What factors in the chart can make someone simply unsuitable for marriage/partnering in the sense most think of it.
– Jamie
Hi, Jamie. This is a hard question to answer. First, “what most think”, is variable, depending on age and culture. I’m going to assume you mean “traditional” marriage; monogamous, ’till death do we part, in order to address this.
The next issue, is the fact that people aren’t “pure”. For example, I am a very loyal, wild card. Turns out, I’m a first-rate wife, especially when I blot out / deny all the Mars Mercury yelling I do.
I can also think of numerous longtime married people, where one or the other has some very challenging aspect in their chart. The couple grapples with it and moves along. Point being, you can easily exclude a viable person, simply because you missed something. Something important, like how you feel with the person; or the fact you grow and improve when you’re around them.
Another problem with this: some people have healthy outlets for the rough energy in their chart. I have this blog, for example. It’s a giant outlet, where I can yell into the void, rather than at my husband, who has a mouth of his own.
That’s yet another factor. Someone has a “problem” in their chart. If they marry someone with the same problem, they can be quite content. Two big mouths, two rambling, restless type people, couples who both want a lot of space, etc.
This is an incomplete list of disclaimers but hopefully you get the idea. Now here are potential things to look at:
- Commitment-phobia – generally given to Uranus, so we’re talking Uranus in 7th or aspecting personal planets. (note – I have this and I’m solid).
- Self-focus – perhaps, massive emphasis on the first house. Person is just not designed to think of “the other”.
- Restlessness – Sagittarius, Jupiter and the 9th house. Always things there is something better. (I have this as well).
There are the main things that make it hard to partner, but there are many other things to consider. Marrying a depressive, for example. Or a liar. Or a person who can never be pleased. Or a person who is simply destructive. How about an addict?
Astrology is exceptional at identifying potentials, but it doesn’t go beyond that. When I evaluate a chart for “unsuitability”, I look for a preponderance of evidence and sometimes it’s really there. “There is no way anyone will ever actually catch this guy/gal…” I can’t count how many times I’ve said that to people.
Some people are truly not designed for marriage. In these cases, the chart just shows no possible way the person can live in a closed system.
Thanks for the question!
My own experience has also led me to believe with willingness to be conscious and grow a whole lot is possible, but the rest makes perfect sense. Thank you so much for the explanation. Particularly with Sag/Jupiter/9th house, and one always thinking there’s something better just beyond the horizon. The 9th house is actually one that has always been a little confusing for me (along with the 11th). Total clarity with what you’ve shared. Again, thank you. 😊
My chart looks marriage averse. 1st house stellium, 7th house ruler conjunct uranus in 1st. Mars square Uranus. Chiron in 7th. Don’t know if sun square jupiter makes a dent overall? Maybe libra in 9th does. However married is one thing and alone and unpartnered is a different thing. I am not opposed to love and partnerships, I am not disloyal nor poly anything and I don’t do open relationships but I have a feeling marriage is not meant for me. Besides chiron there is vertex conjunct karma in 7th. Vertex in there makes my chart a fixed grand cross so maybe that’s why.
I think my chart literally screams “not marriage material”. If a suitor (who coincidentally happens to be well versed in Astrology) looked at my chart, he would see lots of red flags and run for the hills 😂
A Gemini DC, with the 7th house containing a stationary and out of bounds Mars in the sign of its fall, which squares Pluto. Also Lilith in 7th not far from the DC. Jupiter in its detriment sign conjunct DC. Saturn in its detriment sign in the 8th. Also Venus trine Uranus, both in their exaltation signs. Moon in Sagittarius too.
Me myself, I think I would make a fantastic little wifey! Especially with my killer spiced ginger cake recipe which everyone demolishes in minutes 😀
My chart (and men) disagree with me, however. Maybe I should seduce them with cake haha
Like you, Elsa, I have uranus conjunct Pluto in the 7th and a stellium in the 9th (Scorpio) which includes Venus and Neptune. i was celibate for 17 years and then found a uranium type (Ran away) and a plutonic type (F-ed me over). I now am with guy with 7, yes SEVEN planets in Aquarius who works away 5 days of the week. I dont know his rising (Mine is either cap or aqua or the cusp, still watching pluto transit for that and its looking more like aquarius) but I suspect its either Taurus or Cancer as he is a wine buff and foodie and loves feeding people.
