If you have Lilith in the 11th house of your chart, her themes will manifest in terms of friendship, groups, and aspirations. You embody Lilith’s character among peers and carry her energy into your dreams for the future.
In traditional astrology, the 11th house is known as the house of Good Spirit, where our wishes come true. But with Lilith present, it can feel like just the opposite. Those favors in high places ae denied, and there is no one to help carry your burden. It seems like every time you swell with hope, you are struck down, just as poor Lilith was filled with happy expectation in uniting with her lover and was struck down for having the audacity to hope to be treated as an equal.
In fact, you are also often scapegoated in this way, particularly in groups. You are silently designated to be the one to carry the shadow for the collective, and you are scorned when you try to assert your right to be treated with dignity and respect. You end up blamed for your own suffering, as if the anger of the group is something you are just supposed to accept. You may at some point decide to give up on groups altogether.
But regardless of how you feel about groups, everyone needs friendship. There’s a reason the house of Good Spirit is also the house of friendship. Friends help make life rich. Not that it is necessarily easy for you. In your youth, you were likely teased, scapegoated, and betrayed by those you thought you could trust. While this may also happen from time to time in adulthood, there are ways around it. Many people with Lilith in the 11th find others with the same or similar placements to create a group of friends who understand what it’s like to be an outcast. When you find them, it will feel like fate. In your gang of miscreants, you finally find the acceptance you needed for so long, and can shake off the fear and pain.
There is so much more to say about this placement, but I’ll end it here. Above all, remember this: you may have to fight to find your people. It may not be easy. But they’re out there searching for you too. And when you find each other, you will finally have the joy the 11th house promises. You will shoulder each other’s burdens and support each other’s dreams. And when you think of the people who made you feel so rejected, like no one would ever accept you, you’ll laugh and laugh. Shows what they know, right?
Do you have Lilith in the 11th house? Tell us what it’s like!
I have black moon Lilith conjunct Chiron in the 11th house in Aquarius. How would you interpret this, I’m curious.
Your comments regarding being scapegoated by “friends” is very true for me. So is being rejected for having insights they don’t want to have. Or people turning against me for something they assume I said or thought or must have thought! People!!! Of course it is all compounded by my full 8th house in scorpio with the sun, mercury, north node, and Neptune there. My Saturn is in Sagittarius at the end of the 8th house and I have a Mars in Pisces
In the 12 th house very close to my Pisces ascendant. I’m wondering how the current transits which are happening in my 11th house will affect me. More isolation, lol?
I have BML in 11thH, Pisces, with a strong theme of betrayal with friends and perhaps family too. I’ve always been aware of “this thing” long before I came to understand it thru Astrology. /Aqua Sun, Taurus Asc.I’ve accepted it, understand it, it’s made me feel cautious with especially women, friendship is really tricky.
Mine’s in 3rd but aquarius. The betrayal thing, I expect it.
There is always someone more appealing to be with and easy to push me side or run me down. But their sorry assess always land back on my door stoop when they need something or are down and out. And in my head I silently say to myself about their tales of woe, their own experience with betrayal, you don’t know who your friends are.
Hi Gabrielle, i am kind of new to astrology but your comment surprised me because I’m aquarius sun, BML pisces, and taurus asc too phahah. Funny for me
Welcome, Arsen!
Wow! Yeah. Blamed for your own suffering. In groups this was the dynamic for a long time. I hope I can find a group eventually that works. My Leo moon dreams of dinner parties. 11th house Lilith in Aries.
Yes Lilith in11th, my people?well have 6 sisters ;just started friendship with Man close to my age, incredible
Artist, studied design in Europe
He is Cuban and starting to tell me his life, listening, amazing ;could he
Be one of my people? Time will tell
My stories mostly get squashed quickly, told ,best left in past
Not anyone to date can hear my past
Starting to think, past is just as important as dead meat, vegan anyone?
But if our past the hands that formed
Today how do I fly into my future
Without the lessons from my past ?
