This is more of the conversation between my daughter and I on our road trip. She’s 12 and you can catch up here: Empowering My Daughter
“Do you think I’ll live with a boy?” she asked. “Like when I’m in college.”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what you’re going to do. I guess I could see that but mostly what I see is you change all the time. You like it, you don’t like it, you like it again and then you don’t like it and then you like it so I don’t know that one man is going to do. You may want more than one and you may want a woman. You have told me more than once that you think you may be bisexual.”
“Yep.”
“Yep, so who knows? You’re twelve! You have hormones all over the place so I would not venture a guess as to what you’re going to do en route to however you end up. And I don’t even know that you’ll end up. You will probably just continue to evolve and morph just like you’re doing. You’re very different than me on that front. In relationships. I am more like your brother.”
“How?”
“Oh, well I partnered immediately. In like one second, I had a partner. It was my massive priority pretty much since I was born, same as your brother have you noticed?”
“How could I not.”
“Right. See his MO? Every year he goes to school and generally day one, he comes home with a girlfriend on the first day.”
“Uh huh.”
“In Kindergarten it was his teacher but he was four years old. But every year since he’s paired up with some little girl right away. And he’s stayed paired with her all year.”
“Uh huh.”
“Okay, so this last year it took him two days. Remember this? He came home with the two Jennifers and he had to decide.”
She laughed.
“Yeah, he had to pick one Jennifer from the two he had on hand and he has Libra so you know that was tough. But he did it and once he did he stuck with her all year. So he does that. He gets the partner first and then he gets a few friends. Just a few. A couple or three and that’s it. And the rest of the people like him of course. They all know him he doesn’t take them in real close. I don’t think he can handle 100 friends. I know I can’t. You on the other hand appear to be able to handle 1000 friends.”
She laughed.
“Yeah. And your brother and I don’t know how you do it. I know I don’t know and I can’t imagine he gets you either. We just marvel, you know? Every day some new girl comes over here. She’s always some new color too. You just know everyone and that’s all there is to it. The whole rainbow, you bring them home and I love that about you.”
“Uh huh. I like people.”
“Yeah, you do. And because of that this whole world is yours. You have a much bigger world than the rest of your family. However our love lives may be a little more settled,” I said with a wink.
She laughed again.
“So yeah. When you’re watching Vidroid and I and you see we have a partner, you should be happy for us. I mean we can function without one. We can do whatever we need to do but we are infinitely more happy to have some love in our life. We really just barely exist without it. We need someone to love, it’s called co-dependence.”
“Co-dependence?”
“Yeah. Vidroid and I are co-dependent which is a word or a concept with a bad reputation at the moment, but don’t you believe it. There’s nothing wrong with people who liked to be partnered. For some of us this is a natural way. We have a hard time existing without the other which is just one of the possible ways in this world you can be. So your brother and I are both like this and luckily for us the universe usually provides, thank God.”
“You usually have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend?”
“Yeah. Yeah, that’s right.”
Do you prefer to be partnered? What is your Libra / Venus / 7th House situation?
Well, in a month, I will have been married for 17 years to a man who is as “lone wolf” as I am. It’s not been easy, especially the last two years, but it’s still going and we’re giving it a serious go at making the marriage what *we* need/want it to be, rather than what the world thinks it should be. Because I wasn’t really sure I wanted to be married, even before we did the deed!
I *NEED* alone time. I actually like being alone. In my youth, I always had a boyfriend, but rarely the same one for any length of time.
What we have right now works for both of us.
Saturn in 7th. Mars in Libra 2nd. Venus 12th house, sq Neptune.
I just looked up my husband’s chart.
Nothing in the seventh house. In fact, nothing in fifth, sixth, or seventh house.
His Neptune is in a Libra 11th house. Scorpio Venus in the 1st.
We’re an odd pair.
Always . . . Libra Sun/Moon/Neptune. I have lived alone w/my pets at different times but I begin to dissolve after awhile when I do that. It may be because I have no Earth in my chart except the MC, I’m not sure. All I know is that I’m happier, content & grounded as part of team.
To me codependence implies a great deal of inequity in a relationship with a whole lot of manipulation going on. I prefer interdependence: where one partner can depend on the other to be there for the partnership. There is nothing wrong in my book about being able to take someone for granted some of the time, as long as their contribution is acknowledged. My experience with individuals that I define as co-dependant has been like dealing with an emotional black-hole . . . suck the life out of everyone & everything with sheer neediness. And I sure as hell don’t see you & Vidroid like that!!! 😀
Absolutely cannot stand to be partnered. I’ll always be there for friends when they need me, and hope they’ll be there for me, but the other 98% of the time I need to be left alone.
