Lately, I’ve been reframing how I see the life. I used to think that most people were happy (with their life) and that they liked others. I thought this satisfaction was pretty much a given.
I see now that this is my projection for the most part. I’m having to come to terms with the fact that many people are extremely disappointed with their life. This has been hard (Saturn) truth (Sagittarius) for me to swallow.
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I wrote that a couple days ago. I was interrupted before I could finish it. Then today someone told me about a study that showed that people who don’t have kids are happier than those who do.
I would have thought the exact opposite was true. I don’t know who did the study. I definitely think a lot of what we read is total, skewed, crap. However, the gal assured me she had vetted the information and who knows? Maybe I need to dial down my expectations even further, in order to collide with reality.
Assuming people are happier if they don’t have kids, it makes me wonder if this was always the case, or it’s a modern thing. I tend to think this is the case.
I think it’s the case, because I know a lot of older women and their lives are and were graced with their children. You had your children, you raised them and your life was full and satisfied.
Here’s my question: What does it take to be happy today? Because a family used to do it for people but clearly this has changed.
Any insight our there?
I don´t have kids and I am happy with that. Books, music, art, travelling to other places etc makes me happy. Animals and nature makes me happy. And some people.
It is a lot of sacrifice to have kids. I just picked up my 16 yr old son and while waiting there was a kid/toddler somewhere screaming and having a tantrum. And I thought, OMG, I would never go back to that. What a shitty quality of life, dealing with that day in and day out.
I checked FB and there was a woman we went to school with, different grade so I don’t know her, maybe had a kid early? Because her daughter (who had a son) just died, and she is now a 46 yr old grandmother, having to raise him. Sounds like torture.
I think of all these years- prime years- spent with a central consideration being school- the early hours, driving, living in one place, having it be a part of so many decisions. I hate that, I seriously do and cannot WAIT to have that out of my life.
I actually liked school, but it’s essentially ALWAYS having a school schedule and location influencing your life for what? 40-50 years?? Think about it.
I know there are some people who get a lot of satisfaction out of just being a family- these are also the people who sort of get in a routine and don’t have a lot of desire to travel or do creative things as much. Running a business or doing things that are important to you personally, no matter how you much you try to prioritize, will always going to take a back seat to an actual developing human who needs something from you. That’s just the way it is.
My brother and I were joking about how much we hate parks and Chuck E Cheese and all that crap. All those time wasters and frankly not entertaining things you do for your kids. There’s a satisfaction in being responsible and doing what’s good and fun for them, but in general, that stuff is just not entertainment or rejuvenation I would ever pick for myself.
Yup, you caught me just on the day I was thinking about this!!
while possible to be happier to some, not neccesarily true for everyone or even for most, as the saying goes: There are lies, damned lies and statistics, surveys depends a lot on whom is making them, answering them and finally reading them.
I personally want to have kids and a family one day, but that’s just for me and don’t think that should be done for everyone or else end up miserable, coming from a family whose parents didn’t plan to have kids or were good at parenting once they did (mistakes happen), yet against that I feel like having some of my own, maybe because of that, to redeem that part of me who felt unwanted (in a good way and taking care I mean, not by keeping the dumping cycle).
Yet I encourage friends to not have any if they don’t feel like it, screw society and what should or should not be done with your life, if you don’t feel like having kids, then don’t, you are not making the kids or yourself any favor by going against that (unless mistakes happen and then you end up with kids, then don’t be a moron about it and be responsible).
As the sun in each person, which also represent uniqueness, happiness and kids, that’s a very personal matter that shouldn’t take into account society values when it comes to it, as saturn and aquarius, opposite of the sun represent. (no hard feelings to saturn or aquarius by the way, quite the opposite, I just mentioned to make a point looking at the zodiac).
Going against to what I want to do with my life about it, maybe it’s for the better, that nowadays we are more free to decide to have them or not instead of just following ‘the rules’ and making your life and theirs miserable (or going with this supposed ‘modern rule’ of not having them when you want to).
