Men, Women And Unrequited Love

Unrequited love is a fairly common story.  What’s unusual is that it seems to dog men and women fairly equally. There not many things that fit this bill.

As far as a marker in a chart goes, pining is a Neptune phenomena. Neptune tied up with Venus  in any form, would be the thing to look for both in the chart of the person pining or being pined for.

These situations can be incredibly intoxicating.  The pining can last for years. It’s not uncommon to see something like this last for a decade or more. The person pining often keeps their fantasy a secret.

I have Venus square Neptune in my chart. I can easily understand how these situations constellate as well as how and why they are sustained .

What are you experiences with unrequited love?

69 thoughts on “Men, Women And Unrequited Love”

  1. A solid year and a half of crazed longings for this person that came out of nowhere and took over my life to the point where I was almost not able to function. Then, just like that, it left me. The fever broke. I can’t even say I loved the person. I certainly didn’t know them very well. I was intoxicated with something about them that was otherworldly.

    I am so-o thankful it is over and I hope to god it doesn’t happen again because losing my mind like that was terrifying and humbling.

    I have Neptune tied up on my ascendant and moon.

  2. I have Venus/Neptune trine and am quite comfortable pining away until the end of time. I have a friend who I’ve spent various degrees of intensity of pining for.
    however when my long-term partner left me in June, I was shocked to realize that I no longer pine for my friend! WHAM! Reality (in form of an existing relationship imploding) saw my unrequited love diminish in importance overnight.

    I also pined for a guy I fell in love with overseas (we had a short but intense relationship when I moved back to Canada). I pined for him for years and years but was shocked to realize that my pining for him ended when my relationship with my long-term partner ended, as well.

    I’ve often wondered if my pining was just a ruse. For what I couldn’t even begin to pretend to know.

  3. I have Neptune conjunct someones Neptune/Moon, trine my Venus but square their Venus. I think they use longing as a drug to ease some- what? mother pain?

  4. All of them. Some of them were one-sided, some of them were reciprocated but not consummated, as it were.

    I don’t have a Venus-Neptune aspect though, I have a Mars-Neptune conjunction, and then a Mars-Venus opposition. I knew it was stupid and hated myself for pining so bad. *shrug* I burned silently for these people for yeeeeeears sometimes.

    But I refuse to do that anymore. Don’t have the time or the energy, and there are too many men out there. More of them where that guy came from. 🙂

  5. I can relate to what kashmiri said. I think my pining has downgraded with age, to a sort of intermitten wanton lust or something. I guess the pining is proportional to whatever I feel I’m lacking in reality. Although I’m never quite sure what drives it.

  6. I have Venus in Pisces square Neptune in Sagittarius. They only love I knew until I was 22 was unrequited. Then, my first boyfriend broke up with me and became an unrequited love. I’m finally happily married and don’t have to experience that pain anymore. I do sometimes miss the excitement I felt during those times. It often felt like I was on a hunt or a mission to get my love object. (Strong Mars) I relate to the above comment about unrequited love leaving you unable to function. It can be like a disease or a trick of the mind more than anything else.
    However, I think sometimes unrequited love can point to a karmic partner or balance partner of some kind. Two out of three unrequited loves I mistook for soulmates. My current partner balances me more than any “balance partner” could ever do, though. Our suns, mercuries, and venuses are all in opposite signs. It is very satisfying and wonderful to be 100% sure your partner will never leave you, and vice versa. I wish that kind of love for everybody here.

    I am so happy for Elsa right now. I know what it’s like to feel like you are finally getting a karmic reward for years and years of karmic growth.

  7. dina2 the first guy I mentioned pining for (my friend)–the pining began when I started a relationship with a raging alcoholic. The pining fantasy just carried on during my long-term relationship—always strongest when things were tough, non-existent when the relationship was good.

    Believe it or not, this man is still my friend. I told him once I cared for him (8 or 9 years ago when I was single) and he made it clear he had zero interest in me. “I don’t want your love.”

