Aquas can be strangely loyal to their friends. . .even if it doesn’t make sense to be. Even at the cost of their girlfriends.
Is that a Pisces Moon I see? You might like someone more sensitive way better.
*****
And Venus is in Leo and the Sun is about to be, so it really is all about you right now. Maybe you should think about banishing them from your kingdom.
Sorry. 🙁
<3
I’m not a Scorpio, but two of my best friends are and I’ve got a packed 8th house. I’ve got another idea…
One of my friends has been seeing someone I loathe for years. She’s never done anything to me; I’ve never even talked to her. Instead, I’ve listened to the way her man has talked about her and described her. He’s never said anything in an attempt to be negative at all. He’s very much smitten and protective of her.
But as a woman with a lot of relationship experience, I know that that him saying A, B, and C means X, Y, and Z. I can see that his insecurity, lack of relationship experience, attraction to her, and general compassion is mixing together and blinding him to crap he wouldn’t take from anyone else.
I’ve been watching her use and manipulate him for years on end and I hate her for it. I’ve seen nothing admirable in her character, nothing redeeming at all. Just a weak, grasping woman using my friend to fix the mess she’s made of her life. She would be up shit’s creek without a paddle if he wasn’t the self-sacrificing, white knight sort of guy who doesn’t think anyone else would be interested in him.
Scorpios can be nasty, but only the nastiest of them are mean for no reason. They’re very loyal and loving to those who are worthy. Before going overboard criticizing and blaming the friend, check yourself and make sure you haven’t done some lousy crap to her friend that might piss her off. Doesn’t matter if it was recent, either. Scorpios can hold a grudge for decades, and it’s possible that you wronged her friend and she hasn’t forgiven and forgotten.
I second Elsa on this, totally.
Motivated – Good luck!
Good luck!!! Hope it goes well and he’s able to hear you.
Thank you all so much for your replies. I’m going to try and talk to him tonight.
ewinbee — I don’t think talking to her will help at all — I’ll just get more deflection. Besides, I don’t want to be her friend. What kind of friend would she make, to me?
kashmiri — Yes, they did know each other before he ever met me and she has seen him go through (I think?) two other girlfriends. She is very into being “one of the guys” — and I am someone who threatens her territory. Not simply with Boyfriend — with the other guys they hang out with too, because they actually really like me. And his family loves me.
goddess — “you’re not only being made uncomfortable spending time with your own bf, you’re being specifically asked to butt out of his other relationship.” Thank you. That is exactly how I feel.
Rob — I don’t think I am the cock, I think he is the cock and she is cockblocking me.
M. — I understand what you are saying. I have had two strong personal friendships with Scorpios and I know how deeply they can pull for you. However, I haven’t done shit to my boyfriend. I love and respect him and I communicate with him very well. He is not under my control and I despise manipulation. The Scorpio isn’t being mean — she is being passive aggressive.
Again, big thanks to everyone. I’m going to try and outline things very clearly for him so he has an idea of our issue here.
“socializing with people who don’t bring you up, to me, is like negative time… worse than wasted time…”
so right!
Hmmm.. I have read all the posts.. I am a scorpio woman who has a Aquarius (male) friend also… He’s single thank god… hehehehe… But umm in the sinario of the Leo girlfriend, don’t confront her (the scorpio), she will have in mind that u are rather insecure… Do as he says, just ignore her. If he says they are just friends, then that is the case. Don’t push the issue or else u will push him away… Let him get tired of her “motherlyness”… He has u as #1 or else he wouldn’t be in a relationship with u. He is a rather frank person and says things like it is. Just be very mature about the situation and give him his space to interact with his “friends”.. He’ll def appreciate it and feel the trust that u have for him. Trust me it works!!!
‘in my experience these Mom people always win and I mean always.’
Oh God, that is so depressing. Why is this? Is it the man’s moon or what?
Question: what’s up with the Libra-Libra crap?
I’m a Libra who encountered a similar issue with my then Virgo boyfriend’s Libra female best friend. (That was a long sentence.) Being a nice Libra, myself, it’s kinda hard to believe that nastiness spews from other Librans. But such was our case, and our story went one step further– Libra-douche went out of her way to say that I didn’t like HER and then proceeded to make up lies about me which then injected doubt in my then boyfriend’s brain. None of it was true. In fact, I liked her when I met her. A lot. She just continued to stir trouble whenever she had the chance and completely ignored me whenever I was around, making me feel like trash. I’m ashamed to say it, but I put up with that nonsense for about 1.5 years, on and off, before I grew some “balls” because I didn’t want to ruin their friendship.
That patience wore off, though, (it can only last so long) and I mustered the courage to say “hell, no. I will not be putting up with that biotch’s drama anymore,” to my Virgo beau.