Well I personally think that children teach selflessness. Having children is no fun and games honestly. It’s a true responsibility and it makes one grow up. And it’s not just for a few years and then you can put the child back into a drawer when you’re done playing with it. No, no. It’s life-long. And I do respect people who wish not to take on that huge responsibility. I don’t think Saturn in Sagittarius has anything to do with it though because it’s just starting. ,
rather than linking the abstracts, I’ll link a fairly reputable article referencing them: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/complete-without-kids/201103/fact-or-fiction-childfree-couples-are-happier-couples-kids
facts are facts, but happiness is NOT everything. opportunity for growth is important, otherwise why bother.
people who are depressed because they foresee a lack of opportunity for their kids in the future are exactly the people who work to change things for the better.
If I could do-over, I would marry my husband (at 18 years old) and have six or seven or eight kids. So I guess it depends on the person to some extent.
But I’m also from an earlier era.
I don’t think kids give back the way they used to…and they’re much harder to handle, since often a parent is not only trying to do it alone, but do it alone with the other parent undermining. So it’s a lot harder today.
But if a young person wants children and marries someone who also wants children, and they’re both into it, I think the odds are very high they be extremely happy and satisfied with their life.
I agree.
No Kids here! And, I am a happy girl! I look around and listen to the stories of what my friends are going through with their kids and I am thrilled I don’t have any. I was also told at my first Astrology reading in 1975 that I would not have children! At that time, I was devastated. But, as time has gone on, I am now a very happy girl!
Come to think of it, I always wanted to be part of a happy family. Jupiter Moon, I guess. But clearly I’m not the majority today, if I ever was.
Um…some of us grew up with Sound of Music. That was BLISS for someone like me. Jeez, you’re in love and you have all these kids and a problem to solve. FANTASTIC.
I don’t like these articles. I go by experience and truth. I can read articles all day talking about different view points about the subject. The thing is, if you don’t feel that you should have kids, then don’t. It’s not that hard,
I don’t know if I agree with the – women of past generations had children & were graced by it & fulfilled.
Simply because most women then only had that as an option & didn’t know any other reality..
My grandmother would have lived an entirely different life I feel sure of it, had she grown up in modern times.
This is just my experience with older women…and I am talking about women in their 80’s at this time…and 90’s…and 100’s.
yes, I should of specified, but I am also referring to the same age group at this present time
My grandmother will be 90 next year
I agree. About the 80 and 90 somethings. Back when there was true love and family values. Back before technology ruined things.
I do agree with this. My mother got married in 1955, had six kids, another one that died, and a bunch of miscarriages. With her Ivy League degree, she probably should have done something else. My parents were both very Catholic, and I think it was just a given that you had a big family. Everyone had lots of kids then.
Another funny thing- there used to be this idea that you felt sorry for people without kids, like they were not “blessed” with children- yet, I really have not seen childless couples (older ones) regretting much of anything. Maybe that’s just human nature, to think you prefer what you end up with.
And I’m sure your own experience colors your choices. I love my 5 siblings, but for me, that was too many people,not enough personal attention. I had one of my own and that was it.
well i live by two couples (neighbors) who have never had any children. they are in their 60s and 70s, retired, and they seem to be doing just fine. I dont dare ask them why they are not wanting children, although it did occur to me to ask, though my mother in law said it’s not polite to ask. lol Of course it’s really not. I mean what if they are barren, or the man has problems too? We have this in our family so we understand. We also know people who can have children, nothing wrong, and they are young enough to have children and they want nothing to do with children. They are very happy and secured about it. these are my sister’s friends but i dont know their astrology but i’ll ask later. also, my neighbors who can’t have children are virgo male and leo female. It just the way it is and they are super happy.