This not all the time relationship works beautifully for both of us. I get to taciturn and solitary during the week and he brings me joy at the weekend while he gets to focus on his inventions and his public for 5 days and get puzzled and fascinated by my misanthropy at the weekend. Weird, but it works…and I Love it.
This is so cool. I am 9 years celibate now and loved your description of what worked week aftermaths.
There’s always a way. After a long period of not needing or yearning for a partner it takes someone very special to accommodate one’s lack of need. Also, for myself, I knew so much about myself after all that time alone, that when I was ready to know another it didnt take long to know when it wasn’t working. Normal guys were definately out, and the more unusual guy that came along needed my brand of strangeness and finally felt at home. We are hard work, the ones that choose to not join in the merry game of two for long periods, but we kind of know what we want when we want it and that’s got to be a good thing. I wish you a great path of relating, it’s all good in the end.
Thank you! Scorpio Sun and Rising plus Libra Moon. Wishing you all the best.
My Cancer Moon in the ninth… Loved raising 5 chillins all growed!
Time for me and partner of 40+ to fly…mutual and healthy! So exciting
For my part, I’ve always, my entire life, attracted partners (I’m the partnering sort) who were crazy about me but utterly unable to be in a partnership beyond the salad days. I’m someone that likes a degree of autonomy too, but hoo boy has it been a challenge. I’ve gotten to the point in my life and my experience where I feel truly fine with just being a boy-scout bachelor 😂 (I’m not the sort to be promiscuous either), but I always had the desire to partner and it has always been fraught with difficulty. A lot of it. I really appreciate this post.
There has been so much discussion about forming even tangential bonds with others in these difficult times here, which I think is great advice, it’s been something I’ve been thinking about. Granted, i know how difficult a lot of this is in general these days.
I would definitely agree with this assessment, as my husband and I are now navigating a separation.
He has six planets in the first, (although they are in libra🤔), and I have Jupiter conjunct my sun, Neptune in the 9th and Uranus conjunct my descendent, opposing Mars/Venus/Chiron.
Sorry, Sam. Hang in there.
Thank you! 💓
My North Node is in Aries in the 11th house, opposition Pluto in the 5th,
Also I have Venus/ASC oppossing Uranus in the 7th
Also Mars in Capricorn is another indicator of celibacy
I have Venus tightly opposing my 12th house Mars, I am Jupiter dominant. Always looking for fun or joy and failing at it (Chiron), then resorting to my faulty Mars and holing up. I think little things about executive dysfunction/accountability (my chores, planning a day, self-presentation..) are quite a part of why some of my relationships ended, maybe. Saturn is transiting my 2nd, Jupiter/Uranus in my 4th.
I have Saturn/Juno in Sagittarius (very committed to things related to that in some ways). I’m not married (relationships not lasting more than a year/sparse), I have a number of things to ponder. A friend told me I don’t compromise. I think there is projection/not seeing people clearly and other things I do. (I still think my appearance/weight plays a huge part in how much choice I get and how often I date, maybe I should fix it already.) Also I finally notice a fear of commitment to any one thing that defines me as a person (especially work which is important to me/I sabotage it). I’m a fucking conundrum to myself. Years of a Pluto transit to my 12th and I feel like I’ve learned nothing, I’m heartbroken about it. Lost a lot of mentors.
haha I have every marker! still not married… however I have Pluto ASC Scorpio, Taurus DESC so it a life partner is still a desire
I have a heavy 1st house (inner planet stellium and ASC) with my 7th House empty but ruled by Uranus/Saturn, and am on the tail end of a relationship (it’s complicated). I’m also am divorced. My experiences are pulling me to embrace singlehood for a long period of time with partnership being the ultimate goal when the time is right or if it comes back into my lifetime. Age has taught me to be picky. I feel that I lost myself to my two most recent relationships where I gave perhaps too much of myself. I consider myself loyal, but perhaps not fully understanding myself since I married young. I hope to find a suitable partner one day.