Mars & Fights You Can’t Win

venus and mars Lorenzo LippiThe other day a friend was poised to fight with her husband. Right or wrong, I did not see any possible way she could win the fight. I told her she may as well not have it.

Fighting takes a lot out of you, especially in your 40’s. It just doesn’t make sense to fight a battle, get all banged up, destroy the day, if not a string of them, just because.

This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to eat the problem.  If you can’t win, it may be because you need more evidence. You need to bolster up your side the argument and fight another day, but you see what I am saying.  There are precious few (good) reasons so start a fight you know you can’t win.

People do this anyway, all the time. I’m putting this out here for people who may want to grow up their game or think in terms of tactics.

Energy is precious, why waste it.  Peace ain’t bad either…are you sure you want to start a war?

How often do you start a fight, that common sense knows you can’t win?

36 thoughts on “Mars & Fights You Can’t Win”

  1. Cancer Sun square Moon/Pluto Libra. I have to check myself sometimes…cahnces are im fighting my self, my innner battles, and what is happening on the outside is not the true battle, just the repercussions of not having balance between the energies.

  2. Merc/mars/asc all conj and sextile pluto, it is very, very rare that I start a war that I can’t win. Though I have had to learn to not let myself be roped into wars that I can’t win, or that have too high a casualty rate(in order to win).

  3. i only fight when i feel there’s something i need to defend… i guess that’s an issue of perception…
    i try to bring up ideas, instead. i don’t like getting confrontational. my temper’s too explosive and i’m not good at maintaining equilibrium once i hit it….
    on the flip side, some people will think i’m “arguing” when i’m really passionate about explaining something. they misread the attachment to the idea as some sort of inherent anger on my part. or something. i don’t really understand that.

  4. I don’t often fight, whether or not I think I can win. But I can disappear at the drop of a hat. Mars conj Neptune.

  5. Mars in capricorn here, I try to plan my fights. But then I’ve got a sextile to jupiter (which is dominating my chart with pluto) too, if someone does something that I believe is unfair, I will feel forced to fight for them.

  6. I lived a long time imagining and creating a Reality inside my head that was in total conflict with the Universe…,which was inevitably futile but I wasted a lot of energy on it.


  7. Avatar
    Anna in Canada

    Mercury, moon and venus in Gemini square Pluto and Mars conjunct in Virgo. My wars tend to be a war of words and I’m realizing that too often I’m arguing about semantics and logic and what I think/believe to be the right way of doing things. I win these wars and power struggles (with my teenage stepkids) but at ridiculous expense to peace in the family. I’ve got to learn to let these not-so-important things slide because you’re right: fighting in your forties is physically exhausting. I’m so drained these days. Saturn in Libra, get the hell out of my first house!

  8. I mentioned the other day that Mars in Cancer is not impulsive. Venus is conjunct, here, so I don’t want to fight at all if I can keep from it.

    It’s rare that I start a fight – the thing I always ask myself before standing up an argument is

    Is this the hill I wanna die on today?

    Usually the answer is no. Mutable sun/moon are happy to move on to something else. *grin*

  9. Fighting and carrying on never wins anyone anything.

    Live and let live, It’s quite simple, really.

  10. Lately, I have seen people be just obstinate, like they have to be the authority and know everything and make a big point of being the expert. Is this that Mars Square Uranus energy or what? It is almost like UNCONSCIOUS picking a fight stuff…comments?

  11. This post resonates with what just happened today. @kenji — you could have not worded it better!

  12. My soon-to-be-ex-husband needs to fight. Aries Sun and Moon, Leo Mars conj Leo Ascendant. He will burst if he doesn’t find a thing to fight. If there is no hostile reaction from the opponent, he will provoke it. If his opponent is nevertheless calm as the deepest ocean, he will intentionally disgrace himself and than be angry about that.
    I feel for him, I don’t know, how to help him. His Aries needs to be a soldier, but his Leo prevented him from enrolling in the army, because he wouldn’t be able to take orders from anyone.
    He could never really hurt me, you know, because I understood.

  13. Avatar
    Blessed Place

    Cancer Mars Rx conjunct Saturn – I avoid confrontations if I possibly can. I will fight if attacked however!

    My mother had an Aries Moon – she was only happy when fighting. She’d try to pick fights all day… it was SO wearing.

  14. I’ve never been in a physical fight, but I’ve held my own in some verbal arguments. I rarely feel actual anger, enough to even consider fighting, but I do feel disappointment from time to time. I try to see the other person’s PoV and not dive right in. My love for that person is almost always more than the anger. Aquarius Mars conjunct Pisces Mercury 4th house. Sometimes I come up with the snappy come-backs AFTER the argument is over due to temporary brain-fart of being put on the spot. I probably wouldn’t do well buzzing in my answers on a game show. LOL!

    I love your writing style! It’s like a book I can’t put down. I always enjoy your posts and look forward to reading more.

  15. I don’t start fights. I hate to fight and avoid it as much as I can (Mars in Libra). I’m not equipped and have good chances of losing every time.
    Unfortunately my aggressivty tends to blow up at the wrong time for the wrong reasons, in a disproportionate way, after being bottled up. It surprises even me! But loss of control = you feel like a shithead, the other person wins.
    I wish I could say I’ve gotten better at this, but not so. It’s always the same person (friend) that triggers the same response in me. Can’t change her, should change myself.
    The whole thing is a loss of energy. She likes to challenge, I don’t. So she wins, I guess. But I’m such an easy target, I’m not sure that is such a great victory for her. But it feels like a defeat to me!