There’s a Japanese myth about the Weaver Girl and the Shepherd, lovers who only get to be together on one night of the year. It’s supposed to be a tragic story, but I think it sounds almost ideal. 😀
Venus (and Moon) in Aquarius, empty 7th house, nothing in Libra.
Have been single for a long time – and its Ok. However I’ve been looking to change this. Neptune in the 7th House, Venus in Cap, no planets in Libra.
Waaaaay codependent, in both good and bad ways.
Aries Venus in 5th square Saturn, but no planets in 7th or Libra.
I do think I would feel empty without a partner, and when I don’t have a steady one, I’ve had a few random ones which fulfill several needs I guess.
Pluto in the 7th in Libra, nothing in else in Libra. NN in Virgo on the descendant. Venus in Scorpio in the 8th, square jupiter, opposite Chiron. I’ve gotten hurt in love a lot, and I’ve considered myself co-dependent but completely in a negative way, it’s never been described, to my knowledge, as a positive thing.
I don’t know if I would feel empty unpartnered because of who my current partner is, since we’ve been together awhile and I wouldn’t know how to live otherwise.
7th house stellium. I would prefer to be partnered, but the universe hasn’t supported me in this. Oh well. It took me like 25 years to learn, but I have finally learned to prefer aloneness. My life gets a lot more stress when I have a male (I don’t know if I can call any of my exes real “partners”…) in my life. I think I’m just really meant not to, astrology aside. It’d be going through hell and high water to get a relationship to work out between the Saturn/Venus/Moon squares and the Chiron conjunct descendant/Sun, and I think at this point I am just too tired to get into another losing battle.
Sun in 7th house in Gemini, MC in Libra. I used to think I would be very codependent once the occasion arised, but lately I found out that I´m hooked on good and intense communication and interaction rather than “your usual basic everyday partnership”. And I get bored easily, which doesn´t make for permanent companionship, I guess. I like intimacy in all forms, but I also like to get back out of it again.
So my other side loves being alone, since that means being undistracted. As long as there´s somebody there, I´m all interactive and eager to resonate, but when I´m by myself, I´m all mine and full of what´s inside, nothing missing.
7th house Gemini sun, Mercury and Jupiter. I love to be partnered AND I like variety. 🙂
Would love to have one, just don’t seem to get one. That’s ok too.
Venus, Mercury, South Node in Libra, Moon in Leo in 7th House, 5 planets in the 8th house (including sun & pluto) means I want to partner up badly and lose myself in someone else.
But, just as powerfully, I have a strong Sun-Uranus-Jupiter-Pluto conjunction and Sagittarius Ascendant pushing my North Node in Aries to be FREE and independant.
This has led to a strong desire to partner yet many bolts for freedom when things became too stagnant or restrictive.
Very confusing for me and the partner…until I discovered my birthchart. Nothing better than awareness and consciousness to balance out many contradictory and subconscious urges.
Thank goodness for astrology.
neptune & uranus in 7th house sagittarius
+
venus in aquarius in 8th house:
uh, just need to find someone who can pin me down while i run away from them.
never dated, never been in a relationship, either.
have always been “a cynic dying to be loved”, though.
I was thinking about this the other day, and I realized I have never lived totally alone. I went from parents, to grandmother, to various friends, to renting a room in a lady’s home, back to mother, etc., etc….And even though he’s given me tons of grey hairs, I’m still w/my man after 8 yrs 😉 So, yeah, I think I like to have people around me, even though I am very solitary at times. (Moon in Libra) Oh, and it should be noted that while my Moon aspects my Venus, it also aspects my Saturn. So, even though I’ve never been fully alone, I’ve had very few “partners” in my life (mainly cuz I’m picky). 🙂
I love to be partnered right now. But I need my alone time. In other words, I need to be alone too, or I feel trapped.
Saturn in 7th (placidus) 8th (koch) in Leo.
Venus in Aries (which explains the hunting I do when I’m in the mood)
Luckily, my partner has a 7th House Saturn as well. We don’t often socialize together, although many of our friends are linked. I like to party, though, he likes to stay home with people.
