Dear Elsa,
I have had many boyfriends in my life. Some were very serious, to the point of possible marriage. But for some reason, there was always something missing from those relationships and I never felt as if I wanted to spend the rest of my life in them. I felt suffocated and restricted, although nothing had changed since the beginning of the relationships.
I met the most wonderful man four months ago, and I feel as if he might be ‘the one’. I’m afraid that the same old suffocating feeling is going to come back, and that I will unintentionally hurt this wonderful man who I truly want to be with.
Is there something in my chart that reflects this tendency to feel suffocated? Or was it maybe that the men in my past were just not the right ones for me? I’m afraid that I’m going to be running from love my entire life, while at the same time craving it. Do you have any insight?
Scared Leo
Dear Scared,
Yep, you’re on to it. Part of you wants to be in a relationship and part of you wants out! And you’re right. It has nothing to do with the man. You’re a commitment-phobic who craves relationships and this is hard-wired.
As for the astrology, anyone with their Moon in the 7th house is going to have an emotional need to be partnered. PERIOD.
But you’re an Aquarius rising. And you have Uranus in hard aspect to your Sun. And you have Jupiter conjunct your Mars and square your Venus. And all of this shrieks “Don’t fence me in!” And if you want evidence of this, just check your email address…
Your email address is how you identify yourself, right? And yours is the equivalent of [email protected]. So how is that person going to be married, huh? ::smiles:: You’ll be jacked up from day 1!
So I don’t know what you’re going to do about this. How you resolve it will be very personal, but I can tell you it can be done because I am just like you and I’ve done it. There is a way to be both partnered and free. So you’re on the right track with your consciousness of this. And hopefully the clarity will help to kick you to the next level.
Bottom line, you need to make your own rules when it comes to relationships. Anything traditional will fail. And this may sound bad to you today, but it is what it is and understanding yourself is the key.
Good luck.
I love your advice here, Elsa! Do you think that planets in the 7th house -in general- indicate a need to define relationships in one’s own terms?
Christine – No. I think planets in the 7th house give focus on relating in partnership but how a person wants to do that (or has to do that) depends on what planets.
Ugh, I definitely have this going on – the need for freedom against the need for partnership. Drives me crazy. To boot, I end up being drawn to these very independent people as partners. I like both qualities, I still haven’t figure out to fit them together.
I have the same problem as well. Stellium in seventh house/Libra north node versus Sag moon and a fourth house Juno in Aquarius. I used to be obsessed with partnership and these days I have gone completely in the other direction. When I do date someone, I always end up dating someone who lives in another town, or is a workaholic, or who has to spend lots of time out of town himself…that way I still feel like I get my me time in. I don’t know how the hell I’d handle living together- I think I’d rather have the guy live in my apartment complex or something 😛
I’d be interested in hearing how you managed it, Elsa…is it done in your choice of man? Not getting married? What?
I’m with Jennifer, I would also love to know how you managed it. Love the insight!
I have Aquarius in Venus and I can relate on a lot of levels. But I GOT married. And I DO feel utterly fenced in a lot of the time. But Cancer moon wants the relationship and Capricorn is so bloody loyal and on it goes….
I’m very interested in how people resolve this issue. Because on one hand I’m am SO READY to take off and live by myself, poor and lonely but FREEEEE from all this fucking responsibility and bullshit banality that is “LTR”. On the other hand, I LOVE nurting and looking after and sleeping with another warm body (often a human one).
It is really quite totally and utterly INSANE.
Grrrrr…..
I completely identify with you.
I have Aquarius Sun opposing Uranus, conjunct moon, yet Venus and Saturn in the 7th house!
Um, not insane at all! I hope not, ha! But I think you can be free and be married. And I don’t just mean in the physical sense, but by exploring your inner world.
Exactly.
“Bottom line, you need to make your own rules when it comes to relationships. Anything traditional will fail.” Perfect.
A man who loves and respects you respects your space.
I solved it, no, we solved it. We married for convenience, for the presents and to shut up the family. But we knew that we are still and will forever be free to decide each day if we want to be together or not. My Aries husband used to say: I don’t need you, but I want you. And when we didn’t want to be together, we went our own way, no heartbreak, just let’s see what happens.…and our marriage lasted 33 years until he passed away.
Aquarius Venus opposing Leo Uranus here, Libra AC so same struggle of wanting to be free and partnered at the same time.
Just be honest about all and everything and own your shit. We did that, which helped a great deal. No one is perfect, we’re all doing as best as we can.
I find that people expect far too much of each other and are constantly complaining the partner should be different than he/she is. What about accepting the other as they are? People don’t change to please someone else, that’s fake stuff. They change when they feel safe, accepted, loved, no matter what.