    We do have a good friendship now and he’s moving in with a gal, to become a father to her daughter. It’s funny to *finally* see reality after+10 years…

  8. wow that post was so convoluted…apologies if none of it made sense. these are things i am only starting to talk about openly after many years (guilt kept me silent for a long time).

  9. Unrequited infatuation is easier than unrequited love. Someone was in unrequited love with me once and I handled it insensitively because I had no idea what they were going through.

  10. “Someone was in unrequited love with me once and I handled it insensitively because I had no idea what they were going through.”

    How repulsive. You have feelings so the other person is obligated?


    1. I may be misunderstanding Dina but the way I am interpreting Dina’s sharing was that perhaps she feels a sense of guilt at HOW she dealt with it.If Im wrong please someone pipe up
      I agree We aren’t responsible for unrequited love (unless we brought it about by machinations to feed the ego), but perhaps we are responsible in how we handle it.
      Of course if the person doesn’t respect the boundaries then you have a right to handle it a little more insensitively. Depends on the person and what they need I guess…

      1. I understand it in the same way as you ’cause I’m just being through this. I feel guilty for not being the one to protect the other person’s feelings while he was in unrequited love with me. When he eventually came in contact with reality he became extremely angry at me, for nothing, because he needed to be mad at me in order to get over his own illusions. To my understanding, I was responding in a purely friendly way to his friendliness, having had my position clarified completely. Is it my responsibility he woke up one day realizing he was stucked in his Venus-opposing-Neptune pattern, thinking of me and anything I would say or do in an unrealistic way? I have done this myself but never blamed the other person.

  11. Dina my unrequited love interest HAD to be insensitive to me–my behaviour was fucked. Not when I was in a committed relationship, but when I was single.

    “Kashmiri, it’s 3 a.m. and my girlfriend doesn’t want you to call in the middle of the night.”

    yeah, it was almost 10 years ago, but I CRINGE when I think of how ridiculous I was. Plus I thank my lucky stars I was across the ocean from him and his gal, I’m sure if I’d been living in the same country even she’d have cleaned my clock.

  12. I have Venus trine Neptune with Venus in Picses in my 7th house, Neptune in Scorpio….so YES, I get this and it has been the story of my life….I think I just pine in general…with lovers, friends, family, animals….etc….it is really ridiculous! I have loved other men, but my first and strongest pine is for my husband…whenever I am not with him, I pine for him….even when I am with him, I still pine for him because he is so elusive….see, he has a Neptune/Venus aspect also, but his venus is in scorpio and neptune in pisces… very deep. We speak about each other while in the same room with each other as if we didn’t know each other and were speaking of someone not there….it is a strange phenomena.
    Yesterday he described me as a Ceiba tree and himself as a palm tree….very interesting to note this…palm trees can take alot of storms but weather them very well…..they bend to your liking, but never break.
    A Ceiba tree is very different and if you have ever seen one, it is spectacular….I was left speechless by this man…and this is part of his elusiveness….he doesn’t say much, but when he does….watch out!! The city I come from is La Ceiba, named after the Ceiba tree….and the oldest, largest tree in Honduras is in this town and everybody refers to it affectionately as the Ceibon.

    The Ceiba Foundation for Tropical Conservation (pronounced “SAY-ba”) derives its name from Ceiba pentandra, a majestic tropical tree and appropriate symbol for the complex biological interactions and human connections with the environment that drive our work. The giant limbs of the Ceiba’s umbrella-shaped crown are laden with epiphytes (aerial plants) and provide a home for countless species of animals. Birds feed and nest in the tree’s high perches, mammals use the enormous limbs as aerial highways, frogs raise their tadpoles in the tiny pools that collect in bromeliads, and insects reach the peak of their diversity in the canopy of giant trees like the Ceiba.

    This is weird….I copied and pasted this description after I had written my post….sounds like my house….

  13. DenaMaria, I got it. Most the comments on this post have gone right into the spam for reasons I-don’t-know so you are not alone!

  14. kashmiri, I also went through something similiar to you.

    This girl I liked didn’t like me because I was such a jerk during that time. I cringe also at my former self.

