Is Your Love A Burden?

Honore Daumier The Laundress (The Burden)Sometimes I think of something I want to write about and note it in a post in wordpress (the structure behind the blog) while it’s fresh on my mind. I might type in a title or some cryptic misspelled notes as the people who work here could tell you.  Early January, I made a note, “Is Your Love A Burden?”

I think a lot of people burden their partner. I meant to write on the topic with Saturn in Libra, but I never got around to it. Then tonight, I had a conversation with my husband that touched on this and while it takes off in other directions, I feel this is worth introducing here.

“Are you telling me you think the women in your past are better off with you gone?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said. “Probably.”

“You brought them down?”

“Yeah, probably.”

“Then why don’t you bring me down?” I asked.

He laughed. “No one brings you down, P.”

I snorted a little and tried to think of what to ask next.  The truth of his statement was undeniable. “Why is that?”

“You have some protection,” he said, waving his hand over his head.

” Hmm. They are better off with you gone but I would not be?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Why is that?”

“Because you’re weird.”

I accepted that statement as fact as well and then a half hour later I asked, “Why do you think I don’t go down?”

“You’ve got your own solar system, P.  You’ve got your own system and you’ve been living in it your whole life, probably.”

“Do I abuse it, do you think?”

“No,” he answered, quickly. I felt relieved.

“Okay, good.”

Can you relate to any of this? Is your love a burden?

pictured – Honore Daumier. The Laundress, (The Burden) c. 1860-61. Oil on panel. Musée d’Orsay, Paris, France

33 thoughts on “Is Your Love A Burden?”

  1. My parents burden each other. They take turns with this. Is this an awkward observation to make about your own mom and dad? Probably.

  2. I try very hard not to, but I probably do. Any tips for the clueless on becoming aware of the burdens you place on others?

  3. Hmm, I dunno. I cringe when people cling to me prematurely/unnecessarily, so if *I* act like that, i immediately know that I am becoming a burden (even if this burden can be welcomed by the other party!)
    Do you recognize what things birng you down/make you heavy with burden? If you do, you might grow to become more aware of the times when you are the burden on others 🙂

  4. When my ex husband was trying to explain why he wanted to finish the marriage, he more or less said I was a ‘burden’ to him. This was hard to understand since I was the one who usually got things moving, and picked us up, after he’d made yet another financial mess of things.

    Yet he was a Aqua Sun with a Cap Moon, and I have not only a Cap stellium inc Sun/Venus, but most of that is opposed by my Cancer Rx Saturn/Mars conjunction. So I have *heavy* Saturn playing in my chart – it;s part of eight T-squares.

    I can see now that all my Saturn tended to adhere to his Cap Moon and bring down his Aqua Sun.

    It’s one of those situations which I could feel instinctively from the start was probably ‘wrong’ (ie inoperable); but it’s not until this year when I began to understand the astrology that I could explain it. If I’d been into the astro nitty gritty then, I’d probably have walked away form the relationship – ie followed my instinct and not my head!

  5. I think it depends on the personalities of the people involved & the type of sitation. A burden to some may not be perceived as a burden to others.

  6. @Blessed place, wow. I’m quite the beginner in astrology, and had I read your synastry contacts in a different context, I would have thought “this [ex]husband must have been very attached, devoted, and protective of her. His moon is so conntected to all these points in her chart.”
    But, there seems to be an imbalance here, and he felt his ‘moon’ was pulled in too much (?)
    Or, was the beginning of the relationship more like all of that I said at first, i..e him (moon) being protective, very affectionate or attached to you (sun)?

  7. I know I am. I’ve been told so (ex hub). I’m working on it. I think McKenna’s right though about the subjectivity of it.

  8. debdeb Yes he was super-devoted and for quite a long time (several years). He’d never been in love before and never lived with anyone – he was 40 when we met. For those years he turned his whole life around to be with me, gave up drink, moved country, and worked very hard.

