joana writes regarding patterns in relationship:
“The other day I had a trip down memory lane and realized that an ex of mine was more present than I thought he was. In short, it felt like some of the male figures in my life lately were also him (i.e. they brought up the same issues and feelings).
So my question was: are we always with the same man for the rest of our lives? Or alternatively do we have two or three male figures that we tend to attract over and over again? Or even…is every man really different? Is it us and our perception that make them feel like they’re all the same?
Joana, what a great, vague and complex question!
The men I have known have a lot in common in that they are all iconoclasts although this energy takes different forms. My sister and I came to the conclusion some years ago that any man we would become involved with would have to embody the energy of the 3 main players (parents / authority figures) in our lives, that is our mother, our father and our grandfather, Henry who lived next door and also raised us.
Bottom line if a man does not meet this criteria, he’s not getting in and in our case, all three players were eccentric to the extreme so that is that. (7th house Uranus)
In a sense you do meet the same partner in that they share certain elements but each person applies their energy in a unique way and even their way changes over time. Take the soldier.
He just got on a plane after 14 years. Not only that, he (happily) hugged people during our visit which is something he never does so this person (while still his father) is virtually unrecognizable to his son.
Point is, it is always changing and always interesting. Matter of fact if your relationship is not changing and not interesting it is probably you that is the bore.
Anyone else?
My exes are all scarily, scarily alike. I could make Venn diagrams of all the traits that at least 2 (if not all 3) of them have in common. I’m talking random details like 3rd nipples here.
goddess – Hearty congrats! 🙂
Jessica, yes we do. My sister and I have very similar but different charts. Our ascendants are just a degree apart and blah blah. She has Moon jupiter in aspect as do I…. she has a mars mercury exchange, etc. However she has a grand cross in her chart where I have a chart of trines.
All I can say is wtf and all she can say is what the fuckity fuck. Made for good study of astrology though.
i was attracting different versions of the same man and wasn’t happy with it…until i went to therapy for it. i said to myself, “Gee. I keep having the same issues in different relationships. It could be the rest of the world…or me. Which is more likely?”
I had a 7th house Pisces and was hooking up with men more in need of a mama, a therapist, or an AA meeting than a self-sacrificing girlfriend.
The guy I started dating while in therapy was quite different. I don’t understand composite charts very well, other than to know ours has lots of Scorpio and we connect in a very powerful way. He’s got Jupiter in the 7th believes he’s won the relationship lottery. 🙂
We’re getting ready to celebrate our 19th anniversary tomorrow.
You and your sister both have 7th house Uranus because you both have Cap rising, is that it? Very interesting for two siblings raised by a bunch of Uranians.
I had an absent father growing up so the Freudians would tell you I’m looking for a father figure… but I recently realized it’s my crazy mother I partner with over and over. It’s my 12th house Moon, but I’m getting over it. The men all seemed very different…
Thank you! He’s definitely a keeper. 🙂
Every single person I get really close to – best friends, boyfriends, family, colleagues – all have the sun aspecting Pluto in opposition or square. I myself have the square. Or else, and this is the only exception, the person is a Scorpio. Hmmmm….
I run from one end of the zodiac to the other. Zany chatty airborne Gemini types to dark brooding closed in military generals…Can you actually get happy and intense in the same package? If so, sign me up pls.
Looking at the charts of the three people my three significant relationships have been with, they all have the following aspects in common Sun sextile moon
moon square mars
mercury conjunct venus
One’s a Libra sun with lots of of Libra, Virgo, and Leo in his chart. The other 2 are Cancer suns with predominantly Virgo, Leo, and Gemini in their charts.
Not knowing too much about other people’s charts. Most of my friends and family are Libra suns. And Cancer sun men, I cannot get them to stay away from me (Aquarius, with mostly Gemini, Libra, and Pisces)
Yeah, from your stories it sounds like she can also curse up a storm. Mars-Mercury, woot!
Obviously every man is really different, right?
This one is controlling, that one is subservient, this one over here is a refrigerator, that one in the corner is lavishly emotional, etc. If you’re seeing the same sort of problems in every relationship (all druggies, all distant, all cheaters) then it’s likely you who are seeking out these types of men, however unconsciously you may operate.
I do think there is a range that everyone eventually finds that is most efficacious for them — Elsa and her sister like iconoclasts, dolce likes intensity — but until/unless you take the time to stop and think about it, maybe get some therapy if you think it’ll help, you won’t spot what will work because you’re choosing what doesn’t.
Unless you’re blessed with no drama you need to act out, of course, and in that case I hate you. 😉
hmm, each aspect of my personality seems to have its own type! I’m definitely attracted to water signs. Almost all of these guys have a water emphasis with venus-saturn and venus-pluto, prominent Neptune and Uranus. My friends though are a mix, but tend to have prominent Earth and Capricorn venus. My closest colleagues usually have lots of Pisces and Cancer, Uranus. My family has moon-pluto and venus-pluto in common. Strangely, I’m the only one w/o a venus-pluto aspect, but still manage to attract this.
there are definitely similarities. sometimes really weird similarities. but everyone uses their energy differently. as, and you said, people do evolve over time, one way or another…
A therapist I had said something that seemed very true to me. That your conscious mind is riding a horse. The horse is your unconscious mind. You are on the horse looking for the qualities you want. But the horse trots you over to what it wants, which is to heal unfinished business from childhood. That would explain why sometimes we act out the same dynamic even with people who are different on the surface.
Llama, (llama, duck,)
True THAT, homeslice! What an awesome metaphor.
His relationship seminar was awesome. Truly. The website is http://www.rickbrown.org.
I read about Karma and the people we attract. If you are drawing in the same issues…maybe you have some unfinished business that you need to deal with. Maybe it isn’t the person per say, but the emotion or issue may need to be addressed by you. In order for you to eventually be able to move on. This was my case at least…just a thought. And, you dont have to neccessarily address the person, but maybe at least acknowledge it by feeling it, and meditate on it. Then it may go away. Its too easy to do away with what we dont like or wanna deal with, and thats why it keeps coming back.
Everyone of my partners has a Pluto Venus aspect which makes absolute sense since I have an exact Pluto Venus conjunction. in fact my current crush who i have my eye on has an exact Pluto Venus too only its a trine. Dontcha just love astrology.
I have to say all of my partners have similarlites and there is a pattern. I like intensity and a loner but each one is a complete individual in there own right and each relationship was different and because you and them are constantly growning and changing and thats what makes life interesting!!
I realized long ago that each lover I’ve had has something in common with the next…weird little threads. One’s called Peter, the next has the same last name (no relation), another has the same birthday as the anniversary of the next lover’s deathdate of a sibling…on and on.
I’m not dating the same man all the time, but baby this man MORPHS….
I have had a problematic relationship with both of my parents. My dad verbally abused me and raged against me the first six years of my life then abandoned me. My mom always put her men before me. I was always competing for her attention with my two younger siblings. My pattern has been a weird one. My two husbands truly loved me. First was all Libra. Second was double Leo with Capricorn rising. The man I loved the most intensely is Capricorn (sun in the third) with Taurus moon in the seventh. Libra rising. My dad is a Taurus. My mom is a Gemini with Libra rising, Venus in Leo, Aquarius moon.