  15. My Venus is in the 2nd house squaring Mars and opposing Uranus. A lot of instability there 😉

    So I’m not a stranger to unrequited love at all, but this was a thing of the past. I was much much MUCH younger then. The last unrequited love I had was when I was about 21 years old. After that, I’ve become very realistic (Venus Saturn earth trine).

    I’ve fallen for men from cities apart from mine… Or men that are just “too far to reach” for me… Men who had no interest in me at all. I learned to get out of this after a while 🙂

  16. The main way that I pine is I pine for people that I have had a falling out with. I let people go if they want to go, but I pine over the disconnect. It griefs me that there is a rift.

  17. i have a friend with venus conjunct neptune natally. he pines for sure. sometimes i think he enjoys pining. interestingly, i have moon-neptune conjunct his venus-neptune so there was a totally foggy period where we maybe liked each other…then we went on as great friends. two wishy washy neptunes = not enough action! (for our sagittarian links anyway)

  18. I have venus cap trine neptune scorp.I do pine.I pine since I can remember, it´s like a forest!
    It´s a drug and a nuisance.The last pine, fading away now, lasted three years. He had venus aqua square nep scorp.Both married.Reality check came finally (our family membr´s health). Now it´s quiet,
    and I can feel the freedom.

  19. Ahem!Maybe I should note that we also had composite neptune rising scorp (widely cj mars).My neptune parallel his venus.
    Veery intoxicating!

  20. I’ve pined for one man for about 8 years. Can’t seem to get rid of it. He knew I harbored a crush, and was attracted to be but I guess he just didn’t want me the way he wanted others.

    He’s married now and lost in his great new life.

  21. I don’t pine for many people, but (and since I’m pining pretty bad at the moment) I think its safe to say that we pine the most for what we can’t have. I’m used to getting my way (mars in scorpio) and don’t usually let people get under my skin (venus in aquarius)… but sometimes a person will come along who COMPLETELY. Fills. My. Thoughts.

    This is very frustrating. Might be my awkward neptune placement (in capricorn).

    Said person’s venus is sitting on my mars, which I’m sure doesn’t help either.

  22. I’ve experienced unrequited love and pined for a verrrry long time (occasionally still do, if I’m really being honest with myself) and have decided that it’s a habit of self-delusion that can be really draining — it’s like throwing energy down a black hole, nothing ever comes back out of it, and you just get sucked further and further into the fantasy that someday maybe that person will realize and reciprocate, when you know deep down it’s never going to happen. I’m not sure I understand the enjoyment of it, because it feels to me like more of a purgatory than a pleasure.

  23. “How repulsive. You have feelings so the other person is obligated? Ugh.”

    WTF? obligated? I have no idea where this came from. Dina said she handled it insensitively out of inexperience. I have to agree with her on this, as I’ve done the same and have lived to regret it. Sensitivity to other human beings is not obligatory, but it makes life more bearable – for everyone.

  24. PennyRoyal (and Dina2) I misread that. Sorry. I thought you wrote, “They said I handled it insensitively”.

    Very different if it is your judgment. My mistake.

    1. Oh sorry Elsa. I responded to your Ugh statement too. Thanks for the clarity. I admit your response didnt really sound like you lol

  25. Er.. I was thinking about bartender in the world being obligated to nurse people who get drunk and develop crushes on them – being called / characterized as insensitive if otherwise.

  26. i dunno’ if people have that headed my way.
    well, except for a couple cases.
    or. hm. i try to ignore it, is what. most of the time it’s kinder that way.

    …i spent a lot of time floating in the realm of soulful disquiet and principled unhappiness (i have a saturn thing in there too) and decided that actually acting rather than floating might make me happier. but i’m not sure i know how to be happy in these things. there’s a part of me that’s so reconciled to disappointment and pain i have difficulty working with their absence.

    absurd, really.

