Dear Elsa
I am looking for love, again. I’ve had great relationships in the past, but most of them have been long distance with the exception of one which led to her moving to where I was. We kept that going for five years in a very freeform (yet loyal) way, before deciding we made better friends than romantic partners.
Then I met a new girl through a mutual friend and she lives a couple days’ drive away from me. I’ve met her in person now and we have a strong friendship. There might be something there but at this time it’s really not clear; beyond that, we do love each other and talk a lot, but she just got out of a relationship herself. I’ve tried to learn from all my relationships but I’m at a loss for what sort of partner I’d be best with.
I tend to form very strong bonds, but I know I can be an intense person to deal with. If you have any sort of insight as to what I should look for in a romantic partner, I’d be very pleased to hear it because I’m quite confused about how to cure the loneliness I (embarrassingly) feel. Thank you!
Feeling Unmatchable
Dear Feeling,
Your relationship history reflects your chart (or vice versa). Here’s what I see:
With Venus conjunct Neptune, you are prone to pining. Long distance relationships are ideal for this. The loved one is off at a distance where you don’t have to deal with them in actual human form. You know. They are always clean and sweet smelling. Their hair is always perfect, their legs are shaved… when in reality it is often anything but.
Further, you have Saturn square your Venus Neptune and here again the long distance thing serves. Because Saturn restricts and limits. Venus is love, of course and you see the result. You are deprived (Saturn) of actual love and relationship (Venus), which is something you idealize and yearn for (Neptune).
Further, you’re an Aquarius with Mars in Aquarius so you want lots of space. And you notice that even when your girlfriend is at hand, she is kept at a distance for five years!
So when you consider this alongside the facts of your life… well I am not sure that you’re not getting exactly what you want. Because come on… if you wanted a real relationship, you would find a girl in your town! And you’d find one who had healed from her last breakup! You get the idea.
You can work all this in a different way but I’m not sure you really want to. Your independence, lack of responsibility and feelings of divine discontent may be far too attractive for you to make the adjustments that would alter this. So to answer your question, yes you are matchable. Whether you actually want to be matched is another question entirely.
Good luck.
I have venus conjunct neptune…same problem. I believe I have the soulmate syndrome…finding a soulmate in someone unexpected but never really being able to have them. I also have venus neptune conjunct saturn. I believe it also causes commitment issues. Especially in my case, afraid to really get close and, rather live the and dream of love then actually be in a relationship. So I agree with Elsa, that it’s not a question of whether you’re matchable but whether you really want to be matched. I ask myself the same question all the time. ^-^
I can definitely relate to this too — finding soulmates but not being able to have them. I’ve had similar issues with Lori — have held on to the dream or illusion of love rather than doing what I needed to in order to let myself experience a real relationship. I definitely agree, it is all about making the choice to allow something real and letting it develop.
Oooooooo…..Ooooooo me too, me too! I have Venus @13 degrees Scorpio conjunct Neptune @13 degrees…and some minutes. Then my Moon in Scorpio is conjunct all that “unrequited love” mumbo-jumbo….oh, I forgot to mention my Aquarian Saturn is squaring this train wreck!
I love to love the concept of “love” but hate the reality….or used to. I have the perfect relationship now. The object of my eternal affection and devotion is 14 years younger, from another country, and speaks with a heavy accent that I find difficult to understand. Ahhhhhhh…..bliss. I am always guessing at what he is really saying and the mystery of the true interpretation gives me complete solace. I can interpret it any way I want!
He is always traveling with his job and leaves every year for a week to be with his parents. Works out just fine because I love to send mushy e-cards about long-distance pining. Good grief! I sound like a nut case….but a very happy nut case!
My advice to Feelings is just this….No one can ever live up to our expectations if we refuse to come down to earth….come down from your lofty mountain top and mingle with the living……or should I say the loving,eh?
….good luck.
Hehe, jamie, that was funny. And it also makes sense – you manage to have a real relationship and cover your other angles too. Here we’d say that you manage to both eat the cake and leave it intact – sounds horrible in English, but you get the idea. And it’s also great reading happy stories like this. I wish you eternal bliss 🙂
Thank you, Debby, for those wishes for eternal bliss…..earthly bliss at that too! Yes, I learned late that there is no use baking a cake if you are not going to partake of it’s velvety sweetness….and countless calories!
I wish you eternal bliss also, and, Happy Holidays!
Thanks jamie :-), and happy holidays everyone!
