Being Nice When People Aren’t Nice To You!

pisces gold fishI have never claimed to be a nice person! I have plenty of good qualities, but I don’t consider myself to be “nice”, however, I have tried to become (reliably) nice over this last year or so, or at least to do no harm. I’ve mentioned this a few times – so many people are down in so many ways, I just don’t want to be the gal who places the last straw on the camel’s back. I’ve been pretty successful with this effort, no doubt, because I feel this so strongly.

Unfortunately, due to factors I can’t control, I am around a number of people who are extremely nasty to me; I’d go as far as to say they’re abusive, which is not something I’m inclined to say. I am not returning their fire, for complicated reasons, but I’ve discovered something weirdly cool, in this process.  I think it has to do with Saturn in Pisces and my Libra likes it. It’s a difference kind of ‘balance”.

As an example, someone sends me a venomous note. I turn around and sent another person, whoever it is I’m dealing with, a nice note. A kind note, that won’t dip their energy… I mean, I know how hard it is right now for so many.  And when I do this, I think of the Pisces fish.  Serve me pain and angst, I process or transform it, internally, and then sent someone else a nice meal.

I did this unconsciously at first, but now I’m aware of what I’m doing and it’s had a profound impact on me. For one, it’s reinforced my commitment not to ruin a person’s day or take out my pain and angst on an innocent person. I’m thinking, if I keep it up, it may become automatic for me.  Who knows! In five years, I may be able to say I’m a nice person.  Ten years? But right now, I get a bonafide good feeling by not passing the hot potato. Instead it dies with me.

I should have been doing this a long time ago, because I have the capacity. I wish I did not have to take on so much negative energy, but if I can be the place where is goes to die, that’s something. And right now, that’s who I am.  I’ve become a conscious ground for other people’s hate and rage.

19 thoughts on “Being Nice When People Aren’t Nice To You!”

  1. I don’t know why but I immediately thought of the “sin eater” who was hired to eat the sins of others in a ritual so they can be spared going to hell. I seem to be surrounded by a lot of haters as well it sends my Libra moon bonkers. I think since COVID people have been hating a lot more.

  2. Thank you Elsa. I am a Leo sun, Libra ascendant and a very impatient Aries moon. Through the years from shooting myself in the foot with my hot temper I have slowly realized that my eruptions can actually hurt others. My chart is basically half fire and water with Virgo in the 12th, so very little earth steadying energy. Also have a stellium in Cancer. Saturn in Pisces at the 29th (last degree). So I have had to learn that exploding at others after holding it in to be ‘nice’ (libra ascendant) doesn’t serve me or others. Taking responsibility for my feelings meant I have had to learn how to be assertive without being hurtful like an exploding frustrated child. A hard lesson to learn. After exploding, I would justify myself by saying “I was just being ‘honest’; however my guilt would linger. My therapist would talk to me about ‘putting on my brakes” which is difficult with an Aries moon. I keep trying though.
    Anyway, thank you Elsa!

    1. Aries, Leo moon, Libra rising here. I got this! *fist bump*. Sometimes people MUST experience this kind of dynamic energy to KNOCK IT OFF, whatever the HELL they are doing, and it takes somebody like US to make the world a better, safer place for innocent beings to live. Yes, it hurts sometimes, it’s a tough job, but somebodies gotta do it! Yes, I have hurt someone, but only out of Love. Does that hurt me? Yes. But at least they KNOW what effect THEY have had on people. Life is hard. It’s all about the Lessons.
      PS yes, I have thrown myself at the mercy of someone I hurt ONE TIME, and have they forgiven me? Forgiveness and letting go of resentment and grudges is THEIR Life Lesson. So we are all in this together, each of us playing our roles. There are no mistakes or accidents. We are all here to teach each other.

      1. Yes Fist Bump! You said it better than I did! I never want to hurt people. I also grew up in an abusive household. My mother had schizophrenia and I had an angry father who travelled a lot for his job. But when he was home, he took his anger out on us for his frustrated life. So confusion, delusion, rage. Anyway, I thank God for my Aries Moon & Leo Sun because I have spent my life having to defend myself. Yes, I have had to work on emotional maturity because of a lack of guidance during childhood but therapy and prayer have helped me to work on growing in the right direction. All in all, God gave me what I needed to survive and grow. Astrology has also given me clues and a lens to help understand my behavior as well as others.

