Dear Elsa,
I am an attractive young woman who makes male friends very easily. In fact I make female friends easily too, but I tend to have more in common with men and generally enjoy those relationships more, based on my hobbies, professional interests, and maybe the fact that I grew up with an older brother and I have a very close bond with my dad.
Oftentimes, if I am interested in a man to be my boyfriend, and the opportunity arises to have sex – I will sink my teeth in, play out some form of lovey romance over the course of a few months, only to discover that I’m more suited to a friendship with the man than a committed romantic relationship. At that point, I’ve suffocated my chance to have a normal friendship with that person, robbed myself of that much more of my own innocence, and I’ve got blood dripping down my chin with no napkin in sight! (Don’t know where I got that line – probably stole it from you LOL) I really hate that the number of men I’ve slept with keeps growing – I always want the current one to be the last one, but the fizzle-out and break-up seem to be inevitable. Whether I sleep with a guy on the first amazing date, or I’m friends with a guy for years and years before we decide to merge, it seems that only until the relationship becomes sexual can I reach the conclusion that the guy and I are not truly compatible.
I met someone special while I was on vacation about a month and a half ago, and our chemistry was incredibly electric. We didn’t hook up, but we’ve been talking (texting) long distance every day since he gave me his number. The conversation has been fantastic and we seem to appreciate many important qualities in one another. There’s been no talk of sex, nothing raunchy at all, just pure, friendly, intimate getting-to-know-each-other chatting. He says he’s a simple guy. We are crazy about each other and I’m going to see him this week! We have activities planned and I’m going to stay at his house. I know that my grandma thinks that I should keep my pants on if I really like him. But today’s culture is so confusing… if I want to have sex with him, is there any harm in going for it? We already have plans to see each other again in another 2.5 months, so I’m absolutely willing to save it for next time if you think that’s wise… But I don’t want to play mind games or be withholding for no good reason. I know I’m going to want to sleep with him immediately, as well as dive into the role of being his girlfriend. What other strategy can I use to make sure we will be a good fit before adding another one to my list? I always hear people say they married their best friend – my parents are best friends and they make a great team. Dating is always a fun, interesting, transformative, and educational adventure for me, but I don’t have a best friend, and I want one and I want to marry him! How do I know the right time to have sex with a guy I like a lot as a potential boyfriend/best friend/husband?
Tomboy Next Door, Tired of Kissing Frogs (as much as she enjoys it)
USA
Hi, Tomboy. You have clear insight into your pattern yet you think it might make a difference, whether you sleep with this man on this trip or the next? The problem does not occur until you sleep with a man.
This means you can sleep with the man and have the problem shortly after or you can sleep with him later this year and have the problem then. You have total control.
Astrologically, I would tie this first, to the Aries in your chart. You want to have some kind of sex and thrill. Once you’ve conquered, boredom sets in. Your Mars (ruler of Aries) is in Gemini so that goes double.
I also think it’s telling that you call these men, “frogs”. You feel superior to them and your chart shows this inflation. How’s that going to mesh with your “marry your friend” idea?
There’s more but this should be enough to illustrate to you, your pattern can not be blamed on our confusing culture. You can fix this but your perspective needs work. I see you’re heading into your Saturn return in Sagittarius. It’s the perfect time for that.
Good luck!
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I agree with needing to treat any romantic prospect with respect and not look down on anyone if you’re searching for a best friend in a partner. As long as you don’t swing too far the other way and give a guy more credit or attention than he deserves before he earns it. A woman is always better off being a little bit difficult to impress, men don’t respect anything else.
wow I like this perspective! lots of articles and women saying they meet too many “frogs.” unless these guys are abusers of some sort or charlatans, how could they all be frogs?? you’re right. it is a super high standard, thinking a woman is queen above all these lowly squires. That’s how it seems. should she have her standards so high? yet still remain single for so long? good food for thought.