Hey D, I loved your post! Takes all kinds…although ‘pin me down while I run away’ sounds an awful lot like an Aries thing…
i don’t know. my best friend is my partner but it has nothing to do with romance.
i’m not so good at maintaining relationships. they tend to be too intense to carry for long and i’ve had a lot to learn about communication.
mars/7th/pisces
pluto in libra (2) opposite venus in aries (8)
I am attached to my husband in a visceral, primal way but in general I have been quite OK without a partner even for extended periods of time. I had flings, and I had friends, and I had long-distance unrealisable yearny loves and that suited my Venus-Neptune opposition through Gemini and Sag just fine. I was more interested in many partners (not at the same time, but just making brief connections with people who caught my interest, tasting them and then drifting together for a while or moving on). I honestly didn’t yearn for partners. I yearned for friends and interesting people, but for most of my life I liked being unfettered and having a partner seemed much more of a hindrance than a pleasure.
I’ve got Mars and Pluto in Libra, and an empty seventh house.
My husband seems to share the same attitude (although it’s harder to tell because he of the 12th house moon articulates feelings with difficulty) even though he has Sun Neptune conjunct in the 7th house. So he always needed close relationships with a few people (his inner circle of friends were fundamental to the building of his identity) but he never seemed to have done the wanting a romantic relationship thing. We’ve been together for three years and are each other’s first long-term relationships (before the longest each had been with someone was a few months).
Codependence to me is a negative word because it implies that you cannot be without another person. You feel incomplete and do not function properly. And that tends to ring all kinds of alarm bells in my head, possibly because it is so alien to my inner nature.
Moon, jup, plu, ura, SN and vertex in 7th sextile neptune in 8th, venus in 1st ruling 7th/2nd. I am pretty co dependent but my venus and mars in 9th fire trine gives the impression of not being so. I remember having a boyfriend at nursery when i was 4, flirted thru primary school, dated consistently from 14 thru to 23, settled down before separating mid 30’s and jumping into a new relationship pretty soon after. My NN in 1st challenges me to be less dependent but its in pisces which likes to merge. I try to be more self sufficient but in my heart of hearts i just want someone to live boringly and happily with which reminds me of a poem i read a few years back that rang true for me..
Being Boring by Wendy Cope
If you ask me ‘What’s new?’, I have nothing to say
Except that the garden is growing.
I had a slight cold but it’s better today.
I’m content with the way things are going.
Yes, he is the same as he usually is,
Still eating and sleeping and snoring.
I get on with my work. He gets on with his.
I know this is all very boring.
There was drama enough in my turbulent past:
Tears and passion – I’ve used up a tankful.
No news is good news, and long may it last,
If nothing much happens, I’m thankful.
A happier cabbage you never did see,
My vegetable spirits are soaring.
If you’re after excitement, steer well clear of me.
I want to go on being boring.
I don’t go to parties. Well, what are they for,
If you don’t need to find a new lover?
You drink and you listen and drink a bit more
And you take the next day to recover.
Someone to stay home with was all my desire
And, now that I’ve found a safe mooring,
I’ve just one ambition in life: I aspire
To go on and on being boring.
i’ve had some stop-and-starts. an early, emotionally hijacked marriage, and partnering with those who needed mothering more than partnership. but i feel like i’m finally on the right track. and the right head space: i love where i am now, who i am with now and want it to last. but if it ends one day, i know i’ll be okay too.
pluto in libra in the 5th, mars in capricorn in 7th, venus in aquarius in 10th.
I like that poem…something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately is how so many people are addicted to drama as a means for communication…
I like that line’ safe mooring.’
With Jupiter in Taurus in the 7th, I’ve easily found a partner since I was about 13, have spent barely months between a breakup and the next boyfriend, and really don’t like being single so much. But my Venus in Aquarius square Uranus is *much* more restless than that, so it’s been confusing…mostly this part of me spurring the breakups and interest in new people while still with the old. Lately, while finishing up my first Saturn return, my current relationship with a very Uranian partner has seemed to have more long term potential than usual, to my relief — but now I’m having stronger bisexual urges and my partner is a man…sigh. I’m trying to ignore that for now, and treat it like I would an urge for anyone new — it’s been really hard for me to figure how to reconcile these two parts of myself.
I’m not codependent on anyone or anything, despite a lot of 5th and 7th house influences.
I like having people around me, but I need my space in the midst of all those people and creatures. I’m married, and I have 3 kids and 2 cats.
My husband is a Capricorn, with an empty 7th house and an unaspected Saturn in the 5th. We each do our own thing and are content with this.
I think people have sensed this and have been reluctant to get too close to me, because I like the idea of space in a relationship, as contradictory as that concept sounds.