I am just one that needs secrets
And how much of me is truth if not
Described? Not needed ,take me at
Face value, as today the only real day that matters
I have an edge, yes I probably one
Most likely to be hated as my thoughts are not of the majority , yes
I probably have the stance of the gunman in desert waiting for call
Of Comanche
Do I distrust ?yes ,once I am lied to
Used or not treated as valuable
Not sure if I answered the question
Am I looking for my kind, I am listening for the sound the call the sign
BML in 11th House Aries (intercepted,) also square my Uranus and Neptune. I have definitely felt like an outcast in a lot of the groups I’ve been a part of – groups at school, around coworkers, in crowds, etc. I feel a lot of pain and hurt when I get singled out, often in the form of criticism (I rarely feel like I hear the words “that’s a good idea” or “you’re right”). Only in the last few years have I found my misfit groups to fit in with, and learning to prioritize the people who don’t shun or reject me for my individuality – my comfort levels when I’m at school versus work is enormous.
Unrelated, but I read somewhere that BML in the 11th is also good at destroying friendships, sometimes turning them into friend-with-benefit situations because of the sexual aspect. I like that take. I definitely have a propensity to flirt with my male friends until we turn it into something else, even if it doesn’t last.
Thank You for this article, it has put words to a life-long struggle and deep wounds.
Not glad that other people went through similar stuff, but glad to find out other L@11th people. Bless your hearts!
Will you be commenting on Lilith in the 12th house soon? Sorry, I am inpatient! Thank you.
Me too Amber! I patiently waited through 11 houses(helpful in understanding other people) but Im really looking forward to the 12th house where my Virgo Lilith resides. Should be quite a read!
Hope to see it soon Midara! Thanks for the series
11th house BML is everything you say starting with family rejection and eventually friendships that are never true. Finding like-minded people has been difficult and turned me into an Omega (loner). Some things just have to be accepted. With Leo Uranus, Pluto 10th house North Node, there are reasons for everything. I’ve struggled with Aquarius 4th house issues most of my life but have finally risen to the north node of my chart ready to commune with people of similar values and with it will come the resolution of 11th house BML.
I have this in Aries conjunct my venus/mars/part of fortune. I am a complete social pariah and get the brunt of everything and always have. ANY assertion of my self towards or into the public is met with very aggressive reception, always. I am a very passive person and I feel like this has something to do with it.
Omg, I have this in Aries as well conjunct my venus/mars. Feeling out of place is just a way of life, lol. I’ve come to see the beauty in it though, now. But it is frustrating and it does get lonely.
Welcome, Karissa!
I have black moon lilith in libra in the 11th house very close to the 12th house cusp and i find that both the 11th and 12th house interpretations are correct for me personally.
I am only just learning Lilith, which suddenly seems a bit overdue, given that she is conjunct my sun and widely conjunct Venus in Taurus, with a grand trine to the moon and a Pluto/Uranus conjunction, and a T-square to Neptune in Scorpio and Jupiter in Leo…Where to begin..? Back when I learnt astrology she was not a thing. It is great to actually read not only the articles, but the responses from people who have the various placements, particularly in a relatively new field of study.
For myself, this one resonates. As a young child, I had no friends, and was often teased. “Making friends” seemed like some arcane art, something I needed to research and practise, whereas to everyone else it came naturally. I am a quick study, and I got better. By my late teens I was widely liked and in some ways even admired, and yet I did not “belong” to a friendship group the way that other people did. As a young adult I formed a series of very close friendships, but none of them lasted – not because we fell out, but because something else drew the person away. Usually it was an “Eve” who saw me as competition. But sometimes it was death. Otherwise I maintained a benevolent distance from people who never seemed quite at ease with me. One friend said of me that I didn’t have friends – I had disciples. That made me laugh, but it also made me sad.
Now I am married with four children (all to different men). My family is very close and loving, and I know I am the heart of it. But in broader social terms that sense that I have never quite cracked the code remains. Covid hasn’t isolated me. It has simply brought home to me how profoundly isolated I have been for a very long time, how very tenuous the connections are that link me to humanity. Social media, which is supposed to connect people, makes clear that I am out of step with the zeitgeist. It’s not because I disagree with people. It’s the internet – You can always find people to agree with. It’s because their communication leaves me starved of a sense of “likeness”. It’s because my communication doesn’t garner the validation that I desperately want. And yes. Where is my tribe?