Anyway, the question is – What makes a person happy *today*? Because many people seem unhappy and dissatisfied. So what is it that they want in this era?
hm maybe there’s not enough work to do. And if they do have work they hate their work.If they love their work, and it’s a labour of love (even if it’s helping/aiding their children) then it gives them happiness. But everyone is different, though generally i believe it’s not having enough work to do,whether physically or mentally (reading, doing mental work, or physical work that one loves).
For me, what makes me happy is time spent with my significant other, time spent with my parents, time spent reading books, time spent reading articles, time spent reading online, time spent cuddling with my roommate’s cat, and the ability to go for a walk outside in the sunshine on a whim (my freedom, in other words). Also, going to the gym makes me happy and going out to dinners with my friends. I also really like watching shows that I love on-demand which you can do now with the internet. I don’t need a lot to be happy. And I already am, I feel completely fulfilled if at times a little bit overbooked and harried (from working 42.5 hours a week and commuting 50 minutes each way). But nevertheless I am content and so I don’t see any reason to add to a life that already feels full. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it they say!
Why is happiness associated to something to want? I learned to be happy (having grown up in a posh family where my mother marrked for money and we were her insurance, so love was out of the question) when I learned to be myself, that I am none of my parents, that I can do better, and that I can safely march to my own drum (Sun conjunct Uranus in Scorpio). I don’t believe in forever-s, therefore don’t expect eternal bliss. I believe in change, life and endings. And the following beginnings. I don’t want something to make me happy. I am happy because I am who I am and I believe in myself. On an everyday note, I am happy because I learned to wake up saying thank you that I am still here and I still smell the roses. The rest kept coming as if by magic and life in general started falling into the right place.
*with sometbing to want*
I never wanted kids growing up; I always wanted to adopt when the time came. Kids are scary…the responsibility is enormous, the cost grows yearly (hell, weekly), and the amount of time and effort you have to put into it in order to not walk around feeling like a guilty asshole all the time can be astronomical.
When I was pregnant with my first child, Saturn was conjunct my Sun, opposite my Moon. Luckily, by the time she came, Saturn was just conjunct my Mercury/Jupiter in Cancer. My life changed like that…the music stopped, the party was over, shit just got real. I’ve felt like Saturn ever since…
Do I love my kids? Yes. Do they complete me, my happiness? Hell no!
I know a lot of people don’t want kids for this reason; they want to be able to go ahead, do what they want, not have to worry about the future in the same way as parents do. The girl who just did my hair, who is about 7 years younger than me thinks this way. I can understand it.
Happiness DOES NOT mean kids to many. They grew up with divorced parents, so the family unit was not a thing to them. Why have kids, when eventually you’re just going to divorce or separate from the person you had them with, and struggle with strained communications, shared holidays and expenses…you can just have a dog instead.
This seems to be an accurate hack on things at this time. Thanks! 🙂
The definition of happiness is different for everyone. For me, I would say a sense of accomplishment would make me happy, among other things. A lot of people want to travel, see the world, accrue material goods.
Yes, that’s true of me as well. I feel that since the guy cheating once you are no longer that nubile young thing or becoming abusive and having to kick him to the curb is highly likely, why have kids? So I can be a single mom with most custody (goodbye personal time to myself) and then have no other guy want to date me because I’m now a single mom and thus “tainted”? I respect single moms so much, they’re so strong, but I do not envy them! Society does not respect the single mom like it should. It’s another reason I don’t see a point in having kids. It’s just less socially acceptable to admit that total lack of faith in men (which seems damning towards your long-term partner) is, in fact, a reason for being childfree. It is. Absolutely.
I grew up in a very traditional home and that is what I aspired to and what my idea of happy was but it’s much tougher than I thought. I think it’s our lifestyle. I’m a full time working mom to two kids and its definitely really stressful trying to juggle it all. Women were mostly at home years ago while the husband was the breadwinner. Plus I tend to think my generation is really selfish.(I’m in my late 30’s)
I think people just want to be loved. No matter who you are. You can take a criminal murderer on death row and one of the reasons he got there was because he just wanted to be loved.