Jupiter (Libra) and Neptune (Scorpio) are in the 7th. Venus, conjuncy Pluto and Uranus, rules the 7th. Uranus, Moon & Jupiter (widely conjunct) in Libra.
I have noticed a trend that probably would have served me well at a younger age – I really like to be alone. I have no planets in my fifth or seventh house at all. I have Neptune in Libra – so maybe I’m confused about whether I want to be in a relationship or not. My Venus is in Gemini and my moon in Aquarius. I dated boys in high school that were in the military – lots of long letters but little face to face time. I married a man who was a regional sales manager and spent a lot of time away on business trips. After we divorced I didn’t date for 13 years – not even a little – but my grown son still lives with me (he’s Libra). So while I have never really “lived alone” because I went from my parents to marriage and my son is still with me – I really have spent most of my life un-partnered in the context of actual time spent together. I’ve been in a relationship now for 10 months that was a complete surprise to me because I’d already decided I wasn’t meant to be with anyone ever again – and I was OK with that. We are a strange mix with our suns in Taurus and Cancer and our Moons in Aquarius and Sagittarius – and both with our suns conjunct Uranus and Neptune in Libra. We are very close, but we are fine with the spaces in our relationship. We have no plans to move in together and are content with seeing each other a few times a week. We go days without even talking sometimes, yet we openly share all the pieces of our lives with no hesitation. I do consider him my “partner” and he does the same with me, but we both like to be held loosely. It’s strange, but it’s both exciting and comforting and seems to be perfect for both of us.
As much as I want to be partnered, I need to stop viewing my partner as a threat to my freedom/harmony. My Aquarius mars (7th house) is all “chill or I’ll cut you” while my Libra moon acts like a clingy mess. It’s not easy to deal with me on a daily basis. So I choose to be alone.
Im ok by myself in that I dont mind having a lot of time alone. However, I do much better partnered, but only if Im partnered “well”.
Well…1stly I am 22,
I am a cynic about love, but i believe one day i will find the “perfect love”..At first in a relation i dont believe that the person really loves, respects and needs me, but once i am assured of all that i quickly lose interest..and in fact try to convince the guy that his love for me is not forever…Yet, I have never had a relation less than 2 years long as I find it very difficult to let go of my lover who becomes my best friend and support system, even though I stop being in love with them..also because I am afraid of hurting them that badly…
Its not like i dont want commitment. I would never go out with a guy unless he were committed to me and to our relationship, and wanted to marry me. However I myself am scared of settling down with one guy..I cant help finding other men interesting even when i am into a steady and very happy (read: guy loves me and is devoted to me and ready to do anything for me) relationship..
I never make any moves unless i am sure that the guy likes me..i am somehow afraid of the humiliation of rejection..
I find all men immature after a while…say around 1 year…yet i am not sexually attracted to men who are more than 10 years older to me…
I am confused and scared I can never be happy in a relation ever in my life even when the guy i am with is as perfect a lover as can be expected…
I am confused and i am ungrateful and disgusting..and i need help..
My ascendant is aries, with north node in 1st house.
My venus is in the 3rd house which is gemini.
My mars and mercury are in the 4th (yes i do have very violent arguments with my parents, esp my mom).
My sun and moon are in the 5th house which is leo.
My SATURN n south nose are in libra which is my 7th house.
My jupiter is in the 10th house which is capricorn.
I have Sun in Libra in the 7th house, and Venus (Scorpio) also in the 7th house. I always want to have a boyfriend, kind of compulsively. I also have moon in Libra.
Partnering is very much in my nature!
Maybe I’m some kind of freak anomaly…I have Venus in Aquarius AND Uranus in the 7th house, but even with that, I really do feel a great need to be partnered.
maybe my Jupiter and Saturn in libra?
my desire for partnership feels desperate at times. i have a strange partnership right now (uranus is transiting my 7th)…. i feel restricted (saturn) in it quite often and yet also full of starry eyed longing love (neptune)
natally, i have pallas athena in 7th.. pisces on descendent… venus in leo in 12th, squared by neptune and saturn
fear of rejection gets in my way
i have a strong 11th house so always have friends, good friends — but it’s the partnership that feels always….. out of reach somehow, out of my grasp…
sun libra, venus scorpio – I LOVE to be partnered and always find either a pal or a SO wherever I go. I also like hearing that this impulse is OK and not anti-feminist. Boy am I sick of hearing that shit.