Some years back I made friends with one of the school mums. She told me the other mums were astonished: “You’re friends with Her?” I was baffled. What was Her? Did I seem mean? Stuck up? I’m a friendly and approachable person. Total strangers walk up to me and tell me their life stories. No, she said. You seem Special. That specialness is a blessing and a curse. I know this person envied it, but I envied her a house full of drop in guests and a busy social calendar.
The big unsatisfying thing about my horoscope has been that I have my affectionate Taurus sun and Venus, and my sociable Gemini Mars, in the 11th house: Involve my Leo Jupiter and I should be a social beacon…so why have I always felt like an alien? Why have I always felt fundamentally, even fatally, weird, subtly -sometimes not so subtly – excluded? Have I unconsciously invited people to hold me at arm’s length? Maybe the capricorn moon square Saturn has something to say about that..maybe the powerful Neptune aspects, the whole Uranus thing….I worked on it to no avail until I became tired of astrology and abandoned it.
Now I have come back, and found Lilith. And what I am finding, beyond the annoying Wonder Woman on cocaine prattle, is the wilderness where I felt cast out. I am starting to realise that I am not in the wilderness. The wilderness is in me. And I am what brings the wilderness to town.
What does that actually mean..? Yup. Bloody good question.
I have Lilith in 11th house and all of this is so true for me. It caused me great pain and it has taken a few decades to heal the wounds. Very fortunately, I have found friends who get it. I’m not sure of their Lilith placements but I sooo appreciate them!!
Welcome, Rosemarie!
I’m happy for you. I very much relate to what you are saying. I have been Scapegoated all of my life. the first Group that I was run out of was when I was 3 years old and made to be humiliated and sent home, just because I was tiny and shy. It’s has continued into Adulthood, It seems as though it never stops.
Hi all
Disclaimer: none
Truth: I resonate with every word on the page
My Lilith H11 sextile Neptune 8th (ruler of 12th), trine Pluto 6th (ruler of 8th) plus a powerful Hades Moon (this helped me read people). Been there: outcast in groups, cheated on, talked behind my back, no true friends, attracted to – or sex with friends. When the latter happened, it was always wildly deep and when it ended neither of us could ever say hi to the other – we burned furiously fast. If I help people I know, they say I do it to earn their friendship. If I ask for help (rarely as water on the moon), friends usually decline. During confinement I encouraged people that were getting desperate because of isolation. Result: “he is weird”. BUT: what works for me: concentrating on family, keeping lighter friendships, not expecting and moderately cherishing what I receive, not expecting thanks but saying it, not pushing friendships too deep but neither rejecting them, and not envying people who are in groups like fish in the water. Another BUT: many times people I did not know personally helped indirectly a whole lot.
Welcome, Orcussun!
I am actually crying a little bit reading some of these comments also confirming being the target of humiliation in groups, being scapegoated, met with hostility, just generally being singled out, and also betrayed. My boyfriend has this placement, lilith in aries, and Venus in aries as well in 11th. With sun in aries too.. moon and asc both in cancer tho, youd never guess he were an aries unless u truly know him. Anyways, this is hurting my heart so much seriously.. because i love him to death, to me there is no one better in any aspect, ppl do tend to like him tho, he’s just such a gentle, caring, selfless human being, a lover.. does not like to be anytbing other than kind and feels deep guilt if he ever does hurt someone on any level. God i just love him so much met 3 yrs ago and it was immediately understood by us both without even speaking that we both ended up at that place we hadnt wanted to be, yet were obligated or forced to attend, super crowded loud room, we noticed one another sitting quietly in the very back of the room on the opposite sides, trying to nkt be noticed lol.. but all the way through the entire crowd of ppl we connected, didnt speak at all until 2 or 3 more of those meetings where each one we got a bit closer to one another. We each recognized a familiarity in the other and sense of home or peace in the others company, rest is history. Crying cuz he absolutely does get singled out ir targeted for no fkn reason, in his family on his dads side is the worst ive ever seen, from his dad specifically.. the way his dad treats him and always has from my understanding, is so cruel and it lights me tf up so quickly when i see anyone being targeted or purlosely humiliated in public for no reason other than the mean ass mf doing it gets an ego boost or power trip from belittling others and purposly embarassing them? Wtf is wrong with u, his dad was and is extreme tho.. it is actually considered severe mental and emotional abuse.. and i am not exaggerating. Since he was a child, and it explained to