Dark Heart Redux: What Can We Learn From The Anti-Bitch?

People got extremely involved in the Dark Heart piece, thank you! That was enormously inspiring and satisfying and I am back with my next angle.

Your comments prompted me to better define the personality I was trying to type and get insight into. One example I landed on over and over was the type of woman who finds another women to feel superior to. I used the example of a gal who might peruse the gossip pages and look at celebrity cellulite so she could feel superior.

Another example would be a gaggle of women in an office who laugh and mock another woman for her poor clothing choice. This is fairly common and made me think of my sister who can serve as a great example of a not-dark-hearted fashion conscious woman. My thought it that looking at the anti-bitch will give insight into the bitch??

If you have bad clothes my sister is going to know it. If you look ridiculous, she will know it and I have first hand experience with this on on many levels. The critical difference is she will not get off on it. She won’t look at you (or look down at you) to elevate herself. She is also not going to rush in and fix you when you’ve no interest in being fixed, however if you ask her for help or if she sees a way she can help you that is not invasive, she will do it.

I do the same thing on this blog that she does with fashion. I see things people might do to have a better life and I try to put hints out to they might find their way. It’s akin to my sister saying, “this shade of red is good on you.” If she says that, the next time you put your pink shirt that looks like hell on, you might look in the mirror and think, this should be red…

You see the freakish difference here. One type woman is going to try to put their energy under you so that could will be empowered. The other is going to watch you struggle and if possible make your struggle even worse. Based on this, we’re talking about Pluto here.

I mean, it’s more complicated than that. My sister and I are both Saturn Neptune types and we support you and you don’t even know it. But Pluto is also a deep healing and if my sister can get that pink shirt off you, she will. And if I can get you to quit jacking your life up – I will.

I just think the comparison here is stark. I wonder if yesterday’s thoughtful people might have some thoughts on this.

More – Energy is neutral until directed

33 thoughts on “Dark Heart Redux: What Can We Learn From The Anti-Bitch?”

  1. I’ve always thought that as a Collective ‘we are only as strong as our weakest link’ as the old saying goes.

    I’m very invested in other humans’ well-being. My relationships with other humans are their own reward. I feel blessed this way and so I figure the best way to show gratitude for it is to be as kind to other people as I can.

  2. I actually sometimes think the anti-bitch is just as bad, because if I am wearing something that looks horrible, I want to be told straight up without rudeness. I actually find behavior like telling someone they’d look better in red to get them out of pink is manipulative and just as underhanded. I do not like indirectness. I mean, if you’re defining yourself as the anti-bitch, well, you’re connected to the bitch. It’s like how oppositions in the chart work, you may think you are only one side of it, but you’re really both. Plus, you are still negatively judging someone else, and think your opinions are correct, when they are mere subjectivity. You could look at someone and say, “Wow that person looks like SHIT in pink,” but maybe others don’t notice or care. Maybe that person loves pink so much that if you told them that, it’d hurt their feelings for a long time. Maybe that person doesn’t even care if pink makes them look like crap, maybe they couldn’t afford better clothes.

    My point is, you’re still passing judgment and criticizing someone else. One of my pet peeves about Virgo, to pretend you’re helping someone by doing this. I’m not sure how I have surpassed this, being a Virgo. It also goes along with an earlier comment I left with my annoyance with people who focus so much and create drama based on irrelevant, petty things. A pink shirt looking bad on someone else will not matter to you in 5, 10, 15 years, and if it does, well, there’s something wrong with you.

  3. My life is so much about helping people to become who they want to be, to facilitate
    self- actualization. It makes me so happy to help people become who they are, and to just enjoy them for who they are. Virgo moon square Neptune, trine jupiter over here.

  4. yay – I agree they are connected but if someone came up to me to fix my clothes, my hair, (MY BLOG), without invitation, they just piss me off to no end.

    My sister may not agree with what I said. That may not be her method exactly. She is saturn neptune and so am I so who knows! I do know I have been supported by her in ethereal ways but what I wrote up there is probably wrong.

    I do know she has boundaries and an authentic desire to help.

    As for calling myself and anti-bitch… I will hold on to that title.

    There is exists a continuum and I am on my end of it.

    As for my methods, I put stuff on this blog and I have for almost 10 years. I think what I write here is empowering to people, this is my intention. But what is of paramount importance is no one has to agree. They can read or not read,, stay or go…

    That I feel I can help people and try to do this is to me “anti-bitch”.

    To try to ruin people, hurt them and harm them is to me “bitch” and these do relate in that they are opposites.

    One gives the other withholds… or worse.

    I do know you bitched me out on another piece about “helping” and you have strong feelings about this. I am not sure we disagree but we may.

  5. “I’m not sure how I have surpassed this, being a Virgo. ”

    I don’t think you have. You are right now bitching me out and criticizing about what you perceive is someone’s criticizing which is not even real.

