To elaborate on the last post (cock-blocking), I was talking to pal and astrologer, Claire-France Perez some months ago and she pointed out there were some people (friends or family members) – As long as you run with them, you will never be happy. They just will not allow it. They’re unhappy and they want you to be same.
Aware of this, when I first decided I was going to hook up with the soldier… well it might have been a controversial decision at the time. I mean, he’s grown on you guys but at the time people reading were used to me being paired with the AMF who was as ultra-sensitive artist.
There were other elements as well. He lived across the country and about a million other things were in the way but I knew this was the thing I wanted to do and I also knew that people thwarted us the first time around so I took a completely offensive stance.
I literally contacted everyone in my inner circle and told them in plain language that this is what I was going to do and if they did not support me, I was going to ditch them. No kidding, I actually did that. I drew a perimeter, one that I have protected since. It’s very simple: Get between us and you’re going down and I mean like whiplash.
Of course my inner circle witnessed what happened to me when we became separated yet again in 2003 so they had a pretty good idea the depth of connection. They had a damned good idea what he meant to me so thankfully they all supported and I didn’t lose anyone. But I do understand this loud and clear:
If you keep miserable people in your life they will make you miserable. They’re not happy so they don’t want anyone else to be happy and they will do their operations on you big time.
Neptune / Leaky boundary people (me) are especially susceptible…
Can you witness?
I’ve had miserable people in my life, and they are no longer in it.
They haunt me, though. One friend in particular haunts me. I like to think I’ve learned from it, but I still feel dejected that I had to learn a lesson in that fashion.
I think I got snowed when in the beginning of our friendship she went on and on about how positive and happy she was. She’d build me up and I’d confide about feeling weak/tired/sad/arguing with my boyfriend and she’d always have this incredulous tone that a person could have problems.
‘Reeeeeeally?’
The irony was that she was from a very abusive background, had a drug problem, and didn’t trust most people…there’s no way she was happy. I still see her around, and she’s still bad-mouthing innocent people, still dealing and using etc. I can’t believe I fell for it.
Is Pluto transiting my natal 12th House Pluto a good excuse for me being so bloody naive? :laughs:
Er, Neptune, I mean? That’s what I was dealing with at the time (that along with the most harrowing 4 years of my life).
Yes. With Saturn in Pisces and moon in the 12th I’ve had this play out over and over again. The first time I can put my finger on is when I was a teenager and had my first boyfriend. My best friend could NOT deal with me being happy and forced a decision. She disapproved. He wasn’t right for me. Some of her guy friends were interested in me and just about to ask me out, etc., etc… She never let up and so the friendship had to go.
I may be leaky in some ways but I have excellent boundaries and with moon and ascendant in Scorpio, do NOT get between me and some hot romance. 😉
With Pisces rising, naive is my middle name. I let the same guy screw me over countless times, each and every time believing his story that he had actually changed, and always feeling shocked when he hit me again with a similar offense involving deceit.
This is one of my weekest areas and only this month (and last) have I begun to ‘get it’ that I really DO need to lock doors and give my password to no one, and other type of boundary things.
Elsa, I love this story of you making a decision, absolutely knowing what you want, and then constructing you social world fully in support of that.
“do NOT get between me and some hot romance.”
ha ha ha
Ugh. Not only am I a Neptune/leaky boundary person, but my mother is all Neptune (tons of Pisces) and she is the miserable person who is exactly as you describe, wanting everyone to be the same…. and my siblings and I are all much happier not being around her. Sadly. And *I* was the one who was the worst at drawing the perimeter, unsurprisingly.
Yes, I think on the one hand I AM this person sometimes and I think on the issue of leaky boundaries, people who attract these people are cock-blockers themselves on occasion and but on the other I/we attract them. I had one friend who just wrecked me. Just destroyed me. I mean, crying hysterically every weekend when we got together because whatever I did it was not good enough; she always found ways to keep wheedling in there and making me feel worse and worse about who I was and what I did. Finally I was just like, enough, I am more important than this constant pain and I drew a line. I drew a boundary. To this day, I do not regret it at all. It feels good to draw boundaries.
spinner – I know all kinds of miserable people. I am a very buoyant person and can bear a lot of that kind of thing but when they out and out try to make me miserable… well that’s where the line goes.
Elsa- Are there any miserable people that you have hung in there with, perhaps due to some karmic responsibility or sense of duty,loyalty, or guilt?
what a great role model… and an important lesson for so many. good for you. I think we all see that you’re quite happy with the soldier. You set an excellent example.
Well you know how the old adage goes: Misery loves company
This might sound like a weird question, but i’m being serious. How does one know if they are one of those “unhappies” or if they are buoyant?
I have a saturn/neptune opposition across my 3rd/9th houses so my thinking gets unclear and hard to balance out what is real–
Actually i think i just realized the answer. Not the answer, but how it operates for me.
I think i can be buoyant for others…. but i don’t give that same “float” to myself….
I guess I agree with Elsa here (in the comments). I know plenty of miserable people (including myself at times 🙂 . . . but I think the boundaries are so important. It’s when your happiness cannot be shared, seen, acknowledged (by them) that things get rough. Or if they feel threatened by your happiness . . . well, it’s just depressing to have a friend like that.
I’ve had very seriously depressed friends still be able to say, “Hey, that’s cool that that happened to you.” (And be supportive) and I’ve had friends who are just stuck on stuff in their lives and can’t (or won’t) be supportive or . . . worse . . . try to get you to be a “we” with them when they talk about how “we” are so like this and like that. (“we” will never be like this.) And you’re just like, “Crud. Hey. That ain’t me.”
Ana – I don’t know. I don’t even recall what I wrote. You could search 2003 and prob pull up some stuff… otherwise I wrote an epic thing as this whole thing unfolded – search soldier and p and you will pull it up and it’s all linked together but long and rambling because it was written in real time.
I love your story. Glad your friends were supportive of you two when you told them your plan. I’m not caught up – what happened in 2003? Do you have a link?
yes. struggling with it, too.
but there is a way out and things seem to be moving that way so i’m stretching out the limits for now….
Yes, there are family members that just pull me too far down. I try not to feel bad about not talking to them, it’s pure self preservation. I don’t have room in my life for that level of difficulty. People do judge me very harshly for this, but I have to live my life.