me once i knew… the parts of him that are scared and hidden, wounded.. he has the lowest self esteem of anyone i know… and ive been in several treatment centers and know mostly only mentally ill and severely depressed and damaged people. He sees no value in himself, believes he is not good enough for anyone ever, he is ugly and anyone who would be with him is just settling and cant ever actually be excited by him or have passion for him, truly want to know and love him on a deep soul level the way that he loves and has loved.. he had one real love.. that he truly did love deeply and it was his first love.. she basically hid him.. didnt go inside stores with him, kept his amd her friends seperate, generally seemed by his perception, embarrassed of him. He loved her so much tho that he accepted that treatment, knowing him now im sure he did deeply love her, actually i know he did… when he loves.. its with his entire being and its like a fire, this boy is filled with passion.. extremely intelligent, brilliant writer… creative writing… poems. And im not only being nice, he is just so in touch with emotion and spirit, its all he knows and is often suicidal.. but beliefs he already had of himself due to the abuse from his dad, which still is a common thing when he is around him and they are in a group setting, he even tried to humiliate him in front of me knowing damn well that i am someone, if i had not already known about this specific insecurity of his.. that it would deeply hurt him.. his self worth his pride and ego, which are already destroyed.. to make him have to reveal that specific thing… and i realized immediately what was going on, im a scorpio moon, i see through any ill intent disguised as anything else before you even try that shit… so i said something that put an end to it. But even that one instance gave me a clear insight into the nature of his relationship with his dad, and the awful psychological abuse he has consistently been victim of from a young age and severely effects his sense of self today, and his sense of worth and value as a human being.. he sees none in himself because of that shit. And it is so bad that he will not stand up for himself either, he doesnt even believe he is worthy of being treated like a person with dignity, is just as entitled to speak up and tell anyone who feels he is less than them that they are wrong and he wont be treated as anything less than an equal and with mutual respect for everyone. And will. Ot tolerate any form of bullying because he does not deserve that anymore than anyone else. Like i genuinely have made a point to not hold back or ever feel tired of or annoyed by doing my absolute best to give him reassurance in any area he is currently struggling with and always his self image, that i would still never after 3 years imagine wanting someone else for anything. He is more than enough and completely capable without even trying able to satisfy all my needs, and that he never needs to worry whether i will be there when he needs me, ive made a point to be incredibly loyal and dependable for him, but mostly.. ive stayed so consistent the entire time.. so that tgere is an established trust there between us and for him, that his girl is always going to be there, and nothing is going to be hidden from him ever, nor is he ever going to be hidden from anyone else in my life, because it would be just stupid and bizarre to want to keep someone so admirable a secret and not show off the pride you feel in having them choose you as a partner and vise versa. I will fucking wring the necks of anyone i see trying to publicly humiliate anyone… ever, only to cause them deep and truamatic emotional wounds and deeply hurt their self esteem… why would another person derive any joy or any kind of validation from this? Its abusive and deeply impactful in such permanent ways.. i will seriously kill anybody fucked up enough to kill the spirit of ankther person in order to feel dominance or important. Because they are pure scum and shoukd br scraped from societies surface and wiped on a dumpster where they belong. I hate seeing someone so beautiful incapable of recognizing it in themselves due to years of this kind of abuse, and he accomplished what he had set out to do… i will never get what he gains from his own sons pain and lack of love or respectfor himself though? While he then criticizes him for the tiniest things, and definitely has a de masculating thing he goes for.. and good job, you won.. now what? Leave him alone like fuck you have done enough. Let him be loved now. Damn i cant believe i just actually wrote all of this.. i feel so strongly about this, and am overly protective of those i love. And he is my number one. Also actually came here for lilith in the 12th house.. my own placement haha.. in the sign of Gemini
I have Lilith at 0 degrees of Virgo, 11th house. Very much an outcast. Throughout my childhood it seemed that friends would just drop me for no reason, so I started dropping other people for no real reason too. I can meet people and click with them, and think we have something good going, only to never hear from them again.
Lilith 11th House/Aquarius.