    Finally, I think his Aqua Sun which had ruled his life til then took over again from his Cap Moon! His own Moon was a burden to him, and me and all my Cap along with it – we all had to go

    [I took the dog – she was a Leo natch lol]

  9. I don’t think I burden others, though I have a ‘busy/deep’ chart. I’m more set up to carry the burden of others and so far, that’s been my experience. Jupiter could be your protection, was my first thought.

    I’m laughing hysterically at the whole ‘you have your own solar system’, as a version of that same idea was what I was told today :o),

  10. I often take on the burden of others (which often makes me ill) while I usually feel like I am the burden (Saturn in Scorpio in first house) Sigh.

    My mother was an alcoholic and couldn’t cope with life (she still can’t tho she has stopped drinking). She made us all ( 8 kids) feel like an incredible burden…and because she couldn’t cope my older sister and I took care of everyone….but there was no one to take care of us)

    I currently have Neptune squaring my Saturn and it seems to be giving me a break…I am less self critical and much more compassionate to myself ( a quality I usually reserve for others…while I busily beat myself up and take responsibility for everything)

    Cancer Sun, Scorpio rising, Saturn 1st house, Neptune square sun

  11. Oh wow @blessedplace, thanks for explaining.
    I guess this goes to show that, as ‘good’ or ‘strong’ inter-chart aspects are, they just show the potential that is available. The individual’s situation or aspects can never be discounted/forgotten.

    I have another question, but please don’t feel as if you have to answer AT ALL: my question is, did you have a strong composite chart? I.e., did the composite point to a lovey dovey, supportive union too (as you had described him to have been during the early years), or, was it indicative of the draining/tiresome aspects that would later become hard to ignore?
    I am very interested in how 2 people come together or stay together, and that is why I ask. I hope my candidness here isn’t rude – I hope I’m not prying.

  12. @blessedplace – I guess I could make a quick comment about myself here. I have all my personal planets in aspect to uranus, as well as a strong 11th house, no planets in the 7th, etc. I detach from clingy or close situations – even if the synastry is there. So… good connections notwithstanding, it’s always up to the individual’s evolution!!

  13. I felt my love was a burden on my ex because he just couldn’t handle me. I was too intelligent, too deep, too demanding that things be down-to-the-bone real. He wanted that deep connection but he didn’t want to hold up his end in the relationship. He was a Leo/Gem/Virgo; he needs to stay far far away from the scorpios of the world. So my love was a burden, but I’m pretty sure he’ll find somebody who doesn’t care as much.

  14. I have been a burden (clingy/smothery, plus I come with inevitable parent drama), and I have been burdened. My last ex can’t take care of himself worth a damn and it scared me to think that I’d have to because he wasn’t going to be managing it.

  15. Made me think of the song Caruso by Pavarotti: “Te voglio bene assai, ma tanto tanto bene sai…e una catena ormai”…I love you very much, very, very much, you know; it is a chain by now.

    I always think of that chain as being a burden at first, but later in the song it’s more like, “we have a chain that keeps us connected.”

  16. The moon is scorpio is a burden to me and others + venus/mars in the 8th. l rather give up on people then making them unhappy…l am jealous, possessive and l hate that! l do and l feel really bad about it. Can’t control it. l know poeple can handle me and l thought man you are a saint…l strugle with myself with my intense emotions, always have. l need people to give themselves 150% 🙁
    l can never learn being something else no matter how much Saturn will hover above my head. l will always be what l am now! Just to hard to handle :(. For me and others! This is my pain… l would like to give people the freedom they need, but can not.
    The other day l read the article @ the astrology place on venus-pluto and l thought wow this just is so true for me:

    ’Whatever makes you happy without me, you’ll pay for.’ By Liz Greene

  17. Love from me can be a burden..yes. Why? Because I have a tendency to be needy and insecure and paranoid. I’m working on it. But I can look at past relationships (thanks Saturn in Libra) and see now how exhausting I can be..even to myself.

