Do you ever think about lowering your expectations? This is another concept I think may come into vogue as a way to solve problems as Saturn leaves Leo for earthy Virgo and Jupiter and Pluto land in Capricorn post their transit of high flying, inflated Sagittarius.
For example what if someone told you most relationships fail because people expect too much of them? Would it move you to lower your expectations so that you might have something real as opposed to ideal?
This is not new. Ben quotes Katherine Hepburn who said, “You can’t have everything,” and she was surely not the first to think such a thing but what if this became the prevailing attitude? Because I think with the shift to the Earth signs this may be exactly what we get.
Yep – it comes in 1st 2nd and 3rd place at the moment, of my priorities that is. And it’s damn painful I can tell you. My health is fucked up, I can’t work, I don’t have my own place to live and I probably will not have any income until I get better 🙁 which might take…months? Everything else is on hold. I used to say the sky is the limit, but I am not taking off, and I am not expecting it to change soon. Sometimes, though, there is a shimmer of sweetness. The question is how low can they go? And what beauty is born through it?
Absolutely. I’m a Libra and I have used that strategy to make friendships and relationships “work” for well over ten years now. When I find myself hurt in a relationship, I often ask myself, “Am I expecting too much of this person?” I’m surprised by how often the answer is yes! I sit back and judge the situation as fairly as I can, and I find out that, yeah, I was wanting something that maybe wasn’t entirely fair to expect from that particular individual. So, often times, I find that I’m cut short in my hurt and/or anger.
In fact, just this past weekend, I was disappointed for the fifth or sixth time by a friend. I was kind of surprised by my lack of hurt over the “diss” I felt I’d received, but then I realized, “Oh, wait, you’ve just lowered your expectations of her, that’s all.” And that’s why I can still be friends with her and not dwell in a place of resentment and anger.
This is a business as usual concept for me . . . expectations can totally kill a perfectly sound relationship. I shoot for having as few expectations as possible and go from there. Libra Sun conjunct Chiron (called learning this the hard way . . .)
BTW, I watch my rather idealistic Aries struggle with this all the time – and he keeps wondering why he ends up being disappointed in his fellow humans. We’ve talked about the difference in our approaches but with as much Aries as he has, he just keeps charging ahead, tilting at windmills! 🙂
I’ve got a stellium in Aries in the 5th and boy, am I learning this lesson now. Strangely, I feel relieved. Maybe that’s my Earth Grand Trine talking.
My grandmother had the same saying and told it all the time. and variations on the theme too..”not everyone can love you” etc. She was a very earthy woman too. All her life revolved around cooking, cleaning and the home. grew her own food. content with very little too. I only came to this conclusion now at 24, after Saturn transiting my 12th house and Pluto my 4th. Before my standards were so high, that no one could have reached them, I felt perpetually disappointed in people because I thought that I was a Virgo errrr… I mean a saint!
Everyone has their own reality and their own perceptions, and it was astrology that made me be more forgiving of myself and others because we can’t see each other straight!
Well…I think the question for me becomes a matter of degree? How much of lowering expectations is merely realistic, and how much is selling yourself short? But I’m a Sag sun conjunct Neptune and Virgo moon, so of course my idealism is pretty stubborn. For me, it has worked best to mostly associate with people and situations that are also interested in growth, and then to lower expectations within those contexts for things that aren’t that important. I have to admit that this approach does tend to narrow my social life, though…but that seems to be the way I’m wired, so be it…
Good point, L! There is such a thing as expecting too little and getting dumped on as a result. Extreme example: if all men are abusive, then I suppose I’ll just keep the one I’m used to instead of finding another (that might NOT be abusive goes without saying).
But I do believe that lowered expectations are usually a good thing, especially when seeing a lot of entitlement issues in my generation and the ones after it, largely from unrealistic standards. It’s kinda sad.
And I can totally agree with Rkkkggg, too. Having a Libra Mars, it takes away some of the steam when you start seeing the other side. Not only that, but lowering my expectations has let me keep in contact with my family (who were abusive growing up). Now I just don’t rely on them for anything important nor try to get my emotional “feeding” from them and life is fine!