I am the weirdo of the family. The one that everyone abuses verbally and previously, physically. To read this is so eye-opening. It was not all in my head, like they’ve told me for years. With the betrayal and loneliness that I’ve suffered, even reading this is enough. At least there is a reason. That may sound dark but to read something that I’ve felt all my life makes it real. Sometimes just accepting a reality is enough. It is for me.
Hello to you all. an e-hug to you.
Hi there everyone. Finally a description of what’s happening, why it’s been like this all these years, and having this venue to voice it. I do not feel heard. My family has turned against me~I was always labeled as a bitch, I was the black sheep without addictions, and I love them still. I am BML in genesis in the 11th house. I do have great friendships. But still have difficulty trusting them or my input, caretaking, or worrying about letting them down. I am
Welcome, Dawn! <3
Thank you for posting about BML. I am new to astrology. This BML I’ve not heard of ever. I am looking forward to learning more!
I feel same..it’s so hard to try to find my own people
I am usually worried about how I sound, what or if I am too bossy, or if I’m intelligent. It’s crazy making.
I hope to work on my thoughts and stop entangling myself with shame. Thanks for the big welcome.
Very accurate – especially the part of feeling jaded with friendship in youth and finding your people as you get older. I did find my collective group of friends I love and trust. They were worth the wait!
Welcome, Maria!
Whew. Accurate. Only recently started dipping my toes into whole sign charts which would put mine in 11H – otherwise it’s in my 10th. The 10th I always saw as true though I only just now started reading on it placed in the 11th and it seems to resonate pretty strongly with themes I’ve been sifting through over this last year. It’s been a very weird thing to realize how I haven’t really experienced any real major friendships, namely because they’ve always ended with my being used as an excuse or scapegoated. This last year was even more strange to experience it since for the most part I was just keeping to myself, and it somehow ended up revealing a lot of people’s true intentions.
Anyway, thank you. It does leave me with a bit of hope that I can get some solid and sincere friendships. One thing that it’s made me realize is that even in spite of the weirdness around my connections, I do still consider myself great company (Leo 11H) and I’d much rather wait for people who are able to see and appreciate that than settle for less like I have been.
Welcome, Mia!
That’s a great attitude. You’ll find your tribe. 🙂
Rereading this after Midara’s post on the influence of sign vs house in understanding BML today 3/8. Int’l Women’s Day !
BML11th in Cancer. The notion of finding your tribe (of outcasts) clicked today. I’ve found that tribe and am a leader in it. Given my formal role in that group I’ll always be on the outside, looking in. I’m at peace with that.
Thanks Midara ?
Welcome, Judy! <3
BML/Taurus in 11th house and yes growing up it was difficult at family outings/functions school happenings. I hated lunch time i hated gym assemblies prettt much everything..Anything that involved me being alone I loved. I enjoyed reading writing dancing and listening to music. Peers my own age i didnt get down to well with i was called shy and antisocial i just didnt like to deal with superficial shallowness of my group. They gossiped fought did drugs passed around stds and stis and i had no interest to indulge..To look at some of them now smh so sad and pitiful..As an adult i have two friends one i sense to be more like a frenemy but she fakes it pretty well..I just let her be give your haters a front row seat…I grew to love knowing i was different and accepting it even as an adult i still go left when others true right..I march to the beat of my own drum i take care of myself and ny family..Even though my thoughts theories and ideas are different im the HBIC and they come to me for help..Woman and men both are highly attracted..I dont do woman but as far the men once they start to see how i am it scares them to see i can operate in my feminine and Masculine energy but there are some who love it but then they dont posses the strength i need in a man and i end taking over everything…
Welcome, Daisy!
I can totally relate to this. I really feel like an outcast in my home country as I have very different views and mindset compared to them. I have often been bullied at school and at work or anywhere with groups of people and at some point I just decided to avoid people in general as I became afraid of them. I thought I have already gotten over it but from time to time it still affects me just like today. I’m just disappointed in humanity in general to be honest, as I know that it doesn’t only happen in this country.
This article shed a lot of light!
