Can Love Turn To Hate?

hank williamsIn 1948, Hank Williams wrote, “My Love For You (Has Turned To Hate)”

“I’ll ne’er forget, that sad, sad day
Darling that you went away
You told me that our love was true
And then you left me ‘lone and blue

Yes I received your note today
Saying you’d come back and stay
Don’t come back now it is too late
My love for you has turned to hate…”

My husband told me he did not want me to wind up hating him. I’d have been incredulous, but listening to him it was clear that what he was saying was possible.

“It’s not something you think, P. It just happens. You love someone, you love them forever. You hate someone you hate them forever. Something just gets pushed too far and that’s it.” He gave me examples I could not deny. “You don’t even want to look at that person anymore,” he said.

“No. No, I don’t want to see them again. It’s too painful.”

“Exactly. It is too painful and I don’t want this to happen to us. I couldn’t live with myself if it did. So we have to stop that from happening if there is anyway we can. I’d rather have this than that. I’d rather lose both my legs than be completely obliterated and have you not want to talk to me anymore. Or not be able to look me in the face. Come on, P, that is a worst case scenario.”

Can love turn to hate? Where’s your Venus?

36 thoughts on “Can Love Turn To Hate?”

  1. Venus in Cancer, 8th house. To me, love and hate are two sides of one coin, as long as there´s passion involved. You know, not the angelic, unconditional, shining white light kind of love, but the down-to-earth-having-to-deal-with-the-whole-lot-yak- kind.

    When I´ve had enough bad stuff and can´t take anymore, it does not feel like hate. I just resign, turn away and hurt and move on. As long as I have to keep myself from burning your house down or assault you with acid, there´s still chances to turn that thing around. When I get indifferent, it´s over.

  2. Not for me. Not ever. My SO with pisces venus does believe it and lives it/relives it. Maybe I’m just forgetful…as for me if it were REAL love, it would continue on no matter what happens. If it’s not this kind of selfless love, I let it go. It’s done, no hate. Maybe a few questions, then poof.

  3. The only ones I’ve hated (or maybe felt contempt for / shunned) were those trying to put me in a social / sexual stereotype and not get to know who I was…

    When they do this they’re looking to benefit from my subjugation and this doesn’t go over well. I don’t get involved past the point of seeing that they’re like this. I can tell they’re like this when they make endless comments on my physical appearance / body parts and come up with a personality based on my last job (which for simpleton minds came conveniently prepackaged with a stereotype – how convenient to be able to overlook the work of getting to know another and have society tell you what they are).

    I’m Gemini and if I ever had fun with them I don’t hate them.

    Wonder why I stopped attracting fun ones (like other Gems) and attracted heavy yucky ones or lightfare manipulative ones instead. Seems it won’t get better with Pluto moving into the 7th.

  4. Good luck with your situation, Elsa.

    Yes, I can loathe someone to the same degree that I formerly loved him, but only in romantic relationships. (It sometimes feels like I need to compensate in the other direction in equal measure, so I can arrive back at my set point. I suppose there’s a better way. Does anyone else here know what I’m talking about? Any suggestions?) Venus conjunct Mars in Leo.

    Just as Kundrie said, the love/hate can flip flop. They’re two sides of the same basic desire to possess the other. I wouldn’t call this “agape”–selfless love. This is definitely “eros.” But even when I’m in the midst of loathing, I can have breakthrough moments where I know that, underneath it all, I have abiding love for this person and it doesn’t depend on whether he’s fulfilling my desires or not.

  5. i don’t think anyone who says they’re separate has ever really loved, or they’re in denial. my libra-ness wants to argue against that, like maybe that’s a selfish love (meaning the kind of love that can flip to hate is selfish), and maybe there’s a more “pure” form of love or loving, but… eh. is it really love if you don’t feel and express want?

    venus in taurus / 8th
    (holy crap, i’m totally having a saturn-venus transit right now…)

  6. It can for brief periods, during the passionate stages of a relationship – Venus in Scorpio, what else? But is that love? Maybe I’m talking about infatuation turned extreme … but that’s love for this plutonian venus.