    My sister is from the desert and she knows what it means when you can’t afford clothing. You are passing judgment on me(and on her) while claiming innocence which sounds pretty “negative Virgo” to me. ::ducks::

  6. I’ll give you an example of this – the mindset.

    I remember many years ago my sister being very upset about sweat pants. She’s psychic you know. And this was years ago before yoga got big. We grew up with yoga, Henry was BIG into it but anyway she would see women running around in sweat pants back when all they had for womens were mens type sweat pants with the elastic at the ankle.

    “They look terrible,” she said. “I, myself would not leave the house in sweat pants but I think they should come up with something… a kind of sweat pant you can leave the house in.”


    “The designers! I think they should re-think the sweat pant, come up with something that we can wear and be comfortable in but not look stupid. There would be a huge market for this…”

    See, her thinking there is for WOMANKIND. Get us some pants that aren’t ugly but ARE comfortable. And we have this now of course.

    ON YAP – he/she showed up on the blog a couple weeks ago and has used 4 screen names since.


  7. Elsa, I believe the difference you are talking about is related to a Pluto well integrated or not. If someone has a twisted Pluto, the predatory instinct will surface. But if someone had learned Pluto lessons, this person can help other people trough hell and back, without hurting the other even more… Is that what you are saying?

  8. woooh..i guess the virgo carries the load today…lol

    this is really good. opposites- each must have to have had tasted the other to even exist- coexisting- bitch- anti-bitch energy— but this virgo yap with the smoke screens has a point… that is… why is it that people do not like to hear about how other people do good and are proud of it? can’t there exist a happy, do-gooder, ant-bitch who is unafraid to yell it from the rooftops. i mean come on people, why is it that we have to stay quiet if we do something ‘good’. isn’t ok to say…’i love helping people. shit i do it every day, and i am proud of it’— the catholic church does.

  9. aml – thanks for that. I vividly remember the day someone told me I was going to be in service for the rest of my life. I was PISSSSSSSSSSED! I didn’t want to be in mf’in service! I have Venus in Leo and I wanted to be a STAR. Well…

    It is 20 + years later and I am in service. Not only that, I have been in service since I was 4 years old that I know of and one of the reasons I state it is so that other people who are also born to serve can see how this can be done, be embraced and blah, blah, blah.

    In other words, my talk of service is a service, big surprise!!

    Er.. yap (perhaps under a different name, there really are 4) said on another blog I should not be helping if I wanted anything in return and this is also crap!

    I am here to exchange energy! EXCHANGE!

    So my talking about this is also in service to the other service people out there. You don’t just doormat yourself for anyone anywhere, for the hell of it!! It has to mean something to you, or you have to be paid or something!!

    Oh wait, I know. All the waitresses in the world should live on air. Don’t tip them or anything! ::rolls eyes:: Jeez, it’s just asinine.

    All you doctors, nurses, psychotherapists and coaches, teachers and others who help people? Same thing! You should not help people and expect them to PAY you or anything. It’s not like you need a place to live! It’s not like I need a computer to be able to write this blog – Jeez Louise it just makes no sense.

  10. I have venus in leo and also am very servicey — virgo moon and north node in pisces in the 6th!

    I think I’ve only been conscious of how this works since I’ve been learning astrology but I always remember wanting to help and listening well and helping. Being recognized for this at a young age– (I do also want to be served but it’s a different feeling)

    It’s weird maybe to others who don’t have it — in that I get a pleasure from serving others. Like I’ve had part time jobs over the years when I worked for sick people, dying people, disabled people. It’s like scratching an itch somehow. There is something so fulfilling (and that’s not even the best word for what I’m trying to describe) about sitting with someone in the hospital and holding their hand. And it’s not about being do-gooder. Maybe it’s the energy transfer? Hmmm. I know people who couldn’t bear to go to a hospital and hold someone’s hand. Not that they are bad people at all. But their strengths lie elsewhere.

    On the other hand, I’m not a doormat and have a really strong NO and am very choosy where and when I serve. This probably surprises others. I remember being a waitress and loving taking that order and bringing the plate out and putting it down in front of them. I was an awful waitress though — way too easily stressed.

    Can’t say I have a handle on the bitch/anti-bitch issue. I usually go around thinking I’m not a bitch but then it was percolating in my head and I started to think: hmm maybe I have bitchiness! identity is something i (humans) hold onto so tightly, it was interesting to question my own.

    Sometimes my pluto makes me feel like a superhero. It’s an odd feeling. I’m not even sure what that is, or even if that’s plutonian — but I think even that is connected to the issue of service somehow. And surely elizabeth kubler ross was a superhero.

    I’m sorry to ramble so but I got the ramble in me today!