I have a Scorpio Lilith in the 11th house. Dealt with this all my life. Men lust over me and women are jealous of me. I have tried to control it. I’ve been told by men that I ooze sexuality; meanwhile I’m only being friendly/normal/regular. Noticed this at a very young age. My mom was jealous of my relationship w my father. Even accusing me of seducing him. Women talk behind my back, automatically loathe me and the women I do befriend find it hard dealing w taking a back seek to the attention I draw so I end up losing them or they become sort of competitive with me. Or they don’t want me anywhere near their husbands. I have never crossed a friend that way. In fact I’m extremely loyal; cancer sun and Pisces moon Married 19 years and never ever cheated on my husband. My own adult daughters randomly told me it “it would be hard to be friends with me” bc one would have to have a lot of confidence in themself. This is a VERY lonely placement.
Very similar experience for me, too, betrayals, backstabbing, women hating and men lusting, and little old me just trying to get on with life!…thank goodness for astrology to make some sense of things. 11th house Lilith in Gemini but I also have a tight Venus-Pluto opposition. No-one I know has had my levels of drama! Sending you a hug.
Hey midara
I have lillith in 11th house capricorn for sun with pisces asc. What d0es this mean? Brenda
That´s a real dark inheritance this planet. I admit to the life-long narcissistic abuse from sides of both my parents who were physically, verbally, emotionally abusive towards me. In my opinion, the karma is really heavy here, I always have attracted narcissistic oder sex addicts in men and in women omg since 4 years it´s hell. Almost weekly I get insulted, punished, kicked out for no reason, gaslighted and extremely typical THEY PROJECT ALL THEIR NEGATIVE EMOTIONS ON ME, I am their garbage dumper, if I don´t keep up with their expectations I get insulted, blamed. In the past, I had been bullied in groups, the groups dynamics are really dark with this constellation if you ask me. I was gaslighted, kicked out. I am a loner an outcast not because I am rebellious, I have no other means to protect me as I have severe depressions, unresolved grief and anger, especially due to my pain diseases which are not just pain, I sometimes can´t move or even walk! Due to my infirmity, my nerves are much lower than those from the others, I really have to withdraw from toxic ppl a lot to self-regulate myself otherwise I risk to get joint inflamation again. Since I have no friends as those were just toxic or projecting things on me, I still attract toxic females. I have a deep mother wound, as I realised only in my 40s that she was a covert narcissist jelous of my youth and beauty, she said it herself. It´s insane these re-enacting destructive patterns. I can´t swallow always, sometimes I just hit back, only meditation enabled me to stop reacting to them, radical acceptance. I went to therapies twice, especially in Europe they treat only symptoms not able to even address what narcissm is. My mother manipulated the therapist once, of course they do…It´s really bad I cry myself to sleep daily and often have a sleep disorder, the mother wound cuts deep I can´t escape, I live in permanent fear of judgement, rejection and being bullied. I was brainwashed by a social worker 3 years too, she was always making me dependable and a victim. VERY TYPICAL THEY CUT OFF MY RIGHTS of using public services, and THEY INSULT. I came only at 40 to understand I WAS ALSO SCAPEGOATED IN MY FAMILY OF ORIGIN, I guess that´s the core wound of ending up in such group and female dynamics. As the author mentions above, I was different and I stayed away from my parents all day long, I just couldn´t stay with evil, my intuition and belief in God made me run away, detach, become numb. IT´S NEVER A PERSONAL ISSUE, SCAPEGOATS are the lightworkers, the spiritual awakened ppl who always reject VIOLENCE; ABUSE; ADDICTION, so they have to be silenced by the system. The core wound is the one of being bad and unlovable as a child you can´t escape or detach mentally. Very typical for me is this being blamed for their actions and words, they never assume any responsibilities. I spent 5 years helping myself, it´s difficult to give the permission to grief and be angry. Radical acceptance, cut off toxic ppl, work on codependence issues are the only tools make me survive. Shadow work and like-minded support groups it´s slow progress but you need a group to make good experiences again. That´s why this house and planet is all about, turn it around, become immun to critique and rejection and go to the groups and ppl who aren´t toxic. Sounds easy, but the subconsious programs run automatically, it´s a daily struggle, I apply boundary settings and CBT most of the time, no therapy would help me when I´m with a toxic person, I freeze as a response and I work on stepping out of this dangerous state of mind.