Mars & Self Censoring

Mars symbol redI’m poking around the backend of the site, cleaning things up. I came across a story bit that explains why I quit playing cards. I’ve been posting stories, lately. These smaller bits tie everything together.

Mulling this, I came across another short bit about the time I made my first long distance phone call.  I was twenty years old and had no earthy idea how to do it.

At the time, I fully expected to go through life without ever participating in “long distance calling”. This informs you, I was in an exceptional situation to have me pick up phone and try to de-confuse myself.

This is part of that post. Jewish Girl was my best friend, for a number of years. Her brand new car was hit by a train within 24 hours of driving it off the lot.

“…I quit writing about “Jewish Girl” because I was told it was offensive. Not PC, I guess and frankly it’s just not worth it to try to skirt around all these rules when you have a story to tell. Hey!  Jewish Girl was Jewish. It was part of her identity like I am Italian. She loved her Jewishness quite a lot, so what do I call her? Innocuous Girl? Unidentifiable girl?”

That was 2010. I didn’t realize I’ve been censoring myself for so long. It’s sad.  But then it hit me, I’ve been self-censoring for a lot longer than that.

I quit playing cards in my 20’s for the same reason. I had a Capricorn boyfriend tell me I could not play my natural game, which included lots of banter and jokes.

Cards are competitive so it’s my 9th house, Mars Mercury conjunction, representing me at the table. No brainer, right? I am going to play, OUT, but it was not acceptable.

I am not blaming this man. He was correct, I was obnoxious. But I chose to quit playing cards over trying to contort myself so that I could play nicely, lose, and please people as recommended.

This feels good on one level. It’s my Mars and I don’t have to share it with every yahoo!

But this self-censorship goes back much further. Every story I write is full of hard-on thinking that I keep to myself to avoid some type of punishment. I see now, it’s my natal condition, rather than the current state of society.

Can you relate?

34 thoughts on “Mars & Self Censoring”

  1. Avatar
    Disillusioned to a clarified degree…

    Hey now that’s a great post about the action of Mars in a chart and for me timely, as due to a much publicized recent event, I was planning to post on the boards a comment about what appears to be a correlation between Mars (which I have read can be a conduit for how upsets can come into one’s life due to that planet representing action taken by one’s self & that of others with which one interacts or crosses paths) and its transits through a natal chart: Well, Madonna sure got “censored” , as in knocked right off practicing on stage the belting out of tunes for her latest tour into being literally muzzled for having to be intubated after suffering some kind of sudden physical collapse! On a hunch I looked at her chart and -BAM! – transiting Mars had arrived into position smack on top of Madonna’s natal Sun when she got sidelined from the stage rehearsals. For further Astro edifications, I often note the Sabian Symbol for the degree involving the planet(s) being looked into and here’s, its incredibly apt one for the 23rd degree of Leo, the degree of Madonna’s Sun and its recent conjunction of transiting Mars: IN A CIRCUS THE BAREBACK RIDER DISPLAYS HER DANGEROUS SKILL. Again how apt is that!?! Looks Madonna was trying too much with her usual theatrical daring dos while mounted up on a stage & at 64, transiting Mars conjunct her Leo Sun, both of which are being squared by Uranus in Taurus, sent her a heck of a reality check “oops” that pulled out the rug from under her, landing flat on her back in a hospital bed. That temporary physical set back may, in fact, turn out to have been a lucky “break”to prohibit her from continuing on in a such a reckless manner that may, sooner than later, permanently sideline her.

  2. so THAT’S what it is! it’s a huge theme for me, and [one of] my great undoing. Censoring also with vacillitating and second guessing into silence. Only recently looking and starting to see magnitude of Mars placement 11/12house cusp pisces28 [with chiron 03aries lol!]. Path of least resistance belies the hurt and outrage felt so keenly to the depths. I’m thinking now all my other seemingly grand and exciting placings are underpinned by this. What with the constant and consistant thwocks, I’ve had to [& still doing] learn personally not to take it personally, but shit runs deep!

    1. to add, my Mercury is rocking it out by itself smack in 9th house Cappie, and peculiarly less aspected, apart from square uranus, semisquare neptune- propensity for clangers abound! So Mars [and its many many aspects] adds to that in weird dodgy drive [in my case] in censorship of self [and everything else!].
      ta heaps for pattern ID, Elsa!