I’d be interested to see the details of that study. I’ve certainly known lots of people who were happy who both did and did not have kids. But if you ask someone who has 3 small children under 5 about their happiness and then asked someone the same age about theirs, I’m sure the person without children would feel less stress, have more spending money, take more vacations, etc… However long term, over an entire life, I think it’s a wash.
The root problem anyway…
The truth of the matter is…it’s human nature to have kids. If more people didn’t want to have them, then a lot of us wouldn’t be alive today, or maybe we should be thankful of accidents. Lol
I’m 65 years old and I also grew up with the idea that it was just a “given” that you should want children. I always felt that if my mother had been born in a later decade, she might not have had us (3 kids) which would have been better for us (and better for her), since she was not a nurturing mother, and often seemed to resent us. I always felt that we were just an after-thought, something she needed so she could stay home and not have to work.
There was a short period of time, in my early 30s, where I was thinking about being a mother, even though I was single. It didn’t take much to have my eyes opened to the fact that I had some kind of romantic notion of me walking down the street with a little hand in mine. Then I went to visit my older brother who had just had his 2nd child. That was all I needed to realize that “this is not for me.” In my child-fantasy, I had omitted all the ugly stuff — stuff that I knew I had no patience for. I’ve never regretted my decision not to have children.
As I got older, I realized that I was one of those people who had a need to come and go as I pleased. If I had had children, I don’t think I would have done all the things I’ve done in my life. I wouldn’t have been able to explore all my interests (and there have been many), or express all the talents I wanted to express (and there are still more to express) or go where I wanted to go (at the drop of a hat, if desired).
Many women think that if they have children (or a husband) that they won’t be alone in their old age. More often than not, it doesn’t happen that way. So, here I am, alone in my old age, and I know it’s hard to say whether or not I would still be alone, but I know I made the right decision for me. I’m just not cut out to be a mother.
I don’t have kids and I don’t want them. I never have. I tend to think this is a function of my life experience and my natal signature (stellium in Aquarius AND a stellium in Sagittarius), as opposed to a function of the times we are living in.
I never wanted them either.
I think what dianezee said was beautiful. It takes a wise soul to understand something and then say, “that isn’t for me” even though it must’ve been hard to acknowledge.
I wonder how much choice has to do with it. The only greater source of happiness to me than my kids is their father. My family is hands down the greatest source of joy in my life. I fully chose to be a parent. My Mom did not feel that way. She loved her kids but the burden and responsibility of being a parent overwhelmed her. There were not birth control options like there were for me and my sister and if you got pregnant well you became a parent. My father wanted both of us girls and a houseful more, he is a pretty happy guy. My Mom struggled with clinical depression. I don’t think it was having kids that made her unhappy I think it was that she felt she didn’t have much choice in the matter.
I do not have kids or a husband but desire both. I want a family. Last Thanksgiving, before he passed away my Grandpa sat at the head of the table with his kids and me (I’m the only child/grandchild)… He looked a little floored, satisfied. Like he’d helped create this.
At the same time I recently looked through my paternal grandparents wedding picture- they were young and beautiful and in love, and what their lives became- they buried two kids, one to suicide, then my dad drank himself to death shortly after his mom died a few years ago.
And everyone here was so damaged. I do think my mother would have been “happier” without me but what the hell is that? She faced an awful psychological inheritance and I inherited it too and reflected it and challenge her even still, even now.
I don’t buy it, “happier”. I think it’s easier to avoid dealing with deeper issues not having kids. Though it isn’t necessarily forced, so I don’t know.
Oh, I read about this study a few weeks ago.
So, the participants of this study were parents of children under two.
Also, I think wording is important. The question wasn’t how happy they were. The actual question was how satisfied with life they were.
I think that if you ask these parents the same question in a few years, the answers will be a lot different.
