Capricorn, Low Self-Esteem Problems In Love

capricorn recordDear Elsa,

As soon as I like somebody and build up a relationship to him I want to be the VIP in his life! I know that sounds immature and maybe it is but this tendency of mine really burdens me and many times it destroys my relationships.

I am constantly asking the other if he has found another one he likes more than me. Then I get sad and make up stories (which are plausible to me) about why he lied to me.

What could I do to change myself?

Burdened in Germany

Hi, Burdened.

This is primarily a lack of self-esteem problem. You have a stellium in Capricorn, squared by Saturn (limits) in Taurus (self-esteem). For those raising an eyebrow, the square is tight, but out-of-sign.

Point is, with your Sun, Venus and Mercury in Capricorn, you’re always going to wonder if you suck. To have Saturn bearing down the way it is, that goes double.  However, you can work with this and I’ll tell you how.

As soon as I like somebody and build up a relationship to him I want to be the VIP in his life! I know that sounds immature and maybe it is but this tendency of mine really burdens me and many times it destroys my relationships.

Everyone wants to be a big deal to someone. An Aquarian man told me when I was in my twenties and it’s true.  This is not something to dog yourself about. You want to be loved – who doesn’t? Someone comes along, it’s natural to think, “Is this the one?”

You’re calling yourself, “immature”. I could argue the exact opposite. You’re mature enough to ask this question so you don’t waste time with someone who doesn’t think you are a big deal. This is that harsh square playing out in that you’re judging yourself.

This is the first thing to untangle. The problem is not that you want to be a VIP to someone. It’s what you do beyond that.

I am constantly asking the other if he has found another one he likes more than me.

You’ll definitely have to stop this, completely.  You’re Capricorn, you know. Mercury in Capricorn can control her mouth, rather than voice her fears.  The reason to quit is because no one in the world wants to answer a question like this, even once, never mind over and over.

You’ll just have to come up with a boundary.  Some kind of understanding, if the man likes someone better than you, you’ll find out soon enough. He he likes you best, you’ll find that out too!  Quit probing. This question is off limits. It’s like bourbon to an alcoholic. No!

Then I get sad and make up stories (which are plausible to me) about why he lied to me.

Here, you go crazy. I state that harshly, on purpose. You don’t want to be crazy! If I frame it this way, you’re more likely to stop.

You’re actually lying to yourself about the man lying to you.  Mars in Pisces. You’re screwing him over to undo yourself.

The man is innocent in this scenario.  You’re setting him up so you can reject him, before he rejects you. You’re using him to play out your psychodrama!

As awful as this sounds…well someone might tell you that you need years of therapy. Maybe. But maybe you just have to get hold of yourself.  Your failure will continue until you do. Because no one in the world is going to be able to navigate this storyline and/or endure it over time.

What could I do to change myself?

  • Keep it simple. The man either loves you or he doesn’t. Judge this by his actions in real life. No quizzes allowed.
  • Build your self-esteem. Earn it (Saturn in Taurus) by working on your boundaries and controlling your tendency beat yourself up and sabotage yourself and others.
  • Think about how you sacrifice every man that comes into your life…and realize you have to stop and I mean STOP.

As soon as you do, things will change.

Good luck!

Does anyone see themselves in this?

22 thoughts on “Capricorn, Low Self-Esteem Problems In Love”

  1. I don’t, I am so glad you posted this.

    I have experiences with capricorns who do this. I wish I could send this post to them without all the anger and creepiness that would result from me sending it. *Shudder* I’m glad I do not talk to them anymore.

  2. I’ve been crying about self esteem related stuff. People think I’m older than my age than I want to be but I never had much success with guys anyway due to being not thin and sort of maybe not good looking though I don’t see it. I’m not sure how to gracefully game people thinking I’m older every day or that I’m unattractive. But it bothers me. My friend told me to work intensively on it and see if I feel better. That was my best advice

  3. Believe you should deserve what you imagine and that’s the beginning. Trust you will find what you desire and you are sending the right message to the universe. Breathe deep your turn next.

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      You can have all the trust and faith in the world and still end up alone. Positive thinking should be called what it is, pain management for circumstances that may never change, not some spiritual guarantee of getting what you need most. I speak from experience.

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        Hildegarde's Noviciate

        I see that viewpoint and agree with it. Tho I’m not sure why it would help.
        People think the truth(as they perceive it) trumps everything.
        Tho’ perhaps truth can be overrated.
        If I had a loved one who I loved deeply that had trust and faith about their situation and lived happily and contently because of it, I wouldn’t think of taking hope away.
        To me, robbing someone of hope is one of the greatest sins anyone can commit.

  4. yes, I have Capricorn 7th house have always felt “not good enough” for others…a self esteem problem problem now seems that because of the cap in 7th house (staying power) and cancer in first (wants security) and pisces sun and moon.( hate to hurt anyones feelings}my staying power have turned into past it’s expiration date and I cant tell. sometimes my relationships stink like past due, sometimes they are are safe and predictable but I’m bored, and sometimes I feel like im in a prison I have built myself!!

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    I have Venus in Capricorn in the 12th and Mars in Pisces, Scorp moon and completely relate to what the poster wrote about wanting to be an instant VIP in a man’s life. When dating, I am too insecure to tolerate the uncertainty inherent in allowing a relationship to develop and the anxiety of not feeling good enough drives me to tear a romantic association apart just to get relief. It’s a twisted way of taking control of the pain, I’d rather destroy by my own hand than be struck down by his. Although, I have never had much luck in love and don’t feel I truly ruined a real connection, just shortened the shelf lives of those meant to be short-term anyway.