Well, consider that she might be highly intelligent, educated, good looking, sensible and kind… She might be looking for an equal, which is hard to find at a high level in any existing generation. Sure, she could settle for someone who doesn’t ever understand what she’s talking about, or who is too cheap to take her out to dinner once in a while, or who is kinda crappy in bed, or who is too much about himself to find out what she’s like. There’s a whole litany of things to not settle for, at any age.
Unless you’re desperate. Plenty of women are and do settle for characteristics that they suspect would ultimately make them deeply unhappy, but they go through with it anyway just to have “someone.” This gal doesn’t sound like one of them. And good for her!
It can get lonely at the top
it does also remind me of the biography of Bridget Bardot, she had so many kings, all princes in their right. (her leo mars wants to be treated like a queen – 8th house, money and power) but she was never satisfied it seemed. Too bohemian. She was with billionaire Gunter Sachs, and many men of prestigious backgrounds and talents and then she’s been a recluse and alone in her old age. She’s Libra sun/Gemini moon/Leo mars/virgo venus. She at least got married to them, some men turned her down too. But she chose society’s wealthy due to her looks and charms. at least she had great times.
ops! I had to re-check, she is now with a Gemini sun/Cancer moon jean-marie, so maybe the idea here is that the lady in question has to kiss a lot of princes, some find it in old age.
Is she seriously with le pen
@Kri, yes she is well it says so on Wikipedia. He has a lot of Gemini. I notice she is 6th house Gemini moon with Neptune virgo, virgo venus. she has a strong mercurial stamp. that mercury is scary in some ways. lol couple that wih some 8th house magnetisim, she had mars and pluto 8th house. she could summon the sexual power, but I think it’s her nature. (the public loved her) kind of like Marilyn Monroe, Gemini sun/aqua moon, mars pisces 8th house. she too had a lot of upsets/chaos.
bump!! ^^ found it! i remember the kissing frogs article, too. and my aweness of bridget bardot’s chart, and even zsa zsa gabor (she was a virgo rising, aqua sun, leo moon, stellium in 5th house) had 9 husbands lol all rich. jupiter aries in 8th house.
another interesting and very sad note, was Nicole Simpson’s chart, Pisces rising, Taurus sun libra moon. she also chose god-like men (OJ simpson at his peak & success) but he really turned out gross.
Great analysis!
Some people do not understand their own approaches (I’m one of them). Took me a long time to realize what I was (not) looking for.
Somewhere in there I wonder if this person really needs to get married at all?
Good thing to get insight early on – less time wasted, less mistakes made and less dropped frogs.
Sometimes you don’t really want the experience you think you want. I thought I wanted a life mate but realized what I really love is just the beginnings of new relationships. I would rather have a lifetime of new infatuations that blossom then fizzle out than tolerate the boredom and monotony that for me is the inevitable result of something longer term. I have four planets in Sagittarius and an Aqua ascendant.
That’s very insightful, CD thanks
And I am sure past associations grew equally bored with me. That’s okay and doesn’t change anything.
Maybe she needs a man who is moralistic, someone she can look to as an example. (for example, would not sleep around lol)
I have Mars AND Venus in Gemini. Mars and my North Node are in the earliest degrees, Venus and Uranus are joined in the mid-20s.
Even in high school I was going for the adventurous sorts. Married two of them. In between I always had lots of men friends, but eventually slept with many of them, too, sometimes after years. Sometimes we pretended we hadn’t.
I eventually married a man with a similar history who turned out to have Mars and Venus in early Gemini, conjunct, and my Mars conjuncts them.
We’ve lived happily ever after since 1999.
I actually feel for ya.
I have patterns too. And have trouble keepin it in my pants when dating due to hard Venus Mars aspects.
You might need a hand reversing these patterns during your Saturn return. Elsa may be able to help in a consult.
Hello again. Celebrating one year today with my favorite frog in the whole world! I slept with him, and we became best friends. I moved in this winter, and the wedding will be in about 15 months. Thanks again for the advice! -coco
Alllll right! Hearty congrats, Coco! 🙂
Thank you. I couldn’t be happier.