The first few years of parenting are hard! I got a big promotion when my son was 2. Demanding, stress filled job + toddler at home; if someone had asked the same question I would have probably said I wasn’t satisfied with the way my life was. I was still learning how to juggle it all!
Also, going back to wording, just because someone isn’t “satisfied” doesn’t mean they’re not “happy.”
I have no children and I am just fine. I find happiness in reading, traveling, writing, & nature.
I felt very unwanted by my father, who basically abandoned me. I think the worse thing that can happen to a child is betrayal or repression of love.
Some people realize or fear this insecurity of not being an ideal parent I think.
I also think that a huge problem in the United States is the insistence that a child not be aborted, but God help you if you are too poor to raise it. There is no safety net really for a family nowadays to nurture children. We are horrible about that compared to many other countries who value all kinds of families and do their best to nurture children as a village and not leave those who are not blessed financially in the proverbial dust.
A few things. I remember reading Dear Abby and she said her readers would not believe how many people wrote about wishing they never had kids. I almost fell off my chair. In those days, that was not said.
Stick with me on this. Studies now show, the older you are, the higher the risk for having an autistic child. But now, even 25 year olds are having them. I think everyone 18 and older should have their sperm and eggs frozen, then get fixed. This way, you control, somewhat, your destiny. You have your kids with WHO you want, when you want or don’t, if that’s what you want. And I think the government should pay for all of it. The bonus is, they have a much better chance of being healthy(nothing against autism). For some reason, I think this would make people happier, but I could be wrong. I’ve never wanted my own kids, but always wanted to rescue foster kids. Char
I can’t imagine life and happiness without children. I have Venus cancer on the MC and Leo Sun on steroids with Leo Mars/Mercury. Motherhood has brought me the greatest joy. I am an eternal child myself with an endless curiosity and wonder about life and all its magic. I just can’t imagine life without changing diapers and cooking for hyperactive children that destroy my home with all their solar energy *huggggggggs*
I think people want satisfying work, or at least to feel good about how one makes a living. To be able to express their best self in the work force, and not feel burdened or guilty about making money. To make positive contribution to society that rewards them.
I think a lot of people, men and women both, compromise their career goals for starting a family, and get stuck in jobs that make them miserable. And the result is lack of success across the board.
I think most people probably don’t know how to plan for both kids and career.
Not everyone equates success to a career. I certainly don’t. When I decided I wanted to become a parent I clearly understood the job I was doing at the time would become impossible to keep. The key is to realise the change and think it through. To me success is feeling good. And I did feel good when I had kids because I wanted them, and I feel good now becauee I am living my life to the fullest. The job I left then has become a distant memoryfrom another life.
My parents always told us the stern side of parenting and that we’d better think long and hard before having kids because a person gives up so much freedom. But having a child gave us an amazing new direction full of meaning. I love being a parent. I sure wouldn’t go back to being childless or single.
My daughter is the light of my life…not that there aren’t other lights but she is something special. I know I wouldn’t feel complete without having kids. But to each his own.
Leo sun/asc/venus/uranus…..5th house Jup in Sag. Being a mother has been the single most important thing in my life! I just adore my kids, their lives and careers make me so proud!! I know all the nights spent doing homework, going to baseball & softball…making dinner a priority so that we could all talk about our days helped to make them the adults they are today!! My husband and myself love doing family things…all family moments are celebrated!! (my family was a family of alcoholism and divorce…husbands family was huge and father was alcoholic…we wanted something different)
I am a 40 year old woman, unmarried with no children. I can’t say it’s entirely by choice, I always wanted and thought I’d grow up to have a family, but, “Mr. Right” has not come along yet, and the older I get…..yea.
I must say though, I do love my independence. I just decided here at 8:30pm that it was indeed going to be “taco Tuesday”, can’t do that when there are youngsters who need to eat at a certain time! I kind of thought my Aries sun in the fifth would manifest in lots of boy children. I’m starting to shift my child thoughts to “maybe I’ll marry someone who’s divorced or widowed with children” and I’ll be a great stepmom to his kids.