  11. Uh Yaypopcorn, hold up. Elsa did say if the person asked for help go read again. Only if the person asked for help then her sister would empower them. For what Elsa meant about help you not screw up your life once again it’s only if you ask her. She’s hasn’t been the one to go out and offend anyone. She thinks carefully about what she says and writes to make sure she doesn’t offend anyone, she has a credibility to look after. Any sane person would not pick apart what someone wrote just to try to make them look fake.It seems like either you are overly sensitive or you just don’t like Elsa but just remember it’s a two way street.And if you don’t like it go visit some of the blogs that don’t have visitors, and maybe you’ll find someone like yourself.Hint!Lonely, I’m so lonely….

  12. Eboni – thanks. My sister agreed with you, earlier today:

    Thank you for the post! That was very kind and yes, that is the way I feel. I don’t feel like my input is something that is needed if the person is not asking me. I don’t judge either and I appreciate the way you defended ( us) when that jack ass tried to rise above us only to make themselves look like “the bitch.” You narrowed the offensive post down to a whittle which is your skill! Brava!

    and then:

    PS. I also loved the way you smashed to offensive person into shrapnel. Lovely, really. Fuck them!

    She has a grand cross in the mutable signs… I just think this is so funny but then again, I am a Panizzon.

  13. ps – yay posted under the name “Lindsey” and you all know we have a “lindsey” around here who we all like.

    Poor lindsey, the real one is out of town and doesn’t know her hologram is on the blog ruining her reputation.

    yay also posted under the name of a fellow astrologer if if yay is actually a Virgo, he/she is a particularly dum one hiding in plain site and all.

  14. I like this thread! At work especially, I sometimes fear I project bitchiness, because I am always pointing out… flaws? ways to make things better? etc. But then I knew I’d achieved supreme anti-bitchy status when one day a group of my co-workers began joking with me in a really affectionate way about it. i.e. “hey (name), I really like where you’re going with this, but you need to start over from scratch.” It was hilarious and I’m not really relaying the scenario with justice here. Anyway, I learned a big lesson, which is that people you empower give back—-and my co-workers’ affection empowers me. It IS a two way street. I know with all my heart: there is a difference between getting a dig in while we’re supposedly helping someone, and seeing what’s great about them and truly having their back. My gut can tell one from the other.

  15. maureen that is from the Ugly Sweater website! You can get yours there along with a lot of other snowman christmas things

  16. ha ha that’s the kind of sweater I wore when I was a teenager, you know when puke shades were IN…for some #$@## reason they are back in..?

    (sorry, just blabbin’ away here)

  17. How about those sweaters that used to have huge strands of yarn hanging off them? Or baubles attached. Whew.

  18. “They didn’t just take me on, they decided to after my sister too so know how that’s going to go,” I explained to the soldier. “It’s like picking a fight with you and your brother.”

    “That wouldn’t be too good. They’d have a fight on their hands.”

    “They’d be slaughtered, never mind they pick the a fight on your own turf when you’re entertaining them, you’re working for them. It can only happen once because once it does, there’s nothing but a body left, huh?”

    he laughed.

    “The person had no tactics, I’ll tell you that. None at all. You almost home?”

    “Almost, P.”

  19. To answer your question, Elsa: what can we learn from the anti-bitch? Compassion. Kindness. Suspension of judgment. Understanding. Helpfulness. Trust. And here’s a biggie: To Help Someone Else When It’s Our Turn.

  20. Oh and I had and actually wore one of those butt-ugly big sweaters, gross colors, with yarn hanging off it. I even sewed a corduroy pencil skirt to go with it! Yep, big shoulder pads too! I saw a picture of myself in it not too long ago and I looked seven sizes bigger on top with this mid-calf skinny pencil skirt on the bottom. Whoa.

  21. “To answer your question, Elsa: what can we learn from the anti-bitch? Compassion. Kindness. Suspension of judgment. Understanding. Helpfulness. Trust. And here’s a biggie: To Help Someone Else When It’s Our Turn.”

    Peppermint, thanks for getting us back on track. I admire your cool head, this is what I was looking for.

    There is such a thing as a person taking their skill and using to help not hurt and I wondered how the fundamental personality traits differed. I can just see a total affinity / similarity between the gals I was describing in the first piece and my sister, however my sister is decidedly not a bitch.

    I think your list is grand and it seems to me the qualities you listed could be developed by most people which is probably the most important thing to note.

  22. My brother and his friends grew mustaches and had an “ugly sweater and mustache night” lol. He went to the used clothing store and asked some teens there to help him pick out a sweater by holding them up and asking “which one looks better?”. Then he chose the other one. 😛
    They were a large group of 15 men and had a fabulous night barhopping and trying to pick up tha laaaadddiiieeesssssss 😉

  23. Yes, I agree, Elsa and kashmiri, most people could develop those qualities, particularly if they were the beneficiary of any of them during a time of need, IMHO.

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