*sigh* I know what you´re talking about… Just having survived Saturn passing my eight house left me without those rose colored glasses that seem to go with my Jupiter-Mars-Mercury-Conjunction opposed by Neptune in my birth chart (Sag rising). It was a hell of a ride that burned down all my expectations, hopes and wishes relationshipwise, forced the Hollywood dreamland parts out and brought me down to earth. I´m not sure yet if I ever wanted to be there really, but well, it´s an experience. Especially since one sees better without all that rosy haze…
As far as friends go, I take them as they are, but I pick them carefully. I promised myself to apply that rule to relationships and potential partners as well… preparing for less heaven, but less hell also, so Saturn going Virgo (and into my ninth house) will be fine for me.
Greetings,
Kundrie from Germany
(my first post, by the way. Your site is incredible, Elsa, I enjoy it an awful lot!)
there are a bunch of truisms reflecting the ‘lowered expectations’ philosophy … including ‘expect nothing, and then if you receive something it’s a pleasant bonus’… i suppose that’s one way to prevent nasty surprises and protect yourself — but, somehow, inside, i still believe we need to give our best and ask for and receive the best from those around us. why settle?
gosh i hope so
but i still hope i land in something really sweet
jupiter has been squaring my jupiter
i’ve been out of work since february but growing growing growing
but i’m getting tired of the flying and am wanting a nice little job so i can set up in a nice little house and then find a nice man to date
I think its an odd balance — lowering expectations and yet raising your standards. I’ve had the same realization that Rkkkggg talked about: understanding that I was expecting too much of a given person or situation… and at the same time, understanding that I needed to raise my standards. I guess its a matter of not expecting any one person or thing to meet all your needs but instead making sure you’re able to get your needs met from a variety of places. At the same time, I’ve learned the hard way that sometimes you just need to prune away the things that aren’t worth your time and effort.
I used to have low expectations until I realized that having low expectations depleted me. I upped my expectations, and the quality of my relationships boomed. I no longer accept applications from beggars and thieves and psychic hitchhikers!
The trick for me has been to continuously emit love and kindness and wake up to the depletion. It is possible to have high expectations, but then again I am COMFORTABLE having them put upon me. Yes, I really will do anything for my beloveds.
Funny, that’s the advice I’ve been giving a friend who goes about her loneliness in a different way than I do. She’s Italian and calls herself traditional and decided that she wants an older man who is mature to whisk her off and take her on many dates. She is currently living in a famous vacationing area for upscale WASPs and knows nobody, I don’t know where she wants this classy man to come from but according to her he isn’t seedy, so he won’t hang out in bars, she doesn’t like nightclubs or parties so he won’t be there, but maybe he’ll strike up a conversation with her in a bookstore. I advised her to first get into the society of men. We are both going through a similar process, I think, that involves lowering our expectations if we ever expect to come in contact with the opposite sex.
I think this is an astute observation for the coming transit of Saturn in Virgo and Pluto in Capricorn. I have been tuning into this vibe of potentially lowering expectations for about a year now and I think these transits have something to do with it.
Collectively speaking, I think it would be a natural offshoot of Saturn leaving Leo. Afterall, if we didn’t get to realize our ideals after the hard work to do so while Saturn was in Leo, our ego is a bit deflated or some would say-more realistic. This isn’t a bad thing. I think alot of people who didn’t make it over the hump by the time Saturn moves to Virgo are going to be re-evaluating whether they need to have whatever “it” is “in just the right way” or maybe they can settle for a smaller portion of “it.”
I’m not very Astrology educated-this is just the pulse I have felt and noticed in the collective. I think you are right.
MC
i don’t think it’s so much “lowering your expectations” as it is recognizing what’s really worth getting worked up over and not getting concerned about the rest…. being able to let go of what, in the end, isn’t necessary.
defining what’s actually essential.
(this is the virgo ascendant speaking 😉
my problem: i’m a sucker for attractiveness. if he’s cute, he can be a jerk, liar, cheater, drug addict, you name it- just as long as we’re seen in public looking good together and my friends/others approve of his looks. how shallow is that? gemini rising, libra venus, neptune conjunct dc.
however, needy mars in cancer always loses out and virgo moon bitches about not being happy and being alone. dammit -_-