This conjunction is delivering a gut punch, for sure! I wonder how it’s affecting people.
The conjunction lands on my ascendant (my physical body). The affect is textbook. All the sudden some of the secret burden and horror I’ve been coping with is coming to light. I can’t say this is a bad thing, but this seems the story of my life: if no one sees you’re suffering, are you really suffering? I started asking myself that question when I was ten years old.
There is a lot more to come, but what’s emerged at this time is spine. It’s been really horrible for years now. I said I was crippled but I guess no one believes me? They believe me now!
I have finally connected with a hardcore spine surgeon. You’d think they are all hardcore but you would be wrong. I need a hard, hardcore surgeon and I found him this week.
He was stupefied by the mri’s of both my back and my neck. And happy too, I have to say. You just don’t see my kind of problems every day of the week. Matter of fact, I’m pretty sure he’ll remember me forever. So that’s bad, right? It’s made an impact… but not on me, yet. I know my back is bad!
I didn’t learn anything new, really, when he told me he was going to have to take the film back and confer with his team and his colleagues. Seriously, he could not look at me and discern what was to be done, but what does that mean? Nothing, really.
He also said I would need to get plain x-rays which I did, the same day. He mentioned a full-body bone cancer scan, which I said I already had. “When?”
“Three years ago.”
“You may have to have another. I’ll look at the x-rays and talk to my people…”
I don’t have cancer, so don’t worry. I pretty much know this due to all the blood they take from me (Lupus).
He went over my meds. “No opioids?”
“No. I don’t take them.”
Okay, so they put my x-rays online. I have seen the mris. Just visually, I know my neck is curved backwards and fusing that way. I know I have scoliosis…. apparently getting worse? Maybe. The x-rays came online last night. I pulled them up and I was sickened by them. Not vomit-y. That’s just the best thing I can think of to say. There were a lot of notes. I had to google.
I started with my back, which will be the first thing they will try to deal with. I checked the degree of my scoliosis first, because I’ve wondered, it is mild? Moderate? Severe? Turns out it’s at the high end of moderate (35 degrees). 40 degrees is considered severe. The surgeon said it was not my main problem. Okay…
I know I have a pinched nerve in my back. “Nerves,” he said. “NERVES.” I know my spinal cord is impinged. I even know that my back has collapsed down on a nerve or NERVES but that not the same as seeing the vertebrae, like cheese that slipped off a cracker. There’s more.
There is some Lupus problem involved here; sclerosis? Honestly, I’m not sure. But I can tell you this, the picture is stunning. It looks like someone who has never had medical care, which you know I’ve had! But I still could not be sure. To make sure, this morning, I loaded the pics on my phone and texted them to several people I know well. These are people who know my back hurts. They HEAR me.
I sent just one picture of my back. “Unfortunately, this is my spine.”
The universal response was STUN. Cries out to God or just cries. Bottom line, I hope they will be able to somehow rebuild my spine. I actually feel they will be able to do it. And I have a rhematologist now and I will soon have a neurologist and I don’t know who else.
I think I may post the pic. I’d like to, but I am afraid no one will hire me if they see it! It’s too horrible!
So this is a portion of what is happening with this stellium is sitting on my ascendant. Where does it land in your chart and what’s happening?
Oh… and one more thing in regards to this site. I am going to need some help, keeping it going. So if you want to see it (and me) survive, then whatever you can do, will be appreciated.