I’m trying to make the most of what my life is now..and embrace those things that are awesome about not having kids. I get enough sleep, I am leaving town this weekend, in a quick decision, the cats can make do without me for a weekend. I love that I was able to go back to grad school at age 33 and I work in a field I love and am passionate about. I have two close friends who probably would have gone back to school to do something they love, but they had kids, so they’re in the jobs they’re in, they don’t hate them, but they’re jobs, not what they really would like to be doing.
I get pissed off when society (especially in the deep south) sometimes acts like you just are not complete without kids, or are totally self-absorbed and selfish if you don’t have any.
I think I would be a great mom, before I moved to go back to school, I was everyone’s favorite babysitter in my former hometown. I think it’s whatever your bag is: if you wanted to have kids and did, then you’re probably happy with that. If you didn’t want to have kids, and didn’t and are happy with that, ok. I’m somewhere in-between. Always thought I wanted them, haven’t had them, am trying to make the most of the positive things I do have that independence brings. Or maybe this Libra Mercury is making me see both sides! Kudos to all, be happy in your life!
Sound of Music is a classic neptune whitewash though I love it.
Young virgin comes along to replace the first older wife who’s done all the hard work bearing the children is never mentioned.This is the type of stuff I hope saturn in sag gets to the truth of.
So many interesting answers! I’m single with only a (lovely) dog to live with. One of my best friends is married (forever) and has three beautiful and very energetic children. We’re always telling each other we’d like to have each other’s life. I haven’t told her this directly, but I keep thinking she’d be happier if she focused on gratitude for what she has. Which is hypocritical of me, since I don’t do this enough.
Not to have an Oprah moment, but I’m wondering if this (gratitude) is part of the mix at all for those of you here who are happy with their lives? Or are we just wired to be how we are.
I also think, your experience of parenting has a lot to do with it. I see people around me who did not for one day have to worry about babysitters, getting enough sleep- they had very involved spouses, their parents, in-laws, siblings, nieces to help out so they never lacked support. I was truly shocked at how high and dry I was left when I had my son- my husband was a hateful prick, absolutely refused to help out (he was 48 at the time, kids out of HS.. I was 32- I understand it now, but really, if you are too old to have kids, I don’t need a sperm donor, I need a partner, let me go with someone my age); my mother was no help, in fact I felt she wanted me to fail (she’s dead and I know that sounds horrible, but it’s the truth) and then I remarried and my now ex was a complete waste. So I have not had help (Pluto entered the 4th when my son was born, will be leaving FINALLY after almost 17 years? in a few weeks) and when I see how much happiness people have when they raise their kids with someone to share the load and how much help they have with no trouble at all- well, that colors what your experience is. I love my son, he has the most hilarious sense of humor (FROM ME, lol) but I have felt like a single mom from day 1.
So I think “having kids” is not a singular type of experience where it’s having them or not. I would have had more, but when I saw the landscape I said no way. So maybe people today deciding, see what kind of situation they are getting into and unless they have support, they realize it is going to take a lot away from them. I would be surprised if in the next 10 years my generation are going to be taking on pitching in with their grandchildren. I honestly don’t think they want to give the level of support that they received, even. All age groups want to be able to focus more on themselves, it seems to me.
It’s kinda hard for,me to be as happy as I used to be because I learned nasty the world can be. Also after 9/11 and there are some terrible things there and it’s hard to,say to,myself that “wow! I’m so,amazing,” no…it’s difficult
The whole world seemed to come under a dark cloud that day. Whether a person believes it was terrorists alone or a false flag, an oppressive period was ushered in.
Another point of view to add to this discussion on whether or not having children makes you happy. What about all the women who deeply wish to conceive children but cannot do so? Their infertility persists even with medical help and assistance. Obviously, life happiness for infertile women cannot be totally based on biological offspring as societal programming dictated to girls growing up in the 1950s and 1960s.