  7. Venus in Libra, 2nd house.

    No. I can’t think of anyone I ever loved that I hate, even when the relationship is over. Funny, the one person I can think of for whom I have active indifferent feelings (oxymoron lol)is a boyfriend I was with for 9 months, and the oddest thing was that never in my entire life was I with someone I didn’t love. I think that’s what was so hard to accept, and why it dragged on. It blew my mind that we were involved with each other and did not love each other. I swear, my mind could never accept it; we even said “i love you” and I could feel it was a lie.

  8. Kundrie used the exact imagery that I see when I think about it…they say that hate is not the opposite of love, apathy is…and for me that is true. Venus = capricorn, 2nd house, opposition Saturn.

  9. Aries Venus, 7th house. Nope. I can get angry but I can’t hate, not for more than about five minutes. Forgive and forget comes very easily to me.

  10. Aries Venus, in the 6th. I’m in agreement with taurus woman- I can’t hang onto my anger long enough for it to grow into hate. Apathy, yes.

  11. venus in gemini- i really think that everything is possible esp when emotions are involved. we will not get hurt if we do not love in the first place. those people i hate, i can still talk to them and pretend that verything is ok. its true, keep ur friends close, enemies closer.

  12. Avatar
    Le Ciel du Scorpion

    Yeah, Elsa. Trying so hard not to hate my ex. I think some advice I got about hate has saved me: You hate what’s being reflected back at you…so it’s really all about what you’ve been doing, getting or not getting out of a relationship. I try to remember that I’m part of a relationship. Half of what I hate is me. Sigh…

  13. Together, the Taurus and I can turn love to hate and back again.

    Your soldier, he makes a lot of sense. You two are a total power couple.

  14. Venus Scorpio 22°14’46 in house 9 direct

    Yep I’d have to say that love can turn hate I have seen such happens with my ex-husband every relationship he has. Me I would say hate is a bit strong but the fact that he avoided me didn’t hurt my feeling any. For me I just feel nothing whatsoever. I am usually on to the next point of interest.

  15. Venus in Sag in 8th – no hate, but I can forget love in a flash. Then, poof, all emotion is gone, dead, like it never happened. It takes a looong time and angst to get there, but once there, there’s no way back.

  16. LCS…what you said brought tears to my eyes…remembering that I am one half of relationship and that part of what I hate is me….that resonates with me so much! My venus is in Pisces and sometimes I give so much and then feel cheated somehow….that is when I have to look at what I am really in love with. It’s not about the other person so much as about me….being a martyr is not sexy.

    But I had a boyfriend who said to me when we first started dating, “I am so afraid you will get to where you hate me”. I thought it was an odd thing to say, but later found out why…..I did not grow to hate him, he confused me too much, but I did feel sorry for him when I got a grasp of what was really happening.

  17. It can certainly turn to rage, to disappointment, to loss of respect. Some hate, maybe. I cld never have feelings for my ex like I used to. Definitely got pushed too far. But I don’t think it’s hate across the board; it’s specific hate. And at the end I told him: I hate you for so and so…. I was so angry I used the H word! And I said it a few times. I was almost shocked by my own rage.

  18. I agree that hate is the other side of the coin and also that it is specific to certain aspects that a person can hurt you, anger you with aimed at a specific part of you, sometimes on purpose to wound. And if that part of you keeps getting wounded, it turns to hate. But it can also ignite passion if it is a burning hate mixed with love. Fire and ice.

  19. yep, it sure can. Venus in Taurus in the 8th.
    But forever? mmm
    A few exes I’ve hated in the end, I am now close & very comfortable with. I appreciate that.
    My last ex mostly I am pissed off to no end and am longing for indifference — for emotional self preservation! Just wanna move on and let go. the 8th lets me do that but there’s no rushing Taurus you know.

