Imaginary Lover: Venus, Neptune and the 12th House


Dear Elsa,

I am finally beginning to understand how powerful Neptune and 12th house placements have been in my life. In spite of Saturn and Mercury also figuring largely in my chart, I cannot seem to ground my sexual & romantic attractions in the here and now reality of day to day existence. Instead, I have cultivated the habit of “imaginary lover” (usually some popular culture figure). Or if it has been someone in my immediate environment, it is usually a person who simply is not available or even interested in me.

I am grateful I can actually laugh at myself about this, seeing as it is quite absurd and provides an outlet for a much needed release from the intense emotions. However, the price of my daydreaming has been quite high as I am sure I have let significant opportunities for intimate relationships slide on by.

What needs to be done and do you see me getting over this habit anytime soon?

Dreaming of Love

Dear Dreaming,

Recognizing your problem is a major step in the right direction – but I don’t see you getting over this habit ever, if you don’t seriously apply yourself. It’s like being a drunk or a drug addict. You aren’t going to wake up one day sober or straight. You’re going to have to fight. You are going to have to make breaking this ‘habit” a priority and no one is going to decide to do that but you.

As for what needs to be done, you are aware at this point that given endless options in this life, you turn to the choice that leaves you writhing around in this delicious sort of agony, pining for your love object. It’s no different than the stay at home mom who opts to pop her Vicodin every day. So what would you tell her? Lay off the pills? Come back to the world?

If you want a new movie, you are going to have to see the temptation and turn away. And you’ll never make it if you do not find other outlets for this energy and I’ll give you an idea what I mean.

I have Venus Neptune myself, and tendencies that are similar to yours. But rather than spend all my love energy on some ungettable guy, I channel as much of it as I can into this work. Service that is. You have to love people to do what I do. You have to care for them. You have to love strangers. And can you see how this is similar?

Because what are you doing with these celebrities? You are loving strangers, yes? So why not put that love that can go anywhere and land on anyone, to better use?

And if you know anything about any of the 12-step programs, in the end they suggest you serve. For your own good! So this is my advice. Use your energy in ways that are constructive rather than destructive to yourself and others. Because get this other Neptune concept: If you are hurting yourself, you are hurting others. Help yourself, by helping others. Help others by helping yourself.

Good luck.


5 thoughts on “Imaginary Lover: Venus, Neptune and the 12th House”

  1. Avatar
    12-Stepping (sanity) Against 12thHouse (insanity)

    I’ve got Neptune(fantasy) sextile Venus+Pluto (love+sex) and it’s been acting up lately again and threatening to derail me, once more. Interesting that you should mention 12-step programs, as I have recently (this past week) started ‘working’ mine again.

  2. just spent the last few days chewing the cud over this one and i am sure i will be spending more time combing the lines for other insights.

    got ya on the 12 steps which i began earlier this year, but am still seeking a group i feel is a “good fit”. i also got ya on the “active service” to others as a way to better help myself. i have recently completed the education and training for a community service type job so folk who i meet will get a piece of my heart (can count on that happening). i also have started to take more seriously music as an outlet for my emotions.

    the part of your response that gave me a double take was your saying, “…that love that can go anywhere and land on anyone…” i never thought of the way i love like this before. i don’t think i took the love that came from me as all that significant since the results were too often unfulfilling, as they would be, given who i channelled the energy towards.

    but the way i take what you have said is i have the ability to love pretty well anyone in my environment regardless of the barriers,(psychological or material)since the most difficult obstacle will be from my own imagination; my addiction so to speak. this may be obvious to others, but it is good “new” news to me!

    i think i am going to spend some time re-evaluating the love energy that comes from me. i believe i am very much a stranger to the textures, tones, shapes, and nuances of my love energy. and if i am going to subject it, this energy, to others in my surroundings, i had better understand it so as not to cause others and myself unnecessary harm.

    thank you Elsa seems like i got a major part of my life’s homework cut out for me.

  3. I never knew that 12th house is about imaginary lover, loving someone who is not available to you, or is taken, or if they aren’t taken, they don’t want you that way, ect. Dante Alighieri, is a famous 14th writer who wrote “Divine Comedy”and in his true life story, he was always pining after this married woman, Beatrix who is so beautiful to him. But he would never do anything of course, just pine and pine and he even wrote a beautiful story over her; he treated her like a Madonna (someone who is to be admired but not to be defiled) he has sun in 12th, mercury, Jupiter, Saturn and rising Gemini all there.

  4. This is an illness for me.I’ve been medicated all my life because the pining goes into something much worse.Love junkie.I used to go manic. With age,hormones quiet down,you learn to cope, and it hasn’t happened in a long time. I have sag sun and neptune in 12,sextile venus and pluto and trine saturn. Problem is , my afflicted mercury sag sits at the midpoint between venus and neptune. Currently having transiting Pluto conjunct Venus. A crush from the past. I’m worried

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