  18. husband said: “Because you’re weird.”

    elsa said: Can you relate to any of this?

    cj says: yes! see above.

    elsa also said: Is your love a burden?

    cj says: probably, us telepathic astrological squirrel therapists are high maintenance

  19. I imagine loving and being loved by me is like having to carry 40 gallons of water on your back that you can’t drink across Siberia in Januray.

  20. No! If anything I take on their burdens and make their lives easier in many areas. I’d rather take on more than my share rather than risk under-doing it.

    It’s ok. No skin off my nose and my conscience is clear.

  21. Oh my Charlotte, that’s beating yourself up a bit! Are you new? if so welcome…

    debdeb, not not intrusive at all – nobody has to answer anything after all! But I feel if you don’t use the disasters in your own life to help or at least cast a light for others then they are pointless indeed…

    I don’t have my ex’s tob so there is no way I can do a proper composite or rather synastry chart. We were both very nurturing of each other, and I would guess his Asc to be Cancer – he had a roundish face too (and was a terrific cook). Giving him this Asc, the synastry might look like this (I don’t do composites, I don’t see any real value in them any more than in a ‘noon chart’)

    ~I can only say that I felt burdened by HIS love in the early years (Uranus conj MC!) but I also knew it was what I badly needed at that point. I was reeling from a succession of Leo/Aqua searing love affairs… I needed to BE LOVED even if sometimes that felt burdensome.

    All my Saturn makes me very anxious and fretful, and it makes me always ‘fear the worst’. It’s that I think which whilst it gave us a future (I was the careful planning element in the partnership) also ‘brought him down’.

    Does that answer your question? If not, go across to the boards and pose a question in a new thread – you would get a lot of insight there as what you describe is interesting

  22. @ eva who wrote: “I felt my love was a burden on my ex because he just couldn’t handle me. I was too intelligent, too deep, too demanding that things be down-to-the-bone real. He wanted that deep connection but he didn’t want to hold up his end in the relationship. He was a Leo/Gem/Virgo; he needs to stay far far away from the scorpios of the world. So my love was a burden, but I’m pretty sure he’ll find somebody who doesn’t care as much”

    Hahaha – this pretty much exactly describes my relationship with the Man (Leo with Gem Venus and Aqua Moon). He’s constantly other – superficial – affairs which satisfy his Gem Venus need for lotsa fun … but always came back to me. And same old bust-up, as I quickly once more became a ‘burden’ with my demands that he consider my feelings.

  23. @Blessed place, oh wow, thank you for attaching that. Even with different birth times, you have saturn inter-chart aspects. But, with the Correct birth times, your saturn seems to sit right on his ASC – could this have put a damper on his energy/enthusiasm?

    I was really interested in your story. I had a boyfriend whose moon tightly trined my personal planets (+ his mercury did as well, + there were other good aspects of course) – he was extremely, extremley protective of me. Was gentle, supportive, even emotional with me, but when I see him interact freely with ‘his’ people, his friends, he was completely different. It turns out I was the one who needed out, but I wonder, had I not insisted on leaving the relationship, would he have outgrown his ‘moon’ attachment to me, you know?

  24. Well who knows?! We always wonder don’t we…

    I wonder whether I’d have managed to keep my first great love, if I’d known then about Scorpio Moons and Leo pride…

    Now there was a typical example of burden in loving – on both sides at different points. He loved me for a year and was a dear friends, and then we became lovers. He’d come and go but I never doubted his love – we were in our very early twenties. After a couple of years he stayed, but I was still a student, he had no work and no money – he drew and wrote poetry all day, waiting for me to come home (with the food, and to cook…). We were very much in love but… His love became a burden to me and I sent him away to get his shit together, since my Cap stellium found the situation intolerable. He never forgave me, and spent years punishing me…

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