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    I agree, Elsa, about using men to play out a psychodrama but then again, it seems many women have done far worse things to the men in their lives than I did yet those guys still stuck around for them. In my view, that’s luck, and if you don’t have luck, you’re stuck. No matter how much you work to change your destructive patterns.

  7. Yep. I’m talking to a man now. Just text messages thus far. I’m conveniently miles away so we’re doing the teasing/flirting dance before meeting in person, which is how I prefer it. I don’t know his birthday yet but I suspect he’s on one of my angles. Pisces, maybe. He’s my brother’s age which means I’m six years older. I can dig it. We make each other laugh so that’s a huge bonus. But I can drive myself crazy with the negativity. Pluto is just past my vertex in the fifth, squaring natal Uranus. I’ve had issues my entire life with self-esteem. Saturn in the tenth on mutable grand cross.I wrote the book on sabotage. 🙁

  8. Forget the guy! You’re expecting another human being to fulfill an emotional void you have and I promise you –it’s likely because of something that you haven’t accomplished yet. (I have loads of Saturn funking up my chart so I say this with certainty)

    The thing with Saturn in Taurus and Capricorn is that they both demand concrete actions and solid achievement. Capricorn feels unworthy without it. Now, this means different things to different people. What can you do to build your self-esteem for yourself? What is haunting your aspirational cart?? Is it fitness? Is it conquering a childhood trauma? Is it getting a job in the field of your choice? Is it getting control of your finances? Start taking baby steps to get there but regardless of whatever the achievement is, work on self-love and self-acceptance as well. Right now as you are. Then you won’t need other people to “approve” of you, your confidence will increase and by that point, you won’t care whether or not you’re the VIP in somebody else’s life because you’ll just be the VIP in yours. And that vibe will attract the partner you want! ?

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      There is no guarantee that building up your self-confidence will attract a partner. It happens for some, not for others. I know women who are very successful and still either alone or with men who are not good for them because they haven’t and may NEVER find anyone else. I believe in reaching your full potential and building up your self-confidence because both act as forms of pain management when success is reached and love still nowhere to be found.

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    It’s true a man can’t fill an emotional void or “fix” a woman but I think the idea that “happiness can only come from within” was probably said by a happily partnered person with a regular sex life, not a sad lonely one. Certain forms of pleasure and satisfaction like sex, affection, companionship are by definition external and can only be found outside the self.

  10. I’m not really sure that it has anything to do with horoscope.
    Im a Virgo, with cancer venus adscedent gemini… I do the same thing. It’s low selfasteam problem. Adittion to all above mentioned ist that always thing that any other woman would be better for my man and have an urge to set him free for him to find someone better then me… becouse in my mind I don’t have what it takes to make him happy.. i’m not enough this or enough that… Problem is.. you can’t receive love and affection if you don’t feel it for yourseelfe. I’m aware of that and I go to counceling … and I advise you to do that. It gets better but slowly… I wish for you to find someone who can understand that shit that’s going on in us and be there for you while you work your way thru that. Blessings for you…

  11. Geez Louizze!! Is this person my astrology twin??? I have Sun, Venus AND Mercury in Capricorn Square Saturn in Taurus 2° (the sun is square Saturn at 26° and Venus is almost out of orb at 24° Mercury is not within orb) AND Mars in Pisces! I might be old enough to shed some light on this Saturn business tho. Having been through one Saturn return and approaching my 2nd in about 5 years-ish. You absolutely need a partner who will support you and yet allow you to stand on your own. It’s not gonna be easy and may even be so hard so that you might give up. You need serious, love and support. An earth sign like Virgo or another Saturn type. Yeah,they’re no fun, just like us, cappy friend, but maybe in this life you need support more than you need fun. I had my fun before my first Saturn return and then married and started a family at 32. Now we are done with family life and it’s just us. I flipped out during menopause a year ago and had it not been for the love and support of my true blue, hard working, serious Virgo husband, I might not be here today…now we are enjoying our “next phase” empty nesting, renewed love but since we’re old now, we are about fun times that are subdued and less dangerous…ie, adulting and doing things like golf, travel and theater, not like the years in your 20s entertainment like binge drinking, clubbing, etc. If we had tried to do this life before our “serious phase” we would never have made it. This is also mutual reception when Saturn is in Venus’s sign and Venus in Saturn sign, so it’s better as you get older.Gotta love Saturn!!

  12. Cappy here, my dating has slowed ( would love some male company)been working crazy hours last 8 months Not sure where I could fit one in (I mean I know where, lol)but time wise?
    Also have raised the bar ,don’t have a tolerance for cigarettes alcohol or drugs deal breakers ,yes my self-esteem does dip but I do appreciate who I am now

  13. I’m wondering, when a person has a lot of Saturn, and obstacles and limitations are the only thing they know, do they then get so habituated or even verging on addicted to such obstacles that they create them where there are none? I think this touches on what happens to a person’s mind when they’re under a lot of Saturn natally (and you can experience it by transit). It really alters a person’s perspective to a point that it’s extremely distorted but they have no other frame of reference. What this lady is doing could sound strange, but within the pessimistic, limiting mental paradigm of Saturn it makes total sense. I feel like Saturn heavy people have this other mission, which is to liberate themselves from this terrible self restrictive paradigm. In some ways that’s more important than keeping a boyfriend, etc. They are beset with human tradjedies as grist for working out over time how to get themselves free.

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