  27. I can honestly say I’ve only ever pined for one person, and I’m not enjoying it at all. In fact, I’m now putting all of my energy into fighting and detaching from it.
    Mars-Venus-Pluto conjunct sextiled Neptune, trine Moon in Aquarius. Could I have said anything that better reflects these aspects? *lol*

    The guy in question has Neptune just minutes from mine; we were born six weeks apart. So his Nep also sextiles my M-V-Pl and trines my Sun-Merc-Saturn. My Nep squares his Moon-Saturn-MC deal, and his Mars-Venus-Uranus conjunction is in the 12th. Many, many Neptune contacts, plus Neptune square ASC-Sun-Merc-Saturn and sextile Mars-Venus-Pluto in composite. Whew!

  28. I’m going to rewatch He’s Just Not That Into You.

    If you haven’t seen this movie yet, I highly recommend watching it.

    I especially like the tale of the girl prone to unrequited love. She has the cutest story of all.

    There’s too much I could say on this topic, so that is all.

  29. Avatar
    Little Miss Hermit

    I have Venus sextile Neptune 9th/12th; pining for Venus/Jupiter on my 8th house Sun square Neptune on my Asc… Classic set-up?;) (He’s 4 years younger than me).

  30. oh I’ve been on both sides. I have seriously pined in the past, Venus opposes Neptune by sign and as the 13º orb is so wide I’ve never considered them actually opposed. Which makes me reconsider that aspects by-signs-only are not to be underestimated. I wonder. I do have a tight T square apexing in the 5th with Neptune involved (with the Nodes is a G square).

    Who is that painting by?

  31. I have Venus Neptune squared…I’ve pined in the past and been pined upon too.
    I think unrequited love is creative Elsa, there’s a fascinating book called “Witness to the Fire” and in it, the author addresses “the romantic” which is in a similar vein to that idea…

  32. My post went nomnomnom in the depths of the site.

    Just wanted to add my two cents since I have Neptune/Venus square and I’m a piner/pinee. 🙂

    Plus, I like that topic of pining fueling art and recommend “Witness to the Fire” a book that addresses “the romantic”.

  33. (i have convenient memory lapses about my past stalkers, too) (but between pluto and neptune i’m not sure where pining stops and obsession begins, with that stuff.)

  34. Venus Saturn means that pining is less painful than actually trying to get love, or telling them that you love them and having them spit in your face. I do not enjoy pining, per se, but it’s my natural default reaction to likey-liking a guy. I also don’t get over being dumped for years on end.

  35. Venus and Neptune in Libra, Aqua moon trine Neptune, moon opposing sun & Pluto in the 7th….if there was a Piners Anonymous, I would join.

    I’ve been pretty much happily married for 25 years, but have pined, lusted, yearned for someone for the past 15 years or so. Never told him and probably never will! Only recently stopped feeling guilty about it and accepted that it “is what it is”. My moon trines his Mars. His Mars & Mercury oppose my Mars (which conjuncts his north node). His Mars & Merc trine his Neptune (which conjuncts mine). His Pluto is seconds from conjuncting mine, his moon could be opposite mine (don’t know his birth time).

  36. “(but between pluto and neptune i’m not sure where pining stops and obsession begins, with that stuff.)”

    That’s a very interesting point, wyrdling! Since stalking first became part of the popular consciousness in the 80’s, I have to wonder how much of this behaviour is that Pluto-Neptune sextile. I mean, there have always been obsessive people because there has always been Plutonic people (and I suspect Pluto-Venus helps fuel this, along with a Neptune contact), but this wasn’t as common even a hundred years ago.
    Of course (says my air planets), there’s always the question of (a) unless it’s in personal writings, we probably wouldn’t have heard of it at all from the past, especially the “distant” past and (b) is it only more common now because there’s far more people?

    Very interesting!

