I’ve been married to my husband for five years and we’ve been together for eight. Everything seemed almost perfect. We understood each others’ flaws and were able to get over most of it – but there is one thing that I still can’t get over. I am afraid it will cause me to leave my husband even though I am 6 months pregnant with our first baby, and it seems to be a very joyous time for us.
I’ve always known he has watched porn in the past, therefore I try my best to make sure he has half naked pictures of me – and even videos of us. I feel as though I’ve tried so hard to make sure he is satisfied, but just two weeks ago I caught him having pictures of other girl’s faces that he uses to masturbate. I feel betrayed and cheated. If he really loved me wouldn’t he only want me? It’s not even just porn because porn has women and men, but it’s just the new face that he wants. It makes me feel ugly and unwanted
because all I’ve tried to do for him.
His reasoning was that he sometimes wants something new only when I’m gone. He says that he wants me and only me when I’m home with him – but how do I know that when we are having sex he is not thinking of someone else’s face? Do I have the right to be upset or should I just think that all men are that way, that one woman is never enough?
I have told him that I’ll try my best to cope with the problem, but I can’t promise how disturbing it can be in our relationship to the point of separation. I feel so hurt because he is a great husband and probably a great father to our child to be. I don’t know how to express my feelings to him to let him know how hurtful it is for him to continue to do what he is doing. What should I do?
I am inordinately sensitive to pregnant women. I think that making a baby is one of the most demanding things a woman can do, so I take great care when I get a question from a gal carrying a child. And when I read yours I was hoping there would be some way to softpedal or ease an answer in your direction; but as it turns out, your chart is so extreme I am just going to have to come from an odd angle and hope I do a good enough job of making sense (without causing any harm).
Now it seems clear to me that although the porn is very hurtful, you do love your husband and would prefer to keep family together. And I agree with you. Your husband is honest, he is there and he has been there for eight years. So is there a way you can react differently to this situation? I say there is.
Now you are 26. And while that’s no baby, I am a lot older than you and can tell you that you are going to find out all kinds of things about sex… if you’re lucky! For example, while I do think men are more visual than women, when it comes to an ability to fantasize they’ve got nothing on us. And with as chart like yours, this is particularly true. You would be hard pressed to find someone who would be able to out-fantasize you so I have to think this whole situation is leading you to discover your own sexuality.
See, we start out with all these rigid rules. Won’t do that. Can’t do that. But the best lovemaking occurs when these walls come down. You can’t keep them up, anyway. You’ll kill yourself trying. You cannot expect a man to lie on top you and focus his mind on you, you, you, you to the exclusion of anything else. It is not realistic but it is also not desirable.
Because if turnaround is fair play, then you’re going to have lie beneath him and think if him, him, him, him and I am sorry… but that is freakishly limited, don’t you think?
This is not a male/female issue. I am a woman and I think about all kinds of things during sex. This does not mean I don’t know who I am in bed with. I am so grateful for a partner that gives me freedom. Because we are all interested in taboo, consciously or otherwise. I want to explore my sexuality utterly and completely, don’t you?
Think about it. Do you want to color between the lines this time, next time and the time after… until the end of time? I don’t think you do. Your chart says otherwise. Your chart says, this girl is boundless. This girl can travel. She has an imagination that can take her anywhere. So let me give you a “for instance”.
What if the next time you have sex with your husband, you imagine that teacher you had a crush on when you were thirteen years old? Think that might raise your temperature? Try it. And with that in your mind, let it go if it wants… your husband’s face is transposed with this other face… and then another and another.
If you did that, would it mean you do not love your husband? No. It would mean you are a vitally alive sexual being – and if he is same, then you can be set for life. Nobody likes a rut. And here is the newsflash: especially you!
I’m going to say it again. You have a Sagittarius Moon conjunct Neptune. You have an exact Sun, Pluto, Black Moon conjunction in the 12th house… in Scorpio no less. You have a Mercury Uranus conjunction in the 1st, also in Scorpio and puleeease… let your dogs out to play, I think you’ll be very happy if you do.
The baby growing inside you? He or she is a product of your powerful sexuality. Feel it and rejoice.
Much love and good luck to you and your family.