My fifth house has Mars in Aquarius square natal Scorpio Mercury and Sun.
I helped raise my little sisters. I have been a mother since age 18. I knew when I was a child I wanted children and I cant imagine a day in my life without them.
I have had two miracles in my life. They happened the day my sons were born. I always wished I could have had several but my little body just wouldn’t carry them. So, I had one and it took over 7 years to carry another to full term.
When I remember nursing, them asleep on my chest, smelling their little heads… they were my life. They are still my life. Sometimes it was hard, and sometimes almost impossible. But I cant imagine a day in my life without my children. They are the great loves of my life.
My sons gave me three granddaughters…they are the most precious thing to me. I often speak of Scorpio moon here. She is my oldest grandbaby…and I don’t think I have ever felt more love from another human being except my own grandmother.
I read being a grandparent described as this the other day ~~~ “It’s all the love you have for your own kids, multiplied by infinity. That’s what it feels like to be a grandparent” And, its so true. I am active in their lives and with them weekly many times daily. Three little girls helping me bake cookies….kitchen a mess, flour everywhere….husband making them all chocolate chip pancakes on Sunday mornings….at least two Sunday mornings a month.
I don’t know what I would do without all that joy and love. They giggle and run through the house dancing and my heart bursts with joy. I feel like I hit the jackpot where granddaughters are concerned…. I have an Aries with an Aries asc and a Scorpio moon, A Sag with (my)Cancer asc and (my) Taurus moon and a Gemini with a Virgo moon and a Virgo asc. They are as different as night and day and as beautiful as the sunrise. I don’t say this because they are mine….I swear they are all three physically gorgeous little girls, and they own me body and soul.
My sister is very accomplished. She has more than one degree but the one she uses for work right now is her Law degree. She makes a great deal of money, she works at the Pentagon. She is some kind of something …. she has traveled all over the world. And, she never wanted children. She was busy with school, then work, and time got away from her. I told her one day I was so envious of her travel. I always wanted to travel like that. She has seen most every country. In return she said to me…. you have a family, you have those boys and those beautiful girls. I feel envious of you. (we neither mean that in a bad way….we love each other and were giving each other complements)
I wont say my kids were easy. OMG!!! NO!!! They can still be a huge pain in my ass. (never the granddaughters though) they (my sons) have been work and worry….but the good and the LOVE always outweigh any bad days that we have had.
They can make me insane, then one of them will do something that makes me know that every day of their lives have been my blessing.
Can you tell I am a Scorpio momma with a Cancer asc and a packed 4th?
Anyway, I was born to be a mother. I was born to be their mother. Its been perfect and imperfect for all the days we have been together.
My kids made me a decent person, my grandchildren make me work hard to be an even better person. I see so many families torn apart. And as adults my children and I have had our moments but I feel overcome with joy at the connection we still have and at how much they include me in their lives. I have been aggravated….pffffttttt….driven kookoo by so many things but …. we have a gravitational pull…and it isn’t long and we are fine again.
Did I mention how deeply I love them? Yeah, I would die in a moment for any one of the 5 of them… snap…I would do it. They are my great love affair! Nothing in my life to date has compared to the joy I have had from being their mother. And as hard as it was I would do it all over again.
I had heard about that study but my impression was not that it referred to happiness in the sense of being satisfied with your life in general, but rather it was a survey of how often you were in a “happy mood” in a given day or week.
I may be mistaken but I feel like the two are not really that corrolated. I don’t think that people with children are necessarily more satisfied with life, but I can definitely see how having kids impacts my ability to be fostering my own enjoyable times in an average week. It’s a lot of work! It’s hard and often frustrating. But I do feel good about it looking back, and there are lots of great moments even amongst the work. And being able to do it makes me feel grateful, and my relationships with my family are so valuable to me.
So I’m ok giving up feeling ‘happy’ as often. I am content with satisfied.