  3. I read the story. Came to the conclusion that if ‘Jewish girl’ didnt mind you calling her that-fine. Then l thought what if you called out ‘Hey Jewish girl’ in a room of far right surpremacists? Depends on the context l guess.

    1. I don’t think you read the story, because the one I mentioned is private but there must be others!

      Jewish girl’s distinguishing feature was she was Jewish. This came up pretty much daily.

      I don’t know why people add things in or on to what is actually said. I also don’t like how the rules move around, year to year or even day to day.

      If I can’t say, Jewish Girl, can I also not say, Italian Girl?

      I’m sorry but I just don’t get this.

    2. oh it can be used as a very divisive term, BUT, isn’t the context already here for the audience of Elsa as a known entity [so to speak] within her blog? There is no history of bigotry or othering.

        1. only if you’re a secret white supremicist who is constantly betrayed by their true heart! but as described above, I’m not exactly known for my common sense.

          1. When did Jewish people stop being white? Jewish people come in every color, but most are white, aka Caucasian.

            1. There you go with common sense, Warped! Unfortunately bigots do not possess this, or proper discernment for that matter, and historically/now, colour didn’t matter when it came to lumping the Jewish in as a primary target with their hatefest. It was a pun to Elsa saying I do NOT think she is one, nor needs to delete, is all, despite MY disclaimer of my lack of common sense lol!

  4. I meant– l read ‘this’ story you write in a story telling way sometimes. I had a similar thing happen years back with another story where l ref. ‘Chinaman’ as in an Americian and Englishman and a Chinaman when into a bar…(it really did start that way). I was told it was not ok. So l asked a woman of Chinese background to tell me why. She wouldnt. I understand why now. Prejudice and power imbalance. I grew up with Italian kids- they got a hard time. We didnt say ‘Italian girl’ there were other names. You get where l am going…? We had to our shame: the White Australia Policy here.

    1. I totally get you Dianne [same land], but I would contend here that while the term ‘Jewish’ can be used to other, it’s also a very accepted and respected name of self. For a local example of what is NOT ok, would be to use Aborigine, rather than Aboriginal. Still trying to get the other half out of that term! We’re not that old!

  5. I thought she was wondering about it…so l wondered too. And there have been a few things that have turned up on this blog: l got called a ‘leftist, Maxist, Satanist’ it was my proudest moment. I take your point about the term Jewish, l dont think Elsa meant anything by it, Marty. But
    I am not Jewish, Chinese or Aboriginal and esp. with that last group we have a way to go with making things better for them in Oz.

    1. I think by the very nature of questioning also brings up just how we do percieve others and their autonomy and agency; does it resonateto heart or not? why? And thus further self reflection etc. The question itself is valid, EXTREMELY valid. What some people have done to then other others with it, is another matter lol! Not accusing you there btw! Neptune ftw!

      1. I think these conversations are very important. Yes and self-reflection too…l remain a work in progress.

        Trans Venus con. Moon (6th) squ. trans. Uranus. Trans Mars squ. Sun (3rd) exact.

        Enough said. Insert smiley face here.

  6. I realize this is why AI needs to write all the content. This way all of life with be sterile and generic.

    I also understand, AI, can edit, stealthily. So when the new shadow group is identified, all information can be overwritten to refect the new schema. It’ll be wonderful! /s

    1. …say what you think–be who you are here–you said.

      Dont flick the AI button yet.

      I grew up on a diary farm. Stan(my father) did not trust AI either. Jersey bulls all the way. Farmer’s joke.

  7. This gal is cousin to the pianist I’ve written about over the years. I dated him on and off for 17 years! He was also,Jewish. He’s in the Teenager story.

    Anyway, I don’t care what race you are. I am feeling (or not feeling) the soul.

  8. Avatar
    Aquarius Lurker

    I think you have to know your place. If you aren’t x and you address x people using their inside language, you are transgressing boundaries. Only x people can use the term ‘x’ when referring to themselves. Knowing your place, you should use formal names. ‘Jewish girl’ strikes me as formal enough.