  16. some couples i notice love to fight. it keeps them alive or something. i think it’s probably normal for some couples in their early years. but i’ve seen and heard old couples into their 60s and 70s (my neighbors and even my mother in law’s neighbors and other family members friends ect) fight alot. like about 2x a week you can hear them. lol oh well. it keeps them happy i guess cause they aren’t leaving eachother. my parents are like this too, they like a good fight/argument. i saw that and maybe i got grossed out cause i never wanted that ever. my husband is the same way, he is grossed out by it.

  17. The older I get, the less I care to fight. Turns out there’s very little worth fighting about. Mars in Scorpio. I can walk away and never look back. If I do decide to battle then it’s to the bloody end, but that’s a pretty specific incident, such as cruelty or abuse. Day to day battles aren’t worth the energy and angst.

  18. Oh, I get the gloves on (moon in aries), flare the nostrils but I’ve got mars in Libra so it doesn’t usually escalate into anything much. I have three other planets in libra plus a stoic merc in 8 house capricorn (chart ruler square moon) just doesn’t allow my moon to feel satisfied with a big BUST-UP. Probably for the best, really.

  19. Tell this to my 50+ mother who has 4 planets in Taurus, mars, mercury, jupiter and sun. And pluto is trining her mars. Saturn oppo pluto. She is often a rage monster! She keeps things thats bothering her locked, until she explodes in a horrible manner. Totally lacking communication skills and diplomasy and such.

  20. Mars conjunct moon in Capricorn here.. generally don’t react unless I m hurt emotion then I burst. Most of the time I m more like not worth it dude..lets focus on something more productive like planning an exit strategy from a relationship hehe

  21. I have Pluto sitting right on my Sun and both squaring my Moon as well as my Mercury sitting next to Mars. HAH! I fight to the death! I don’t care if I am wrong or not either. I refuse to be the first to back down and if need be, I will turn every thing I have ever known you to be guilty of, right at you. In the heat of battle it is war and there is no safe place. With me, it is a scorched earth policy and I don’t look back to see the bridge collapsing under the flames. Which is why I keep to myself a lot. My husband and I can get into heated battles one minute and act like nothing happened the next leaving people around us baffled and scratching their heads. Truth be told, I enjoy a good battle and have been known to manipulate to get them. Debates, arguments it is all the same to me and I get a thrill from them.

  22. anonymoushermit

    If I can’t win a fight, I usually just move on. It does taste bitter for a while, though.

    But sooner, or later, I move on.

  23. Story of my life. This makes 100% sense. I could stand to be a little smarter with my tactics. I can’t win a thing with my husband without some drawn out, elaborate strategy, because of the power dynamics within our relationship. I sbould have recognized that earlier. If i had recognized it earlier, I would have been more careful. But when youre young you just live for the momemt, whatever feels good. At least with me, I didn’t give much thought to implications very far down the line. Sorry for veering off topic…

  24. Most of the time, there’s no need to fight. Anyway, it’s pretty hard to fight with a stellium in Cancer. They just shut down. And they are so conflict-avoidant and self-willed that they don’t discuss what they’re going to do because they’re going to do it anyway – and that’s the only reason ever for a fight.

  25. If Mars fights are difficult in your 40’s…theyre impossible in your 60’s. I will confess to being the first causality of the stellium in virgo in my first opposing my stellium (mars/venus at 20, North Node at 19, Jupiter at 15, and transiting Chiron and Neptune)in Pisces in the 7th. I am a mild mannered Rabbit that avoids conflict and loves life. I had been dating a fiery Sag for 3 months and it couldnt have been better until jealousy and rage hit her 4 times. Monday the 25th I knew I had a mars mercury opposing natal mars and everything else…knew it was coming…thought I was prepared and wham she flew off the handle again and I asked her to leave for the final time. It appears even when you know astrology…certain aspects are difficult to shake

  26. I am a very passionate person myself, especially so when it comes to fights and being attacked. It is very tempting, to say the least, to enter the fight and just smash a few heads. Sometimes, I will even do that, metaphorically speaking.
    However, experience has taught me that, most of the times, this is a waste of Energy. The adversary may use undignified methods of fighting. Are you willing to go so low? Will you allow him to drag you into his tactics? Remerber: he/she is probably better than you in this, because he/she has been living in his/her personal hell for a while now. Are you sure you wanna go there? This is the question I always ask myself. And if I have such an opponent (7th House), what does that say about my choice of him/her, or me putting up with the situation?

    So, do I fight this? Yes. How do I fight this? I face the situation and if there is nothing I can do to change this (for me, this is the essence of the fight), I pack my bags and leave, as soon as possible.

    He/she can fight his/her demons alone now.

    I want my Peace and happiness.

    P.S.: Probably the only fights that are worth fighting for, are those with yourself. They are also the most difficult.

  27. I don’t start em. I’m more the advocate, the defensive type. So’s I tries not to take the bait. The ones that like to fight . . . once identified I can see the game and not take the bait.

  28. Mars in Taurus doesn’t really like to engage in war just for the sake of it. Though he fights one day at a time. My case, Mars is in the 1H, in mutual reception with venus in the 12th. She pushes him as she enjoys some rough and rumble. She is conj mercury, so she kinda gets downloads, privileged info and or hints from the ethers). Problem: Saturn is opposing Mars from scorpio 7H. Gotta use common sense and strike ONLY when data has been verified and preferrably when there is an actual strategy in place. Otherwise (or in any case, really) either Mars or Saturn will be turned to ashes, sunk to the depths. But, see, the behind-the-veil Venus is content, no matter the outcome. Sometimes she just wants the thrill of creating anew following the thrill of seeing it all burn! Catharsis! ???

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