Coping When Your Child Becomes An Individual

father and sonI have a client I’ve worked with long enough to know him pretty well. He knows me too.  He’s got a strong chart and a father who also has a strong chart.

The father is generally Fixed. The son is generally Mutable. The father has a Fixed T-square on the angles of his chart. Sun, Moon, Jupiter.  Sun in Leo, he’s a king with a stubborn Taurus moon. A good man, all in all.  It was a “family compound situation”, meaning the father imagined his children to happily be part of his schema. His movie.

Son has Uranus rising… opposing Saturn no less. Let the games begin!

This is post is about the realization, the father never managed to grasp his son’s nature.  If you’re a parent, chances are you know how this goes…

You have your great shiny, baby and they’re perfect!!  They are just perfect – you did it! You have the best baby ever, why?  Because you’re projecting all over them, that’s why.

The twos, come and they are terrible or maybe Terrible, but it takes awhile longer for this new person’s character to begin to develop.  They start pushing away, going their own way, which is normal and healthy, in my mind.

Anyway, this father could never make the jump. The son was not built in accord with the father’s imagination and so he’s disappointed and even if this is concealed, it’s still communicated, because the father can’t help but continue to push the son towards the mold, he’s laid out.  Further, whatever the son wants to do, organically. is denounced by the father, because it not what he had in mind.

This is some real crap.  I know my childhood was on the outer edge, but I hear this stuff and shake my head.  Whatever my parents did to me, I don’t think they were ever disappointed and I was not expected to share their interests.  For example, my mother liked to paint. No one in my family had in any interest in it, whatsoever.  So what? I played cards with my father. We had that in common, but little else. I mean,. he was a bad dude. He did not expect me to be a bad dude! He didn’t expect my brother to be a bad dude, either. I feel for the client.

I’m writing this for everyone, but for parents, mostly. If you have a young child, be ready for this. Be ready for their soul to develop and maybe get out of the way?  Life’s hard enough, nowadays. A person ought to have the support of their parents, when all they’re trying to do is live!

Can you relate to any part of this?

4 thoughts on “Coping When Your Child Becomes An Individual”

  1. I can relate to your post, Elsa. My son is a new father. His father and I divorced many years ago. The two are a Libra and Aries, and I a Scorpio (Sun signs) They are not speaking, his father doesn’t understand why and asked me if I know why. I said it wasn’t up to me; I haven’t been around to here or be there to know their recent interactions. (My ex-husband and I haven’t spoken for more than twenty years ) But …

    There’s no “there” there. No common ground yet there are grandchildren now. The projections too strong to allow for change: I wonder if there is room for reconciliation?

  2. I think this can be reconciled. The son can accept his father is a human. The father? Well, it’s never to late to breakthrough.

  3. Yes. My son isn’t even 2 yet and this I see as one of my main objectives… To let him be himself, and to help him, teach him and support him in being as much himself as I possibly can. He’s not even 2 yet so…we’ll see how it’ll go when we’re there.

  4. My dad was a little bit like this with me. He’s a Taurus with a Virgo moon. Everything I did was wrong. Any interest or excitement I had was wrong/dumb. My happiness was in the wrong things. The sardonic looks he would give me while asking, you like *that*?? You believe *that*?? *That’s* what you’re spending your time on?? Ughhhh. Hit me to my core.

    It left me crippled for so long – anything I liked I believed must be stupid and I would constantly hide my passions and interests from others because I didn’t want to be vulnerable about them – it led to secrecy and making things into a bigger deal than they ever could be – and sometimes I even scrapped interests because they’d become stupid to me – my mind would automatically go from happy about something to annoyed, like why do I like that song, or that dress or whatever. It was to that degree. I spent years trying to do things I thought he would approve of, and when it was something aligning with his ways, he wouldn’t even really react. Maybe a shrug, like ok, and then go back to his books.

    I still battle internally with this, but I do a lot better. But wow were my natural instincts destroyed. I pray I’m not doing this unknowingly to my own kids.

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