    The opposite applies as well. If you’re from x community and have an insider name for community y, you had better not call them that to their face unless you’re being ironic. Like a Jew calling me a shiksa. I laugh along, but I know it’s derogatory, ultimately. My preference is not to be called anything but my name, and Ms if we have just met.

    1. Avatar
      Aquarius Lurker

      p.s. know-your-place isn’t self-censoring in my view. It’s showing self-awareness and an awareness of a human artifice called ‘culture’, and that your particular culture isn’t supreme above all other cultures, it’s just another culture among many.

    2. Also for the record, I wrote this stuff in 2002. These attitudes did not exist back then.

      The only reasonable answer is to let machines create content to please other machines. Because if any individual speaks, there going to be an issue, if not today, then down the road.

      1. Avatar
        Aquarius Lurker

        Well… Sometimes people make situations worse instead of better, such as those folks who protested the Jewish girl thing on your blog.

        I hope books will still continue to be written by people. I can still read books.

        1. It wasnt a protest Lurker,it was a reflection. I had to answer questions ‘of myself’ after doing something similar with a piece of writing.

          1. Avatar
            Aquarius Lurker

            Hi, no explanation necessary. My comment wasn’t about you, it was about the people that were trying to censor Elsa.

            Elsa said:

            “I quit writing about “Jewish Girl” because I was told it was offensive.”

            I don’t think there’s anything wrong in calling a person ‘Jewish,’ do you? It’s not a name non-Jews call Jewish people behind their backs. And it’s not a term that only Jewish people can use with each other. It’s open for everyone to use. ‘Jewish’ is what everyone formally calls a person of Jewish faith.

            Thanks for writing, take care for now.

            1. No, nothing wrong with calling a person Jewish if they are …but things are not always so simple…enough said l think.
              I am just glad l can be in a room like this with all sorts of people and share different views.
              It’s night time here. I think l will have an early one. Good night and take care too.

  9. I’ve had more coffee, and I’m of the opinion Elsa is in the clear here. Ultimately, if one is of a generally respectful manner as a whole, I think the pendulum of opinion evens out. [*disclaimer next para!]

    Aq Lurker, those are really good points, we don’t realise just how deep those tribal bits go. And as Dianne mentioned too, in this regard *I don’t have authority to speak for others.

    While concentrating on art, and somewhat dry, this piece on decoloniality was a *real* eye opener on just how auto some of my bits are.

  10. I want to say, 80% of these comments are incomprehensible to me.

    I don’t trust my ability to communicate so I’m backing away now.
    No offense intended. It’s me, I belong on the fringe.

    1. no offence here Elsa, or generally I reckon. Your words brought up a lot with others to self reflect, rather than a reflection upon you. When it comes to nuances, I’ve not noticed anything dodge, mean or narky within your universe as expressed here. Stay fringey! It keeps the humans human!

    2. ah geez I don’t mean fringey as stay back, but as outlier status in general. No offence intended! Btw the fringe is also the overlapping edges of multiple worlds, so you’re actually the centre of a Venn diagram. pretty awesome!

    3. and look at that – I jumped in, considered the charge, vetted then laid judgement on you, all without actually engaging with you Elsa, or listening to what you were trying to say o.O and then went off on a tangent of asides… *shame*! Ultimately, your words do actually stand the test of time, and history will be kind to you. Bugger the AI. It has its place, and this aint it.

  11. I literallly came here to complain about Capricorn. My Capricorn planets lol. Always holding back, oh I can’t help but smile! What! Capricorn!! I have a tattoo on my thigh and it represents exactly what your talking about . What it is I won’t tell but I might get it removed lol..

  12. Many, many years ago (45?) when I was first learning astrology, an astrologer told me that I have Mars septile Mercury (Virgo to Scorpio) and that I needed to watch the knee jerk tendency to speak my mind which would cut deeply. Having a lot of Libra and a prominent Saturn, I actually had no trouble holding back. But occasionally it would pop out when I really felt strongly about something.

    I had a conversation with a psychologist/therapist friend the other day. We were talking about friendship dynamics. I mentioned that having 2 dogs taught me about pack leader/alpha/beta hierarchy. I have found that this is true of human relationships as well.

    I compromise and harmonize much more than I would like to. In other words, I’m way too beta for my taste but with all the Libra I usually can’t bring myself to be confrontational – whether negatively or positively.

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