Something more regarding that Venus-Saturn aspect and self sacrifice. My ex has a Venus-Saturn opposition and Saturn is in his 7th house which has similar meaning, and he made a lot of sacrifices for me, only they weren’t the right sacrifices. He went out of his way in doing things I didn’t even ask for or could even imagine, but they were all material things while I was craving emotional closeness. In the end he was exhausted and I guess he felt pretty used too. No hard feelings though, we were a bit angry at each other but we’re friends now for years.
Anyway, the point I’m getting at is that he did a lot to avoid real emotional closeness. And he’s a deeply emotional guy, it’s not that he doesn’t need it. And he’s also not a materialist who values material comfort above all else, he’s quite idealistic. It felt like focusing on the material side was a way to avoid dealing with real feelings, both his own and mine, and avoid creating a real relationship, a real involvement.
When we met he was about 23 and his idea of love was based on sacrifice, on love that isn’t egoistic, to him love meant caring for what’s best for the person you love. And you can see how this kind of ideal would get one in trouble. But I’m not a user and there was something else going on under the surface.
He did try hard to live by his ideal and he was truely amazing. Soon we moved in together. And soon I found out there was always something that stood in our way to being together. Usually it was work, but when it wasn’t work then something else popped up. And those were usually very good reasons because he’s a very good person – if it wasn’t work then it was someone who needed his help or there was a book he really wanted to read and so on. And I started feeling that although he is the best guy there is, the core of the relationship was missing.
I became frustrated and depressed. And he started feeling his great sacrifice wasn’t appreciated and that he was suffocating – he was just giving and giving and sacrificing himself. But I didn’t ask for this sacrifice! I wanted an emotional involvement, not a sacrifice! I’m not some deity, I don’t require sacrifices, I’m a human being and I loved this guy and I wanted him to be there. There should be an emotional give and take and not just a meterial give and give. Things have deteriorated and in the end we broke up, mutually.
Now, everything I wrote up there is by no means complaining or blaming him for the failure of this relationship – we were both responsible. And he is my dearest friend whom I like and appreciate deeply. But I think this pattern is quite common with Venus-Saturn. I know a couple of other guys with this aspect. I think the core of it is avoiding true emotional involvement, real emotional closeness. Maybe out of fear of being hurt or because one doesn’t know how to deal with emotions or what is like to feel loved, and so there is emotional isolation and misconceptions about love and loved ones and about oneself as a lover – misconceptions and skewed perception are part of Saturn’s shadow in general – you don’t see things exactly as they are, you see a somewhat twisted shadow of them.
This avoidance can take many illusive forms, but is always there. For instance, my ex has a Sagittarius Sun and a Pisces Moon. When he was younger he chose a Pisces way to avoid real emotional closeness – self sacrifice. Now he’s no longer self-sacrificing, he already have a good idea how bad that feels, so now he’s avoiding it the Sagittarius way. So there was this impossible realtionship with a woman who lives overseas. And now he’s that free unattached Sagittarius bachelor. But he has this gift – he knows when he’s fooling himself.
Hi, Debby! I was reading what you said about Venus/Saturn aspects = self sacrifice. From what I’ve read it is the Venus/Neptune square, conjunction and opposition which can translate into sacrifice.
Venus/Saturn aspects say, “How do I love thee? Let me COUNT the ways…”
I have a square between my 1st H Venus/Neptune conjunction and 4th H Saturn making it very difficult to enjoy my (family) relationships……or at least it used to.
One of the most negative manifestations of Venus(Love)/Saturn(Authority) aspects is the policing of affections. It is as if one feels compelled to give only as much as one receives and no more and this can damage the best of relationships.
Since your ex had an opposition between the two then it is easy to “see” what you are describing.
“Anyway, the point I’m getting at is that he did a lot to avoid real emotional closeness”.
Yep, that’s a Venus/Saturn opposition alright.
The *Karma* planet in the 7th house you say?…..hmmmmmmm. Interesting…..
With a Sun/Moon ruled by Jupiter he would want to give the best of everything….big spender!
I think it is a testament to your character that this relationship did not work out. So many women (my mom for one) stay with a man just for material security. Not the healthiest of circumstances. Kudos to you for setting a standard and then sticking with it.
Sounds like you have a true friend in the end, though, and that’s what Sadge Sun is all about. Friendship. What a great ending to a story!
Thanks, Elsa. I am going to try and apply this advice as best I can. After thinking it over for a couple days now, I think I can see a way it fits. I appreciate it. 🙂
Oh wow. I totally have the Venus Neptune pining for love that never works complex. I have met two soul-mates that have been vaguely unavailable, wrong time wrong place kind of thing, but a mutual soul connection.
My question is, I have Venus Neptune and Jupiter conjunct together. How would Jupiter impact the Venus/Neptune conjunction?