Dear Elsa,
I am a gay guy, 23 years old and I am in a relationship. My partner is 22 and we have been together two months. I don’t know how to explain how I feel, but I am head over heels in love and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. And he feels the same.
We are both from South Africa, but I had to come back to London to start my future. I will go back to South Africa in 5 months to get him; he is also coming to London. We are still together, even with the distance. We believe it will make the heart grow fonder.
I am just scared of getting hurt; that is my biggest fear seeing as I have been hurt in the past. He hasn’t had experience in the gay scene much, I have. I’ve been around and had my fun, he hasn’t. I am afraid once he comes over to London, he will go crazy and go out and maybe one night get drunk and cheat on me. I am so afraid. Although he keeps on telling me, why would he cheat on me when he loves me with his whole heart? I want to believe him, I do. But I’ve been cheated on and it’s really hard. I do not want to lose this guy as I am ready to spend my life with him!
Another thing is we want to move in together once he is over here in London. But my two housemates keep telling me that it’s not a good idea, and they keep telling me long distance relationships never work and that I’ve only known this guy for a month, I shouldn’t get my hopes up. It really hurts me because I know what I feel. I feel he is the right one, the one for me to be with. I love him and he loves me.
I am scared and confused.
Man In Love,
South Africa
Dear Man,
It’s normal to feel vulnerable when you are in love and it’s not helpful when your friends (your housemates) undermine you. They may very well have your best interests at heart, but I just don’t like it when people discount other people’s feelings.
Now it sounds like both you and your partner have very strong feelings and have made a commitment to them, and to each other. And if I were you, I would focus on that and try to filter out the noise. The fact is, you don’t know the future but right now in the present, you are looking pretty good.
You have a man you love. You have a plan, which is essential to Capricorn. and you have hopes and you have dreams. So please try very hard not to spoil this with your fears. Because being afraid today of what may happen tomorrow is worse than a mere waste of time. It’s actually destructive to both you and your relationship.
Personally, it seems completely reasonable to me to think the two of you will get together in London and from there, who knows? Maybe you will spend your lives together. Maybe you’ll get five years and part as friends. Maybe you’ll get one year and then you’ll be hit by a truck! The fact is, nobody knows. I don’t know, you don’t know, and your housemates sure as hell don’t know.
So I would suggest you stop feeding your fear and creating misery. Instead try to stay positive and love with all your heart, while hoping for the best outcome for all involved. Because you know what? In the long run, this is exactly what’s you’re going to get.
Good luck.
I think man, that Elsa view is very wise. I subscribe it. Additionally I give my thoughts about fears in love affairs. I could change a year of happiness by another one of tears if faced to the option, And believe me I have had my years of tears and happiness. Still, doesn’t matter how your story ends: You are the protagonist!
What I have learned this last year is….never regret. Spend your time with the one you love and love to your fullest ability. Encourage eachother no matter what happens down the road because you have to look at yourself every day and like who you see. If you are a better person because of someone you love but the love has changed you are a better person for knowing and loving them…what can be wrong with that?!?!