What makes me happy is the knowledge that we have a choice today. It started with Roe V Wade back in 1973 when women fought and won the battle for the right to say they, and they alone, had the final decision and control of their own bodies. Saturn was transiting Cancer back then. The backlash against women having this choice is in jeopardy, even today. Back in the 80’s, there was a re-emergence of the Goddess. Uranus and Neptune were tracking through Sagittarius. Pluto was moving through Libra and then Scorpio. Pluto (sex & reproduction) tracking through Sagittarius gave women the ability to control their periods. I wish I would have been smart enough to take the pill everyday and go without a period for years. That’s freedom, that’s choice. It’s my hope that the whole patriarchy falls with the current transits. Once and for all the Church is just going to have to get used to the new reality: Women are their own persons. Enough of the backlash from the brainwashed masses who still believe that the bible is anything more than a myth, a very dangerous myth, that only seeks to control the said masses and keep women down. I was ecstatic when I came to this realization for myself. It took me years of studying different realities (eastern thought, mostly) to finally rid myself of the soul crushing brainwashing of Christian/Judaic/Islamic thought of what a women’s place is in God’s mind. You’ll know true happiness once your free of all the old-man dogma that keeps the world from moving forward. Peace at last.
i think it depends a lot on what people really want. i always wanted a bunch of kids. yeah, they’re a lot of work, but i’d be happy with more. i’m not likely to have any girls, and i really wanted a daughter. but my kids are awesome in the old meaning…
if i didn’t want kids, or was ambivalent, it would be awful though. they’re a huge amount of work, emotionally taxing, and a permanent commitment. so i’m sure that drops some happiness measures. but i imagine it also improves others. especially once they’re grown, and grandkids start appearing (that someone else is doing the heavy work for?) it’s a long term investment, in the future, and it involves a lot of sacrifices in the present…
When I think of the people in my life – I wouldn’t find this to be true. Especially, if the survey was taken during the first two years of any child’s life. I think parents/families are going through a death/rebirth during the time when a child first arrives. This can definitely impede on happiness… but something deeper is flourishing that I think, blows happiness out of the water. I have a few childless friends living in other countries doing amazing things, I have friends who have traveled a lot but have recently stopped to have children, and I have friends who haven’t traveled much, went straight to work after college and had a child. I have friends who have had abortions, who deeply regretted it and now want children or are with children. I have friends who don’t ever want children and they know it, fiercely. I don’t see one group struggling more or less than the other.
I think our current consumerist culture tries to tell us that happiness is outside of ourselves. That if we just get this or that or do this or that, we will be happy. Commercials, billboards, stores, ads and articles around the net. Happiness is transient dammit – no matter the situation. What’s up with our obsession of happiness?
42 and childless by my own choice. If we’re not happier at least we can be miserable in peace and quiet. Hurrah. I feel I lack absolutely nothing. Instead of placing hopes on ‘my children’ I placed them on myself and actively work on achieving them.
Cappy, Cancer Asc = Actively involved in my nurturing.
“If we’re not happier at least we can be miserable in peace and quiet.”
I feel exactly the same way.
Ok I have worked with lots of older people and found that the happiest were women who had been married but did not have children. They wee the most well adjusted, humorous, philosophical and interested in others. Also the least sorry for themselves and independent, good damn company. It makes me mad when some say ‘Having children makes you a grown up’. That is just another Neptunian glamour in my view. What makes a grown up is losing those we love and carrying on.
I never ended up having kids – didn’t find a partner when I was young enough. But it was never a big desire for me. I have Saturn on the cusp of my 5th house, and Moon conjunct Uranus. Maybe mothering was never in the stars for me. Some people are just more cut out to be parents and those are the ones who would not be happy without them.
There was a study that came out last year that said that mothers in particular are only ever as happy as their least-happy child. To me, that seems like a total lack of control over my own life and happiness. What if the standard of living keeps declining, or they make bad choices? It’s tough, a child is an investment in the future… You just have to pray that theirs is bright.