He confronted his “BFF” about her behavior, and no sooner had he discovered that she was absolutely freakin’ nuts and way too possessive (see also: frequent 2,000-word angry e-mails and hang-up calls). After that, he promised me that this havoc would never happen again.
And it hasn’t, although, if the opposite of that occurred, if he’d have broken his promise, I’d have laced up my walking boots and headed out the damn door. But he lived up to that promise and never allowed her to trample upon our relationship ever again. He even confronted her twice, which is a huge step for a Virgo. HUGE.
We’re happily married, now. But here’s my two-cents on this topic: either someone will respect you or someone will not. There’s no gray area when it comes to respect. And if one doesn’t respect you, sucks for them.
Just my opinion. We have to have a little bit of pride to get us through these kinds of things and not be ashamed of it because we deserve better than this immature nonsense.
Thanks anyway. It just brought up something that I really don’t understand – I guess if the answer was easy I would have worked it out by now.
wow! thats interesting angle and makes alot of sense! i wonder why some men want to keep a girlfriend and then a friend who is a girl too hanging around? when it bothers the girlfriend? the Stellium Aquarius man really needs that space, and i think that is subconscious on his part and he doesn’t realize it. but it’s a “natural” thing to him to keep that space between him and his girlfriend by having that “friend” around, despite how much strife it’s causing the girlfriend. it’s really horrible imo. i would be seriously miserable. this guy seems to be better off with a woman with alot of space too.
Great analysis and conclusion.
I love this type of razor-sharp exploratory surgery!
I think its all horse hockey! Why is the Aqua getting away with it? The Scorpio is taking the hit as usual. If that guy wanted to be in an air tight exclusive relationship with her there is no family or friend that would come between them.
I have never met an Aqua Stellium that a Scorpio could control pffftttttt!!!!!!!!!!!
If I told my sig other that some ‘friend’ of his was treating me badly, being aloof and such, he would confront it. If he didn’t then he would be on the bye-bye list.
He’s telling you to just let them hang out and not come around when she is there? And because she is older of whatever the reason, maybe not as attractive as you think she should be they couldn’t possibly be sleeping together? Well, you never know about that.
My opinion, I would walk. I would never stay with a man that told me I had to understand some funky friendship he was having with another woman.
I hate how Scorpio gets used to be the ‘out’ for people….like this man that does not and will not commit. I look to my partner to make a decision in this kind of scenario. If he wont, he is not my partner. And, who knows what this guy is telling her. He may be telling her that he isn’t in love with you and that you are just a friend with bennies relationship. Maybe you are jealous of her and seeing the whole thing wrong. Maybe she feels it and is distant because of it.
You are never going to control another persons friends. And if you don’t like her, and he doesn’t care….move on. This is from 2008 so I hope you have since married someone else and have a happy family by now and those two are a distant memory.
I love how the Scorpio ends up being the shit heel in these scenarios and is the manipulative ass that is keeping a man away. That Aqua stellium has a mind of his own. There is no Scorpio Sun telling that birth chart what to do. I couldn’t personally be with a cool distant aloof birth chart like that. And, I would run.
Leo Sun? Good grief….everyone is fixed. No one is going to budge. Fixed Air, Fire and Water. I have no doubt who is going to win this race. In the end though the Scorpio will take the blame. SMH Air doesn’t care….
I cant believe a Leo sun would tolerate this long enough to write about it. Leo needs to be bathed in the spotlight and adored.
I have an Aqua mother in law. Good God don’t get me started. Talk about someone that just does not GAF… she walked away from my husband 10 years ago and hasn’t bothered to contact him since.
I think the Aqua is the jackass in this scenario. The women are getting played.
Yeah, why should he give up attention from either woman when he has it from both? That’s one nice soft set of double pillows for his ego.
That aquarius venus, really wants to stay friends no matter what. he must really love the attention. (it’s very leo in a way….how weird)
@Soup RIGHT ON!
Lol ScottishFoldSoul
Hey soup, I don’t care if this is from 2008, you gave a very interesting and different perspective on both Scorpio and Aquarius in this situation. Thank you!
Aquarius rising me says he’s telling you it’s his way or the highway. You have to decide if you’re okay with that.
Wow. I am sorry to hear this. My once-finance and I bought a home and his kids visited on weekends. The 16 yr old boy was very difficult and insulting to me…I spoke w my fiancé asking him to discipline the boy but he refused to confront his son. I felt more and more shut out by this bossy lad and their tight relationship until we finally split up…he came back a few years later to patch it up but it was too late…
I just experienced this, and I lost out big time, to their friendship.
He told me to grow up and they were friends. So we broke up. And yes, his friends and family really liked me a lot!