  3. “I get a bonafide good feeling by not passing the hot potato. Instead it dies with me.” GREAT IDEA I am going to give this a go, although I have been known as the brazen set-em straight kind of gal when no one else has the balls LOL

    1. I think you might be surprised at the affect it has on you. At least, this has been my experience.

      Another reason I’ve done this, is because you really can’t reason with a large percentage of people. Why spend the energy?

      I decided to just carry it over to my next interaction, transforming it on the way. Feels really good.

  4. I’m sorry to hear people are mistreating you. Seems you realize it’s not necessarily ‘You’ who’s the problem. Angry/insecure types often times vent by projecting obviously. I think you’re handling these situations with grace. I don’t believe I’ve lost my reactionary edge however, I don’t always need to have the last word in an unpleasant or verbally confrontational situation. I can and do walk away these days, more often than not.

  5. It is the S P A C E you have in order to make a decision instead of reacting. Sometimes it only needs one deep breath, sometimes a bit of distraction before engaging with ‘it’ again. People are projecting left right, centre, from above and below, relentless. They just throw some crap and watch what happens – for entertainment or to feed a need to act. They are believing their own random, unsorted, unreflected thoughts and holding on to them in a defensive way if challenged. NOT reacting is great, turning the energy aroused into a GOOD and KIND action is a superpower. Meanwhile, I found it a two-fold process of learning – as I learned to recognise and withdraw (own) my own projection I became much less reactive to the same from others. ‘Does it hurt?” Yes, but to defend the ‘real you’ is futile because people can only see their own illusion of who you are. Can I stop the chain reaction ? Yes I can. Feels good !

  6. “Meanwhile, I found it a two-fold process of learning – as I learned to recognise and withdraw (own) my own projection I became much less reactive to the same from others.”

    Noticed this as well. Thanks for articulating it.
    Really, I don’t have high blood pressure, but since doing this… I don’t think I ever will. It’s turned into some sort of “zen” exercise for me.

  7. I think the second part of your process is where the treasure lies . . ‘Not reacting’ has been a strategy I’ve used in various settings, but it’s not always as fruitful.. It’s been a survival mechanism (a kind of ‘freeze’ response, helpful but comes with a big can of worms), but also a standard tool I use in class (no use taking things teenagers say personally as they are, mostly, under the influence of their biology and upbringing – I have consistently gotten better results by staying unfazed by their shenanigans and sticking to my own truth. Plus, people essentially learn through behaviour rather than words, ideas etc, so being kind no matter what has a higher chance of teaching kindness than any other method). Lastly, I have occasionally managed to not only not react to rude, underhanded comments in social settings but also actually respond in a most well mannered way, even sometimes with a positive comment – a type of ‘killing with kindness’ manoeuvre – and it’s the best thing to disarm a bully, especially if other people around understand what’s happening. If not, it’s another story.
    I’ve attributed all these accordingly to Mars sq Saturn, my Moon (which prizes individuality and and non-heated reactions most of all) and Pluto in Libra

    What you’ve described is basically #goals for me in any setting – not always easy to achieve hence worth the effort! It’s really nice seeing it articulated and shared!

    1. Thanks for offering more clarity.

      I used to love to speak my mind and debate and challenge back, but it’s come to a point, where it’s a waste of time.

      Jupiter in Gemini might change this. It’s a matter of people opening their minds and being willing to learn something new.

      1. you’re welcomed! Happy to know it was helpful!

        I totally get what you mean about debating being sometimes a waste of time – there’s only so much energy we have, better use it wisely.
        I’m keeping my fingers crossed about the Jupiter in Gemini thing – I have it nataly but I have come to distrust words, a lot. Still I do hope it works out as you’ve mentioned – one never knows!

  8. I think this is the less understood message of Jesus, especially the crucifixion, and it’s something we can each do to heal the world. By taking in someone’s hate, but not passing it on, the karma ends there. The world is that much brighter. We become part of the Christ by participating in his mission; to forgive and thereby end the cycle of attack.

  9. I LOVE it. Thank you, Elsa. Maybe this process you’ve discovered of neutralizing negativity is another way of describing those who are “salt of the earth.” Makes sense with Saturn in Pisces. 😉

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