MyBoyfriend Is In Contact With His Ex… Am I Insecure?

Cancer vintage silver crab

Dear Elsa,

I am in love with a Pisces man. We have been dating 7 mos. now and so far all is bliss. He is crazy about me and I am of him. We have sooo much in common and are planning a future together, a house, as a family, his son now 4 and my daughter 14.

He has an ‘ex’.. Well I should say they are legally separated, she lives in another country and 3 daughters. She, apparently, left to go back 3 or 4 years ago, leaving their 1 yr old son with my boyfriend and according to him, it was a bitter end and he was emotionally distraught.

However… he still continues to keep in contact with her and he shares pics of both us and their son. She sends birthday and Christmas gifts, cards, etc. for his son but does not tell him who it’s from, as he has never asked about her. He is keeping everything of & from her for his future when he does ask, which I can understand. I would like to know where is the justice in this.. of him keeping in touch with her regularly? Personally, I do not agree.

What is it with Pisces men and their ex’s? I’m reading so much of it lately. How do I handle this situation? Am I being insecure? Do I continue to make plans for the future with him? I feel so blessed that he came into my life, he is, most definitely, the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I want to make the right decision and be in the right frame of mind, for both of us and our children.

Double Cancer
United States

Dear Double,

You sound very happy with this man. You also understand his son is going to eventually want to know about his mother and I could probably get you to agree that the connection she is willing to maintain with him should not be severed or hobbled in anyway so then what is the problem?

My guess is the problem is the fact that while this man is “legally separated” he is not divorced. Why is he not divorced? How can he plan a future with you while married to her?

Now you’ve only known his 7 months and it could be he’s just not got around to this. Perhaps this has not been a priority but considering his involvement with you it seems he ought to act on this now and if he does with a little bit of luck it will go very smoothly, thanks in part to your patience. Because while I would feel some of the things you are in your situation, try to keep in mind what weighs in your favor.

For example he is with you, she is out of the county, and she knows all about you… she has pictures. Considering this, I really don’t think he is up to no good. People just get in situations (like being legally separated) and stay that way until prodded in some way so yes. I would continue making plans with this man and part of the plans can be his divorcing.

Good luck.

4 thoughts on “MyBoyfriend Is In Contact With His Ex… Am I Insecure?”

  1. I wonder why their son isn’t told the gifts are from his mother? That sounds weird.
    Regardless, my dad was legally separated from his 1st wife when he met my mum. Same situation (without children) in that he was in Canada and she was down in New Orleans.
    My mum was pissed when she realized it and it took a while to untangle the mess but they did do the divorce/marriage business eventually and my folks are still happy almost 40 years later.

    However…my is a Libra. 🙂

  2. Whew, married men. I look at them and say, well you made a contract before the eyes of the state and (usually) of God. You are not currently legally or symbolically free. Adios.

    Which is not to say, as Elsa points out, that maybe there just hasn’t been an overriding impetus to proceed to singledom. In your plans for the future, have you discussed his necessary impending divorce?

  3. First Elsa, my sincere thanks for your reply and words of encouragement. And much thanks to kashmiri and Mari for your comments. A little time has passed since I did speak up and asked to discuss details of his relationship with his ‘ex’. Ahhh.. communication is great? isn’t it! That’s the key! And I was mistaken how often he does keep in touch with her. He only sends pictures of their son with the gifts that she sends on special occasions for him. He does not write to her or respond, only if it contains questions and/or concerns his son. In fact, she is very happy that my BF is in love and happy with me. As for the little guy.. he shows no interest in ‘where’s Mommy?’ or ask questions regarding a Mom, its always been ‘Daddy’. Since his birth the mother never held him, fed him, rocked him, showed any affection towards her son. My BF wasn’t even allowed to share in the joy of their pregnancy.. wasn’t allowed to touch her stomach.. etc. She just birthed him. And after he was born, she slept upstairs with her 3 daughters in the same bed, while he slept downstairs with his son until the females left to go back home. It was ‘Daddy’ who awoke in the middle of the night to feed him, nurse him back to health when he was ill, and share his love with. He is thee ‘Mom/Dad’ figure, a Mr Mom, if you will.
    Anyhoo, since I am in his life now, he loves and adores me, so my boyfriend tells me… Squeals my name with delight when he sees me coming thru the door and always, always practically knocks me over with kisses and hugs.. the little tyke.. Aquarius born, Valentine boy.
    As for my Pisces man.. well I can only say that I prayed for an open heart and my prayers have been answered… I love my man, he really rocks my world. I know that he truly loves me. He treats me like no other ever has even and I deserve it. Even opens the car door for me! He’s such a Gentleman. We deserve each other too. We’ve met so many times before it feels like.. in other lives.. we are so connected.. He calls me his ‘soul twin’. We can feel each others’ thoughts and feelings, and deja-vues, its amazing.
    And as for a legal divorce, he is, at this moment, not in a position to financially take care of it on his end. He is still paying for debts she left behind and 4 flight tickets back to their country… 1,000s of dollars. Besides, we’re not rushing to the alter, we’re working towards a future together and everything will work out in its place… we both know.
    And oh yeah! he’s a great cook too! can’t beat that! No-no, no way man!.. he’s a ‘KEEPER’!!

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