  37. unrequited something. years ago, when i met my girlfriend’s friends, husband and wife, there was instant ka-POW between me and the wife. first seconds of eye contact. and we both knew it. to the degree you’d wonder how anybody in the room could not notice. don’t see them so much anymore – surprise – but when we do, it’s a fire still burning. she’s pisces, mars in scorpio, moon in pisces. i’m scorpio (sun conjunct neptune/5th), mars in scorpio. we’ve never said a thing to each other about it. anyway, she’s popping up in dreams now, “watching” me from a distance. two tributaries running parallel to one another, to merge around the bend into a river? obviously, i’ve compartmentalized this. obviously, she’s on my mind from time to time. clearly plenty of “sex stuff” in the mix but also, i think, a kind of recognition of kindred spiritedness, of something behind the mask. given the dynamics, i think we’re both cautious and willing to let things be what they are. patient enough and/or tentative enough to wait for the organic moment that allows for…well, interaction that fills in a few blanks. confirmation. or i’m simply deluded. (hello, sun/neptune conjunction.) it isn’t even a wish for something; more the inability to ignore it. like a waterfall you hear; you want to see it, too. (for one, is it really a waterfall? maybe just busted pipes and a helluva lot of water coming through.) i haven’t ever really thought about it, it’s been more like walking around with the mouse that’s been in your pocket for awhile. you know it’s there, but it’s quiet company and isn’t causing you to drive the car off the road or forget to eat. (but whenever you check that pocket, there’s that mouse, looking up at you.) anyway, have bounced to this page a couple times in the past, though it’s been awhile. today, though, i thought i’d answer the question. kinda like talking out loud and in so doing finding out more about what’s on your mind. secret? yeah, i’d have to say it is.

  38. Oh boy! I have a Pisces moon, an extremely wide Venus conjunct Neptune, and Venus parallel Neptune, but I’ve never experienced the unrequited love thing until now and I’m no spring chicken! Yes I’ve been attracted to people who did nit reciprocate and vice versa but never unrequited love until I met someone whose Neptune conjuncts my mercury/Venus conjunction, trines my Chiron, and trines my Pisces moon. If that wasn’t enough, his Venus squares my neptune, his Neptune parallels my ascendent, and his Jupiter/Pluto parallel contraparallels my Venus/Neptune parallel. He haunts me. He said he did not think of me in a romantic way. I was crushed but picked up to move on. He keeps coming back (Pluto?) acting friendly, wanting attention but no romance. Like I said, he haunts me. It would be so much easier if he weren’t around or was a jerk or something. There are strong Venus/Jupiter contacts too so we are also exceedingly nice to each other. This is a test, right? If I can get through this, wow, I could do just about anything.

  39. I have Venus conjunct Neptune in Scorpio trine my Cancer moon….yah think?!? Lol!!! I think I enjoy being miserable! Lol!!

  40. Neptune T-Square w/Mars opposed Uranus with a wide Neptune Moon opposition; Neptune in a Septile chain to Saturn/asc and Venus; long unrequited affair in late teens and early twenties I turned into love poetry to God; several quiet years long crushes — oddly am now friends with and/or in touch with several of these “sisters”

  41. I have Venus trine Neptune and let me tell you, I can pine like no ones business. I wasted over a decade pining. Obsessivly pining- Pluto opp venus/Sextile Neptune.

    It was at it’s worst when transiting Neptune was in my 7th house. When transit Neptune hit my DC I fell in love hard. Very cringe-worthy period of my life.

    Do I still pine over the guy? Hell no. Every once in a while I miss the blissed out escapism, but I can’t allow myself to go there again. The guy was not worth it, but then, I thought he was my soulmate, of course. What a waste.

    I do find myself fantisizing about him being very dissapointed in how much he missed out on though. Not gonna lie.

  42. Libra Venus conjunct Neptune in the 2nd house with Neptune conjunct Saturn, Pisces Moon in the 7th. I met a man 39 years ago when I had moved to NYC and have never gotten over him. I had an unbalanced relationship with him and pined for the first 11 years until I was sick of myself and packed up, leaving my job and apartment and fled back to my small hometown. His Neptune squares his Venus, and his Neptune conjuncts my Saturn, his Venus squares my Neptune. Was free for 20 years and have allowed him back in my orb virtually for the last 7 years. I have accepted pining for him is part of my make-up. Being with him, not so much.

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