  20. Avatar
    curious wanderer

    I can’t hate. I just can’t. I mean, I can, for brief flashes of time, but then it just goes away. It’s easier for me to drop love (or any other feeling for that matter) than to flip the coin.

    Capricorn Sun (5th) trine Moon/Saturn conj. in Virgo (1st). Sag Venus in the 4th sq. the Moon/Saturn conj. Either I’m 100% devoted, or I’m walking away like it’s meaningless. I’ve done this to both friends and lovers.

  21. Agree with a lot of people…venus in Aries in the 8…Anger will consume me…but Hate…not sure I ever got there…don’t think my sun in Pisces and my mars in cancer would survive it…

  22. Venus in Aries in 5th. If I’ve taken the time and effort to love them – hate is not a place I could go, no matter the circumstances…

  23. Hate is definitely a possibility. Serious, deep down, hate of various flavors.And I can hold a grudges like no other. But it always ends up turning on me unless I can get to indifference.

    Venus in Capricorn and Scorpio rising.

  24. Most of my life all this was vastly complicated by the fact that even when I tried to up and leave a bad situation, this abandonment panic would kick in and run me right back in the door. Wounded rage fits better than “hate.” Usually not a lasting feeling, sometimes to my detriment. It was a grotesque and painful pattern. So sometimes I would try a do-it-yourself surgery, resulting in a partial amputation. Painful, and Venus Scorpio 1st house, Neptune Scorp/conj. Asc. The “fog machine” effect didn’t help any.

  25. Venus in Libra, 6th house. Sun, Mars, Mercury, 5th house conjunct. Scorpio 7th house. Either you belong to me or, you don’t. It’s over don’t call. Letting go was hard, so let’s not repeat it.

  26. Ha ha after a happy long relationship , as a ideal couple, 23yrs, id say longer the love, the deeper the love, the deeper the hate!! And yes 2 sides same coin.

  27. In fact he is my corpse, we keep going back to each other, he says as long as i hate him he knows i still love him!! omg, What do I know love may last forever.
    Got feeling this story is not over yet!!!

  28. I have Venus in Scorpio which is heavily offset by lots of practical earth and some sunny Sag.

    I don’t see “hate” as the opposite of love, I see indifference as the opposite. And do I feel pretty indifferent about alot of my exes who I used to love? Yes!

    In fact, many times after I’ve split up with an ex, I can’t believe I ever went out with them and I wonder what I saw in them to begin with (a wide orb Venus/Nepture conjunction).

  29. It is sad that love turns to hate or indifference.
    In fact hate is even sexier because it still means “I do care about you!”
    I don’t understand how people can love each other and one day simply say:
    “I don’t feel anything for this person any longer.”
    I still have a lot of feelings for most of my exes, only the passion is gone.
    But then my Piscies Venus acquiring Neptune in House 12 might be just stupid and naive…

  30. I’m just sitting here slack jawed that a man was able to have that conversation with you. Unbelievable, that kind of depth… for me it would pretty much reassure me that the relationship *couldn’t* degenerate to a point of no return, because the communication is very very good. If no one is in denial, the chances of it happening are slim. It takes unconsciousness, normally, on the part of one, when the other is hitting them over the head with an issue, and then more unconsciousness on top of stupidity and refusal to see reality, before the stakes really get high and nukes start flying. I have Pluto conjunct Venus, and Moon in Scorp in the 7th and I have never hated an ex. I have absolutely loathed to a horrible degree the woman my ex married, but only because he was dying slowly and she wouldn’t let me see him to say goodbye. We’d been inseparable friends since we were teenagers, married for only 3 years before we realized we weren’t meant to be partners, and went back to our good friendship, with a son that we both adored. I’ll hate her forever.

  31. Libra, in house 1. And this has happened only once, which is rare cause I usually,promptly leave people who I’m not gonna get along with..hate is not really my thing. Guess the whole cardinal cross thing was supposed to blame?

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