Hi –
I’ve been talking to a Libra guy online for the last 3 months. He hasn’t asked me out. He messages me then ignores me. Whenever I get frustrated I stop replying to his messages and he comes back in a flash, saying he was busy. He has a lot of other female friends but not dating anyone. I suspect he likes playing games and I don’t want to be taken for a fool. But I like him and don’t want to be too perfectionist. What do I do?
Capricorn Rising
India
Dear Capricorn,
This is a really tough question because there are just so many ways to approach it. I’ll start with the obvious: After 3 months of back and forth and no date I am pretty sure that WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You Get) with this guy so if that answers your questions you can stop right here. But you also asked, “What do I do?” and I have some suggestions.
First, you do not seem very comfortable just being and this is worth taking a look at. You are second guessing yourself, apparently afraid to make a mistake. While I can appreciate what drives this kind of behavior, people do sense this kind of thing and often times it leads them to treating you exactly as this Libra man has been treating you. If you want a frame around it, my friend (and Pisces) satori calls it, “How little will you take?” She means the one person gives the other person the bare minimum it requires to keep them in the relationship which is what this guy has done with you. So here is a better tack…
Take some advice from another Pisces – my sister – who informed me some years ago that when you have the right man, you can do anything you want. “Including starting your period on your white dress,” she added and this became the tag line.
Now if you wonder if this is in fact the case, I urge you to ask any man on this planet and they will tell you my sister is correct. So armed with this information, it seems to me you have the option of doing a lot less worrying about making mistakes with this guy or any other and I hope like hell you take it.
Good luck.
Sometimes I read something and immediately think “Hot damn I wish someone had told me that 10 years ago…” and your sister’s advice there is one of those things.
This was a hard lesson for me to learn- it happened so many times. Whenever a man is back and forth on you, he’s not ‘forth’ on you, if you get my drift. You’re either his choice and you know it, and if you don’t know it, then you probably are one among several.
If he’s ok with ignoring you in any case, no matter your feelings, he’s not the guy for you.
The first three months of courtship should be a whirlwind of excitement and wooing. If it’s not, you have to look at see if this is what you want ‘for the rest of your life’. When I say this to chicks, the first thing they usually say is ‘hell no…but he wants to change!’. Which is crap, we all know.
I realize there’s a lot of gray matter, blah blah. But in a vast majority of cases, if you can break it down and totally take your own feelings out of the equation, your answer is very simple.
I agree…I remember wasting about two years of my time on a flaky, back and forth guy. You don’t want to look back and cringe at that time lost, because you can’t deny that it occupies your thoughts, precious time, and energy.
Great advice! If you are obsessing over his behavior and trying to decode it, he isn’t the right man for you. I’ve written reams of nonsense trying to figure out men I’ve dated, and in the end it was merely a writing exercise. When I dated a good man who loved me, I wrote nothing. Zip. I didn’t need to, because I knew. Basically, if you have to ask the question about how a man is treating you, you have the answer already but don’t want to face it.
i’ve dated plenty of potential. big. fat. waste. of. time.
much better to be with someone who really wants to be with you in the here and now. not maybe, not if somebody else doesn’t come through, not only when you act disinterested. the hell with that!
elsa’s sister’s words ring very true to me. me? i spill food on my clothes and trip over my own shoes and wear pj bottoms everywhere i go and, in general, would be considered totally unacceptable to many people. my man thinks i’m “cute.” he loves me as i am, and thinks he’s lucky to have me. and i feel the same way.
so true
LOL, i have to agree with the other gals, but i think it is important to listen to your feelings. If you are feeling sad frustation or any number of other negative things, it is a sign that this guy is no good for you. You are not dependant on him for your feelings.
wow.