But, in the end it was his choice and I tried to be cool, but it was beating me up over and over again.
What I do know is this, sometimes these characters value friendship over everything else, because they want something like popularity: to be known. And when you are a girlfriend/partner, it’s not enough. Unless you are a celebrity and you have many circles to run around into be popular. Hey, thats another story.
You’re spot on Elsa. Couldn’t add anything except I fought the mom battle for 32 years and eventually lost. It’s best to cut out while the relationship is still young.
it really does sound like the scorpio friend is a mommy to him, and he has the girlfriend too? usually you have only one to be all that. lol a lot of men are like this I notice, and I don’t know if they are aqua stelliums, but fighting the mom battle is an endless task. if a man wont stand up this mother,figuratively speaking, then a woman who is their girlfriend, mate ect, will always be 2nd fiddle. mom’s come first. in this case the mother figure should step away and stop being so overprotective.
She’s def cock blocking. If she really liked your boyfriend & was such a good friend, she would want the best for him. She’s threatened by you. Plain & simple.
Good luck to you Motivated in Thailand! I agree with Kristi.
Boyfriend treating you like second fiddle? Ditch him (applies to Leo’s and non-Leo’s)!
I already commented, then realized this is from 2008. Problem still not solved?
.
Fixed signs clashing. Can hardly be anything done about it. Prohibiting your boyfriend having friends is just as wrong as treating your girlfriend bad. I guess that the shown chart is the girlfriend’s chart. With added charts of the other two people would it be much easier to judge the situation.
Without even referencing the signs, why waste your energy on something like this? Life is too short to be caught up in these stupid power games. You are either his girlfriend or your are not! Question: do you really want to spend living your life caught up in an endless game of this crap?
If he is too spineless to stand his ground & show his support to you, then bugger orff.
If he prefers her company, let him have it & leave.
Pretty simple. Just toughen up & make a choice.
No power game is ever healthy. Period. There is always a stressed out loser on the other side of the so-called winner.
It’s the blessing and curse of all this Capricorn, seeing clearly. When I am in those situations I now I ask myself what are they getting out my being in their lives and I their’s when the pain is so poignant. Unless I want to or know how to play with the illusion what’s the point in that kind of disregard of my feelings. Extricating is easier with some clarity and compassion for myself.
I agree goddess.an insightful analysis.
Scorpios are only powerful if you give up your power.
Scorpio woman(SW) is dismissive of the Thailand’s opinions. The minute the GF
Thailand doesn’t truly give a crap, she takes back her power.
By walking away and leaving this fishbowl of a triangle, Thailand does something powerful. She removes herself as “the bad guy” in the triangle. You bet they sit and talk for hours about her. How immature she is and how she has to stop being so immature and jealous about their “special bond”. Right now its a gang up. Leave them to each other. They will both scratch their heads wondering what Thailand’s up to.
Thailand all of a sudden understands and is happy and supportive of the relationship if that’s what he needs.
So she will do her own thing while he and SW are together. The more she does her own thing and leaves the fishbowl of the triangle, the happier and stronger she will be and gain perspective. Thailand, remove yourself from the game. If he continues not to care, that will be your answer.
I’m just curious if he has any Scorpio in his chart that resonates with the woman.
“Motivated” doesn’t say how long she’s been his significant other. I assume they are in a committed relationship when she describes herself as his “girlfriend”. Maybe Scorp has seen a number of hopefuls come-and-go. If “Motivated” and boyfriend have had only a couple of months together, maybe Scorpio has her reservations. Good friends can usually predict the outcome of of their friend’s relationships, but that shouldn’t excuse lack of cordiality. Boyfriend may have divulged information to Scorp that alters her view…like the boyfriend telling Scorp that he really likes “Motivated” except for these twenty weird things…LOL.
Wow…ok. I wanted to weigh in becuse I am both a mother and a Scorpio so I thought maybe I’ll give you some insight (not that all Scorpios are the same) as to why this may be happening. Having an Aquarius boyfriend or anything for that matter means treating their friends like family and the Scorpio knows this very well. She has the upper hand because she knows him well if she is a close friend to him, so you can’t win if you don’t play by her rules. You may not want to be friends with her and she may know this without you telling her and therefore pick up on what she may perceive as “inauthenticity” towards her and she responds by treating you in a dismissive way. She won’t change unless you change and I know that sounds unfair but in her mind regardless of your role as girlfriend, her role as friend in your Aquarius boyfriend’s life is more valued. There is a power game going on and Scorpios are the masters in winning because of the things they know without anyone telling them. You have to become more valued in your boyfriend’s life or truly decide to become friends with her and try and all get along. Tough spot to be in if you don’t want to let go of your ego….especially if you’re a LEO!!!! Good luck!