Dear Elsa,
I am currently in the depths of hell! I am married to a Gemini and the marriage has been over for four years now. I have let go of all of that and we are only in it for our daughter now. But I am so lonely, I could die! I have been spending my time and energy in fantasy land (started book, finished book… trying to sell book) but I am ready to move on to something other than fantasy.
I have finally met a man that makes me ready to talk to a lawyer about the soon to be ex. The problem is: he is married too. The new guy is Capricorn and I have fallen hard. He knows all about my “situation” and even told me he is in the same situation with his wife, but I’m not sure how to react to his admission. Part of me wants to take the lead and make a move, but another part of me says to step back and let him do the work. I’m not even sure if he wants me “like that” because one minute he seems very interested and the next he seems cold.
I know Cap guys are all about family and doing the right thing and I feel so guilty for wanting him but I feel such a connection to him. Or am I just lonely? Any help?
Depths Of Hell
Dear Hell,
You’re definitely lonely. You also sound bored, sad, tired and hungry. I am just not sure this means that you should make this other woman’s husband a meal. Or even that you can. And I am almost certain if you do… well the reality is not going to live up to your fantasy.
Because astrologically, you are having a Neptune (fantasy) to Venus (the love object). This is a pining transit, so falling for someone who is out of reach (or removed) is virtually inevitable. But if you follow through on this, the odds of your being able to manifest the fantasy in reality are virtually nil. Mark my words. You think the guy is hot, only to find out he’s impotent. This is the kind of thing that happens. Uh oh.
Now I am sorry, because I know this is not what you want to hear. However, since I said it, how about an alternative path? How about thinking something like this:
“You know, I’ve been rotting on the vine for a very long time. I am beginning to smell men though, and I like it. Could it be I’m waking up?”
The answer is yes.
And from there, you can take whatever steps you need to end your marriage and make yourself available… so you can meet a man who is available, and have the next four year be much better than the last four. But run off and join the circus?
No.
I love Capricorns and they have featured hugely in my life (men and women). I don’t know if I agree with the statement that Cap men are all about family (I know a few who refuse to marry or have chidren, and are in their 40s so it is unlikely to be an opinion that will change) but yes they definately require honesty and integrity if they wish to fulfill some sort of personal happiness.
I’m not sure how staying in a dead marriage is helpful for your daughter. Perhaps if the intention of eventually ‘turning it around’ I could see how.
I have a friend who’s parents stayed together until she was 18 solely “for her and her sister” and the effects have lasted a lifetime. Children are very sensitive and can take on all kinds of guilt that doesn’t belong to them.
Perhaps your connection is tied to the fact that you have (what seems to be) a common experience. I can totally understand that.
There are ways to maintain a relationship with the parent of your child, and they don’t have to mean sharing a domestic home and relationship. I am positive you can do it. A dead marriage doesn’t necessarily mean a dead relationship with this man.
Don’t give up hope! All is not lost. But please think of your daughter’s happiness from another angle.
I say this with love.
“I have finally met a man that makes me ready to talk to a lawyer about the soon to be ex.”
I don’t mean to be rude but it sounds as if you are looking for someone to replace your husband before you make your next move. Also, when you talk about how you want this Cap guy you say that you are waiting for him to make the first move. You seem to be waiting an awful lot for others to act so that you can determine what to do with your life! Take charge of your own life right now, regardless of what others do or don’t do. Don’t wait for a push, girl! IT’S YOUR LIFE. What you do with it is for you to decide. Take a little responsibility for making your own decisions.
And please note that I’m saying all this as someone who has been prone to doing just that: waiting for a push from life or from someone else before I do what I know I should do. You know what happens when you wait and wait to do something that you know you ought to do? That life gives you a kick in the pants and most of the time that kick is a lot more painful and traumatic than if you had taken the reins.
Thank you so much, guys! I am actually in tears right now. I know I need to take control of my life and do what needs to be done I am just deep in this rut right now I don’t know which way to turn. The Cap man has been a very good friend to me the last few months, letting me unload the way he has and trying to advise me some. I’m really glad I’m seeing a little clearer now and am no longer on the verge of doing anything stupid. Something that could only cause both of our families more pain and drama than we are already dealing with.
I have been letting my daughter know what’s going on in little ways (like; she knows her father and I are not “boyfriend and girlfriend anymore, only friends) so I hope I can help her through all of this without messing up her head.
Again I thank you! God Bless…
if i were you, i’d look at getting some counseling to help you figure out the most constuctive way to handle things with your daughter. this is such a difficult, emotional situation, and it probably feels like the earth is shifting under your feet every thirty seconds right now. you need help figuring it out and also, helping yourself stay grounded through a tough-but finite-experience. good luck and peace out.
Thanks for your input. I hadn’t really thought about getting counseling. Marriage counseling didn’t get off the ground (husband wouldn’t show up) and I just really hadn’t thought about how helpful it would be to A) help me figure out what steps to take and B) help me help my kid. Maybe counseling for her would also be a good option. I am really thankful for your comments. If anyone out there has experience with this issue, did counseling help? God Bless!